words in movies
Joey: Hey, wouldn't be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
Ross: Listen, I-I need a favor. Umm, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I ah, I-I, well I felt something.
Chandler: Was it like a sneeze only better?
Ross: No, no, I mean, I mean a thing on my body.
Joey: (with a disgusted look) What was it?
Ross: Well, I don't know, it's-it's kinda in a place that's not... It's not visually accessible to me, and I was hoping maybe you guys could-could help me out. (starts to take off his pants)
Ross: Well what is it? Is it a mole? (He moves closer to them, and they jump back.)
Joey: No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole.
Ross: Well, eww. What? Is it a pimple?
Chandler: No, it's... fancier than a pimple. Look Ross, why don't you just go see a
(Rachel backs out with a confused look on her face.)
Phoebe: Vince is a fireman.
Rachel: Wow! Have you ever rescued anyone from a burning building before?
Vince: (dead serious) Fire safety is not a joke, son.
Phoebe: Does a dog's lips move when he reads? (Joey makes an `I don't know' face, and looks to Chandler and Rachel, who're also stumped) Okay, no they don't.
Ross: At least they knew what yours was. Y'know, yours had a name.
Joey: Oh! Maybe they'll name yours after you! Y'know, they'll call it, The Ross. And then people would be like, "Awww, he's got a Ross."
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking with her second date, Jason.]
Jason: ...and I know I'll never miss doing it, but I gotta tell you, it's pretty cool knowing that you're making a difference in a kid's life.
Phoebe: That is so great! Oh, I... (sees that a parked car near them has caught on fire) Oh my God!
Phoebe: Well, we don't n-n-n-n-need a fireman, we'd, we'd like a good mechanic. (hears the sound of approaching sirens) Oh my God, here they come! Well, we gotta get out of here!
Phoebe: Well look, if I wanted to see a fireman, I would date one. Okay? (she drags him away)
[Scene: A Doctor's Office, Ross is having his thing looked at by Dr. Rhodes.]
Ross: Th-th-that's all it is, a third nipple. Y'know? Just your run-of-the-mill third nipple. Y'know? You can take it off. Just slice that baby right off!
Dr. Rhodes: Well that's not a third nipple.
Dr. Rhodes: Wait a minute, hold it. (He goes to the door and opens it.) Johnson! Will you come in here a moment?
Phoebe: Well, Vince is great, y'know `cause, he's like a guy, guy. Y'know? He's so burly, he's sooo very burly. (giggles)
Phoebe: Jason is not a sissy!
[Scene: Dr. Rhodes's Office, a rather large group of doctors has now gathered to take a look at Ross's thing. Ross is none too pleased with the developments, he has a disgusted look on his face.]
Dr. Rhodes: Thank you soo much for coming on such a short notice. Ladies and gentlemen, I've-I've-I've been practicing medicine for twenty-three years, and I'm stumped.
All: Whoa. (they all lean in to get a closer look, Ross isn't pleased)
Joey: Whoa! For a rich guy he's got, that's a pretty small TV.
Monica: No-no-no, that's a video-phone. But hey guys you're not supposed to be here, so please, do not touch anything.
Phoebe: No! But it's the nicest kitchen, the refrigerator told me to have a great day.
Joey: Look at this! A millionaire's checkbook.
Monica: Joey, put that down! (the phone rings) Oh my God! It's Pete. Okay, get out!! How the hell do you answer a video-phone! (steps in front of it, and automatically answers it)
Pete: Oh, it's good news. No, it's definitely good news. Hold on a second, I have another call. (clicks his remote) (to his other call) Hey, how's it going?
Joey: (looking at the checkbook) Wow! Look at this! He wrote a check for 50,000 dollars to Hugo Ligrens Ring Design. (Monica is stunned) Oh, sorry, what do you think the good news is?
Rachel: Monica's gonna marry a millionaire!!!
Rachel: Mon you definitely have to make it a theme wedding, and the theme could be, Look how much money weve got! Y'know, I mean you could put, you could put money in-in the invitations! You-you could have like little money place settings. And ah, you could start with a money salad! I mean itll be dry, but people will like it.
Monica: Would you stop? Weve only been going out a couple of weeks, I mean we dont even know if hes gonna propose.
Chandler: Yes, but this is Pete. Okay? Hes not like other people, on your first date he took you to Rome. For most guys thats like a third or fourth date kinda thing.
Rachel: Oh please, what do you know! You married a lesbian!
