words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is still looking out the window as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Ross is on a date with my sister and they shut the drapes two and a-half-hours ago.
(Chandler and Monica enter from their room and Joey quickly hides the bag of potato chips behind his back.)
Rachel: Yeah. And yknow who shouldve shut their drapes? Is that perverted old couple two doors over.
Rachel: Okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay! I got it! I got it! I got it! I cant! I cant! I cant! I cannot go with you and my sister thing. Okay? I just cant. Its just too weird, all right? I imagine the two of you together and I freak out. It freaks me out. I cant do it! I cant do it.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are watching ET.]
(We see the TV and its the last scene where ET is saying goodbye.)
Monica: Oh, Ive got it! I have got it! (Gets up and gets something from the dresser underneath the TV.) Pictures from your childhood. This will get you going good!
The Fan: Can-can I get your autograph, Im your biggest fan. (Holds out a napkin and a pen.)
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
The Fan: No-no, it was! She was in Sex Toy Story 2, Lawrence of Alabia, and I got her autograph! The guys at the comic book store arent gonna believe this! (Exits.)
Jill: Youll never believe what just happened, Ross just totally blew me off and he didnt even tell me why!
Rachel: Because you are my sister and Ross and I have this huge history
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is ranting about Jill to Chandler and Monica.]
(Joey and Ross enter.)
(Joey and Ross exchange looks.)
(They all run over to Joey and Ross, Chandler grabs the movie and reads the title.)
Ross: And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didnt know he was in there. (They all kinda look at him.)
Chandler: Hey, I had a terrible childhood and I dont do porn.
(Ross stands next to him for a second, then goes and watches the movie.)
(The movie starts, its a vampires lair and Buffay, The Vampire Layer enters dressed in leather and carrying a wooden stake. Suddenly, the vampire opens his coffin and sits up.
(At this point, Buffay, the Vampire Layer and Nasforatool start to get it on. Of course, since this is network TV, we can only see the reactions of the gang to the film playing off screen.)
(Upon hearing this, Joey cant turn his chair around fast enough and knocks it over.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is reading Chicken Soup for the Soul as Monica enters.]
Chandler: Hey! (He quickly tries to hide the book by throwing it under the couch, only the couch has no back and it slides into the kitchen.)
Chandler: Yeah I know, but I figured a shot yknow? Maybe one of those stories would make me cry and then you wouldnt think I was yknow, all dead inside.
Chandler: No, I mean, come on, seriously think about it, we get married, were up at the altar and Im like this. (Makes a bored face.)
Monica: Yeah! And if, and if we have a baby one-day, and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room and you dont cry, so what! And-and-and, and if we take him to college and come home and see his empty room for the first time, and you got nothing, it wont matter to me.
Monica: And-and-and if I die, from a long illness. And youre writing out my eulogy and you open a desk drawer and you find a note from me that says, "I will always be with you," and you still cant shed one tiny tear, I know youll be crying a river inside.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, his doorbell is ringing and hes running to answer it while doing up his pants.]
Jill: Rachel and I had a really big fight, can I come in? I-I mean I know were not supposed to see each other anymore and Im okay with that, its just that I dont know anybody in the city and I really need somebody to talk to about it.
Jill: Totally, I love them! And, maybe you could finish telling me about all the different kinds of sand.
Ross: Well, Id love to! Here, you wait right here and Ill go get the projector and my notes!
(He goes into another room to get his projector and notes. While hes gone, Jill quickly checks her makeup.
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers, Rachel is entering.]
(She goes to look out the window at Rosss apartment and sees Jill staring at her and closing the drapes with an evil look on her face. Rachel is stunned into silence.)
(Ursula opens the door and is all dressed up with big hair and lingerie.)
Phoebe: No!! No way! No! And stop using my name! And shame on you! (Yells into the apartment) And shame on all of you! Youre disgusting! Especially you (points to someone) with that! (Storms away.)
Rachel: (on phone) What is my sister doing there?! And why are the drapes shut?!
Ross: So thats the only reason she could be here huh? It couldnt have anything to do with the fact that-that maybe Im a good listener and I uh I put on a great slide show!
Ross: Yknow what? I think I can take care of myself, Ill talk to you later. Good-bye. (Hangs up the phone and turns to find Jill sitting really close to him.) Whoa! Uh, that was your sister actually. She-she thinks that youre just using me.
Phoebe: Um-mmm, and I wont have to go there anymore because I gave them my correct address.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time lapse, Ross is entering. Chandler and Monica are at the kitchen table. Rachel is on the couch reading.]
Rachel: Yeah thats right you werent thinking! Yknow what? Let me give you something to think about! (She pulls up her sleeves and steps towards him.)
Ross: Oh waithold it! But then I started thinking and I stopped the kissing.
Ross: Look I-I realize if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us!
Ross: No, I mean, look I dont know if anything is going to happen with us, again. Ever. But I dont want to know that it-it never could. So I stopped it and she got mad and broke my projector.
Jill: (To Ross) And you! I throw myself at you and you say no, how gay are you?
