words in movies
[Flashback scene from last week, Monica and Chandler's kitchen, Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there.]
Rachel: I know, it's huge, and it's scary, and it's... really far, far away from you guys, but this is such an incredible opportunity for me. And I've already talked to them about our situation with Emma, and they said they'll do whatever we need to make us feel comfortable.
Rachel: I mean, I'll fly back and forth, they'll fly you out... Anything we want.
Chandler: My boss said I might be getting a new lamp in my cubicle. (Monica looks at him and can't really place what he just said)
Rachel: I think it is. (Ross looks very sad. Phoebe and Joey enter.)
Joey: What? No, no, no! No, no... no... no, no... No, too much is changing, okay? First, Phoebe getting married (to Phoebe) Congratulations! (pointing to Monica and Chandler)... and then these two move into a stupid house in the stupid suburbs...
Joey: Well, it comes and goes. I wouldn't trust it.
Rachel: Look, you guys... this is really, really important to me. And it means a lot if you could try to get on board.
Phoebe: Of course we can. Congratulations. (they hug, but Joey shakes his head.) Yay! (she gestures Joey to come and join in) Joey...
Joey: Hey! No! Get your France-going-arms away from me. (He walks out, and Rachel follows him)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's reading a newspaper. Chandler and Monica walk in.]
Chandler: We close escrow tomorrow, so seeing another house can only confuse us, and we're easily confused. We're not very bright.
Phoebe: Yeah, last Saturday. Wow! She was the first black man to fly solo across the Atlantic. (Chandler and Monica look puzzled) Oh, wait a minute, I read the wrong one.
[Scene: Ralph Lauren. Mr Zelner's office. Ross knocks on the door and enters.]
Mr Zelner: Ah, did she ask you to come here and do this?
Ross: Look, she loved her job here. And let's face it: you're not gonna find anyone who did it as well as she did it. Isn't that true?
Ross: I see... Thanks very much. (he gets up and walks to the door. On his way out he looks at the photographs Mr Zelner has near his door. He picks one up.) Is this your son?
Ross: How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants. (Mr. Zellner looks shocked). I just heard it as you must have heard it and that’s not good. Let me start again. I’m a paleontologist, you’ll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones… fossils!
Ross: You let Rachel come back, and it’s done.
Ross: Yeah! Yes! Thank you! This is great. Thank you so much. And I swear, your kid is going to have the time of his life.
Mr Zelner: That’s great. I worry about little Ross. He’s always reading, he's collecting rocks and he’s obsessed with dinosaurs.
Joey: There’s a part in a TV movie that I would be perfect for and I didn’t even be put up for it! She’d better have a good reason.
(Phoebe is outside, taking her cell phone out of her bag and making a call. Joey is inside, and his mobile phone starts ringing).
Joey: No, no, look. All I’m saying is that you’re my agent, ok? And you’re not getting me into any auditions and I’m tired of it.
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Rachel’s there and Ross enters the room with a stuffed dinosaur]
Rachel: Oh, you’re not gonna believe what happened to me today! Ralph Lauren called, and gave me my job back!
Rachel: Yee. I mean, it was so weirdest thing. They fired me and then out of nowhere they just hire me back! I mean, that place must have been falling apart without me.
[Scene: house next to the one the Bings are moving into. Chandler and Monica knock, a lady opens the door.]
Chandler: It feels like we’re cheating on our house. And if we’re gonna cheat, shouldn’t it be with like a hot, younger house, that does stuff that our house won’t do?
Lady: Well, we already have one offer on it, and I think the lady upstairs is goning to make another one.
Lady: Oh, the woman upstairs is very nice. She and her husband have two kids, he's on Wall Street and she…
(Chandler and Monica are speechless).
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. He’s there and Phoebe comes in.]
Joey: I don’t know. She’s got to be taking it hard, I was like her only client. Except for this guy who eats paper. And I’m guessing he eats more money than he makes. Look, I know she’s not a great agent, but she did stick with me for ten years. I’m gonna call her and hire her again.
Joey: I promise. And that means, never having to give a reason. (Phoebe stops herself from laughing and leaves)
[Scene: The house Monica and Chandler are viewing. Janice comes down the stairs.]
Chandler: And yet I never run into Beyonce!
Chandler: (To Monica and with bulging eyes) Why!?
Monica: (looks confused and scared) I don't know why.
Janice: Ooh, that decides it then. I was on the fence. But knowing that you two would be our neighbors? Ah! now we have to get it! (Chandler and Monica are utterly shocked) Ellen, we're going to talk numbers. (Grabs Ellen by her elbow and pulls her outside)
Chandler: That is a great idea! And by the way, I don't mean to sound distasteful, but when did you start crapping money!?
Chandler: Will we love it so much with her next door? And she's gonna be louder out here too. Just the crickets and (apes Janice's voice) "Oh My God"!
Ross: Good, 'cause the ladies, not so much. (shakes his head, give him a thumbs up and leaves)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He walks in reading his mail, and plays back his messages on the answering machine]
Phoebe: Yeah, I wanted to call and tell you that there's no hard feelings for firing me.
Joey: Thanks for everything Estelle. Bye. (Hangs up and reads the phone display) "out of area". Boy, I'll say.
[Scene: The house next door to Chandler and Monica's new house. Chandler is pacing worriedly through the living room when Janice enters.]
Janice: All right, I got to run. Tell Monica I say goodbye. And... I'll see you later, neighbor. (Janice laugh)
Chandler: Now that you live next door, we can be together every day. Sid and Monica never have to know a thing.
Janice: But I love my husband. And I know you love your wife. Now, I don't think we should get this house now.
Chandler: Don't say that. Don't tangle the dream and take it away.
Rachel: Ralph Lauren called again and they offered me more money.
Rachel: Yeah. It was the weirdest thing. Zelner called me and he said we'll do everything we can to get you back. And that I should thank some Ron... I don't even know what department that guy's in.
Rachel: Yeah, you know, was I looking forward to going to Paris? Sure. You know, was I excited about working in the fashion capital of the world? Ooh, absolutely... Oh...! Yeah, but you know, this is... it's fine. I'm fine going back to a job where I've pretty much gotten everything out of that I possibly can... (she sits down, and Ross who is stunned to hear all this follows her example)
Ross: (picks up a skull of some carnivore from his side table and puts it in the same bag in which he brought the pterodactyl egg to Zelner) I'm sure he'll understand.
[Scene: Estelle's memorial service. Joey is giving a speech. Next to him is a blown op photograph of Estelle behind her desk and there's a man standing next to him.]
Joey: Thank you all for coming. We're here today to pay respects to a wonderful agent and a beautiful woman... (Joey looks at the photograph) ..inside. As Estelle's only two clients we would like to say a few words. (Joey looks for his notes. The man next to him is chewing something.) Dude, where's my speech? (the man swallows something and looks at Joey.) That is entertaining. Al Zebooker everybody. (he applauds and Al shows that there's nothing left in his mouth.)
(He picks up his bat and holds it up, but then Monica and Laura enter the living room again. When Laura sees Joey, she freezes...)
Chandler: (escorting Joey to the door) You have to get out of here. You slept with our social worker and you never called her back and she is still pissed, so she can't see you.
(Joey leaves and closes the door behind him. Chandler walks towards the living room, but then Joey enters again.)
Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.)
Joey: Oh... yeah... Probably you don't even remember my name. It's Joey, by the way. And don't bother telling me yours, because I totally remember it... lady. Yeah! I waited weeks for you to call me.
Laura: (embarrassed towards Chandler and Monica) Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you my number.
Joey: LAURA! (and points to her, very confident)
The Fan: Can-can I get your autograph, Im your biggest fan. (Holds out a napkin and a pen.)
(Chandler and Monica hug each other, and then Joey enters the apartment again.)
Charity guy: Yeah... And I'm giving it back to you... Come on! Consider it a contribution. (gives the check to Phoebe)
[Scene: The New York City Children's Fund building. Phoebe and Mike are entering.]
Ross: (leaving) I just have to go, all right? Do I need a reason? Huh? I mean I have things to do with my life, I have a jam packed schedule, and I am late- for keeping up with it. Okay?
Phoebe: Although... it's also about the wedding... Ugh, alright... here. (she gives the check and pulls it back again) No... Oh God... Oh!
Charity guy: Absolutely! And when you do, make sure you ask for Brian.
Phoebe: (looks at the amount on the check, and gasps) Well, this is very generous!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are sitting in their living room when the phone rings.]
Charity guy: Please, take the check, go have a great wedding and a wonderful life together.
Charlie: Oh, this is such a cute picture of Emma. And is this your son... or just some kid whose picture you bring on vacation?
Monica: Now we just have to wait for a call and... and someone tells us there's a baby waiting for us. Oh...
Rachel: Ok... (and passes the spider to Ross who holds it in between his hands)
Monica: So, do you guys wanna come and eat dinner at the restaurant sometime in the next few weeks?
(She slowly grabs the chains of the swing, swings her hair back, and sits down.)
Ross: (Gasps and speaks at a higher pitch) This feels perfectly normal. Ok, get on the swing!
Monica: It was Laura... She gave us a great report and we are officially on the waiting list.
(Chandler and Monica hug and after a while the telephone rings again... Monica's eyes get bigger. Chandler answers.)
(She slowly walks forward and backward, to gain speed...)
Phoebe: No, Mike, I don't want to kill him! I thought we were just gonna capture him and, and you know, set him free in the country side where he can maybe meet a friendly possom and a wisecracking owl.
Ross: There you go! Good for you! And you know what, I'm actually getting used to this little guy. I don't really even feel him in here anymore.
(Joey gets up and look annoyed)
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter, the others are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: Am I? Really? Am I? Well, why don't you cook Thanksgiving dinner and prove me wrong! Well, think about it, think about it, you'll be trying to top than you did last year. You'd be in competition... with yourself.
Monica: Hey, stay out of this, Chandler! This is between me... and ME!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are in there, and Phoebe enters]
Monica: 2 minutes, 12 pies and a part of one tin! Okay, I see you guys at 4.
Rachel: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot and uh, (points to Rosss seat.) he will have a white wine spritzer. Woo! (Looks out the window.) Hey, look at that, the airports moving. (Realizes that thats not how it works.) Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? Hey, time-out, umm, yeah, does the captain know that were moving? (Sits back in defeat.) Oh my God. Oh, my gosh.
(With his index finger he shows her how old she is. Emma also points her finger and babbles...)
Rachel: And a thousand dollars.
Phoebe: Okay, but, well, before you say no, my friend Susanne is entering her kid and compared to Emma she's a real dog!
Rachel: Well, let's see... uh... I know that she has a meeting with her lawyer and then she has to make a very big poop. Why?
Phoebe: Okay, oh, and Emma needs a cowgirl outfit for the competition.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is watching TV and Monica is cooking]
Rachel: Phoebe, just the idea of pitting one baby against another, I mean, you know, and judging who's cuter just for a trophy...
Monica: Yeah, but we haven't heard a thing from the adoption agency and it has been weeks!
(Ross and Joey enter)
Rachel: (pretends to be stunned) Oh! Wi... in the dres... in the dressing room!? Well, that's so weird! Phoebe and I were just trying on clothes in the dressing room. God it's just such a small world!
Chandler: You say that now, but it could take us a long time to get back home. Plus Joey could get lost and and they could have to page us to go pick him up.
CHANDLER: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? [Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
Joey: That's some gentle comedy, dude. (he and Ross leave)
Emma: Wo-ish. (and holds up her finger)
Rachel: Oh, Phoebe! Come on! You know what, it's already three o'clock and they haven't even gotten to Emma's group yet. We gotta go, we got dinner!
(there's a lot of shouting and yelling)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment.]
[Scene: The corridor. Ross and Joey have just arrived.]
Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat)
Phoebe: We can't leave now! There was this one baby, Haley, who was favourite to win and she got croup, so she had to stay home! This competition just blew wide open, folks!
Joey: Wow (He opens his apartment door and throws their stuff in.)
(Rachel, Phoebe and Emma arrive)
Rachel: And I won!
Phoebe: And it looks like she put makeup on her!
(Ross is now preoccupied with the spider, and forgets that Rachel is still using the swing. While trying to get rid of the spider, he stands in front of Rachel, who bumps into him, throwing him on the ground again.)
Monica: Do you hear something? (Chandlers stands up and goes to the door to look out from the peephole)
Monica: Oh! They're late and they're sloppy!
Joey: No. Here (he tears off the pocket from Ross' shirt, and tears off everything below that as well.)
Ross: I got mugged. And they stole my pocket.
Monica: Ohhh! Let me see! Oh God, I can't believe this! They're an hour late and they're just staying out there, talking!
Rachel: You know what, we just say that she said it was 5 o'clock. We'll just act casual. We're not late, we're right on time. (When she finishes talking, a note is pushed from under Monica's and Chandler's door, into the hall. Ross picks it up and reads it out loud)
Ross: Well, let's just go in there and face them.
Rachel: (angrily) GIVE ME THE BOOK! (she takes it and start reading) Pablo Diaz, Brady Smith, huh, "Guy-in-van"?
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Chandler: Yeah, and there's a bowl of cranberry sauce that... (speaking lower to Monica) what happens to cranberry sauce?
All: Alright, okay. (Phoebe reaches for the door, and tries to open it but it's locked)
Ross: (to Joey, who is wearing a blue, 3 foot hand) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE IT OFF!! (takes it off his hand and throws it on the floor)
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Joey: (holds his fist up) WATER BALLOON! (he stuffs the slice in is mouth and gives the foil back to Ross)
Monica: Hey, you touch that and you will be sorry.
(Rachel comes out of the apartment holding a pot. Joey holds in anticipation and Rachel opens it)
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Rachel: Oh, I know... I still have my old key! (She goes in to get it and comes back with her keys) We can just unlock the door.
Joey: (to Ross) Just get in there and make a face to face apology, you know? Look them in the eye. I know I can get them to forgive us.
Rachel: You know what? I don't want to be with them either, but it's Thanksgiving and we should not want to be together, together. (Goes to unlock the door)
Ross: (Staring back, and then breaks off) (To Phoebe and Rachel) Yeah, he can do it!
Mr. Zelner: Well, Id be forced to file a report. Id have to consult with the legal department, and your future at the company would be in jeopardy.
Rachel: (shakes her head) I guess... Oh, I just had such an idea of what this day would be like, you know? Emma laughing and everybody gathered around her cake singing "Happy Birthday". Then we would all go into... HEY GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU STUPID STUDENT DRIVER!!! (honks furiously, and Ross looks at her in disbelief and Rachel looks at him.) They have to learn!
(Monica and Chandler do not look amused by Joeys head in the door)
Joey: Come on you guys, we want you to know we're (His eye widen even more) very very sorry. (Monica and Chandler are now covering their eyes with their hands) (then to the others in the hall) Right guys?
Phoebe and Rachel: So, so sorry.
(Ross head appears above Joey's, Rachel's below Joey's and Phoebe's at the bottom)
Monica: (Gets up) Okay, okay. You two (to Phoebe and Rachel) go get the dessert. And I'll let you in.
(Monica takes it and reads the label)
Joey: (smiling) Now let's not ruin this day. You worked so hard. Let's move past this and try to have a nice meal all together, huh?
Monica: Yeah, I asked you and Phoebe to pick up the pies. You did remember, right?
Phoebe: Pies, oh, we thought you said priiiize (goes to the hall and comes back with Emma's trophy in her hand). Here! (gives it to Monica).
Monica: Oh my God! YOU FORGOT THE PIES? Well, I cannot believe this. You force me to make dinner, then you're an hour late and you forget the one little thing that I asked you to do.
Chandler: Well, you manheads aren't any better. You lied about going to the game. You knew it would make you late, and you still went anyway.
(Monica gasps and holds her forehead. Phoebe, Rachel and Ross pull back their heads)
Joey: Yeah! You, Chan, and the vein!
(And he starts licking the grease which trickles down his face. Monica also squirts some on the other side of his face, and his tongue follows her movements.)
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
(The phone rings in Chandler and Monica's apartment)