words in movies
Joey: Fifth day's a charm.
Joey: Yeah. And look, I just want you to know that with Rachel staying here and everything, all my feelings from before are totally over, okay? And even if they weren't, when you accidentally walk in on a woman using a breast pump...
Ross: Sure, I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together would have worked out? Of course. You know, I'm disappointed, but it's not like it's a divorce.
Ross: No, it's not a divorce, it is not a divorce! Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to, you know, get on with our lives, maybe, maybe start seeing other people.
Phoebe: I know. They should be a family. They should get married and have more children.
Joey: Ooh, that's a great plan!
Phoebe: Yeah, you know what the best part of it is? I get to do my "plan-laugh." (A maniacal laugh follows.)
Rachel: Well, Phoebe set me up on a date.
Rachel: What, slept together a year and a half ago? Yeah, I'm all set.
Chandler: Well, I think it's great that you're going on a date, you know? I mean, it sounds healthy. I mean, you have needs. Embrace your womanhood!
Monica: You want a job? Turn off "Oprah," and send out a resume!
Rachel: Oh, you guys are gonna have so much fun! She's at such a cute age. Oh, a couple things. Now that she's eating solid food, she poops around the clock. And watch out for your hair, 'cause she likes to grab it. And oh, she's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams bloody murder, but ah... Thanks, you guys. Have fun!
Joey (gives a thumbs up sign): Okay, okay. Wait till you hear who I got for Ross.
Joey: She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher!
Phoebe: A teacher?
Phoebe: How do you even know a woman like that?
Phoebe: Ooh, so this is great! Rachel's gonna have a terrible date, Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realise how good they have it together.
Chandler: Emma? Emma? Look at me! Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while.
Chandler: No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! It's okay, it's okay. I didn't go. Don't cry, it's just a bit! I'm your uncle Chandler; funny is all I have!
(Monica enters from their bedroom with a calendar.)
(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)
Chandler: I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times.
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross is waiting for his blind date to show up. A waiter walks past him.]
Ross: Excuse me, is there a woman waiting at the bar? Someone average height, dark hair, perhaps doing a puzzle?
Waiter: Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy.
Ross: Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy him a drink on me.
Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. It's just a blind date.
Monica: Come on. I know you're not eighteen anymore, but give it a minute.
Monica: I don't know. I mean, I guess having sex in front of a baby isn't so...
Chandler: You guess I'm right? When we stayed at that bed and breakfast, you wouldn't have sex with me because you thought a deer was staring through the window.
Monica: But what kind of a sick bastard wants to do it in front of a deer?
Rachel: Well, come on, Steve; let's not rule out nervous laughter. Hey, now wait a minute. Phoebe told me that - that you owned your own restaurant. That's impressive.
(Steve makes a face as if his mouth is too dry.)
Steve: It's really fulfilling doing something you hate for no money. That's right. I have no money, I'm not funny, I live in a studio apartment with two other guys, and I'm pretty sure I'm infertile.
Rachel: I don't care! This guy is a nightmare!
Phoebe: Oh, right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned.
Phoebe: Did he go out for a cigarette?
Phoebe (to Joey): Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.
Phoebe: By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico. (BEAT) Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Emma has fallen asleep in her playpen, and Chandler has fallen asleep right next to her on the floor. He's even sucking on a pacifier.]
(Chandler wakes up and looks a bit confused when he finds that he has a pacifier in his mouth.)
Waiter: Look; you got stood up, who cares? We're gonna show you a good time. Just sit and relax. In fact, let me bring you a crab cake appetizer on the house.
Waiter: Eh, okay, the waiters have a little pool going. We have a bet on how long it'll take before you give up and go home.
Monica: Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait to take a pregnancy test.
Monica: Hey, you better hope that we're pregnant, because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel.
Rachel: No, no, no, I admire a man who can cry.
Chandler: All right, all right, we were. We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.
Rachel: I just had a rough night.
Ross: Monica told me you had a blind date.
Ross: But is it technically a date if the other person doesn't show up?
Rachel: Well, he makes t-shirts for a living, and he thought it would be appropriate to give me this.
(She holds up a black t-shirt with "FBI - Female Body Inspector" on the front.)
Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
Ross: Wait a minute; you don't think it was intentional? I mean, that's just stupid.
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]
Ross: I know. A double blind date, and we both get stood up. What are the chances?
Waiter: Guys, give it a rest. Nobody's betting on you tonight. Although we do have a pool going to see how long it takes that guy to cry.
Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way.
