words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Joey is looking at a National Geographic and giggling.]
(Ross enters and his hair is a mess.)
Ross: Well, when you're subletting an apartment from your wife's cousin and then you get a divorce, sometimes the cousin suddenly wants his apartment back.
Larry: (entering) A 98. I deducted 2 points because you are not wearing your chef's hat, and that is a Section 5 violation.
Monica: Uh, look, Larry honey, umm, I wrote the book on Section 5 and I know that you don't have to wear your hat unless you're in the kitchen.
Larry: And where is your hat?
(She heads for the kitchen door and just after she goes through the door )
Phoebe: Hey, you should really read that book you wrote. (To Larry) Wow! You saw the hat in the kitchen and knew that she'd have to go in there hatless to get it. You can have your own health inspector detective show!
Larry: Maybe uh, Vunda could give me her number and I can ask her to dinner sometime.
(Larry goes to leave but heads the wrong way and makes a quick sidestep to go out the right door.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is serving Monica and Rachel.]
Rachel: Oh, honey, please, no, I can't get started with all that Ross stuff again. I mean, he's gonna screwed up for a looong time. And besides y'know, I don't, I don't go for guys right after they get divorced.
Rachel: I don't know! He hasn't called me since that one time when we went out. I see him in the hallway, we flirt, I'm all ha-ha-ha-ha, and nothing.
Monica: And you're not gonna do that.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, they're entering to find boxes strewn about the apartment.]
Joey: Not a problem. And listen, hey! Since you're gonna be here for a while, why don'tI was thinking we uh, put your name on the answering machine.
Ross: Oh, I uh, hope you don't mind, I kinda uh, jazzed it up a little. Check this out. (He plays the greeting, and We Will Rock You starts to play and Ross's voice comes over it.) We will, we will, call you back!
[Scene: A restaurant, Phoebe and Larry are having dinner.]
(He looks around and flashes her his badge and she laughs.)
Larry: Oh, will you mind if I wash up? Because I came straight from work and who knows where these babies (Holds up his hands) have been.
(He goes to the bathroom and Phoebe puts some pepper and salt on her food. With the salt she takes a bit and throws it over her left shoulder as she faces us.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is entering. As he closes the door, Joey pokes his head up from a box enclosure built using the 2 chairs.]
Joey: Dude, you should've gone out once and a while.
Joey: Come on, Chandler, Ross is our friend. He needs us right now, so why don't you be a grown up and come and watch some TV in the fort!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is opening the door.]
Monica: What one? You wanted him to invite you to the party and he did it!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Ross is working on his computer and Joey is making a lot of noise.]
(Joey starts playing with a toy alligator and has it attack him.)
(Notices Ross looking at him and stops. Ross gives him his 'quiet down' maneuver. Okay, this may take a while to explain, so center this on you screen and place your hands about a foot apart with your fingers together and pointing straight up. Now take you fingers and point them at the other hand and making a 90-degree angle with each of your hands and the first knuckle counting up from the wrist. Now take your right hand, no your other right (that was for the dyslexics), and lower it a couple of inches, so that the fingers are pointing at your wrist. Now take your arms and keeping the elbows bent and your hands in front of you spread out your arms, kinda like making a bird's wing. Now hunch your shoulders over and move you hands up and down as if you are trying to tell some one to turn it down. That's Ross 'quiet down' maneuver. Well, there is an accompanying face, but I don't want to try and describe it as well.)
Joey: All right, I have one question. What is the deal with this? (Imitates Ross's 'quiet down' maneuver, but does move his hands up and down he just flaps his hands as if he's waving good-bye.)
Ross: (entering) Uh fellas, (Does the maneuver and gives them a double thumbs up, which Chandler returns as he closes the door.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.]
Joey: You guys got anything to eat? I just went down to Johnos for some chicken and it was closed!
(There's a knock on the door and Monica answers it.)
(She opens the door and Rachel hides behind it.)
