words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the phone, Chandler and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Ross is in the kitchen as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: I had one.
Joey: Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did ah, you guys mean you plus one?
Joey: (to Chandler) And I ah, borrowed some of your cologne. I hope she likes it.
Chandler: Yeah, and I dont have any cologne.
(In horror, Joey wipes his neck and smells it.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is getting ready to go to Joeys premiere and Phoebe is still on hold.]
Monica: And! We also have speaker phone. (She turns on the speaker phone.)
Chandler: (entering, carrying the chick and duck) Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theatre?
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy who's played by Ben Stiller who will be in There's Something About Mary and Meet The Parents, as Ross and his date, Cailin, arrive.]
Rachel: How are you? (She goes to kiss him on the cheek, but stops because of the dates and pats him on the shoulder.)
(They all try and shake hands at once. They end up criss-crossing theyre arms to shake each others hand, and Ross says )
Ross: And! Break!!
Ross: Well y'know cause Rachel and I used to go out.
Ross: (looking at ticket) Yep! Yeah, see this says D-13, and uh
[cut to Joey, Rachel, and Tommy.]
[cut to Monica, Pete, and Cailin]
Pete: Well ah, the short version is, I ah pursued her for a couple of months, then I gave her a check for 20,000 dollars, and she was mine.
Monica: Yeah, and in the long version, I dump him for telling people the short version.
Estelle: How do you do. (to Rachel and Monica) Ooh, you two girls were outstanding! (to Joey) Did they have representation?
Estelle: Ooh, what a shame! Because with her face (points to Monica) and her chest (points to Rachel) I could really put something together.
Ross: Hi! Yeah! Tommys in line for the bathroom and someone just cut in front of him, I think hes gonna snap. (Hes watching very intently)
The Director: Kate Millers awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. (Kate walks away depressed.) Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is (stops, reads it again, and throws down the paper in disgust) Thank you, boys and girls, youve ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mothers crab cakes! (starts to leave) Excuse me!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are returning. Phoebe is still on hold.]
(Both Rachel and Monica walk into their bedrooms, stop, and come back into the living room with confused looks on their faces.)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, yeah. (to Monica) I put your stuff in her room, and her stuff in your room.
(They both look at each other, nod their heads All right and follow their stuff into their new rooms.)
The Director: (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
Joey: Uh, de-clawing cats. Hey, tell ya what. Let me walk you home. Well stop by every news stand and burn every copy of their Times and the Post.
[Scene: Kates Apartment, Joey and Kate are returning from a night out on the town.]
Joey: Oh, absolutely! Youre talented and youre good looking.
Kate: Oh, youre sweet and cute.
Kate: You know what I mean. I mean like the sweetest guy. Joey, youre just so, youre so, so (She passes out and slumps against his shoulder.)
Joey: (Checks to see if shes drooling on his shirt.) Okay. Okay, okay, hey. (Lays her down and covers her with a blanket.) There we go, lets get your feet up there. (Looks at her) Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. (Picks up a garbage can) Im gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe is STILL on hold.]
Phoebe: No, no, Im fine, and yknow why? Cause of all the riboflavin.
Joey: Oh, it was great! Yeah, I-I walked her home, and it was amazing how much we connected, y'know? Then ah, then she passed out, but then she woke up. Yeah? And we stayed up all night talking, and now were like totally crazy about each other!
Monica: When two people finally realise their feelings for each other, and-and they talk for hours, and they-they learn all about the other person!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch, Rachel is on the chair.]
(He turns and looks at her. The woman whispers something to Gunther; who comes back and takes the mug away from Chandler.)
Ross: No, its not just cause Im jealous. (Both Monica and Chandler give him a Come on look) I mean Im not, Im not, Im not jealous, okay? Its Look, the guy, he screamed, he actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats.
Chandler: Yeah, and at the end of the play, he, he got up y'know, and he just started like, (claps his hands) banging his hands together!
Ross: You dont want to believe me, Im Mr. Funny to you. Mr. Funny (turns around and almost spills his coffee on Tommy)
Joey: Sorry! Sorry, Im late; sorry, Im late! My duck and my chick and a fight, it-it was ugly.
