words in movies
This is a special out takes episode. The cast and Conan are sitting around the set of Central Perk, talking about the stuff weve never seen.
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
[Scene: Central Perk, the cast of Friends along with Conan OBrien are sitting and talking.]
Conan: Its a tradition here on Friends after every taping for me to hang out with you guys, (They all laugh) talk down the episode umm The point of this whole thing is what people see in America is: they see Friends, they love the show, it looks like a smooth running machine, but behind the scenes theres deceit, mistrust, and hate. And I thought, I thought wed actually take a look at uh, yknow some of these moments where you guys arethere are mistakes. You make mistakes.
Jennifer: Once and a while.
Conan: For example, I dont have to memorize lines. You guys actually have to remember what to say and you probably forget from time to time. Yes?
Matthew: Our energy just comes way up when theres an audience here and when that happens, something happens between your brain and your mouth sometimes and it just doesnt, it just doesnt work.
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there. I think its The One With The Joke.]
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is talking. It looks like when Rachel and Monica lived in this apartment.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Joey is talking to Monica and Chandler.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is speaking Italian to Joeys grandmother. Im spelling phonetically.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Courtney: Its amazing like all week long weve-weve been saying the same lines and then the audience is here and we will mess up, and if you mess up once, then youll get nervous because youllyou know youll probably mess up again.
The Director: Once again, and action!
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Phoebe are talking.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey is giving Chandler the bracelet from season 2.]
Joey: Hey and, this is a little extra something for yknow, always being there for me.
(Suddenly theres a noise off stage and the camera on Joey swings around.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are living here and Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle when Rachel opens the door causing the door knob to hit his hand.]
[When he hears Jennifer try to open the door he jumps back, and Jennifer is unable to open the door this time.]
Chandler: Hey Rach! (She breaks up and goes back into Monicas.)
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, with the giant entertainment center Joey is exiting from his room.]
Joey: Oh yeah? Then how come I keep(He notices that the marker board they use has been left on the entertainment center and holds up his discovery.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, first season, Monica is making a giant sub-sandwich and is talking to Rachel. I think its The One With Fake Monica.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, The One With George Stephanopoulos, Phoebe is showing Monica and Rachel that she brought Operation to their slumber party.]
Phoebe: Oh-ooh, and I brought Operation, but umm I lost the umm (It starts buzzing) Its making a noise.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
[Cut to Central Perk, to the theme from The Dick Van Dyke show Joey runs into Central Perk carrying a stack of Soap Opera Digests and falls on the step. He does bounce right back up making it all that much funnier.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Lisa: He fell down once! And we re-did it and we went back. And he(laughs)he was afraid he was gonna fall down
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Courtney: This particular time when he continued to fall or yknow, try not to fall, I was in the room with Matthew and Matthew was like, "Should I do it?"
(As shes saying that Joey is to pull out a chair and sit down, only Matthew comes running in from off camera and dives for the same chair.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan: Matthew, you have a reputation with the rest of the cast that sometimes you like to, you like to fool around a bit. I mean like if somethings naturally going wrong you like to get in there and juice it a little bit. True or false?
(Matthew runs in and starts patting the other breast, then walks away. Matt slowly stops patting her breast.)
(Suddenly the door flies open and in walks Chandler!!)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, The One Where The Monkey Gets Away, Rachel is watching a soap opera with Marcel.]
Rachel: Okay. Okay, see now the one with the feather boa? Thats Dr. Francis. She used to be a man. Oh look! There(Marcel (Katie) jumps away)Okay. (And runs behind her on the back of the couch for a little while.)
Jennifer: Katie. Geez! See Katie, come hereKatie! (Katie spills some popcorn.) Katie, come here Katie. (She obeys and sits where shes supposed to.) Very good.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, its actually Joey and Rachels. Phoebe is trying to convince Rachel to switch with her and live with Monica as Joey looks on.]
The Director: And action!
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan: And then it just builds on itself and theres no doing the scene after. I mean you probably wait and really get it together and do it.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Ross is eating breakfast with Joey and Monica. Joey is walking towards Ross.]
(Joey hugs Rosss neck and has a look of complete contentment on his face which, after a short while, causes David and Matt to start laughing.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Monica is throwing a party. Joey is talking to Ross about the bad audition he just had while pouring booze onto a snow cone.]
David: Now, we should go back and take the other line.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the brides maid test.]
