words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter, the others are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Well, it's just with uhm, work and the stress of adoption, we just don't feel like we have the energy. Plus, we don't think it's fair that every year the burden falls on us.
Phoebe: Am I? Really? Am I? Well, why don't you cook Thanksgiving dinner and prove me wrong! Well, think about it, think about it, you'll be trying to top than you did last year. You'd be in competition... with yourself.
Monica: Hey, stay out of this, Chandler! This is between me... and ME!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are in there, and Phoebe enters]
Monica: 2 minutes, 12 pies and a part of one tin! Okay, I see you guys at 4.
Rachel: Well, let's see... uh... I know that she has a meeting with her lawyer and then she has to make a very big poop. Why?
Phoebe: Okay, but, well, before you say no, my friend Susanne is entering her kid and compared to Emma she's a real dog!
Rachel: Phoebe, just the idea of pitting one baby against another, I mean, you know, and judging who's cuter just for a trophy...
Rachel: And a thousand dollars.
Phoebe: Okay, oh, and Emma needs a cowgirl outfit for the competition.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is watching TV and Monica is cooking]
Monica: Yeah, but we haven't heard a thing from the adoption agency and it has been weeks!
Chandler: I'm telling ya! It's gonna happen. Next year it's gonna be you, me and the little Hemingway Bing. (pause) What, he's my favourite author!
Monica: Ok, let's see... Oh, the cranberry sauce, it is easy to make and no-one really cares about it.
(Ross and Joey enter)
Chandler: You say that now, but it could take us a long time to get back home. Plus Joey could get lost and and they could have to page us to go pick him up.
Chandler: Okay. (pause) And get ready to taste my very special cranberries. Or should I say... chanberries!
Joey: That's some gentle comedy, dude. (he and Ross leave)
Phoebe: We can't leave now! There was this one baby, Haley, who was favourite to win and she got croup, so she had to stay home! This competition just blew wide open, folks!
Rachel: Oh, Phoebe! Come on! You know what, it's already three o'clock and they haven't even gotten to Emma's group yet. We gotta go, we got dinner!
(there's a lot of shouting and yelling)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment.]
Chandler: I can't believe they are not here! I slave and I slave for what? They've ruined cranberry day!
[Scene: The corridor. Ross and Joey have just arrived.]
Joey: Wow (He opens his apartment door and throws their stuff in.)
Joey: Okay. Rachel and Phoebe are already there, okay? So they probably started without us. We could just slip in and no-one needs to know where we were! (he raises his hands and on his right one there's a Rangers foam finger)
(Rachel, Phoebe and Emma arrive)
Rachel: And I won!
Phoebe: And it looks like she put makeup on her!
Joey: No. Here (he tears off the pocket from Ross' shirt, and tears off everything below that as well.)
Monica: Do you hear something? (Chandlers stands up and goes to the door to look out from the peephole)
Monica: Ohhh! Let me see! Oh God, I can't believe this! They're an hour late and they're just staying out there, talking!
Monica: Oh! They're late and they're sloppy!
Ross: I got mugged. And they stole my pocket.
Phoebe: We're just... we're trying to figure out an excuse. Hey! Ooh! How about this: We can say that Monica told us 5 o'clock, not 4 o'clock. That way we're right on time! (Others start to agree but she continues) OR... or, we can plant PCP in the apartment and call the cops on her.
Rachel: You know what, we just say that she said it was 5 o'clock. We'll just act casual. We're not late, we're right on time. (When she finishes talking, a note is pushed from under Monica's and Chandler's door, into the hall. Ross picks it up and reads it out loud)
Ross: Well, let's just go in there and face them.
Rachel: Oh, hey, I have an idea. Why don't we play rock-paper-scissors, and whoever loses goes in first. (they all agree) Ready? (they do the rock-paper-scissor thing with they hands and Rachel has paper, Phoebe and Ross both have rock, while Joey is doing a strange upward wiggling with his fingers. They all look a him confused).
Phoebe: Oh, really? Does it beat water balloon? (She places her hand over his "fire" and mimics a bursting water balloon, thus putting the fire out).
All: Alright, okay. (Phoebe reaches for the door, and tries to open it but it's locked)
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Monica: No! Everything's cold. The turkey's dried out and the... the stuffing is all soggy.
Chandler: Yeah, and there's a bowl of cranberry sauce that... (speaking lower to Monica) what happens to cranberry sauce?
Ross: (to Joey, who is wearing a blue, 3 foot hand) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE IT OFF!! (takes it off his hand and throws it on the floor)
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Joey: (holds his fist up) WATER BALLOON! (he stuffs the slice in is mouth and gives the foil back to Ross)
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Monica: Hey, you touch that and you will be sorry.
