words in movies
Phoebe: About twenty, a couple people from work who had something else to do.
Rachel: What?! You mean theyre not coming to a social event where theres no men and theres no booze?! Thats shocking! I dont care, as long as my moms here.
Phoebe: Well I dont, I dont have a mother so often I forget that other people
Monica: (interrupting her) Oh give it a rest!
Monica: Go! I have it in my book. Go! (Rachel leaves and Monica calls Mrs. Green.) (To Phoebe) Wait a minute! If youre in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call herHello Mrs. Green! Hi, its Monica Geller.
Mrs. Green: I know, my daughters told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago.
Monica: Son of a bitch! (Calls Mrs. Green again.)
[Scene: Joey's Apartment, Joey is reading a script as Ross and Chandler enter carrying a basketball.]
Joey: Oh no, I cant go. Im practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show.
Joey: Yeah-yeah, and if I get it by day Ill (In a sexy voice) Dr. Drake Remoray, but by night Ill be (In an announcers voice) Joey Trrrribbiani!
Joey: But the auditions in a couple hours and I dont even understand the game.
Joey: Yeah, isnt that a cool name?
Joey: All right. Uhh, okay. Our first contestant is Ross Geller. Why dont you tell us a little something about you Ross?
Ross: Well uh, I-Im a paleontologist. Umm, I-I live in New York. I have a son Ben. Uh, hi Ben! (Waves.) And uh
Joey: I said a little bit Ross. Now, how about you Chandler?
Chandler: Well Joey, Im a headhunter. I hook up out of work Soviet scientists with rogue third-world nations. Hi Rasputin! (Waves.)
Joey: Its Ba-go-ta, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango card.
Chandler: What does a Wicked Wango card do?
Joey: I should know that. Lets see, just one moment please. Umm, here we are, a Wicked Wango card determines whether you go higher or lower.
Monica: You ordered a stripper for the shower?! That is totally inappropriate!
Phoebe: What? Hes gonna be dressed as a baby! (Mrs. Green enters.) Oh hi Mrs. Green!
Mrs. Green: Look at that face! Just like when you were in high school! If I didnt know better Id say you were a cheerleader in trouble. Come on, lets get some tea.
Rachel: Oh well actually gonna use a nanny and uh, I dont even have a housekeeper.
Mrs. Green: Its like youre a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You dont know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay.
Mrs. Green: Such a sweet woman.
Chandler: This is ridiculous, hes not gonna hold his breath (Ross cuts him off by taking a deep breath and holding it.)
Joey: Okay, what do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia, Tris Holy cow, thats a big word. Trisc Seriously look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that?
Ross: Wait a minute, I-I believe Im entitled to use my Angel Pass for a free turn?
Joey: All right. Chandler, you can either spin the wheel or pick a Google card.
Chandler: Ill take a card.
Ross: (To Chandler) You dont think its a little crazy that you get all my points just cause you
Rachel: Eight weeks. I mean I love my mother, but my God, a long lunch with her is taxing.
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
Mrs. Green: Well uh, I dont have a gift because I wasnt invited until the last minute, but thank you so much for bringing that to everyones attention.
Rachel: Mom thats okay that you didnt get you a gift!
Mrs. Green: Sweetheart I know youre gonna be terrific mom, I just think you need a little help, especially at the beginning.
Rachel: He was a hamster! I am not going to vacuum up my baby!
Rachel: Oh my gosh! Oh wow! Oh, I know what this is! (Shes holding an item with a large suction cup connected to a yellow plastic box, with a long narrow tube and bottle connected the yellow part.) Wait a minute. That cant be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?
Mrs. Green: Darling, thats a breast pump!
Woman: Its a diaper genie.
Rachel: Well thats gross, why dont you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?
Mrs. Green: Oh youre gonna do that ten times a day?
Rachel: What?! It goes ten times a day! What are we feeding this baby?! Indian food?!