Joey: Okay, the next situation is for Rachel. The wedding is about to start you walk into the back room and you find Monica taking a nap with Ross. (Ross lies on the floor.) Ill be Monica. Go! (He jumps down and cuddles up with Ross.)
(David and Matt just lose it then.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Courtney and Matthew are getting ready to do a scene where Monicas sick.]
[Conan and the cast in Central Perk.]
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
David: Where the story was that I was anticipating that I would be around to hear my sons first words spoken. But the scene was about that he wasnt supposed to be able to speak and, uh for some reason when we started doing the show
Ross: Its Ben and his Da-Da. Da-Da? Can you say Da-Da? Yknow, you might as well say it because I told your
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Matt: And then sometimes during the show yknow but youre like, the scenes going one way but youre just tempted to say something another time. Like, do you remember that one where Monicas baking cookies in our old apartment?
Matt: Yeah, shes trying to waft the smell across the hall to get us to come hang out in her new place, and were sitting there eating pizza and I think it was you (Points to Lisa) that said
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, the scene described above.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Matt: I think I was supposed to say, "I dont know," and go over and open the door. And I went
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, same scene.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Matt: (everyone laughs) And then it was like four takes later before we could get through it with a straight face.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, same scene.]
Joey: I dont know, but it smells good. (He gets up and heads for the door only to stop short and start laughing.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan: But audiencesYou have a live studio audience and they must love that. They must love it when they see you guys playing.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Ross is living with Chandler and Joey. Joey and Ross have built a fort out of boxes, Chandler enters and they stand up slowly.]
(Ross and Joey both reach down and pull up their pants.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
[Cut to Monica and Ross leaving Joey and Chandlers hotel room in London. As they exit Joey and Chandler enter from the bathroom with both of their pants down around their ankles.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan: (to Courtney) You-youve worn a fat suit on the show. And, a lot of people love you in the fat suit. Do you like wearing the fat suit? Is it fun?
[Cut to Central Perk, Fat Monica and Rachel are on the couch.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Courtney is dancing in the fat suit and after shaking her groove thing sits down in exhaustion.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan: I-I heard some of you guys talking about this earlier, but sometimes theres just a word that someone has to say that youll get hung up on. And itll justthe way you say the word is funny to everybody else.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, is the one where Rachel screwed up the desert and Ross and Joey are trying to enjoy it.]
(David puts his napkin up to his mouth and starts laughing at his own line. Matt notices him after a while and starts laughing as well.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Matt: Sometimes the dialogue itself is just so funny and youllwell be rehearsing during the week and you justwhatever-whatever the joke is; its so funny we cant get through it in rehearsal and just
Matt: You-you mentally make a flag on it and you say, "Okay show night, Im justIll never be able to get through this."
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Sick Monica is trying to entice Chandler to have sex with her.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, its the one with the fake chocolate. Monica has baked some cookies and Phoebe is trying them.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, the gang is watching Joeys debut on Days.]
Joey: Oh yeah, and shes really nice too! She taught me about yknow, how to work with the cameras and smell-the-fart acting.
(Matt turns back and looks and them, but instead of his next line he starts laughing.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
David: Yeah, Rachel, Chandler, and Ross had to try to get a couch up a staira very narrow New York stairwell and that was probably I-I think it was the hardest Ive-Ive laughed in my life period.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is cleaning the apartment for Monica and is frustrated with things not lining up.]
Chandler: Monicas gotta have the phone in the right place and(Frantic babbling.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
David: We enjoy watching each other. And I settle for watching each others performance, and we like each other.
Ross: Oh the bands ready! And wellI-Iwe gotta do what the band says, right? I dont care about the stinkin band!!
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
[Cut to Monicas work kitchen, shes on fire again and Joey is putting her out.]
Matt: Ill do it again and again if you want.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, the bad desert Ross is quickly eating the mound on his plate.]
Ross: No-no! Ill-Ill (He takes too much and some falls out of his mouth, which starts him laughing.)
(Matt grabs his plate and takes some of whats on Rosss plate.)
[We close with a bunch of scenes where they screw up and make weird noises. It finishes with.]
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) Thats why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!
[Scene: Tattoo parlor. Phoebe and Rachel are deciding on tattoos.]
(Suddenly, a strange and familiar voice comes out of the tape player. Heres a hint, OH MY GAWD!! Thats right, its Janice!)
