words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, there is lumber all over the apartment]
(Chandler goes to his bedroom and opens the door. However, only the top half opens, and he trips into his bedroom over the bottom half.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Phoebe is pacing back and forth waiting for someone.]
Rachel: Well, actually Gunther sent me. Youre not allowed to have cups out here, its a thing. (takes her cup and goes back inside)
Chandler: Well, we have a deal, where we each get to pick five celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one cant get mad.
Ross: Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship. Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.
Chandler: Ah, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and ah, Jessica Rabbit.
Rachel: Now, you do realize that shes a cartoon, and way out of your league?
Rachel: Oh, I dont know, I guess, Chris ODonnel, John F. Kennedy, Jr., Daniel Day Lewis, Sting, and Parker Stevenson.
Phoebe: And this is Rachel.
Phoebe: Oh yeah! Yeah, no, were gonna connect, y'know bond, and everything.
Frank: Yeah, I was thinking that maybe we could go down to Time Square and pick up some ninja stars. And, oh, um, my friend Larry, he wants me to take a picture of a hooker.
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, Joey is drilling a hole in the wall and the drill comes out the other side really close to Chandlers head. Chandler then rushes out to talk to Joey.]
Chandler: Fine! (goes into his room and slams the door, then he slams the bottom half of the door.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Joey is entering]
Joey: Nothing. Its just old and dingy, thats all.
Joey: Relax. Here hold this (hands her his beer). This old stuff just comes right off. (he bends down to try and lift some tile right in the middle of the floor, in his tight pants.)
(Joey places the toliet brush and holder over the hole, which is in the middle of the floor.)
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank and her, are sitting on the counh, watching TV]
Phoebe: Yeah I know what I wanted to ask you. Um, can you roll your tongue? Because I can, and my Mom couldnt, and I thought y'know, I figured that was something I got from our Dad.
Phoebe: Oh right, yeah okay, my Mom could, and I cant. We dont have that....
Ross: And!! Isabella Rosselini.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is eating breakfast with Monica while Frank is playing with num-chucks on the balcony]
Phoebe: So far, it kinda blows. I dont know, I just thought y'know that hed feel more like a brother y'know, like you and Ross, just like close and connected and....
Monica: Oh honey, were close now but you-you wouldnt believe the years of-of nugies, and wedgies, and flying wedgies, and atomic wedgies, and....(Phoebe shakes her head like she doesnt understand) Thats where the waistband actually goes over your head.
Chandler: Oh, just this! (turns around and has a paint lid stuck to the back of his pants.) Yknow what its my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish.
[Scene: Phoebes, Phoebe and Frank are watching TV.]
Phoebe: Yeah. (phone rings and Phoebe answers it) Hello. (listens) Oh my God, I totally forgot! (listens) Well cant someone else do it. (listens) But, I have company. (listens) Yeah, no look, thats all right Ill come in. (hangs up phone) Um, Frank, Im really sorry but I have to go to work. Its-its one of my regulars and hes insisting that I do um.
Phoebe: Oh! Im a masseuse. I give people massages and stuff.
Frank: Yeah! Hey, do Monica and Rachel work there?
[Scene: Monica and Rachels bathroom, Joey and Monica are admiring the new floor.]
Monica: And who laminated it?
Rachel: All right let me see. (grabs the card) Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurely, Michelle Pfieffer, and Dorothy Hammel?
Phoebe and Girl: Ewww!!!
Jasmine: Fine. (starts to leave, and points at Frank) I dont like you!! (leaves)
Phoebe: (turns around and hits Frank) So thats what you thought I did!! God! Thats not what I do!
Frank: Oh, wait, no your right, no it was perfect and I cant believe that I screwed it up so bad.
Frank: Well y'know about the tongue thing, y'know, and how I told you about my likes and my dislikes...
Frank: How-how I like to melt stuff, and how I dislike stuff that doesnt melt.
Frank: Then I go feel your friend up and make you mad at me.
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, everyone is there, helping to lift the entertainment center into place]
Chandler: Yeah, y'know what I got a better idea. How-how bout it blocks none of mine door and a lot of yours? (throws his shoulder into the center to try and move it, but it doesnt move.)
Rachel: Okay sir, um-mm, let see if I got this right. Ah, so this is a half-caf, double tall, easy hazel nut, non-fat, no foam, with whip, extra hot latte, right? (the guy nods) Okay, great. (she starts to walk away and under her breath) You freak.
(Ross recognises her and goes over to the couch, mouthing Oh my God
Isabella: ...because I have a list of five goofy coffee house guys and yesterday I bumped you for that guy over there. (points at a guy and leaves)
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, they are admiring the entertainment center]
(Joey successfully enters the entertainment center, and Chandler closes the door on Joey.)
Chandler: Yeah, you got me. (picks up a 2x4 and puts it through the handles so that the doors wont open) Im out five big ones! (puts the money in the crack between the door and frame) Here you go.
Joey: Thank you. Cha-ching! (Chandler starts to leave) Oh, well hello Mr. Lincoln. Better luck next time buddy. (Chandler leaves and closes the door) And the drinks are on me!
