words in movies
[Scene: A Street: Monica and Phoebe are walking to a newsstand.]
Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck)
[Scene: Hospital, the guy is in a coma and Mon and Pheebs are visiting.]
Monica: I wish we at least knew his name... Look at that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer.
Monica: Okay, he's a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. And- he can dance!
Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!
Ross: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast.
Ross: Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?... Just a dream I had- but, phew.
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man...
Jay Leno: (on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad...
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms.
[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]
Monica: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports.
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
Phoebe: What about Glen? He could be a Glen.
[Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and his mom are there.]
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
Mrs. Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug. (They both sit down) Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.
Ross: Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy.
Ross: ...But a man can change. (Downs a shot)
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk. He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye.]
Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, anybody can. You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam! You have got yourself a book.
(Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas')
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (A woman emerges from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)
Mrs. Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and y'know why?
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off.
Mrs. Bing: He's not a hero. ...You know who our hero is.
Ross: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... (Joey shakes his head) Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right?
Joey: You don't kiss your friend's mom! Sisters are okay, maybe a hot-lookin' aunt... but not a mom, never a mom!
Ross: I don't know, God, I... well, it's not like she's a regular mom, y'know? She's, she's sexy, she's...
Joey: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Ross: Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here...
(She and Paolo walk a little way down the hall)
Joey: Uhhhh.... he's not even wearing a jockstrap!
[Scene: Hospital. Phoebe is there stroking Coma Guy's hair, when Monica enters with a bunch of balloons.]
Monica: I'm not really here. Just thought I'd drop these off...on the way.. my way... Do you come here a lot? Without me?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is talking to Chandler. Joey is making a snack at the bar.]
Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.
Joey: Uh... y'know, knowledge is a tricky thing.
Rachel: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'?
Phoebe: Okay, maybe it was a trick question. (Plays a few chords) Um, Rachel can we do this now?
Rachel: Okay. (Writes a little more) I am so hot!
Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.
Phoebe: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. (Monica gives her a look) 'Kay. (Sung:)
(She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break! (Runs out, knocking over the mike stand)
Ross: Oh, uh, Phoebe just started a...
Chandler: Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare.
Ross: (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek play.
(There is the sound of a flushing toilet and Coma Guy emerges from the bathroom)
Coma Guy: Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.
Ross: Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door.
Joey: No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?"
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
Ross: 'Kay, wait a minute, are you sure she didn't say "When are you gonna grow up and realise I am your mom?"
Ross: Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, y'know, me kissing your mom, uh? Huh? (Wags his finger at Chandler, then puts it down) But.. we don't have to go down that road.
Monica: What's a 'niffle'?
Rachel: Alright, alright, so I'm not a great typist...
Phoebe: Oh down please. (The guy tries to reach the button, but cant.) I-I hate to be a ball buster can I just do it? (She pushes the button.)
Man: Oh, let me guess some idiot on a cell phone wasnt paying attention?
[Scene: A curbside newsstand, Phoebe is whistling and walking up to it wearing her fur coat. She stops and starts to look through a magazine and notices a squirrel on a nearby tree chirping at her.]
Woman: Oooh, that sounded like a bad one.
Woman: Mine havent been so bad. Oh! Here comes one now. (Hums then squeals a little bit.) Oh, that was a big one!
Joey: Remoray. Its Portuguese. We need that information; Im a doctor.
Nurse: A doctor at this hospital?
Joey: Hands! It is absolutely essential that you tell me what room the man my assistant described is staying in. Hes a patient of mine, Ive been treating him for years!
Monica: Listen uh, I-Ive been doing some thinking, and I dont know whether its because were here or Rachels giving birth but umm, I think we should try to have a baby.
Chandler: Okay. Uh, well dim the lights, dim the lights. (He goes to the light switch and finds its not a dimmer switch when he flips the lights off.) Or turn them out all together. Uh, no scented candles. Okay here. Here we go. (He sprays an aerosol air freshener above her.)
Monica: Okay. Lets hurryOh wait! Do we have a condom? (He looks at her.) Oh right! (Laughs and they resume making out when a nurse catches them in the act.)
Monica: I think we found a place.
Monica: Umm, wait! Do you want to set the mood a little?
Sandy/Grumpus: A friend-ship...
Phoebe: Wait a second, or maybe you can go in first.