Mrs. Green: Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby while youre trotting out to the garbage ten times a day?
Mrs. Green: You cant leave a baby alone!
Rachel: Oh come(Stutters)Of course I know that. I mean of course you never leave a baby alone! I mean who wouldshe wouldnt be safe as she would be with me, the baby dummy. Oh God, okay. Yknow what? I think opening the presents right now is a little overwhelming right now. So I think umm, Im just gonna maybe open them a little bit later, but thank you all for coming. And for these beautiful gifts, and this basket is beautiful.
Woman: Its actually a bassinet.
Joey: Correct! Theres a possible backwards bonus!
Joey: (makes a sound like a monkey) That noise can only me one thing.
Ross: (excited and simultaneously as Chandler) Hungry monkey! (To Chandler) Haaa! (To Joey) Id like a Wicked Wango card!
Ross: (thinking) Oh. (Pause) Oh! Oh my God! Okay, I know this, give me-give me a second!
(Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars on the wheel as it slows and comes to a stop.)
Ross: Is there a hopping bonus?
Chandler: Id like a Google Card.
Monica: It is going to be okay! (Mrs. Green glances over her shoulder and glares at Monica while she heads for the bathroom.) It was worth a shot.
Ross: I just Bamboozled Chandler! (Flexes in victory while everyone stares at him.) Which is not uh sexual thing. That was a quick shower.
Ross: Wow! It looks like we got a lot of good stuff.
Ross: (excited) A Play-Dough Barber Shop?
Ross: WhatYoure not serious. I mean shes a very nice woman, but there is no way we can take eight weeks of her. Shell drive us totally crazy.
Joey: (announcer voice) Its a pleasure to meet you Ray.
Joey: Correct! Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
Ray: Yeah all thats gone. Its basically just a simple question and answer game now.
Joey: Well whats fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game thats just people standing around answering questions?
Ross: Well we we dont have a garage.
Phoebe: No, not a thing.
Ross: Well uh, yknow what? Even if she doesnt know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didnt live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.
Ross: Thats a different issue. Uh, the point is, when the baby comes I will be there to to feed her and bathe her and change her. And more than that I want to do all those things.
Mrs. Green: Youre gonna be a great father.
Ross: Well youre gonna be a wonderful grandma. (They hug.)
Phoebe: Nothing! You have apologized to her like a million times and shes been nothing but terrible to you. And dont forget you just threw her daughter a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower, and she hasnt even thanked you for it.
Monica: Okay! I will! Mrs. Green? Mrs. Green! (She ignores Monica and Monica follows her out into the hall with Phoebe in tow.) It is rude to leave a party without saying good-bye to the host! Yeah, and-and also when someone apologizes to you the decent thing to do is to accept it! Now what I did to you, it wasnt on purpose! But what youre during to me now is just plain spiteful!
Monica: Thats right! Maybe its time you took a good hard look at a mirror young lady old lady lady!
Monica: So whenever youre ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! (Monica and Phoebe reenter the apartment and Monica closes the door on a stunned Mrs. Green.) I cant feel my legs!
Rachel: (closing a book) Okay! Im ready.
Ross: All right then. (Gets up, in an announcers voice) Rachel Green! Lets play Bamboozled! (Reading from a note card.) How do you test the temperature of the babys bath water?
Ross: Excellent! How do you put a baby down for a nap?
Ross: Thats correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)
Ross: Excellent! Excellent, now-now do you want another question or a Wicked Wango card?
Rachel: A card! A card! I pick a card!
Ross: Oh, Im sorry youve been Bamboozled! Youre gonna be a terrible mother! (Rachel stares at him agape.) Ive lost sight of why were doing this! (Rachel gets up and walks away.)
Chandler: Yes! Im fine. In fact Ive been fine for a long time now and I think, the reason is you.
Mr. Thompson: Our next item is the romantic trip to Paris. (Pause.) It goes to Emil Alexander high a high bid of 2,300.
Phoebe: But you-you cant leave me with them! We-were a team! Were playing a zone! Theyre gonna triple team me!
Rachel: Why would a charity give away a free boat?!
Mr. Thompson: Your generous contribution brings us a big step closer to building the youth center.
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey! You cant leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me!
[Scene: A Dry Cleaners, Joey is there with Phoebe and is trying to get his picture put back amongst the other celebrities hanging on the walls.]
Joey: Oh wow, what a beautiful name! (Pause) What is it again?
Chandler: (stopping him from going any further) Before you say anything, have we got a story for you! Guess who we bumped into at dinner!
Chandler: I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy.
[Scene: A Union battlefield hospital, Phoebe, in a past life, is tending to a wounded Union soldier. (By the way, for historical perspective, 1862 was the second year of the American Civil War.)]
Ross: Yeah, I was but uh, she was a little busy with a water balloon fight.
Ross: No! No! I didnt do that. Its just Okay, honestly no. I dont, I dont see a big future with her.
Joey: Uhh, excuse me is there a Mr. Bowmont at this table?
Rachel: Well-well a little blind sided but yknow good.
Joey: You-you have to pay that! Its not just a guess.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Right down there. (Points.) Hey listen; let me give you a little tip. Do not take a nap on this stoop (Points to hers) or you can wake up with your shoes gone.
Mr. Bowmont: What the hell, its for a good cause! All right!
Phoebe: Well, a palm reader, a manicurist, a hand doctor
Chandler: Who walks into a room and asks to see a persons hands?!
Phoebe: Yeah! Yeah! Convince her that-that youre scared of commitment! Convince her that youre a little coward!
Chandler: Okay, okay, here she comes! (Sits on the couch next to him.) How do I look? Do I look like a guy who doesnt want to get married?
(She throws a water balloon at him and hits him on the head and hits him again at the waist with another one.)
Monica: Well thats a little crazy. Although I am yknow glad to hear that youre branching out on what you look at on the Internet.
[Scene: Monicas Restaurants kitchen, shes cooking as a waitress sticks her head in.]
(We hear the backup horn of a truck and see through the window that the Mr. Bowmont has arrived.)
Waitress: Hey Monica, theres a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in?
Ross: (to Chandler) Thats a duck.
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Joey: (on a pay phone holding a box) Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests!
(They both take a drink of coffee.)
[Scene: A Pizza Joint, Chandler and Monica are eating lunch.]
Monica: Wait a minute. Are you honestly telling me that-that you may never want to get married?
Chandler: (to them) Its okay, I got a plan.
Monica: Do you really see this as a long-term thing?
Phoebe: You mean a backup?
Phoebe: Well hey, its just a backup.
Monica: Have you seen Rachel? Or a mirror?
Joey: Chandler giving you a hard time huh?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is watching a show about the extinction of the dinosaurs.]
Rachel: Yeah, love. Its a tricky business isnt it?
Rachel: Phoebe?! Wait abut-but she just, she said that Joey was her backup.
Rachel: Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey made a deal!
Monica: Its not like I want to get married tomorrow! Its just that I-Id like to believe that Im in a relationship thats actually going somewhere, that Im not just wasting my time!
(Theres a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)
Ross: Thats impossible! I mean we have had a deal for years! We-we-we shook on it, although believe me she wanted to do a lot more than that.
Joey: Look, Chandler I dont think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!
Monica: Yeah, Ill have a scotch
Richard: Yeah hes no good. Do you ever (pause) think about me in a (pause) non-eye doctor way?
Monica: Uh yeah, I-I actually I thought about you a couple months ago.
Richard: So Monica let me ask you a question. Yknow, since we broke up do you ever, think about me?
Phoebe: All right well lets see, Ross is a good father, but Joey has a boatThis is hard!
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
Chandler: (to him) Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring youre about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, Im gonna need to have that back. (The guy isnt sure.) But, in exchange Im willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. (Looking at the ring.) Ew.