The Instructor: Okay ladies, that ends todays class, and lets remember, lets be safe out there.
Phoebe: Monica and Chandler said that you were having so much fun here. And apparently no amount of drums or tarantulas is gonna change that.
(The women all clap and start to leave as Ross comes up to the instructor. Apparently he was hiding in the back.)
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is trying to explain himself to Monica.]
Rachel: EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! My God!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!! (She runs over to him and finds that it was a dummy and that she had been had.)
Monica: (pointing to the kitchen) Yeah you will! (Points to the bedroom) And, are you kiddin me?!
Monica: I am!! (Enter her room and closes the door behind her.)
Chandler: And I will cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and do anything in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting up by the window because two guys have their couch.]
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk, Ross is walking up and sees two women that look like Phoebe and Rachel from behind.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are there as Ross enters.]
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are eating breakfast as Joey enters.]
Ross: Its a girl! Anyway, it wouit wouldnt matter. Okay? Because Im a teacher and shes a student.
Ross: I know when Im 90 shell be like 80 and it wont seem like such a big difference.
Phoebe Sr.: Well, Im so sorry. I thought I was leaving you with the best parents in the world, I didnt even hear about your Mom and Dad til a couple of years ago, and by then you were already grown up. I dont know, youre here, and I would, I would really, I would like to get to know you.
Monica: No-no, its not okay! Its not! I mean you were just Youre so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Yknow Im just gonnaI, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and I am going to do anything you want in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
[Scene: That same plane cabin, Ross is working on a crossword puzzle and Rachel is asleep against his shoulder. She shifts a little bit and Ross suddenly gets an idea. An evil idea when he looks at his pen. Then we have a little time lapse, the plane has landed and everyone is disembarking. The flight attendant is saying bye-bye to everyone.]
Joey: Oh, cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, theres your admirer. (Ross is stunned.)
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, everyone minus Ross are arriving to inspect the damage. The fire department is still there.]
Monica: Yeah baby! (Phoebe and Joey nod.)
(Phoebe and Rachel return)
Monica: This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room.
Phoebe: Im really glad you guys are okay but, I just keep thinking what would happen if-if you two (Points to Monica and Joey) actually had hooked up.
(Chandler leaves dejectedly. When the door closes Rachel and Phoebe jump out from behind the curtains and scream )
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is on the phone as Joey enters.]
Ross: Oh thank you. Thanks very much. (Leans up against the board and on a thumbtack.) Ow! (He pulls away.)
Joey: Chandler, is that (Mimes someone using a movie camera and Chandler nods yes.)
Chandler: (on phone) Hi! Im back. (Goes to hang up the phone.) Yeah, that sounds great. (Listens) Okay. Well, well do it then. (Listens) Okay, bye-bye. (He hangs up the phone and turns around to see Joey standing close to him and screams.)
Chandler: (To Joey) We didnt get to the audition. Im gonna take her to coffee and then well do it then.
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)
[Monica takes a bigger spoonful and a pea falls off]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is about to debut Hotel Monica (formerly known as Rachels Room) to Phoebe and Rachel.]
Joey: This right here is where I keep the pizza. (He points to the chair.) And uh thats where the napkin is. (Points to the floor next to the chair.)
Monica: So Rach! Youre the first guest at Hotel Monica! Umm, youll just have to tell me how you like your eggs in the morning. And I thought I would bring them to you, yknow, in bed. Oh, you have been through so much.
Dedicated to the great work of Eric Aasen, Guineapig and many, many more.
Ross: Listen, I gotta tell ya, I-Im having a great time! Yknow how before you said it might be weird, the whole student teacher thing, and to be frank I thought it would be too, but its not. I mean its not at all.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are cleaning up the mess.]
Joey: This is where I keep the pizza. (Its the same location as before.) AndHey! Where did the napkin go?! (The napkin is not in its spot.)
Chandler: A hot girls at stake and all of the sudden hes Rain Man.
(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is reading and Monica runs over and turns on the lamp behind Phoebe.]
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Ross is telling Monica and Joey about his date with Elizabeth.]
Monica: Yep! And lots of it!
(She grabs his arm and drags him over to a table where three beautiful women are sitting. Now, Im going to go out on a limb and say that their names are Stephanie, Karin, and Meg. Okay, so I looked at the credits. Of course, only Meg is named later on, so Ill have to guess who is Stephanie and who is Karin. But, well cross that bridge when we come to it.)