Phoebe: Yeah, I like Vince a lot, y'know? But, its just Jasons so sensitive, y'know? And in the long run, I think sensitive its just better than having just like a really, really, really nice (pause) butt. (Her eyes glaze over thinking about the butt.) (pause) Jason! Definitely Jason! Okay, wish me luck!
[Scene: A Fire House, Phoebe has gone to break up with Vince.]
Monica: It is so weird, I know what I said, but uh, this morning, I was lying in bed I was, I was imagining what it would be like to say yes. (Rachel slams the magazine shut in amazement.) I know its a little sudden, and its a little rushed, and its totally not like me to do something like this, but that doesnt mean I cant. Right? I mean Im-Im crazy about Pete, and I know that we want the same things, and when I thought about saying yes, it made me really happy.
Phoebe: No, that was my way of telling you. Well, it turns out hes incredibly sensitive, he keeps a journal and he paints. He even showed me charcoal drawings that he drew of me.
Phoebe: Yeah, well hed prefer water colors, but y'know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal.
(She goes in, and sees Jason without his shirt. It turns out that he has a great body too, and is at a loss for words.)
[Scene: Phoebes Herbal Guys office, Ross is there about his thing. Ross is looking around the exam room, and he goes over to a large bank of drawers, pulls one out and almost spills it as the herbalist, Guru Saj, enters.]
Ross: Listen, I got to tell you Ive-Ive never been to a guru before, so...
Guru Saj: Well, relax. If it makes you feel better, Ive attended some of the finest medical schools in Central America. Well then, lets take a look at this skin abnormality of yours. (motions to the table) Come on, have a seat. (looks at it) Eeh, huh. As I suspected, its a koondis!
Ross: Whats a koondis?
Guru Saj: I dont know, whats a koondis with you? (starts laughing as if that joke was funny, Ross only looks at him, and he stops) Please, lie down! Ive got a sav that oughta shrink that right up.
Ross: I guess its worth a try.
Guru Saj: Oh, I think I see the problem. And Im afraid were gonna have to use a much stronger tool. (Ross gives him a What? look) Love.
[Scene: Petes apartment, Pete and Monica are coming back from a date.]
Pete: Well ah, Ive been doing a lot of thinking, and I look at my life
Pete: Okay, my trainer, Ho Chi, is teaching me a combination of Gee Koon Doe and Brazilian street fighting, Ive even had my own octagon training ring designed.
Monica: And I suppose you used a ring designer for that.
Phoebe: (singing) Crazy underwear, creepin up my butt. (Jason enters) Crazy underwear, always in a rut. Crazy under-(sees Jason)-wear (In her head) Oh No! What is he doing here? All right, just keep playing, just keep playing. Youll get through this; youll be fine. (She tries to continue the song, but she has lost the ability to pronounce words, and the lyrics come out as gibberish.) (giving up on the song) Okay, thank you. And, as always no one talk to me after the show.
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, Ive-Ive been dating both of you, and its been really horrible. Cause y'know its been a lot of fun, for me. Umm, but I-I like you both, and I, and I didnt know how to chose, so... Im sorry, Im just, Im terrible, Im a terrible person. Im terrible.
Jason: Yeah, and neither did we. Give yourself a break.
Phoebe: Well, I made you a candle light dinner in the park.
Vince: You made him a candle light dinner in the park?
Vince: Uh yeah, I cant believe I ever went out with somebody who would actually have an open flame in the middle of a wooden area. (walks out)
Guru Saj: (entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj-(sees the duck)-Whoa!! (to Joey) Thats supposed to be a duck right? Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Hes got a, hes got a really bad cough, and our vet, he cant do anything about it. Is there something you can do?
Guru Saj: Hmm, let me see. Let me see. Do you think you could get him to eat a bat?
(Rachel starts drawing what looks like a bean.)
(Monica picks up a glass to take a drink, everyone ducks as though she was about to throw it.)
Phoebe: That's a bird?
Phoebe: That's a bird!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is talking to a customer.]
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
Chandler: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Bart speech? (mimicking): "When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy!"
Monica: (Takes it) That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty. (Sees Rachel's look) Lucky. To have had a friend like you.
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Chandler: (coming up under center, just like a real quarterback does, and puts his hands between Rosss legs.) Twenty-three!! Seventy-four!! (Ross stands up and looks at him) You wanna go shotgun?
Ross: Alright, I've gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath. Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are.