(Rachel comes out of the apartment holding a pot. Joey holds in anticipation and Rachel opens it)
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Rachel: Oh, I know... I still have my old key! (She goes in to get it and comes back with her keys) We can just unlock the door.
Rachel: You know what? I don't want to be with them either, but it's Thanksgiving and we should not want to be together, together. (Goes to unlock the door)
Joey: (to Ross) Just get in there and make a face to face apology, you know? Look them in the eye. I know I can get them to forgive us.
Joey: I'm telling ya... (his eyes open wide and he looks like his eyes are about to pop out. He stares at Ross like this without blinking) I can do it.
Ross: (Staring back, and then breaks off) (To Phoebe and Rachel) Yeah, he can do it!
(Joey sticks his head through the gap. Monica and Chandler are now sitting at the dinner table. There is another smaller table full of food standing in front of the front door)
(Monica and Chandler do not look amused by Joeys head in the door)
Joey: (still with his door wedged in the door gap, now opens his eyes wide and stares at Monica and Chandler as he did with Ross earlier in the hall) Hey listen guys, we feel really terrible.
Joey: Come on you guys, we want you to know we're (His eye widen even more) very very sorry. (Monica and Chandler are now covering their eyes with their hands) (then to the others in the hall) Right guys?
(Ross head appears above Joey's, Rachel's below Joey's and Phoebe's at the bottom)
Phoebe and Rachel: So, so sorry.
Joey: (smiling) Now let's not ruin this day. You worked so hard. Let's move past this and try to have a nice meal all together, huh?
Monica: (Gets up) Okay, okay. You two (to Phoebe and Rachel) go get the dessert. And I'll let you in.
Monica: Yeah, I asked you and Phoebe to pick up the pies. You did remember, right?
Phoebe: Pies, oh, we thought you said priiiize (goes to the hall and comes back with Emma's trophy in her hand). Here! (gives it to Monica).
(Monica takes it and reads the label)
Monica: Oh my God! YOU FORGOT THE PIES? Well, I cannot believe this. You force me to make dinner, then you're an hour late and you forget the one little thing that I asked you to do.
Chandler: Well, you manheads aren't any better. You lied about going to the game. You knew it would make you late, and you still went anyway.
Joey: Yeah! You, Chan, and the vein!
(Monica gasps and holds her forehead. Phoebe, Rachel and Ross pull back their heads)
(And he starts licking the grease which trickles down his face. Monica also squirts some on the other side of his face, and his tongue follows her movements.)
(The phone rings in Chandler and Monica's apartment)
Monica: Okay, I have to get that. Now when I get back, I want you and your friends to be gone. Thanksgiving is over. The Vein has spoken.
Chandler: Okay, look, I'm gonna pull on the door and you guys push as hard as you can. Maybe we can get enough room to wiggle him out, okay? Okay, so PUSH!
(Rachel, Ross and Phoebe have their hands full and are stuffing all kinds of things down Joeys pants.)
Joey and Chandler: PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!
(The chain breaks loose from the wall, and because Joey was pushing with all his might, he propells into the kitchen, towards the table with all the food. This table has wheels underneath it, and when Joey falls on this table, he rides into the living room, with all the food falling off, until finally Joey also falls off... Joey gets up quickly, a bit agitated, and acting as nothing happened. He is covered in food stains.)
Chandler: And?
Monica: There's a pregnant woman in Ohio, and she picked us!
(They all cheer and Rachel, Ross and Phoebe join in for a group hug. Joey also joins, but he stands back a bit, because he is all sticky of the food on him)
(They all cheer and hug again, but Joey's eating the food off his shirt)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. The table is set, and there's food on the tables again. They're all there, toasting.]
Rachel: To Monica and Chandler... and that knocked up girl in Ohio.
Monica: I can't believe they called, and we're actually getting a baby. (she kisses Chandler)
(Monica and Chandler are looking curiously at Joey.)
Ross: Oh! And it gets worse! (Turns his side to Chandler and Monica and pulls up his shirt. There's a distinct line across his body, where his belly is very tanned and his back is very pale.)
Phoebe: yeah I've nothing to be ashamed of ok so I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer then a month. Ok I haven't had a real boyfriend you know if he can't handle that he can leave. which he will and that's ok. so I'll just be alone forever you know alright I'll be. it'll be fine. it'll be fine. I'll go walking tours with widows and lesbians. Oh (takes a deep breath and sits down, knock on the door)
[Jack and Judy come out of Monicas room and sit down on the couch.]