PHOEBE: Ooh, this is it, 74. [screeches to a halt, Joey and Chandler are thrown into the plexiglass wall in the cab]
Janice: Ohhh, are you a puppy! (opens it) Contact paper! I never really know what to say when someone you're sleeping with gives you contact paper.
Phoebe: It was really fun, I mean I've never talked on a car phone before.
Chandler: Well, not me. But that's what's happened, and, ah, and, and there's more. We should take a trip.
Chandler: Yep, we're a couple and that's what couples do. And, I wanna meet your parents. We should take a trip with your parents!
Chandler: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this. (hands her a present)
Janice: Well, I gotta buy a vowel. Because, oh my Gawd! Who, would've thought that someday, Chandler Bing would buy me a drawer.
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Maybe it's not so bad. How did you leave it?
Rachel: Honey, this will help. (hands him a tub of ice cream)
Rachel: Oooh, honey, you're not a total loser.
PHOEBE: OK, hi. For your information this is exactly what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great distance. It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.
Phoebe: Not personal, really, well they said that they never met an Italian actor with a worse Italian accent.
Phoebe: But they shouldn't happen, you know what, you're, you're in a terrible, terrible business. Oh God, I don't wanna be the person who makes your face look like that.
Chandler: (in accent) Oh, just a bit of shopping. How've you been?
Chandler: A woman's
Chandler: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party. (grabs a bag off of the shelf)
Ross: Okay, look, yesterday I would've even considered calling her back, but my ex-wife calls on the same day I have a near death experience. I mean, that-that has got to mean something!
Joey: Wait a minute.
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
Joey: Wait a minute, did you just make up all that stuff just to get out of being my agent.
Monica: If-if-if we ever did what you did a man would never call.
Rachel: He's soo lucky, if Janice were a guy, she'd be sleeping with somebody else by now.
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Monica: What are you being such a weenie for? So he has a Barbi, big deal. You used to dress up like a woman.
Dr. Long: Youre about 80 percent effaced, so youre on your way. It still could last a little while longer. If youre anxious there are a few ways to help things along.
Phoebe: No. They said you 'Weren't believable as a human being.' So, you can work on that.
Carol: Oh please God, let there be a song.
Monica: Wasn't there a little song?
Chandler: Youre building a post office?
Joey: No. Y'know how were always saying we need a place for the mail.
Joey: No, an entertainment unit, with a mail cubby built right in. Its a one day job, max.
Phoebe: No, I know, Im just nervous. Y'know its just y'know Moms dead, dont talk to my sister, Grandmas been sleeping a lot lately. Its like the last desperate chance to have a family, y'know, kinda thing. Youre so sweet to wait with me.
Chandler: (in a British accent) Hello, Janice.
Chandler: Well, we have a deal, where we each get to pick five celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one cant get mad.
Monica: No, but he told me, he thinks your a fox.
Rachel: Well, actually Gunther sent me. Youre not allowed to have cups out here, its a thing. (takes her cup and goes back inside)
Joey: Its just a game Mon. (makes a Can-you-believe-her face to the rest of the gang.) Rach, how about you?
Monica: First, I need a boyfriend, then I can have a list.
Rachel: Now, you do realize that shes a cartoon, and way out of your league?
Phoebe: I cant!! I cant!! (She dies.) Noooooooo!!!!!!! You son of a bitch!!!!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, Joey is drilling a hole in the wall and the drill comes out the other side really close to Chandlers head. Chandler then rushes out to talk to Joey.]
Rachel: Well, so, now, do you guys have a lot of big plans?
Joey: Well, you shouldve told me that before, Im not a mind reader. Hey, were out of beer. Im going to Monicas.
Joey: (manages to pry off only a small piece) Aw! Look at that, every inch of this stuff is glued down. Itd take forever to pry this up. You should ah, you should just leave it. (starts to walk away, but Monica grabs him)
Monica: Thats a little more than I wanted to see.
Monica: I cant leave it! You gouged a hole in my dingy floor.
Frank: I know a guy whos the 18th.
Paolo: Poco... a leetle.
Rachel: Oh my God! You are giving this a lot of thought.
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank is melting a plastic spoon.]
Phoebe: So far, it kinda blows. I dont know, I just thought y'know that hed feel more like a brother y'know, like you and Ross, just like close and connected and....
Chandler: Oh, just this! (turns around and has a paint lid stuck to the back of his pants.) Yknow what its my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish.
Monica: well no offense honey, but your taste is a little feminine for me.
Phoebe: Oh! Im a masseuse. I give people massages and stuff.
CHANDLER: I, I'm sorry, I uh [unchains the door and opens it all the way] I already have a roommate. [Joey turns around in the leather recliner]
Monica, Moncia, have a happy Chanukah. Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross. And plese tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"
Chandler: What, like a number?
