words in movies
Joey: Without that, you just got "lame with women".
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Rachel: Oh thats five Ross. Five women have had five babies! And I have had no babies! Why doesnt she want to come out?
Ross: Yeah, see, we-we-we have to stop across the hall, because its my sister. But, uh, uh yknow actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you-you should tell your friends that.
Rachel: Well, umm, I guess I read Little Women more than once. But I mean thats a classic, whats so great about The Shining?
Phoebe: Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I.
Joey: (standing up) Yknow, theres two women dude.
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)
(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women wont see the face she pulls, and sits down.)
CHANDLER: Look at this. Pictures of all the women that Heckles went out with. Look what he wrote on them. Vivian, too tall. Madge, big gums. Too loud, too smart, makes noise when she eats. This is, this is me. This is what I do. I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did.
Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.
Joey: What? I'm not allowed to know smart women?
Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?
Ross: You have no idea how much this hurts. (All of the women in the room turn and glare at him.) Keep going! Keep going!
Mr. Tribbiani: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women.
Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?
Joey: Ten. Okay. Now Tag theres such a thing as to many women.
Phoebe: Oh my God!! (She grabs Rachels hand and drags her towards Monica.) Excuse me! Excuse me! (Shes knocking women and veils out of the way as she moves.)
Joey: Ah, now Rach, these ah, these little women.
Ross: Women tell each other everything. Did you know that?
JOEY: See, this is why I don't date women who read. Uh-oh.
Joey: Huh. But still Ross, youre worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Yknow what I mean?
Phoebe: Ninety percent of a womens pheromones come out the top of her head! Thats why, thats why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! (Ross is staring at her dumbfounded.) Oh come on Ross, youre a scientist.
Ross: Hey, theyre going to the gym together! Two women! Stretching! Yknow they-they take a steam together! Things get a little playfuldidnt you see Personal Best?
Gunther: Youve sung Happy Birthday to 20 different women today!
Joey: No, no, hey, no! Too late for apologies... ok? You broke my heart. You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you? (and he leaves the apartment, leaving her shocked)
Phoebe: Yeah, Ive discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh womens names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own.
Joey: Look, the point is, theres a lot of women out there you havent even had sex with yet!
Phoebe: And! Yknow what Jake says? That womens underwear is actually more comfortable. And he loves the way the silk feels against his skin.
Joey: How you got three women to marry you, Ill never know.
Joey: Which helps him get to Phase Three, picturing yourself with other women.
Monica: Go on, teach me something about men and women.
Chandler: Well, y'know, most women would kill for three guys like us.
Ross: Come on, there are plenty of other women out thereok? Just - just forget about her, ok? Just, she's off limits.
Monica: Im just saying its been a really long time for you. I mean, women have needs. Do it, get yours!
RACHEL: Well, well um, you know, these movies are offensive and uh, degrading to women and females. And uh, and the lighting's always unflattering. And, Monica help me out here.
RACHEL: Maybe it, maybe it doesn't have to be this tough. I mean, maybe you were on the right track with this whole, you know, spontaneous thing. I mean, women really like that.
Joey: Well, hes not used to women being so forward with him; but uh, I good check with himHe says its okay. (She hands him her card.) Great! Thanks! Bye-bye!
Joey: look I don't usually ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses
(Ross starts to scream and run away. He stops in front of the window of Central Perk to check the pursuit and notices Phoebe and Rachel inside looking at him. He mouths, "What?" Then realizes that the women he attacked are closing in so he screams and runs away.)
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}
MONICA: Rachel you have to read this book. It's called Be Your Own Windkeeper. It's about how women need to become more empowered.
Chandler: Four different women! Ive had sex way more times!
Chandler: Well, Im upsetfor you. I mean, having sex with an endless line of beautiful women must be very unfulfilling for you. (He cant believe he just sad that.)
Ross: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?
Joey: Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.
MONICA: Alright, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in shower at the gym, and no I don't look.
Phoebe: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys.