Joey: Oh, ahh, go to the window. Im wanna run down to the truck and show you something.
Joey: (grabs the window from the outside and sticks his head in) (whispering) When is she leaving?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are in the kitchen, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Phoebe is, you guessed it, still on hold.]
(We see Tommy go into Joey and Chandlers apartment)
[cut to Chandler and Joeys apartment, Tommy is using the phone]
Tommy: (noticing the chick) Ooh, hey! Hey, there little fella. (picks up the chick) Mr. Fuzzy-Man, how are you doing? (starts to pet him) Aww. (The chick poops on his hand.) Eww! Oh! Eww! Gross! Idiot!! Stupid little, fuzzy, yellow creature!! Oh look at me, Im so cute, Im a little chick whos disgusting! God, youre so stupid, how are you not yet extinct!! (the duck wattles behind him and quacks) (to the duck) Quack-quack, quack-quack!! What are you quacking about?! Dumb Donald Doo-Doo!!
Tommy: Ooh, sorry little Mr. Chic-A-Dee, sorry you went doody in my hand! (starts to walk out and stops) (to Rachel) Well, I guess were not going out anymore. Whaa!!!
Joey: Yeah, I guess it is. (sees Kate is watching, he turns Lauren so that he can talk directly to Kate, but still look like he is talking to Lauren) Listen, I ah, I gotta say good bye, and-and I gotta say it quick cause this is killing me. One thing you gotta know, is that I will never forget you. But, youve got things you have to do now, and so do I. And so Im gonna get on this spaceship, (smoke starts pouring in from the ceiling, and a ladder comes down, with flashing, colored lights on the side of it) and Im gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, youll be long gone. But I wont have aged at all. (gets on the ladder) So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne, baby, Im gonna want to meet her.
(The ladder retracts, taking Joey up into the spaceship for his voyage to Blargon 7, and Kate waves good bye.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, except Joey, is there. Phoebe is, well you y'know.]
Chandler: And yet, shes still not hanging up the phone.
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey has won the part of dying man and is now able to play the role he was injured for. Chandler is helping to carry him in.]
Chandler: We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once.
Ross: Rach! Wait! The men's room is that way. (Points in the other direction. Rachel hits him with her purse and heads for the ladies room.)
Rachel: What are you talking about Pheebs? (Takes out her compact) I don't (She gasps when she looks in the mirror and sees her face.) (To Ross) Oh my God, you drew on me?!
Ross: Okay when you're playing a machine and it hasn't paid out, a lurker waits for you to give up and then
Joey: Who's your friend? He's hot! (Ross laughs and Rachel smacks him with her purse.)
Hitchhiker: All right, see ya Pheebs. (Gets out and Phoebe drives away.)
Rachel: No. Joey, she knows! We were at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment and we saw them doing it through the window. (Joey gasps) Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window.
[Scene: A blackjack table, it's the same one Joey's hand twin was working at, only he's not there anymore and has been replaced by a beautiful woman.]
(Rachel opens the trash chute, winces at the smell, and throws the garbage bag in. She then tries to throw the pizza box in, but since its so big she jams it into the opening and it prevents the door from closing. She then turns around too see Mr. Treeger watching her.)
Ross: Okay, there was some staring and pointing.
JOEY: Hey, look, I don't need you getting all judgemental and condescending and pedantic.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, its 0-Dark:30, in other words its really, really early. Everyones asleep, and all through the apartments not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. That is except for the chick, who turns out to be a rooster and is crowing in the sun. Needless to say, this awakens Monica and Rachel who rush into their living room, searching for the cause of the sound.]
Rachel: Nope! (She puts one in her mouth and spits it out, then does it again in another direction.)
Joey: Oh-oh-oh, yeah! (He grabs some towels and takes them to him.) That's right, you take good care of those babies!
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's room, Ross is drinking a beer while Rachel is examining herself in the mirror.]
Rachel: Hello! (She makes a face and the kid laughs harder. Finally, his parents drag him off.) Ohh, kids love me.