Chandler: (coughing) What a geek!
ROSS: Hey Joey I have to cancel racketball for tonight, that was Marcel's trainer. He's gonna let me have him for a couple of hours.
Frank: No, your a masseuse, its cool, Im not a cop.
Girl: Whatd you think I was, a hooker?
Joey: (Checks to see if shes drooling on his shirt.) Okay. Okay, okay, hey. (Lays her down and covers her with a blanket.) There we go, lets get your feet up there. (Looks at her) Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. (Picks up a garbage can) Im gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.
Frank: Oh come on we went, we went to Time Square, we found ninja stars, I almost got arm broken by a hooker...
Joey: Look its not that bad. So what, it blocks a little of your door, a little of my door.
Chandler: Yeah, y'know what I got a better idea. How-how bout it blocks none of mine door and a lot of yours? (throws his shoulder into the center to try and move it, but it doesnt move.)
Frank: You hopped a little bit. Yeah, I really sorry.
Joey: I bet ya ya I could fit in there. (points to a hole in the center)
PHOEBE: I didn't watch the ending, I was too depressed. It just kept getting worse and worse, it should have been called, "It's a sucky life and just when you think it can't suck any more it does."
Chandler: Yeah, you got me. (picks up a 2x4 and puts it through the handles so that the doors wont open) Im out five big ones! (puts the money in the crack between the door and frame) Here you go.
Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has sleep with the six of you?
Joey: Well, thats really a different question.
Phoebe: Wow, its like a dirty math problem.
Janice: Im sorry I find it hard to believe that a group of people who spends as much time together as you guys do has never bumped uglies.
Monica: (entering from bedroom) Okay, Ill be back in just a minute. Oh, Phoebe Im sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.
Chandler: (entering, with a goatee) Hey.
Joey: Hey, theres a dog out there!
Rachel: Ross, please, trust me. I buy 30 fashion magazines a month. Now, I don't know who's running for president or who that... NATO guy is, but I do know that you have to get as far away as you can from that hat.
Chandler: Im never gonna find a roommate, ever.
Ross: Yeah, y'know how I have you guys, well she doesnt really have any close friends that are just hers, but last week she meet this woman at the gym, Susan something, and they really hit it off, and I-I-I think its gonna make a difference
Rachel: Okay sir, um-mm, let see if I got this right. Ah, so this is a half-caf, double tall, easy hazel nut, non-fat, no foam, with whip, extra hot latte, right? (the guy nods) Okay, great. (she starts to walk away and under her breath) You freak.
[Scene: Chandlers, Chandler is interviewing a potential roommate.]
Eric: Oh, yeah, during the summer, I spend most weekends at my sisters beach house, which you are welcome to use by the way. Although, I should probably tell you, shes a porn star. (Chandler breaks his pencil in half)
Mr. Zelner: Yeah, its not like I dont have a sense of humor, huh? Hell, I even enjoy a naughty limerick now and then. But theres a time and a place, huh?! Unless you uh, have a limerick right now? (They both nod no.) No? Okay, well uh, youve (Grabs the chocolates.) got my fax number. (Exits.)
Ross: Oh no, no, no, wait, wait, Isabella. Dont, dont just dismiss this so fast. I mean this is a once in a lifetime opportunity...
Chandler: But you said you forgave me. It was just a couple of cigarettes�no big deal.
Chandler: (to bartender) Can I get a beer.
[Scene: A bar, Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Oh yes, and thats what I want a roommate that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny one.
Rachel: Thats all right. (to her friends) I mean hard is it to get a couple drinks right, huh?
Monica: Oh look, the pool tables free. Rack em up. Ill be back in just a minute. Get ready for me to whip your butt.
Phoebe: Theyve been quiet for a long time.
Monica: Hey, did you pick a roommate?
Joey: (in a very aaaaahhhhh sweeeeeet voice) Aaahhh, look at you two... holding hands... huh is this getting serious? (Phoebe and Mike, embarrassed, start babbling and look away.) Have you not talked about it yet? (They say nothing now, but smile) Am I making you uncomfortable? (smiles are becoming forced now, and he speaks to Mike) If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh...? Aaaaaahhhhhh (he turns away to the bar)
Friend No. 2: Oh, isnt it exciting, I mean its like having a boyfriend for life.
Rachel: Yes, his name is Barry, hes a doctor, thank you very much.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. (points at Chandler, who holds up the cue ball as a Remember me? thing) Listen, can we please have lunch the next time Im in the city?
Ross: Okay, Im done with my choices, these are final. (holds up a little card)