(He leaves and she closes the door.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are there. Chandler and Joey are looking through the paper.]
Joey: Oh that's mine too! (Grabs it and Ross looks at him.) I'm Italian!
Ross: (To Joey) So, you-you think I should go ahead and take this place?
Ross: All right, I see what you guys are saying. I'll uh, I'll go downstairs and fill out an application.
(Just as they're about to leave, Gunther comes out of the back carrying two garbage bags. Larry sees this and stops him.)
Phoebe: Okay, stop! Larry, okay, can't you just be Larry and not Larry the health inspector guy? Y'know I mean it was really exciting at first but now it's like, okay, so where are we gonna eat ever?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are lamenting about how they kicked Ross out.]
(The phone rings and Joey answers it.)
(The apartment manager hung up on him and he hangs up the phone and throws in on the chair. Joey motions, "What the hell was that?" Chandler makes a face to say, "Think about it." Joey tries to divide 136 by 13; he's confused. Suddenly, light dawns on yonder dunder head. He gets it.)
[Scene: Downstairs at Danny's party, Monica and Rachel are coming down the stairs and Rachel has on a coat to make it look as if she's just getting back. But just as they reach the landing they see Danny out in the hall talking to a guest, Rachel then quickly pulls Monica back up the stairs.]
Monica: Just go over and say hi.
Rachel: No, I have to go downstairs and come back up as if I'm coming home from the regatta gala. Okay? So just go distract him. But don't be sexy.
Monica: (turns his back to the stairs) Oh, it's a great party! Great food. Y'know, most parties it's all chips and salsa, chips and salsa. (As she's saying this Rachel tries to head downstairs but is blocked by people coming upstairs. She quickly retreats back up the stairs.) (Sees that she has to keep him distracted longer.) So umm, what's this? (Points to his plate.)
Rachel: Man! He just keeps lobbing them up and I just keep knocking them right out of the park!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross still has boxes all over the place. Joey is wearing a football helmet, and Chandler is spinning him around in one of the chairs and counting.]
Joey: (getting up) Dude, I'm telling ya! I'm fine! (He tries to take a step and falls flat on his face.)
(He tries to get up again and starts falling backwards and Chandler catches him.)
Joey: Well, we got plenty of space! There-there's still some over there (Points to where the window is but sees that there isn't any space there and points towards his door.) by-by that speaker. Please, just stay!
Ross: So I'm a pimp huh? It's okay! Look, I know that sometimes I can be a pain in the ass, but you just have to talk to me. Tell me if something is bothering you. Okay? And for my part I will do everything I can to keep my annoying habits just (Does the 'quiet down' maneuver).
(Chandler and Joey smile, but when Ross turns away look at each other with looks of horror.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
Joey: Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea!
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) Thats why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!
[Scene: Tattoo parlor. Phoebe and Rachel are deciding on tattoos.]
(Suddenly, a strange and familiar voice comes out of the tape player. Heres a hint, OH MY GAWD!! Thats right, its Janice!)
The Instructor: Okay ladies, that ends todays class, and lets remember, lets be safe out there.
Phoebe: Monica and Chandler said that you were having so much fun here. And apparently no amount of drums or tarantulas is gonna change that.
(The women all clap and start to leave as Ross comes up to the instructor. Apparently he was hiding in the back.)
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is trying to explain himself to Monica.]
Rachel: EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! My God!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!! (She runs over to him and finds that it was a dummy and that she had been had.)
Monica: (pointing to the kitchen) Yeah you will! (Points to the bedroom) And, are you kiddin me?!
Monica: I am!! (Enter her room and closes the door behind her.)
Chandler: And I will cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and do anything in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting up by the window because two guys have their couch.]
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk, Ross is walking up and sees two women that look like Phoebe and Rachel from behind.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are there as Ross enters.]
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are eating breakfast as Joey enters.]
Ross: Its a girl! Anyway, it wouit wouldnt matter. Okay? Because Im a teacher and shes a student.