Rachel: ...So a bird just grabbed it, and then tried to fly away with it and, and then just dropped it on the street?
Mr. and Mrs. Geller: What?!
Monica: And Dad, yknow that mailman that you got fired? He didnt steal your Playboys! Ross did!
Mr. and Mrs. Geller: Yes. (They look at Chandler angrily.)
Chandler: Look I'm very glad that you saved Ross from the car backfire, but y'know, it could've been a bullet and you y'know, you didn't try to save me!
Joey: Well, that's gonna be tough Mon. I mean it's hard for me to be around an attractive woman and not flirt.
[Rachel and Phoebe walk into the kitchen. Monica comes out of the bathroom and goes over to Ross.]
Ross: Monica and Chandler are living together!
Monica: Ross married Rachel in Vegas! And got divorced! Again!!!!
Phoebe: I dunno, lets see! So, okay, I dreamt that we were gonna get married, and he left, becuz he had to go fight a fire. And, um, so okay, I went to a night club, and I saw him making out with a girl.
[Rachel and Chandler re-emerge from the balcony.]
Mr. Geller: No! Thank you! (Hugs Chandler) Monica, and Ross! I dont know what Im gonna do about the two of you!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Everyone is helping clean the table.]
Rachel: You guys! It was bananas, cream, and beef! I-I just cannot believe that you ate that so that I wouldnt feel bad!
Mrs. Geller: (pointing to herself and Jack) Well we left ours in Monicas bedroom.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, everyone except Ross is decorating the tree.]
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe and Joey are there.]
Joey: Nope, got it and I got yours (Pointing to Jack) too.
Mr. Geller: Well, its time for a new family to start their memories here and hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.
Ross: (gets up) All right. Y'know what? We dont have to go downstairs! We can bring Vegas up to us! (He grabs a deck of cards and pulls up a chair.) All right, come on, come on, we'll play some blackjack. Here we go. (Deals the cards.) 13.
Monica: Oh my God! We love that show! I mean Ross and I have been watching it since I can remember!
Janine: Thanks. (To Monica and Ross) Great so we can all go together! I gotta run. Catch you later!
Monica: (faking joy. Rubbing her stomach and smiling at the same time, like Joey said) Mmmm! Its good!
Ross: Okay, okay, well just get everyone to act like they like it. That-that way noone makes fun of her and we still get to go to Sweet Potatoe Pie! (Referring to the dancers.)
Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31.
Chandler: That was an obvious joke, and I didnt think of it. Why didnt I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!
Phoebe: Yeah. Lets see, my had Mom killed herself, and my Dad had run off, and I was living in a Gremlin with a guy named Cindy who talked to his hand.
Joey: Oh. Maybe. But hey I know how I can find out. Were going to a New Years Eve party, right? So at midnight, I can kiss her. And if she kisses me back, great! Yknow? But if she says Dude, what the hell are you doing? I can say It wasnt me, it was New Years!
(He and Monica laugh)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, Chandler is there. Phoebe and Rachel enter.]
[Scene: The Set, Joey, Janine, Ross and Monica are walking in.]
Ross: Uh-huh, Carol, so were we. All right, just-just imagine for a moment, Susan meets someone and-and they really hit it off. Yknow? Say-say theyre coming back from the theatre, and they-they stop at a pub for a couple of drinks, theyre laughing, yknow, someone innocently touches someone else Theres electricity, its new. Its exciting. Are you telling me there isnt even the slightest possibility of something happening?
Chandler: No, you dont have to, and you cant because I live here too.
Rachel: Dont worry, were just gonna search here for an hour, them were gonna go over to Joeys and search, OK?
Monica: (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up!
Phoebe and Rachel: No, we never do that
Chandler: Yknow when you guys said you were gonna go across the hall and look, you dont, you dont do that every year do you?
Chandler: (opens and reads it) "Benefits lapsed."
(He leaves, and this girl grabs Joey and starts dancing really wild.)
(She pulls Joey towards her and dances really close to him.)
(Camera pans to Joey and Janine)
Mr. Geller: And we kinda figured about the porch swing.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is playing that string game with the two hands and the weird crossing patterns as Chandler enters with the mail.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment, Phoebe and Rachel are there and Chandler enters.]
Joey: No-no hey buddy, please let me dance with that girl, I really like her and I think I have a shot.
Ross: (grabbing a notepad and sitting down) All right, we'll start off slow. The only thing you have to do tonight is come up with the name of your main character.
(Ross and Monica high-five)
Director: Next on the platforms are (He points to the right of Ross and Monica, so they dance over to where hes pointing to. He points away from them) you two! And (He points the other way, and Ross and Monica follow his arm. Again he points away.) You two!
