words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there. Monica is holding a piece of paper.]
Joey: Oh yeah (He mimes sticking his fingers into a jar of peanut butter, scooping some out, and eating it off his fingers.)
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Ross are at a newsstand.]
Ross: (noticing a beautiful woman moving in down the street) Well hello! Shes cute! Should we uh, go try to talk to her?
Kristen: But-but this block is like a whole other world.
Ross: Yknow actually it does have a very interesting history. Uh, this street is the first street in the city to have an underground sewer system. (Kristen crinkles her nose at that.) Before that sewage and waste would just flow right down the street. Yeah, sometimes ankle deep! (He stops when he realizes what hes talking about.)
Ross: Oh no-no, after you. (She grabs a chair and heads upstairs.) (When shes gone.) Oh my God! (He drops the box and Chandler cant pick it up.)
[Scene: A Bridal Shop, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting for Monica who is trying on her wedding dress.]
Phoebe: (wearing a veil) Am I crazy or does this totally go?!
Monica: Well Im Monica Geller, ball like a baby.
Monica: No, I cant afford this either. No. I-I-Im, Im just to figure out which one I want then Im gonna get it at Kleinmans, this discount place in Brooklyn, day after tomorrow they are having a huge sale.
Phoebe: Ooh, is that spelled with a C or a K? Oh my God! It doesnt matter; theyre both great!
(Another woman walks past Rachel carrying a wedding dress.)
[Scene: A Street, Joey is walking by Kristen who is still moving in.]
Joey: Oh uh, can I give you a hand?
Kristen: Oh okay. But yknow what? Be careful. Because a guy was helping me before had to leave because he hurt his back.
Joey: Oh wow, what a beautiful name! (Pause) What is it again?
Joey: Got it! (He picks up a lamp.) So
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Right down there. (Points.) Hey listen; let me give you a little tip. Do not take a nap on this stoop (Points to hers) or you can wake up with your shoes gone.
Joey: Okay. Yeah. (She leaves and he goes to pick up a box marked books, but decides to take the box marked pillows instead.) Yeah, Ill grab this one. (He follows her upstairs.)
[Scene: Kleinmans, a horde of women including Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica are waiting for the store to open.]
A Woman: What is taking so long?! I mean whatever!
Monica: All right, listen up. There is usually only one dress in each size so when they open those doors, fan out. Now, this is what youre looking for! (Holds up a picture of it.) Memorize it! When you locate the dress, blow on these. All right? (She passes out whistles to them.) Three short blasts, when you hear it. Come running.
(A worker comes to open the door and the horde starts to press forward.)
A Woman: Here he comes! Hurry!
Monica: (To Rachel) Hey! Dont be a baby!
A Woman: Lets go!!
Monica: No. No. Not it. Not it. Not it. (Checks another rack and another woman tries to reach around her.) (To the woman) Dont crowd me! (Finds it) This is it! This is the dress! Oh my God, its perfect! (She takes it off of the rack and someone has a hold of it on the other side of the rack and tugs on it.) Im sorry, this ones taken! (The other woman tugs harder pulling Monica through the rack.) Whoa!
Phoebe: Okay! (Runs that way and hears another whistle blast.) Hey! (Heads the other way and hears another blast.) What do I do?!! (She runs in the second direction and finds that the whistling is coming from inside a rack. She moves the dresses out of the way to find Rachel curled up in a fetal position frantically blowing on the whistle.) What are you doing? (Rachel doesnt stop.) Did you find the dress? (Rachel wont stop so Phoebe pinches her nose shut which causes her to spit the whistle out.)
Ross: Laugh all you want but uh, she actually left me a message saying shed like to go out again.
Joey: Listen, sorry I didnt stop by last night but I had a date.
Ross: Okay, okay. This can go on for a while.
Joey: Ah yeahwait a second now! Look were gonna have to set a spending limit on the date. I dont have the money to take her to a fancy place like that.
Joey: Yeah. Uh, (thinks) a slice (Thinks) six dollars?
Ross: I was thinking more like a hundred.
Phoebe: I know. Hand me a tissue. (Monica hands her one.)
Phoebe: Well just figure out a way to talk him out of it.
Joey: Oh. Well good! (To himself) For me. (He picks up a jar of lotion.) What is this? Did you give yourself a facial?
Joey: Okay dude! (Finds a receit.) Hey you uh, you sent Kristen flowers.
Joey: You spent a hundred dollars. Thats the limit. Youre screwed!
Joey: Yeah bye-bye! (Exits and comes back in still holding the lotion.) Hey! So just a light layer?
Rachel: Yeah, I went to a wedding once where they had swing music and uh, two months later the couple got divorced. And now Im not saying that theres any connection here yknow, but they did tell me thats why they got divorced.
Ross: So they said our table will be ready in just a few minutes.
Ross: Hi. (They shake hands.) Its nice to meet you. I used to have a friend named Joey. I dont anymore.
Kristen: Our table will be ready in a couple minutes.
Ross: Thats right! Thats right, dont you play a woman?
Joey: A woman in a mans body.
Ross: Well yes, yes I have. In fact umm, just the other day Kristen and I were talking about how Ive been married and how I have a son.
Ross: Yes. And another time after that. Boy Im getting hungry! Hey Joey, have you ever been so hungry on a date that when a girl goes to the bathroom you eat some of her food?