ROSS: I'm sorry, my pie was, was in your hood. Now I just have to get the coffee out of that guy's pants and I'll be back in the hospital by 7. [swats at an imaginary insect by his head, guy leaves promptly]
Mr. Geller: Well, the garage flooded sweetie and it ruined everything in your boxes. Im sorry.
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Screw it! Im having one. (Takes out and lights a cigarette.)
Monica: (holding up a small cowboy hat) This isnt mine. (Sets it down and looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isnt, this isnt my stuff! Ugh, Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is writing a letter by the bay window as Rachel enters.]
Ross: Pheebs, youre talking about putting your body through an awful lot, I mean morning sickness, uhh, labour, and its all for somebody else!
Chandler: Im gettin my chair back! (Heads for Joey and Rachels.)
Chandler: Well, what did you think, that-that elves came in and fixed it?
(They enter Joey and Rachels to find that Joey has broken Chandlers chair.)
Rachel: Okay, um, I...(Phoebe walks into her room.) All right Phoebe look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. OK? I handled the situation horribly and I should not have lied to you.
Joey: Well, it looks like it wasnt heeled after all! Yeah! So, I guess this chair is mine now! (Sits down in it and groans.)
Chandler: So Joey breaks my chair and I get nothing!
Chandler: Because you (Points to Joey) broke a chair and you (Points to Rachel) broke a chair! The only one around here that hasnt broke a chair, is me!
Monica: Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I cant believe I even fit into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)
Phoebe: No! Think about it okay? This isnt even my regular job! Okay? And my first day on the job, youre my first call! And-and somebody else mightve hung up on you, but I wouldnt do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself.
Phoebe: Well, yknow Im wearing layers and its warm.
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, David has a cab waiting to take him to the airport and hes saying goodbye to Phoebe.]
(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Rosss sweater to clean them.)
Mr. Geller: Ive been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mothers right, I do look like an ass.
Monica: Okay! You get the vacuum cleaner and Ill get the furniture polish!
(Rachel glares at them and goes back into her room, closing her door.)
Monica: Are you kidding?! I get a Porsche and the barca loungers gone?! This is the best day ever! (Runs out.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are entering. As Phoebe is sitting down, she recognizes someone sitting at the counter.]
Rachel: Well, can I keep the presents and still be 29?
Chandler: No, I mean, come on, seriously think about it, we get married, were up at the altar and Im like this. (Makes a bored face.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, breakfast is finished but Rachels still down.]
Joey: (screaming) And now Chandler! Were all gettin so old! (Looking up) Why are you doing this to us?! (Turns away crying.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
(They all run over to Joey and Ross, Chandler grabs the movie and reads the title.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is pouring Rachel some coffee.]
(Joey walks away and Mr. and Mrs. Geller walk up. Mr. Geller is wearing this ancient velvet tuxedo.)
[Flashback to Monica and Chandlers apartment. Chandler has a bunch of people over in formal wear to give Monica a surprise birthday party. Joey is coming out of the bathroom and removing his tie.]
Phoebe: But ifno look, okay. These jerks might not care about you, but the universe does! And that says a lot!
(He goes out into the hall and finds a very drunk Monica lying up against Joey and Rachels door.)
Chandler: Okay, heres the thing. Were gonna get you some coffee and they will never know that youre drunk.
Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and Im not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
(Chandler opens the door and Monica sneaks up on it. They go inside.)
(Monica screams and they all stare at her.)
Ross: Well yeah! Someone sent us a basket at work once and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day.
Phoebe: Wow, that sounds great! And what are you making Monica, in case Rachels dessert is...[about to say bad] so good that I eat all of it. Theres none left for anybody else!
Phoebe: Wait! (Knocks on the door and Ursula opens it.)
Ross: Well yes, yes I have. In fact umm, just the other day Kristen and I were talking about how Ive been married and how I have a son.
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes taking the hippity-hop to Ursulas apartment as a gift. She knocks on the door and Ursula answers it.]
Chandler: See? (Does his laugh.) Here we go. (Starts walking her to their room, and has to pass in front of Mr. Geller whos sitting at the table and Mrs. Geller whos standing next to him.)
Phoebe: (sips it) Its so good. (Monica and Rachel breath a sigh of relief.) Oh, thanks.
Phoebe: Ohh! All right! All right. Heres what well do, Ill get twice as drunk as Monica and then no ones will even notice her.
Rachel: (she hurries after him) Wait, we still have time to talk and theyre-they're not even in the car yet! (She takes a quick look down the street.) Oh look, there they go, okay. (She hurries in, too)
Ross: What? (Glances over and sees the faces of the rest of the group, then goes and sits down.)
Rachel: No I know, because to be a grandmother you have to be married and have children and I dont have any of those things. Thats why its so funny. (Runs into her room crying.)
Phoebe: Oh let me guess, and you wanna have them all at the same time and you wanna have them for your brother.
Monica: Really! That long?! (Chandler slowly turns and looks at her.) (To Chandler) Look all you want, its happening!