Ross: I know when Im 90 shell be like 80 and it wont seem like such a big difference.
Phoebe Sr.: Well, Im so sorry. I thought I was leaving you with the best parents in the world, I didnt even hear about your Mom and Dad til a couple of years ago, and by then you were already grown up. I dont know, youre here, and I would, I would really, I would like to get to know you.
Monica: No-no, its not okay! Its not! I mean you were just Youre so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Yknow Im just gonnaI, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and I am going to do anything you want in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
[Scene: That same plane cabin, Ross is working on a crossword puzzle and Rachel is asleep against his shoulder. She shifts a little bit and Ross suddenly gets an idea. An evil idea when he looks at his pen. Then we have a little time lapse, the plane has landed and everyone is disembarking. The flight attendant is saying bye-bye to everyone.]
Joey: Oh, cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, theres your admirer. (Ross is stunned.)
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, everyone minus Ross are arriving to inspect the damage. The fire department is still there.]
Monica: Yeah baby! (Phoebe and Joey nod.)
(Phoebe and Rachel return)
Monica: This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room.
Phoebe: Im really glad you guys are okay but, I just keep thinking what would happen if-if you two (Points to Monica and Joey) actually had hooked up.
(Chandler leaves dejectedly. When the door closes Rachel and Phoebe jump out from behind the curtains and scream )
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is on the phone as Joey enters.]
Ross: Oh thank you. Thanks very much. (Leans up against the board and on a thumbtack.) Ow! (He pulls away.)
Joey: Chandler, is that (Mimes someone using a movie camera and Chandler nods yes.)
Chandler: (on phone) Hi! Im back. (Goes to hang up the phone.) Yeah, that sounds great. (Listens) Okay. Well, well do it then. (Listens) Okay, bye-bye. (He hangs up the phone and turns around to see Joey standing close to him and screams.)
Chandler: (To Joey) We didnt get to the audition. Im gonna take her to coffee and then well do it then.
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)
[Monica takes a bigger spoonful and a pea falls off]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is about to debut Hotel Monica (formerly known as Rachels Room) to Phoebe and Rachel.]
Joey: This right here is where I keep the pizza. (He points to the chair.) And uh thats where the napkin is. (Points to the floor next to the chair.)
Monica: So Rach! Youre the first guest at Hotel Monica! Umm, youll just have to tell me how you like your eggs in the morning. And I thought I would bring them to you, yknow, in bed. Oh, you have been through so much.
Dedicated to the great work of Eric Aasen, Guineapig and many, many more.
Ross: Listen, I gotta tell ya, I-Im having a great time! Yknow how before you said it might be weird, the whole student teacher thing, and to be frank I thought it would be too, but its not. I mean its not at all.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are cleaning up the mess.]
Joey: This is where I keep the pizza. (Its the same location as before.) AndHey! Where did the napkin go?! (The napkin is not in its spot.)
Chandler: A hot girls at stake and all of the sudden hes Rain Man.
(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is reading and Monica runs over and turns on the lamp behind Phoebe.]
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Ross is telling Monica and Joey about his date with Elizabeth.]
Monica: Yep! And lots of it!
(She grabs his arm and drags him over to a table where three beautiful women are sitting. Now, Im going to go out on a limb and say that their names are Stephanie, Karin, and Meg. Okay, so I looked at the credits. Of course, only Meg is named later on, so Ill have to guess who is Stephanie and who is Karin. But, well cross that bridge when we come to it.)
Chandler: You dont, like go into the back of my closet, and look under my gym bag or anything?
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
Rachel: No, its not gonna be okay Ross, tomorrow is my last day, and I dont have a lead. Okay, y'know what, Im just gonna, Im just gonna call Gunther and Im gonna tell him, Im not quitting.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]
Chandler: Well, the heart wants what it wants. Ill see you later. (He runs off and leaves her with the bill, which the waiter promptly delivers.)