Joey: (laughs that one off) Yeah. So uh Ross, well nowwhy did that first marriage breakup? Was it because the woman was straight or she was a lesbian?
Joey: No. It just seems like Ross is the kind of a guy that would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.
Ross: Wait a minute! Were you on a poster for gonorrhea?
Joey: Have you ever slept in the same bed as a monkey?!
Joey: Fine! Have you ever got stuck in a pair of your own leather pants?!
Ross: Hey-hey have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet VD boy?!
Monica: No, Im wearing a wedding dress.
Chandler: Oh you got a wedding dress? Thats great!
Monica: Okay! But you cant rip it. Well, maybe a little.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are watching a basketball game on the couch.]
(They all slowly turn around to reveal that they are giving themselves a facial.)
Joey: Yeah! (Monica goes in the bedroom.) Yknow, she could use a little (Whistles that she needs to do what theyre doing.) (Something happens on the game.) Oh nice shot!!! (They all cheer.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Rachel: Yeah, it's kinda like a 'good luck on your first day' sort of thing. (to Phoebe) Is this actually a lunchbox?
Ross: (disinterested) Hey-yeah. (He hurries up to the counter.) Hey Gunther, can I have a scone please? (To the gang.) Wanna hear some good news? Someone I know is getting married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by-the-by it's my ex-wife Emily!
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, first season, Monica is making a giant sub-sandwich and is talking to Rachel. I think its The One With Fake Monica.]
(Yep, its a little gold loop.)
MONICA: Ok, it is definitely less than a ballpark.
Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (Hes about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachels room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) Thats so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar (Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) wouldnt be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his (Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.)
Ross: (Using a slightly different inflection for each.) I do. I do. I do.
Rachel: (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Ross: Oh, okay, yknow what this is? This is a difference of opinion. And when that happens in a marriage...
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue... [Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]
Chandler: I know, she's been such a big part of my life. And it feels like when Melrose Place got cancelled. (Ross and Joey looks puzzled) I mean... oh, forget it. I miss Melrose Place!
Chandler: Yeah! I've never been in a relationship that's lasted this long before. Y'know to get past the beginning and still be around each other all the time, I think that's pretty incredible. And the fact that this is happening all with you, yeah I think that's pretty exciting. (Kisses her.)
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, I think it looks pretty good. I was a little worried I was uncovering a birthmark right aboutthere, but it turned out to be a little piece of chocolate.
Chandler: No, our guy is just a floating head.
Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
Joey: That's fine. I'll just have a Tic-Tac to hold me over.
Joey: What, like there's a rule or something?
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Lauren: (laughing) Oh, youre so funny. Listen, umm, what are you doing after rehearsals? Do you want to get a drink, or something?
Ross: A wandering?
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kinda a long day.
Ross: (stopping them) Okay-okay! Two very good points, look Ive known you both a long time, and Ive never seen either of you one/millionth as happy as youve been since youve got together. Do you really want to throw that all away over a room? That is so silly. Now wh-what is more important, love or silliness?
Joey: All right, you know what? We don't have a choice. It's like I would have said in that sci-fi movie if I'd gotten the part. "Those are our men in there, we have to get them out! Even if I have to sacrifice the most important thing in my life; my time-machine."
Joey: (picking up a leftover part) What's this?
Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.
Joey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.
Rachel: Its a truffle. Its got all of these layers. First theres a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like somethings wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!
Joey: Thats right! Cause Im a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we dont read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains.
Monica: My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it?
Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.
Joey: Thats right! I helped you guys out a lot in the start of your relationship. Huh? I helped you guys sneak around for like six months, and I looked like an idiot! And I was humiliated. And I only made 200 dollars!
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Ross: (from his apartment) Man! They cannot get enough! (Makes like he's a robot and waves at the cutouts.)
Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?
Joey: Look, it was a job all right?
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)
Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.
(The passenger in the seat next to Rachel looks at her and seems a little nervous.)
Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)
Ross: You got a job?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.
Monica: Rachel! That was a library card!
Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...
Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.
MNCA: Now, in some of these recipes, the quantities may seem just a little unusual, uh, like these coconut mockolate holiday nut bars. I've indicated four cups of coconut, and four cups of crushed nut, and only, uh, one tablespoon of mockolate.
Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.
All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee?
Joey: All right, all we need is a little lighter fluid.
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]
Carol: A lesbian?
Vince: (dead serious) Fire safety is not a joke, son.
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
Phoebe: Yeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And its making me look at him totally differently. Yknow, I mean he used to be just, yknow Jack Geller Monica and Rosss dad and now hes hes Jack Geller, dream hunk."
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.
Joey: Thank you. (stands up and kisses her lips.) Waiter! �lright, this is gonna be fast, so try to keep up: Risotto with the shaped truffles and the roasted rip steak with the golden Chanterelles and a Bordelaise sauce and that any that stuff I just said means snails. (Hope, *I* kept up.)
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)
(from 1.01 - "The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate - The Pilot")
Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.
Ross: (pause) I am a doctor! Yknow what? Im just gonna go and talk to Rachel myself.
The Man: (To Ross) Excuse me. (He puts up a flyer that has a sketch drawing of Joey and it reads, "Warning! Intruder! If you see this creep - call the cops!") You should check this out, tell the other tenants. Apparently he's running around looking for some kind of a hot girl.
Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.
Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!
Chandler: Wait a minute, its perfect. We got a lot of time to kill and were in a building thats full of beds!