Rachel: No, so I dont have to get married until Im 33! Thats three years, thats three whole yearsOh, wait a minute though. Ill need a year and a half to plan the wedding, and Id like to know the guy for a year, year and a half before we get engaged Which means I need to meet the guy by the time Im thirty.
(We hear Tag scream out in the hallway and jump into view of the open door on the scooter. He gives a hearty thumbs up to the group and rides off, with Joey following breathlessly behind.)
[Scene: Monicas birthday, Monica is now dressed and is being helped out by Chandler and Rachel.]
Ross: Okay lets put aside that you (Makes quote marks with his fingers.) "accidentally" picked up my grandmothers ring and you (Does it again) "accidentally" proposed to Rachel.
Chandler: (To Monica) Now all you have to do is just get through a little bit more, okay? Then we can put you in bed, okay? Just smile and dont talk to anyone.
Ross: Okay, Phoebe just-just get-get on the bike andHey! Ill hold you up and-and push you. Okay?
Monica: I-I-I wanna thank you all for coming. My family and my friends
Monica: Phoebe, yknow why dont we just go upstairs and have some birthday cake?
Ross: Yes. And another time after that. Boy Im getting hungry! Hey Joey, have you ever been so hungry on a date that when a girl goes to the bathroom you eat some of her food?
Joey: Hey, yknow what you guys? I think Im gonna go walk her home. (Gets up and runs out.)
(She crosses the line and they all cheer again.)
Joey: Pheebs! Wait up! (She stops.) Listen uh, close your eyes. (She does so and Joey passionately kisses her.) Maybe thats one thing you can cross off your list.
[Flashback to Joeys thirtieth birthday party. It is being held in Monica and Chandlers apartment.]
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
[Scene: Rosss birthday, his car is still trapped in its spot. Now Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are at the front of the car with Monica, Rachel, and Chandler at the rear of the car.]
[Scene: Rachels birthday, she is coming into the hallway where Joey and Tag are playing with the scooter.]
(They go around the last row of bookshelves and find a couple doing what college coeds do in secluded corners of university libraries. For those of you who dont know what Im talking about, lets just say that clothing is undone. Ross gasps and the couple gets up and runs away.)
Rachel: Ohh Tag, umm youre such a great guy and we have sooo much fun together but I dont-I dont
Rachel: Oh-oh, Pottery Barn! (Grabs the aforementioned catalog and holds the rest back out to Chandler.) You can throw the rest away.
Rachel: Well said. And a uh good example of the fun I was referring to uhh, but I just think Im past the point where I think I can yknow, just have fun.
(Chandler runs around behind Ross, who pitches him the ball. Chandler runs upfield, and Joey knocks the ball out of his hands.)
[Scene: Rosss birthday, night has fallen and Joey and Ross are walking by where his car is parked to find that both cars blocking him in have left.]
(Just as they are about to pull away, a big, fat, bald guy pulls up in the exact same car as Ross and stops next to him.)
(Ross shuts it off and they get out.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are sitting around the table.]
Rachel: Phoebe! You picked Joey and Ross?! You can not have two backups!
Joey: Well, I think its ridiculous that you havent had sex in three and a half months.
Rachel: Okay, come onJoey, Ill buy you a new one! All right? Well go down to the store right now and well-well get you a new chair.
Rachel and Monica: Noo!!
Joey: Oh, tell me about it. And shes been on the show forever, its gonna be really hard to fill her shoes.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch in Central Perk]
(Rachel looks bored. At this point, Rossa figment of Rachel's imagination shows up on the balcony and starts talking to her.)
Rachel: Oh, well, we can hand it to Gunther and he'll put it in lost and found.
Joey: So I just talked to one of the DOOL writers today, and
Rachel: All right, straight, and not subtle. (The man gets up and leaves.)
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, Im calling on behalf of Monica Gellers eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) Hes out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there as Monica enters with the local paper that has the engagement picture in it.]
(She holds the phone out and starts taunting Phoebe. Phoebe calming knocks the phone out of Rachels hand and catches it.)
Dina: Im going to keep dating him Mother, and theres nothing you can do about it!
Joey: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin?"
Rachel: Yeah! (Breaking up) And until now, I didnt think Id love again.
Jessica Lockhart: (gasps) That was an accident! And so were you.
Cecilia: Im supposed to meet and hug a fan whose dying, but thats not supposed to be until (to no one in particular) later!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are still arguing over the phone.]
Joey and Ross: No. No.
Cecilia: And if it were true, how dare you come to me ask me for tips about a character that Ive been playing for 20 yearsIll give you a tip! (She throws her drink in his face.)
Rachel: No Phoebe! You cannot get the phone that way; thats not fair! Okay look, I have an idea. Why dont we, why dont we see what kind of number he has on his speed dial, and then from that we can tell who has more in common with him. And then whoever does gets the phone.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier. They both get up and move to the window.]
Chandler: Yknow that thing that Ross was gonna do at our wedding?! He was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and said, "Youre half Scottish right?"