(Monica leaves and Phoebe closes the door behind her and tries to lock it.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Elizabeth are deciding what to do on their second date.]
Ross: Yknow I remember when uh, when I was in college, we used to (He sees some of his colleagues enter and puts his head on her lap.)
Joey: All right, dont waste it, I mean its still food. (He picks it up and eats it.)
(At this point a stream of obscenities burst forth from Phoebes mouth just in time for Ben and Ross to enter and hear most of it, and in slow motion Ross tries to shield his innocent son from Phoebes vulgarity.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are throwing huge spitballs at the entertainment center.]
Ross: Thats right Lydia, Elizabeth here is a student and uh, were dating. And you may frown upon that, but were not gonna hide it anymore.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters to find Chandler staring at another cheesecake box.]
Phoebe: Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think Im partly at fault. You see, I didnt, I didnt tell you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so yknow lets just face it, thats just kindling! So I think its better that I stay at Joeys.
Rachel: No, no-no-no. Phoebe, this was my fault and besides yknow what? Im fine here.
Fat Joey: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! (Groans and picks up a piece of food.) How you doin?
Phoebe: God, what a mess. (She grabs the bowl and heads for Monicas.)
Joey: Yeah! Well, now that you brought it up, our fridge is broken. We have to get a new one. Now, I checked around and your half is $400. Thanks a lot.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Anyway, theres this big charity ball this weekend and Ralph Lauren bought a table, so I kinda have to go
(Ross and Elizabeth enter.)
Chandler: So, why is she leaving? Is it a school night and she has a lot of homework to do?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the table and Monica is doing something in the kitchen.]
[Scene: Joey and now Rachel's apartment, Joey has the fridge pulled out away from the wall and is in the process of pulling off the cooling grate behind it.]
Monica: Well, uh yknow, our guy works with Chandler and hes really nice and smart and hes a great dresser!
CHANDLER: Well, ye, yes, actually, but, uh, they were my Aunt Edna's, and there were three of us in there.
(They go inside and Ross closes the door. When he turns around Elizabeth walks up to him, pushes him back against the door, and starts kissing him.)
Chandler: (not quite sure where Joeys going and is a little worried) Okay
Ross: Hmm? (Turns around and sees that its Elizabeth) Oh, a student I dont know.
Ross: (quickly jumping away from Elizabeth) Yes, professor Feesen-sen-stenlger Ill be with you in one moment. (To Elizabeth) So, I will take one box of the Thin Mints. (And he ushers Elizabeth out of the office.)
Elizabeth: Yeah, we have time off and a lot of people are going on trips
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Ross, Chandler, and Joey are entering.]
Joey: Oh-ho-ho, you think I dont know what breaks my fridge? Excuse me! (He opens the door and feels inside.) Well what do you know! Broken! Thatll be $400!
Phoebe: My guy is a lawyer who has volunteer work. And, he has one of these (She squeezes the skin on her chin together to form )
Ross: No, no, it's okay. Really. They're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Monica: And slept with the professor.
(Ross leaves to do so and Rachel enters with a guy.)
Monica: Yes! We found you a really cute and funny guy from Chandlers work!
Rachel: I cannot believe you guys! He was really nice and he left because of you!
[Phoebe and Ryan walk outside.]
(When Rachel starts to look under the bed if Joey would fit under there, Chandler opens the door inbetween the rooms, grabs Joey by his shirt and drags him to his room, and closes the door again)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there. Monica is holding a piece of paper.]
Monica: All right guys stop it. Rachel, were very sorry that is a very insensitive thing for us to do. And yknow what? Let us make it up to you, we have two really great guys for you.
Big Nosed Rachel: Not for me. Chip and I broke up!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is reading as Monica and Chandler enter.]
Chandler: There you go! There you are! (Rachel stares at Monica and Chandler)
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
Rachel: IOhh! (Moves over and lets Eldad sit on the couch.)