Quartet: Your no God's gift to women, that's all in your headdddd. You are just a buttmunch.
Chandler: Im sorry. Im-Im-Im sorry that I said I was going to when Im not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this isnt Rachels fault. Its me. I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, (pause) mascara goop. And Im really sorry, its just that this is not, this isnt going to work out.
CHANDLER: Of course I am. I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women out there.
Danny: Oh great! That special bond again! Why do women have such a problem with the fact that I'm close with my sister?
(The women quickly shut the door)
Ray: Well, therell be women in bikinis holding up the scores.
Chandler: Are you looking at naked tribe's women?
Fake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of twenty-five other women, and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus?
Chandler: Oh, I'm so glad we cleared that up. Look, I'm sorry, some things are different for men and for women.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Ross: Ive got to say; I know I divorce a lot of women, never thought I would be divorcing you.
Chandler: Hey, look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. Okay, its probably why kids picked on me in school, and why I never do well with women So, as of 4 oclock tomorrow, Im either gonna be Mark Johnson or John Markson.
Joey: See look, women, carrying the bag. (He puts it on his shoulder and looks at himself in the mirror and likes what he sees.) But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man.
JULIE: You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women dance naked around you.
Joey: Well, when Jake did it I saw that he was wearing womens underwear!
Joey: These little women. Wow!
Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?
Joey: Hey well, you cant teach someone to be good with women. Yknow, thats why I never had any luck with Chandler.
Ross: Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women dont even feel them.
Joey: (to women passing him) Porsche.
(We hear a women start moaning.)
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
Chandler: (sarcastically) Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)
MONICA: Chandler could you at least send some women to my party? [buzzer goes off] Alright that's Ross.
Rachel: Honey um, honey, you do realise that we dont keep the womens lingerie here in the office?
Joey: All right look, let me show you the catalog! (Does so.) See? Huh? It's the latest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them!
Carol: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funny
Dr. Rosen: (Nervously) okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out... Women we meet at the hospital... It turns into...
Joey: Look, Rach, Rach! I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women. The point is, I've never felt about anyone the way Ross felt about you.
Sophie: Maybe hes intimated by really smart, strong, successful women.
Ross: Yeah, I guess I should. (Starts to leave.) Man, yknow what I have to realize? Maybe Im just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Yknow, they-they always seem to want a little bit more. I should remember that. (He pauses and then exits.)
Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.
Joey: Yeah, I-I think that women just have a lower threshold of pain than men, thats all. I mean, come on, its just a little wax.
(The women all clap and start to leave as Ross comes up to the instructor. Apparently he was hiding in the back.)
Rachel: All right, will you, will you at least tell him how hollow and unsatisfying this, dating tons of women thing is!
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Monica: Do you know anything about women?
BEST MAN: No, no, no now in all seriousness, its not a lot of women would've had the guts to come back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do it with their asses hanging out! (da-doom-chesh)
Phoebe: Im just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in womens underwear! I dont think you could ever do that.
Rachel: Mmm-hmmm. Oh, so typical. Ooo, I'm a man. Ooo, I have a penis. Ooo, I have to win money to exert my power over women. (hands over her money)
The Interviewer: So, lets talk about women. Im sure our female readers will be interested to know about your romantic life.
Rachel: Oh my God! Why is he jumping on those women!
RICHARD: Honey, you are not an oat. I, I mean I don't know, I, I guess I'm just not an oat guy. I've only slept with women I've been in love with.
JOEY: Oh, well. Just ask her how long she's gonna live. Women live longer than men.
Chandler: I am totally picturing you with all those women!
Monica: Well,fall out of it. You know, you shouldn't even be here, it's a school night. Oh god, oh god. I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad. I'm Joan Collins.
Chandler: Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish. (Phoebe walks in.)
JOEY: It just seems so futile, you know ? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.
Joey: Its not what you said. Its the way you said it .Oh My God, Im a women!!!
CHANDLER: That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we wanna pick up women, we should just go to the park and make out. Taxi, taxi!