Monica: I missed this apartment! Now, this is a grown-ups apartment! Yknow, I-I should be with a grown-up, do you know what I mean?!
Richard: Yeah! Youre saying, you need to be with someone more mature. Maybe someone with, a license to practice medicine. Or a mustache.
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.
Ross: (picking up a book) Hey, hey, Yertle the Turtle. A classic.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
A Woman: What is taking so long?! I mean whatever!
Chandler: Oh my God, I cant believe this! Yknow, I thought I thought you were a good guy.
Chandler: But I am willing to offer her all those things. This was just a plan, yknow? A way to throw her off course so that when I offered her all these things, shed be surprised!
Chandler: Yeah I even (pause) got a ring. (Puts in on the center cushion.) Did you get a ring?
Chandler: Yknow Richard you are a good guy.
Chandler: Well why didnt you stop her?! Why didnt you just tell her it was a plan?!
Joey: Shes gone. She had a bag and she left.
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
Ross: (in a 5 year olds tone) (To Monica) You are such a tattletale! Mom, Dad, you remember that-that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?
(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)
Monica: Chandler In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to fall in love with my best my best Theres a reason why girls dont do this!
(Rachel turns and gives him a look, and Joey quickly apologises.)
(Everyone screams and has a group hug.)
Monica: I knew you were likely to take a wife!
Ross: Oh, I thought it was just a kid yelling, "Im gay! Im gay!" Can I bring her in?
[Scene: Kleinmans, a horde of women including Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica are waiting for the store to open.]
Rachel: Yeah Pheebs, honey, she just got engaged a couple of hours ago. I doubt shes even had time to
Phoebe: So have you decided on a band for the wedding? Because, yknow, Im kinda musical.
(A brief silence ensues.)
Joey: But I-I-I cant stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. Im supposed to be playing a 19-year-old. (Everyone stops in their tracks upon hearing this.) What?
Chandler: Theres gonna be a wedding. Youre gonna be the bride. Two hundred people are going to be looking at you in a clean white dress.
Monica: (chasing after him) Chandler! It happens to lots of guys! You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, dont worry about it!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, time lapse, Chandler is fully dressed and slowly walking out of the bedroom with a distressed look on his face.]
A Woman: Here he comes! Hurry!
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o."
Monica: (looking at her hand) Yknow what shoes would look great with this ring? Diamond shoes! (Sees Chandler sitting on the bed.) Youre not getting dressed. (Chandler quietly folds over the comforter on the bed making a spot for her.)
Chandler: Oh, dont worry about it I mean you probably were tired, you had a lot of champagne, it happens to everybody.
Rachel: I dont know, yknow? I feel a little umm No, yknow what? Nevermind, Im gonna be fine.
Rachel: Yeah, just give me a minute! (Thinking) Oh well, yes, I can think of one good thing.
Ross: I meanno, its just cause, its just cause you and I were like a nightmare. (Screams.) No, but there was some good times.
Ross: Oh good, you scared me for a minute.
Ross: A what?
Ross: Okay, this is getting a little crazy. I mean, Im-Im sure it would be amazing but I gotta say I really-really dont think it would be a good idea. Yknow? I really, really dont.
Phoebe: (Mike now enters and stands behind Phoebe) Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. No, he's not in like a sissy way. No, no, no... when he gets going, he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave...
Monica: (To Rachel) Hey! Dont be a baby!
Joey: When? Today? Some, not a lot.
Chandler: Uhh, youve had a lot of sex right?
Monica: (interrupting) Can I ask you just a little question, huh? Why tonight?
Ross: It was just a kiss. (Phoebe enters and overhears this.)
Phoebe: What a great night, Chandler cant do it, these guys kissed (Points to Ross and Rachel.)
Ross: Look lets not make a big deal out of this! It was a one time thing. It doesnt even matter!