Chandler: You dont, like go into the back of my closet, and look under my gym bag or anything?
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
Rachel: No, its not gonna be okay Ross, tomorrow is my last day, and I dont have a lead. Okay, y'know what, Im just gonna, Im just gonna call Gunther and Im gonna tell him, Im not quitting.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]
Chandler: Well, the heart wants what it wants. Ill see you later. (He runs off and leaves her with the bill, which the waiter promptly delivers.)
(Monica leaves and Phoebe closes the door behind her and tries to lock it.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Elizabeth are deciding what to do on their second date.]
Ross: Yknow I remember when uh, when I was in college, we used to (He sees some of his colleagues enter and puts his head on her lap.)
Joey: All right, dont waste it, I mean its still food. (He picks it up and eats it.)
(At this point a stream of obscenities burst forth from Phoebes mouth just in time for Ben and Ross to enter and hear most of it, and in slow motion Ross tries to shield his innocent son from Phoebes vulgarity.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are throwing huge spitballs at the entertainment center.]
Ross: Thats right Lydia, Elizabeth here is a student and uh, were dating. And you may frown upon that, but were not gonna hide it anymore.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters to find Chandler staring at another cheesecake box.]
Phoebe: Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think Im partly at fault. You see, I didnt, I didnt tell you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so yknow lets just face it, thats just kindling! So I think its better that I stay at Joeys.
Rachel: No, no-no-no. Phoebe, this was my fault and besides yknow what? Im fine here.
Fat Joey: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! (Groans and picks up a piece of food.) How you doin?
Phoebe: God, what a mess. (She grabs the bowl and heads for Monicas.)
Joey: Yeah! Well, now that you brought it up, our fridge is broken. We have to get a new one. Now, I checked around and your half is $400. Thanks a lot.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Anyway, theres this big charity ball this weekend and Ralph Lauren bought a table, so I kinda have to go
(Ross and Elizabeth enter.)
Chandler: So, why is she leaving? Is it a school night and she has a lot of homework to do?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the table and Monica is doing something in the kitchen.]
[Scene: Joey and now Rachel's apartment, Joey has the fridge pulled out away from the wall and is in the process of pulling off the cooling grate behind it.]
Monica: Well, uh yknow, our guy works with Chandler and hes really nice and smart and hes a great dresser!
CHANDLER: Well, ye, yes, actually, but, uh, they were my Aunt Edna's, and there were three of us in there.
(They go inside and Ross closes the door. When he turns around Elizabeth walks up to him, pushes him back against the door, and starts kissing him.)
Chandler: (not quite sure where Joeys going and is a little worried) Okay
Ross: Hmm? (Turns around and sees that its Elizabeth) Oh, a student I dont know.
Ross: (quickly jumping away from Elizabeth) Yes, professor Feesen-sen-stenlger Ill be with you in one moment. (To Elizabeth) So, I will take one box of the Thin Mints. (And he ushers Elizabeth out of the office.)
Elizabeth: Yeah, we have time off and a lot of people are going on trips
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Ross, Chandler, and Joey are entering.]
Joey: Oh-ho-ho, you think I dont know what breaks my fridge? Excuse me! (He opens the door and feels inside.) Well what do you know! Broken! Thatll be $400!
Phoebe: My guy is a lawyer who has volunteer work. And, he has one of these (She squeezes the skin on her chin together to form )
Ross: No, no, it's okay. Really. They're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Monica: And slept with the professor.
(Ross leaves to do so and Rachel enters with a guy.)
Monica: Yes! We found you a really cute and funny guy from Chandlers work!
Rachel: I cannot believe you guys! He was really nice and he left because of you!
[Phoebe and Ryan walk outside.]
(When Rachel starts to look under the bed if Joey would fit under there, Chandler opens the door inbetween the rooms, grabs Joey by his shirt and drags him to his room, and closes the door again)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there. Monica is holding a piece of paper.]
Monica: All right guys stop it. Rachel, were very sorry that is a very insensitive thing for us to do. And yknow what? Let us make it up to you, we have two really great guys for you.
Big Nosed Rachel: Not for me. Chip and I broke up!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is reading as Monica and Chandler enter.]
Chandler: There you go! There you are! (Rachel stares at Monica and Chandler)
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
Rachel: IOhh! (Moves over and lets Eldad sit on the couch.)