Ross: I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship with someone exactly like me.
Monica: Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt Monica get a say in this?
Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.
Ross: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]
Mr. Heckles: I left a Belgian waffle out here, did you take it?
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Monica: Mr. Heckles, our friend lost a monkey. Have you seen it?
Monica: A monkey. Have you seen a monkey?
Mr. Heckles: You owe me a waffle.
[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles emerges.]
Leslie: I know. I know! I'm a duplex.
Ross: Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't.
(A knock on the door. Rachel swiftly opens it)
Rachel: Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding! (Ross puts his arms around her and they act all sweetness and light)
Luisa: (Animal Control) Somebody called about a monkey?
Rachel: Turned out it was a hat.
Parker: Its a haven. A third-floor paradise. A modern-day Eden in the midst
Rachel: I meant er, (struggling to concentrate) young, young, I meant young, young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rach.
Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. (To Rachel) But you? What a bitch!
Joey: A monkey.
Joey: Ho-ho-ho, (pausing for a rest next to the fridge) fried stuff with cheese!
(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment)
[Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing.]
(They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges)
Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your monkey. (She starts to shut the door)
Luisa: Just a small tranquiliser.
Luisa: Step aside, ladies! (She loads a gun)
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much.
Ross: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil.
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!
Friend No. 1: Well, I would like to propose a toast to the woman, who in one year from today, become Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber DDS
(Marcel jumps into view wearing a pink dress. Everybody gasps)
Mr. Heckles: I don't have a monkey.
Rachel: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'?
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!
Ross: (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've been fat.
Chandler: Youre gonna be carrying their baby and give them a Sony Play Station?
Rachel: Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a great little outfit.
Monica: Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago?
Joey: No way! Mr.Salty is a sailor, all right, he's got to be, like, thetoughest snack there is.
Monica: (looking out of the window) Oh my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope!
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Phoebe: Not a good day for birds...
Ross: I have to say you are a much bigger person than I am. I mean after all weve been through, I justyknow I wish I had a brother to reciprocate. Hey, if you ever want to go out with Monica, you have my blessing.
Ross: All right here. Watch me execute the three Ps of championship play. Power. (swings the racquet) Precision. (swings the racquet.) and penache. (does a backswing and hits Sarah whos started up the stairs, knocking her down, they both watch in horror.)
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
(A pause as they look at Chandler.)
Angela: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs.
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. (pause) No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. (pause) All rightie, bye bye.
Rachel: I had a bra.
Monica: Yeah.. uh, but for future reference, that thing in your hand can also be used as a phone.
Phoebe: Y'know, if you want, you can call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps, that means she probably didn't get her messages yet.
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Phoebe: And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands) OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT) OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You know what? You're done.
Monica: You had sex in his chair?!... I said that a little too loudly, didn't I?
Rachel: (in a low voice) We ended up having sex in his chair.
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
Ross: (leaving) I just have to go, all right? Do I need a reason? Huh? I mean I have things to do with my life, I have a jam packed schedule, and I am late- for keeping up with it. Okay?
Phoebe: Don't feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you're like "Mr. Boss Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss Man Bing".
David: Yeah, Im just, Im just in town for a conference. Umm, God you look phenomenal!
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?
Mindy: Okay, okay... when Barry was engaged to you, he and I...kind of... had a little thing on the side.
Joey: (watches them for a while) Oh my.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]
Joey: (to Monica) Can I use your phone? (On phone) Yeah, the number for a Sidney Marks, please.
Monica: So she's a woman! So what?
Rachel: Hey. Got a second?
Mindy: Basically, we think you're a horrible human being, and bad things should happen to you.
Ross: It's, it's, it's, uh, a totally diferent situation! It's, it's apples and oranges, it's, it's orthodontists and lesbi- I gotta go.
Rachel: Please! During that second time you couldn't have picked her out of a lineup!
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, is Sidney there? (Listens) Oh, this is? (To the gang) Sidney's a woman.
JULIE: So is there like a story or do they just stard doing it right. . . oh, never mind.
Monica: Oh, well... um, that's all there are of these. But in about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets.
Ross: What, so he was a little analytical. That's what he does, y'know? C'mon, he's not that bad.
Monica: How do you think I am?! Youve wrecked all my childhood memories. You love Ross more than me. And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face!
Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?
Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.
Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase.
Tommy: Can-can we take a look at your ticket?
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
[Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the door.]
Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class.
Teacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance
Ross: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink.