words in movies
Rachel: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a dream that, uh, you and I, were...
Chandler: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and i was somebody else's subconscious.
(Chandler, Monica and Phoebe looks at him)
Phoebe: No, nothing like that. I was just...such a dummie. I taught this "massage-yourself-at-home-workshop." And they are.
Chandler: A cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid.
Chandler: Whoa! And this manchild has no problem with how old you are?
[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are there when the phone starts ringing.]
Phoebe: Will he know what this is in reference to? (Listens) And he has your number? (Listens) All right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye bye.
Phoebe: Most likely. (raises and goes toward the door) Okay, I'm gonna be out there.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there. Monica is just finishing cleaning the windows.]
Monica: I don't know. Look he's a great guy and I love being with him but... you know. Things happen, and they happen. You don't plan these things.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Ross are there.]
(Phoebe and Chandler enter)
Chandler: See, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes. (Joey and Ross wonder what he means) Me.
Phoebe: Don't feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you're like "Mr. Boss Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss Man Bing".
(Joey and Ross laughs)
(Joey and Ross laughs)
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs)
Phoebe, Joey, and Ross: 'My scones.'
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs again)
(Joey and Chandler laughs)
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laugh)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Young Ethan are sitting in the couch.]
Young Ethan: Well, think about it. It's always on the news. 'A man is being held up, at gunpoint.' 'Tourists are being terrorised, at gunpoint.' And I just kept thinking: why does people continue to go there? (He checks his watch.) Oh, ah. I should go.
Monica: Listen, uh, you told me something that was really difficult for you. And I, I-I figured if you could be honest, then I can to.
Monica: Um, okay, here it goes. I'm not 22. I'm, I'm 25... and thirteen months.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone exept Monica is there.]
Joey: So, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler?
(Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each other then recoil in horror.)
Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe: Hey, Mon.
Chandler: And this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs a note to get out of gym.
(Ross and Chandler laughs)
Joey, Chander, and Ross: Sorry.
Phoebe: Ooh, oh, I've gotta go. (raises) Whoa, oh, head rush. One more, and then I have to go. (sits down, and then raises again) Cool!
[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are taking a break from work.]
Chandler: I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory.
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone exept Phoebe and Chandler is there. Ross's beeper goes off and everyone exept him react.]
Ross: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it.
Ross: Oh, well this morning he got a call from who I think was our cousin Nathan, and frankly, it was a little more than I needed to know.
Rachel: (understands that Monica and Ethan wanna be alone) Hey, did you guys check out those new hand-dryers in the bathroom?
(Rachel, Ross and Ross go to the bathroom)
Young Ethan: All right, look. I've gotta tell you something. I'm not 17. I only said so that you'd think I was cute and vunerable. I'm actually 30, I have a wife, I have a job, I'm your Congressman. Monica, this is ridiculous, we're great together. We can talk, we make each other laugh, and the sex. Oh, man, okay i have no frame of graft, but I thought that was great.
(Ross, Rachel and Joey come back from the bathroom. They discover that Monica and Ethan aren't finished talking to each other yet.)
[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees's conversation. One of them is doing Chandler.]
Chandler: You have to give 'em something, you know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and who's the guy with the moustache?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is watching TV, but turns it off, and Rachel is sleeping on the couch. Ross puts a blanket over her.]
(Ross gets all excited and starts to dance on the coffee table, but slips allmost immediatly, and falls onto the couch. Rachel wakes up.)
(Ross runs from the table, over the couch but slips and falls onto the floor)
(Rachel comes out from their apartment with a mirror and a lipstick in her hands)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Chandler is talking with his mom.]
Monica: This is so typical. Y'know, we give, and we give, and we give. And then- we just get nothing back! And then one day, y'know, it's just, you wake up, and "See you around!" Let's go, Phoebe.
Joey: I'm telling ya... (his eyes open wide and he looks like his eyes are about to pop out. He stares at Ross like this without blinking) I can do it.
Phoebe: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?
Mrs. Bing: Alright, well, be good, I love you. (Kisses him and goes to leave)
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's conversation through the door as Ross walks up.]
Joey: No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?"
Joey: Shh. He did it. He told her off, and not just about the kiss, about everything.
Joey: Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Wait, wait. They're walking away... they're walking away... No, no they're not, they're coming right at us! Run! Run!
Ross: 'Kay, wait a minute, are you sure she didn't say "When are you gonna grow up and realise I am your mom?"
Ross: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him.
(Ross knocks on Monica and Rachel's door)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is handing out copies of her book to the gang.]