Chandler: You roll another hard eight and we get married here tonight.
Chandler: Okay, okay, I tell you what. You roll another hard eight; (pause) and we get married here tonight.
Joey: (exiting from Chandlers room with the new roommate) Everything on your application looks really goodOhh! Just one last question umm, are you and your friends gonna be over here all the time like partying and hanging out?
Joey: (stands up, and throws his coat on the floor) Im Joey! Im an actor! I dont know squat about dinosaurs!
Chandler: (spots one) Okay! That's a four! And where-where's the other one?
Ross: (on the phone) Yes, hello. I have a question. Umm, I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. (Listens) A beard and a moustache. (Listens and laughs) Thank you. (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) No, she didn't think so. (Listens) I know it's like (turns and sees Rachel staring at him and quickly changes the subject) anyway, umm well make-up didn't cover it and we've tried everything to get it off and nothing's worked. What-what do we do? (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Oh! Okay. (Listens) Okay, thank you! (Rachel gets excited at his tone.) (Hangs up the phone) Yeah, it's not coming off.
Rachel: Oh! Y'know what? You're right! We meet, you flirted and then bamn nine years later you had me!
(Cue up the music as they move in and kiss. This time I think it's Perry Como, but I'm not sure. It's Everybody loves somebody, sometime! Everybody falls in love somehow! Something in your kiss, just told me, my sometime, is now!)
Ross: Yeah? All right I'll call the airlines. (Picks up the phone and does so)
Phoebe: Yeah, from now on everyone you lurk, I'm gonna lurk first! You move on to someone else, I'm gonna be one step ahead of you, every single time! And then I'll be on your ass every hour of every day 'til Monday, because that's when I go home. When do you leave?
Ross: That must be our alcohol and beers! (Gets up to answer it.)
Ross: I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. (He starts to sit down on the bed. There's one problem though, he's about two feet to the left of it. Needless to say, he misses and falls on his butt.) (Looking up at Joey.) Whoa-oh-whoa! Are you, are you okay?
Joey: Yeah! I'm fine! Thanks! (He starts to leave, but gets an idea and stops.) Hey Rach, how you doin'?
Rachel: Ohh, I love Joey! Joey lives with a duck! (Goes and hugs Joey.)
[Scene: Phoebes apartment building, in desperation she has wrapped up the smoke detector in a blanket and is going to throw it into the trash chute.]
Ross and Rachel: (bowing) Hello!
Ross: Excuse me sir, you've got a little something right here. (He points to the corner of his mouth and they both laugh.)
CHANDLER: Wow, I don't know what to say. [opens the box and pulls out an incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, I don't know what to say.
[Scene: The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Monica: Okay, come on, I can't get married until I get something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.
Joey: They uh director. Uhh, her. (Points to an old woman standing behind him. Who glares at him and walks off.) All right, all right, it's not a gladiator movie. I work here.
Rachel: (reading a card) Okay, your band is playing at Arnolds, collect three cool points. Which means, I have five, and that means I get Joeys boxers!
(She does so and it makes her look pregnant.)
Chandler: Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! (Picks up a blue sweater.) Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new.
(Chandler goes to his bedroom and opens the door. However, only the top half opens, and he trips into his bedroom over the bottom half.)
Joey's Hand Twin: (To Joey) If you leave now, I will chop off my hand and give it too you!
(The security guard from before approaches and Phoebe tries to turn her back on him.)
[Scene: A Little White Chapel, Chandler and Monica are entering.]
Chandler and Monica: All right.
[Scene: The Wedding Chapel, continued from last season. Chandler and Monica are about to get married.]
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck.)
(Chandler and Monica are stunned again.)
(Phoebe and Joey run back out and head towards the street.)
Phoebe: (to her) Hey! Dont you give me any of yourHey! (Sees Chandler and Monica standing there.)
Monica: What? Wait! Why? (He turns and heads for the door and she chases after him.) Chandler! Chandler! Wait! Im sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me!
(Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!)
Ross: And we didnt have sex.
Ross: (getting up) Tell me about it. (He sits up on the edge of the bed and has "Just Married" written on his back.)