[Scene: The Hallway, Monica is returning, but before she enters the apartment she stops on the step and changes from wearing tennis shoes to the boots and she moans in pain as she puts each boot on.]
Monica: Fine! If you want me to wear the boots, Ill wear the boots. In fact, Ill go into my room right now and yknow try the outfit on.
Monica: Anyway, I picked up this outfit that I want to wear and the, and the boots dont really go with it.
Dina: Joe, mom and dad are fine
Theodore: You remember her Michael, she's lovely and... well behaved and... single.
(Joey storms back in and covering his face so he doesnt see Dina grabs the sandwich and heads back out.)
Joey: I cant look at you right now! (Exits and slams the door behind him.)
Gunther: And when you have a second later, I wanna show you why we dont just trap spiders under coffee mugs and leave them there.
Phoebe: Him youre friends with. (Starts looking at the children trying to find Jack and a teacher notices her.)
Chandler: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that?
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Monica are walking down the sidewalk after his office holiday party.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Ross. Joey, and Rachel are eating breakfast. Chandler is holding a bottle of Herseys Syrup.]
Ross: Fine! No more dinosaur stuff! Can I talk about fossils? (Joey is about to sit down and hears this so instead he groans and exits.)
Dina: Do you ever worry that youll be walking and your baby will just like slip out?
Joey: Just what needs to be done! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman
Bobby: Yeah, he took the other one off and hit me with it.
Phoebe: Yeah... And that physique! You must work out all the time...
Phoebe: Uh-huh. (They go and sit down.)
Phoebe: Well, I heard youre having a problem with one of the boys in your class. And so I thought I would just come down here and sit you both down, have a little talk and make it all okay. Now umm, the boys name is Stings son.
Trudie Styler: So, I guess you and I should talk about Jack and Ben right now.
[Scene: Stings Apartment, Phoebe has come to talk about Jack and is waiting for Stings wife, Trudie Styler, to enter.]
[Scene: The Fire Escape, Joey and Ross have reached the last landing. Joey is tugging on the ladder that extends to the ground, but it wont budge.]
Joey: Oh? Oh! Okay! Okay! Lets hear their plan! Now, whats the future look like for Dina and Bobby?
Chandler: You said that you paid all that money because those boots go with skirts, dresses, and pants!
Monica: Okay. (She gets off him.) God well, we gotta go back and get them!
Mike: All right, stop! You know, all Phoebe has done tonight is trying to get you to like her. And maybe that hasn't been clear all the time, but she did her best. And yeah... She's a little different than you are...
Phoebe: Monica, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night. I was out with Gary; he let me ride around with him in his cop car. We saw and prevented crimes.
Joey: No! No! No! Its different for you. Youre so strong and together. Youre not some dumb kid who doesnt know what shes doing.
Rachel: Youre supposed to realize that they are adults! And that they can make their own decisions.
Phoebe: She was acting, she was pretending like she hasnt heard from him on years, but I found this picture on her fridge, and look (shows Monica)! Isnt this what he would look like now?
Dina: Joey, I am scared to death about this. But I really think I can do it, Im just gonna need some help. And Bobbys gonna be here the whole time.
Dina: And youre my big brother! I mean, youre my favorite guy in the whole world. Im not even scared to tell mom and dad. I was scared of telling you.
Bobby: And by you.
Rachel: Okay Bobby, why dont we just come over here and let them have a little moment. (Drags Bobby away from Joey and Dina.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Ross are there.]
Joey: Come here! (Hugs Dina and Bobby looks to hug Rachel.)
Rachel: All right Joey! That is enough! (Grabs him and pulls him away from Bobby and Dina) Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, its not legal. Okay? They-they dont have a marriage license, they dont have any witnesses, and the groom only has on one shoe!
The Teacher: Right. Are you looking for Jacks parents to discuss the problems hes having with Ben? (Phoebe nods Yes.) Yeah. Because I really do think the parents should sit down and have a conversation.
Phoebe: Oh absolutely yeah! Oh and keep in mind, now, I was carrying triplets so in, yknow, medical terms I was-I was thrice as randy.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are there as Mona enters.]
Ross: Oh great! Hey-hey Joey, do you want to check out pictures of me and Mona ice skating?
Mona: Yknow, every year I say Im gonna send out holiday cards and I never do it. Do you wanna, do you wanna send this one out together?
Chandler: I didnt know you and Carol were getting divorced, Im sorry.
Mona: Yeah, yknow. Happy holidays from Mona and Ross. Itll be cute, okay?
Doug: Tomorrow night it is then, I should be out of court by six. They keep throwing these sexual harassment cases at me and I keep knocking them out of the park!
Monica: No. No. Not it. Not it. Not it. (Checks another rack and another woman tries to reach around her.) (To the woman) Dont crowd me! (Finds it) This is it! This is the dress! Oh my God, its perfect! (She takes it off of the rack and someone has a hold of it on the other side of the rack and tugs on it.) Im sorry, this ones taken! (The other woman tugs harder pulling Monica through the rack.) Whoa!