[Scene: The street, Chandler and Joey are walking past a jewelery store.]
(Another woman with a nurse and doctor enter, the woman is screaming.)
Monica: No, a guy would be saying, "Im never gonna get to sleep with anyone else." Oh my God! Im never gonna get to sleep with anyone else! Ive been so busy planning the wedding that I forgot about all the things that Id be giving up! I mean, I Im never gonna have a first kiss again.
Joey: That was a test. Good response. All right, full name.
Man: Dr. Wells is a woman.
Ross: (in a high pitched voice) Monica!
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think hes such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that youre with Ross okay and imagine that youre kissing him. And youre-youre running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross its some kind of grease, itsuck! Hah?
Man: (entering, carrying a pillow) Hi sweetie!
Joey: He seemed like a stand up guy. Oh, and hes not into anything weird sexually.
Janice: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.)
Rachel: Ooh, I miss dating. Gettin all dressed up and going to a fancy restaurant. Im not gonna be able to do that for so long, and its so much fun! I mean not that sitting at home worrying about giving birth to a sixteen pound baby is not fun.
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves its entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear(A nurse opens the privacy screen and Chandler sees Janice)Mother of God its true!
Janice: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler.
Phoebe: Oh, Ill get it. (She gets up and grabs a spoon.)
Rachel: Well, how can you be a tour guide, dont you have to be a dinosaur expert or something?
Ross: Yknow what I think it is? I think youve made such a nice home for her over the last nine months that she just doesnt want to leave.
Rachel: Doctor you gotta do something! I think you gotta give me drugs or you gotta light a fire up in there and just smoke it out.
Dr. Long: Ten centimeters, youre about to become a mom.
Dr. Long: Twenty-one hours, youre a hero.
Phoebe: Cliff, do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here in your room?
Phoebe: Okay. Okay. IOkay umm this I-I sent my friend Joey in here to find out stuff about you. Umm yknow, if it helps you came off great. A lot better than Im coming off right now.
Amy: I don't believe this, hold on a second. You guys die and I don't get your baby?
Phoebe: Umm, look we dont, we dont really know each other so it would be really easy to just forget about this, but there seems to be something between us. And I dont know about you but that doesnt happen to me a lot.
Dr. Long: Shes gonna be fine. Okay, shes in a more difficult position so youre gonna have to push even harder now. Go! Push!
Rachel: Chandler, that's not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And you've just gotten her one great present? I mean that's just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?
Joey: (entering) Rachels having her baby!! (Phoebe turns and looks at him.) Which is of no interest to me, Im a neurologist.
Joey: Hi! Im Dr. Drake Remoray and I have a few routine questions I need to ask you.
Dr. Long: Do we have a name yet?
Ross: Well then wed be in a lot of trouble, you dont know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up?
Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute its not gonna be Baby Girl? I thought that was so original!
Rachel: Oh great! Suddenly she sounds like a biblical whore.
Rachel: And if its a girl?
Monica: Its okay honey, youll find a name.
Monica: Yeah, but I love you more. Besides yknow, nothing goes with Bing. So Im screwed. I mean (Rachel hands Emma to Monica.) Oh, hi Emma. Yeah, thats you. Youre our little Em. Oh whats that honey? What? Oh, you want a little cousin? (To Chandler) You want a cousin right now?!
[Scene: The Recovery Room, Rachel is putting Emma down for a nap.]
Chandler: And if not, we got to do it on a bucket.
Rachel: Well then he gets a divorce, its Ross!
Rachel: Uh-huh. (Ross takes off his coat and sets in on a chair.) Yknow what I was, I was thinking about?
Phoebe: Yeah thats true. Yeah, you love her. You always have. You have a child together. There is no right answer.
Ross: Look, weve been together. Okay? And then apart, and then together, and then apart, and now we have a baby. (Pause) Its just if-if we got together again and it didnt work out I could never do that to Emma. I mean she-she thinking everything(Starts to cry.) Oh thats now me. What do they put something in the water in this place? Since Rachel and I were doing really, were doing really well right now.
Joey: Hey. I just saw a woman breast feeding both of her twins at the same time; it is like a freak show up here. (Notices shes wiping her eyes.) Whats the matter?
Joey: Well I had a great time! Learned how to bake, ate great food, thats the first A Ive gotten since seventh grade, and I didnt have to sleep with the teacher this time.
Chandler: Well, I think it's great that you're going on a date, you know? I mean, it sounds healthy. I mean, you have needs. Embrace your womanhood!
[Cut to Ross getting of an elevator carrying a bouquet of flowers and walking down the hall to Rachels room.]
{Transcribers Note: As with all the cliffhangers, there was no credits scene. There will be a ninth and final season of Friends starting sometime in September. See you then, have a good summer everyone.}
Chandler: You know, guys I got to say. This means so much to me. That you would trust me with your child. I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been trying to have a baby of our own. You know I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but that you two.. that you two.... <starts to cry>
Chandler: He pulled a quarter out of my ear!
Ross: Uh Joey, can you give us just a minute?
Joey: (taking Chandler aside) Hey Chandler, can I talk to you for a second?
Monica: Joey, I think you should consider something a little less risky. I mean, I think in this market, real estate is your best investment.The Fed. just lowered the rates and the interest on your mortgage is totally deductible. (looks at Chandler) That's right, I know some stuff!
Chandler: Ross had a ring?! And he was gonna propose?
Ross: I wanna go talk to Rachel for a minute, are you gonna be okay alone for a bit?
Monica: I want a baby.
Ross: Wow! Kind of uh, kind of a full house here. Ill guess just Ill come back. (Ross exits followed by Joey.)
Rachel: And you really think this is a good idea?
[Scene: A hallway, Joey and Ross find Mr. Geller with his ear up against a janitors closet door.]
(Theres a knock on the door and a nurse enters carrying Emma.)
Nurse: Its all right honey, it takes some babies a while to get it, but dont worry. Itll happen.
[Scene: The Lobby, Ross is eating a sandwich as Phoebe rushes up to him.]
Ross: What, that we had a baby? Come on lets give him a little credit, although, he did eat a piece of plastic fruit earlier.
Phoebe: Oh, its a secret. Oh goodie! Yes! We havent done the secret thing in a long time.
Ross starts playing with a plate: Woah. Woah... <nearly really drops the plate and more seriously> Woah.
Phoebe: Are you lying? Is this like that time you tried to convince us that you were a doctor?
Mr. Geller: Oh, I dont think that. Before today I never thought of you two having sex at all. It was a simpler time.
Rachel: See look Amy, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler. We see them every day. And truthfully honey, you don't seem very connected to the baby.
Woman at door in a sing song voice: Amy.
Monica: Well, nows a good time. Im on my way to have my ears cut off.
Rachel: No. No, I dont. Could you be a dear and go tell him?
[Scene: A Hallway, Chandler is following Joey.]
Joey: Youre right. Youre right. I-Ill go tell her now before Ross finds out and Ill be gentle. I can do that. I am a gentle person. Oh, by the way. Two people screwing in there (Points to the closet Chandler and Monica were in) if you want to check that out.
Rachel: Why not? I dont want to do this alone! And hes such a sweet guy and he loves me so much.
Joey: Oh-ooh-ooh! Yknow whats a good visual aide?
Rachel: Well then why did you give me a ring?
Joey: Oh yeah, dude, I totally understand. Usually after I have a baby with a woman I like to slow things down!
(Theres a knock on the door and the Nurse enters carrying Emma.)
Joey: Oh thats right. Theres a lot going on here and I think I ate some bad fruit earlier.
Mr. Geller: Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up this pamphlets on how to get pregnant. (He slides them under the door.)
Monica: No, honey, its. thats a special plate. See its a game, whoever gets that plate wins.
Phoebe: No they ran out of "Its a girl" but I can fix this one, (She writes "not" in between its and a) See?
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler are waiting for Ross and Rachel to come home and Monica is looking at the sign Phoebe bought that says, "Its a Boy!"]
RICHARD: Like a hound?
Rachel: Oh Ah! (Sees a big stuffed gorilla) Oh my gosh theres something every mother needs, a giant stuffed gorilla that takes up the entire apartment! What are people think (Reads the card) Oh you guys I love it.
Rachel: That is right and traditionally the daddy is supposed to give the mummy a present but I am prepared to let that go.
Monica: Well Ross, you be careful now. You dont want to get a reputation as yknow Professor McNailshisstudents.