(Rachel agrees with him and starts to get out of bed.)
Chandler: So, has anyone talked to Dr. and Mrs. Geller yet?
Joey: Itll be great! We-we could talk, and play games! Huh? This could be our chance to like renew our friendship.
(Chandler and Monica enter.)
Chandler: Monica and I almost got married last night.
Joey: Oh, heres where I win all my money back! (Gets up and heads for the buffet table with Chandler in tow.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross enter in sweats carrying rackets.]
Joey: Oh my God! Thats huge! (Hugs him.) Wait a minute, why come I wasnt invited? And who was going to be your best man? Dont say, "Ross." Do not say, "Ross."
[Pan to Monica and Phoebe having the same conversation.]
Monica: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.
Joey: Girls say it to me all the time! And believe me, if shes anything like me, shes just gonna be relieved.
Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around.
(Ross and Rachel enter.)
(They both sit down and Rachel pours them both some coffee. Theyre acting like nothings happened and everyone is just staring at them.)
(They turn to look at each other and suddenly remember that they did in fact get married.)
Phoebe: Yes you do! This is your third divorce! You love divorce so much youre probably gonna marry it! Then it wont work out and youre gonna have to divorce it, divorcing guy. (Pause) Im so drunk.
[Scene: The casino floor, Chandler and Monica are walking through it.]
Chandler: Oh please, you are obsessed with babies and-and marriage and everything that's related to babies and-and marriage! I've got an idea, why don't we turn down the heat on this pressure cooker?!
Amanda: Well, it was 1992, and I remember because that was the year I had sex with Evil Knievel (She starts laughing very proudly).
Phoebe: Well, I said, I told him y'know, that I was the executor person of Francis' will and that I needed to talk to him so I'm gonna meet him at the coffee house later.
[Scene: Phoebes cab, Phoebe and Joey are driving back. Phoebe is driving while Joey is sleeping.]
Joey: (starts singing) I wanna rock and roll all night! (Falls asleep.)
Phoebe: Yeah! And until then you are going to sing to me because the radios broken and you are selfish but have a nice voice.
Joey: (to himself) Man, this is a long drive! Are my eyes open? No! (He opens his eyes and sees a hitchhiker.)
Rachel: And I will make everyone call me Mrs. Geller!
Rachel: Oh thanks, but listen, I was just at Monicas and she and Chandler had a big fight and theyre not moving in.
(Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!)
Ross: Okay, look, how is this gonna affect you? Really? I mean you fill some form out once and a while and instead of checking the box that says Ms you check the box that says Mrs.! Its right next to it!
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
Ross: And as my wife I think you should grant me this favor.
Chandler: Well, I told you not to walk. Here. (Picks her up.) There. Okay. (He opens the door, carries her across the threshold, stops, backs out, and lets go of Monica who is only holding on by his neck.)
Rachel: (takes off her robe) Oh! Look what happened! {Don't get your hopes up guys, we only get to see her from the back or from the neck up. Its times like these I wish that the networks would broadcast some nudity other than Denis Franz's butt.} (In her head.) Huh, check me out! I'm in my kitchen naked! I'm picking up an orange. (Does so) I'm naked! (Goes into the living room) Lighting the candles, naked, and carefully. (She backs anything that might have a point like a candle on her body away.)
Monica: Really! (They hug and kiss) All right? Let's forget about this going home stuff and celebrate our anniversary. (She picks up his suitcase.) Okay, this is empty.
[Time lapse, Phoebe is asleep, Joeys driving and having a hard time staying awake.]
(Ross turns and leaves.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
(Chandler dials his own phone and it rings.)
Frank: No, its okay. Were-were gonna have three kids! And thats-thats a different kind of dream. Three kids and no money.
Phoebe: Yknow what? Im not talking to you! You go back to sleep! (To the hitchhiker) And you, are you a rapist?!
Phoebe: And I have your name and the fact that youre a drifter, so the balls pretty much in your court.
Hitchhiker: This is where I get off. Well, I have your address and phone number.
Phoebe: You can still sleep at night and stuff.
Ross: Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So (Rachel stares at him.) Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it.