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone in the kitchen.]
Rachel: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'.
(Camera moves to Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey sitting in living room)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
All: Oh, sure. Sure, absolutely. (They just stand there, then realise what he means and go to the other end of the room)
(They almost kiss and then Joey realises her kids are staring at them)
Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on table)
Chandler: Good save! We're back on track, and I'm... (grimacing) ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking.
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy!
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)
Ross: So is everybody here? I got here a little early myself. Let us begin. Now, the hydrosaurids have been unearthed in two main locations. (He moves to the map and we see why he made it to class on time, hes wearing in-line skates and hasnt taken them off.) Here. (Points to the map, somewhere in the Middle East, then spins on the skates and points to the map.) Here. (China.) Now as for the hydrosaurs
(Camera pans to Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe in the kitchen)
Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands...
Ross: Hey, when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis?
Carol: Totally and completely healthy!
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't...
Ross: Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door.
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Phoebe: (singing) New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy.... la la la, la la, la la... (she writes the lyrics down)
[Scene: The Hospital, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there, along with Aunt Lillian. Ross and Monica enter and everyone says hi and kisses.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler use their knees as a table to support the lasagna.]
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Chandler: It's just that we bought a hibachi together, and then he ran off and got married, and things got pretty ugly.
Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'
Monica: And Monica knows...
Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest)
...My mother's ashes Even her eyelashes Are resting in a little yellow jar, And sometimes when it's breezy...
Ross: Waitohheyhuh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!
Joey and Chandler: Hey Phoebe!
(Joey and Chandler come back)
Ross: Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived! (Ross takes the loosely tied tie off and hands it to Joey who puts it on.) Here.
Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until. (A flashback starts Paolo, lying on massage table, moving his hands up Phoebe's legs.)
Chandler: Fine. (Joey and Chandler walk towards the door)
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
[Scene: The Table Store, Joey and Chandler and looking for their new table.]
Chandler: See, I'm finding out all this stuff about you today, like you like the Law & Order and that you flirted with every guy in the Tri-State area!
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head)
Rachel: Oh man! This is so great! I actually feel like Im going on a real date! Although, I have a hint of morning sickness, and Im wearing underwear that goes up to about (She snaps the waistband on her underwear that is just slightly below her breasts) there.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel folding and packing clothes in suitcases as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
Joey and Chandler: Ooooohh!
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Rachel and Phoebe: I'm so sorry! No I'm sorry! No I'm sorry! No I'm sorry!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is recovering from the shock.]
Monica: Heads up Ross! (Monica scores on Chandler and Joey) Score! (points at Chandler) You suck!
(The camera pans back to reveal Joey and Chandler's new foosball table.)
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!
(Phoebe scoots her chair over to Rachel and hugs her)
Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as the foosball game continues.]
Ross: So, I just finished this fascinating book. By the year 2030, there'll be computers that can carry out the same amount of functions as an actual human brain. So theoretically you could download your thoughts and memories into this computer and-and-and live forever as a machine.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is throwing Paolo's clothes over the side.]
Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks away)
Ross: (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be me.
Ross: Ohhhh (Hugs her and sighs)
[Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Ross: and then, we couldve gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar!
Rachel: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one.
(Phoebe's and Rachel's lines overlap)
(Joey and Chandler run in)
Joey and Chandler: What is it?
Girls: Yes, you're having a boy! (Monica runs over and hugs Ross)
Joey and Chandler: We already knew that! (they hug)
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with her boyfriend Roger, talking to Rachel and Monica.]
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
Rachel: He's so cute! And he seems to like you so much.
Phoebe: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower.
Joey and Chandler: Shut-out!! (They both start heading for their rooms.)
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.]
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? (Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!
Mr. Tribbiani: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women.
Roger: (Intercom) And Rog.
Ross: Fine! Thank you for warning me. At breakfast Ill be on full alert for room painting and sex weapons.
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset)
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Monica: Y'know, all these years, I thought you were on my side. But maybe what you were doing was sucking up to Mom and Dad so they'd keep liking you better!
(He shuts the door and Ross and Monica fling cookies at it)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's dad is not around.]
Joey: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.
(Joey looks down and his look turns from shock to satisfaction.)
Phoebe: Probably? Yeah, I don't like that word. (Chandler and Monica look surprised) Kind of what probably really means. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, oh, "Your mom probably won't kill herself," yknow? I'm sorry, but I'm not hanging all my hopes of Rachel and I living together on-on "Probably!" Yknow? You gotta take care of yourselves! (She starts to walk out) In this world history teaches us nothing! (Exits)