Bitsy: The woman you what? (Phoebe overheard what Michael said and now enters the room)
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, theres a knock on the door and he opens it to Mona.]
Mona: Now, do you think it should say, "Love Ross and Mona?"
Mike: The woman I love... (he walks to Phoebe) I love you... Which is probably something I shouldn't say for the first time in front of my parents... and Tom and Sue...Who are by the way the most sinfully boring I've ever met in my life...
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are there as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah? Come and get it.
Phoebe: Yeah! Lets do that!! That-that sounds good. We should sit down and talk, just me, my lover Carol, and the Stings. Umm, how-how will I get in touch with them?
Phoebe: Oh. Okay, well I-I was kinda hoping that I would just be alone yknow to think about my mom and her suicide.
Phoebe: Oh no, I dont believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (Shes pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.)
Rachel: Oh hey! Hey Ross! Hey hows it, hows it going with you and Mona? Are you guys still together?
Ross: And if I remember correctly, Ray Ban was the official sponsor of World War I!
Monica: You and Mona are doing a holiday card together?
Ross: Forget it. I-IYknow what? Ill just have the conversation. Ill just say I like things the way they are, and hope for the best. What do you think Rach?
Chandler: Because uh we-we we split up. Monica and I split up. Hold me.
Ross: Aw, we-we are so (Motions that theyre connected.) So umm, well I-I-I like you and I-I love umm, yknow hanging out with you. And I mean-Im having a lot of fun. (He pauses and thinks there might be more, but decides there isnt.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's. Emma is in her bed and Ross and Rachel are rapping and dancing for her.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is telling Rachel and Monica about yet another mistake hes made with a woman.]
Monica: Rachel umm, I was just talking to this guy and I think hell have sex with you.
Chandler: Oh thats all right sir, and thats just one girl.
Mona: I dont understand. You-you give me a key to your apartment and then you change the lock.
Mona: Ohh! (Hugs him.) And I love spending time with you. (Ross isnt happy.)
Ross: Okay, and oh Im gonna need a bunch of extra keys. Apparently I give them away for no reason at all.
Joey: Theres this woman, that I like. A lot. Well, its complicated. Shes with this other guy. For a long time. And I could never do that to the guy, yknow? Ccause were really good friends.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is eating dinner as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Yknow what the worse part was? I got to see what my life would be like without you. It was like Its a Wonderful Life with lap dances. Please promise that you will never leave me, that we will grow old together, and be with each other for the rest of our lives.
Doug: No, its a wedding ring. You gotta get rid of it. Were gonna go to the East River right now and throw it in there!
Ross: Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card yknow, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is on the phone.]
Rachel: Well, I gotta get up early and its almost seven oclock.
Joey: But plus, it would be wrong and weird and-and-and bad.
Joey: Im missin picture time?! (Jumps over to look, Ross glares at him and he retreats.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is there as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Get back in there! (Rachel re-enters her room and closes the door.)
Rachel: And so bad. I dont even know what youre talking about because I didnt ask you to do anything!
(They both go into their rooms and after a little while Rachel pokes her head into the living room.)
Rachel: Shake it! (Phoebe, Mike, Chandler, Monica and Joey step in)
Joey: No, no, no more! I cannot lose another dime! Im serious this time! In-in fact, look, theres aI wanna give you something. And let me give it too you know before I pawn it for Cups money. (He rolls the big white dog over) Now, I want you to have the big white dog as a kinda of a, yknow, thank you for being such a great roommate.
Phoebe: I got it for your wedding and I ordered it weeks ago, and it finally got here!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Rachel are there as Ross enters.]
Monica: All right. (He goes to push it and it doesnt move.)
Monica: Well, you justyou put a quarter in and yknow pull-pull some handles and win like a candy bar or something.
Ross: Baby got back (Then Ross turns around and sees their friends standing in the doorway)
Rachel: Uh, Pauls Caf�. They got great food and its really romantic.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is watching Phoebe play Ms. Pac-Man.]
Rachel: Joey? Could you get that? (There is no answer and she goes and opens the door to Joey.) What are you doing here? I thought you were in your room?
Monica: Okay. Phoebe thats it. Come on, get outout of the chair. Get out! (She goes to move Phoebe, but Phoebe goes limp and Monica cant move her.) Oh come Phoebe!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her date with Joey as there is a knock on the door.]
Chandler: Yeah, we talked and Monica made me see that I over reacted a little bit and some things in life are more important.
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
Joey: Yknow what? Bring her both, and Ill have the same. (The waitress leaves.)
Rachel: Oh my God. And that works?!
Joey: No! No. Umm, just myself and if they dont like me for(Laughs.) Im sorry I couldnt even get through that.
[Scene: A Restaurant, a waitress is taking Joey and Rachels dinner order.]
Rachel: Oh my God! I bet thats him. My digital fairy tale is about to begin. I wonder how I should be? Should I be uh (In a sexy voice) Hello? Or should I be (Happily) Hi! Its Rach (Phoebe knocks the phone out of Rachels hand, catches it, and answers it.) Would you stop doing that?!