Phoebe: Yeah, my mom sent me a family heirloom that once belonged to my grandmother. Can you believe it?! A year ago I didn't even have a family, and now I have heirlooms for crying out loud.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, okay. Uh, look buddy, I came with that girl, and I had this plan to kiss her at the new years countdown Im trying to win her over, so I was wondering if..
Chandler: Well, I'm gonna go home and bask in the triumph of my Central Park idea. (Gets up to leave.)
[Scene: The Set, Monica and Ross are dancing.]
[Cut to Joey and Janine]
CHAN: Hey, yeah... we could all sleep together and then one of us could get amnesia.
Joey: Hey, now youre the one who wet his pants. (He throws another handful on him and runs out)
Rachel: Oh good, great! I'll-I'll keep that in mind. (Turns and walks away.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)
Director: Oh no! You get up there and do that again exactly like that!
(They move into a space, and Ross points to his eyes and then to hers)
Monica: Okay, lets do it. Mom and Dad are gonna be so faced!
Ross: Well, fine. Fine! If-if Im the only person with any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word, Ill go up there and defend it myself! (Starts to do so, but stops and to the previous librarian) And dont you follow me!
[Cut to Ross and Monica, who are finally on a platform!]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, Chandler and Rachel are there, and Phoebe enters with the Chick and the Duck.]
Phoebe: Yknow, birds have a very good sense of direction, and I thought maybe they could help us find where the presents are hidden.
Phoebe and Rachel: Why?
Monica: Okay, fine but please dont be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted just sex. So, when I went to your room that night I was actually looking for Joey. (Joey smiles.)
Phoebe: And the big ones for me!
Joey: And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all, 'Ohh, man!' And he'll be all, 'Yes!' And us, we'll be like, 'Wh-whoa, dude.' And pretty soon you'll be like, (sadly) 'Hhiii,' and, and, and, 'I can't go, Rachel and Mark might be there.' And we'll be like, 'Man get over it, it's been four years!!'
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, they both enter.]
Chandler: Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I dont know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monicas face when I give her my present, and Im sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back?
Chandler: I dont wanna know what Monica got me. Yknow? I mean, look, Im sure she worked really hard at getting you a present, and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that, and I, look we have to put these back, this is not what Christmas is about.
(Monica enters, and they throw the gifts behind them.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment, everyone except Joey is there.]
Janine: Well, I dont know tonight when they yelled cut and we didnt get to kiss, I was really, really, disappointed, and I just, really wanted to kiss you
Monica:: Hey Rach its me ok I just got the Chandler's room and I caught him molesting himself.
Phoebe: Okay. (Starts running crazily with her arms flapping and her legs far apart) Come on! That's not running! Let's go! (Rachel pauses, then follows, embarrassed.)
Monica: Well, if you hadn't meddled to start with, I wouldn't have had to go in there and meddle myself. Now, no matter how much we meddle, we will never be able to un-meddle the thing that you meddled up - in the first place!
Monica: We were on the platform, ready to dance the world into the new Millennium, and the guy yelled CUT!
Rachel: Oh, why do you even bother? I already ruined her first birthday... And do you know how important these early experiences are Ross? Very! According to the back cover of that book that you gave me.
Monica and Ross: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 (Ross runs to be caught by Monica, but she moves out of the way)
Monica: I can do it, okay? Come on, lets go. (She and Ross get up)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone is there as Joey enters happily.]
Mrs. Geller: Chandler! Youve been Rosss best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems. (Ross gets disgusted.) And now youve taken on Monica as well. Well, I dont know what to say. Youre a wonderful human being.
Rachel: This bench, its hollow! I cant believe I never knew that! (She pushes all the pillows off it and opens it up) Oh, the presents!!!
(Joey nods yes, but suddenly realizes what he did and runs out of the apartment and back to his place.)
Phoebe: Yeah, but then Jacques Cousteau came and he kicked his ass for betraying me! It was soo cool! Then, he took me diving and he introduced me to his pet seahorse, who, by the way, was totally coming on to me, and please, that is not gonna happen.
Joey: Okay, Im all right, okay, but hey, could you just leave your lips? (She kisses him on the cheek and starts to leave.)
Janine: (to Monica and Rachel) Bye.
Chandler: (entering) Oh hey Rachel, sweetheart? You have got to tell the post office that you have moved. Okay? We are still getting all your bills and stuff. (Hands her all of her bills and stuff.)
Chandler: Okay, let me just jump in and ask, at what point did you think this was a successful marriage?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are sharing the sofabed in the living room. Joey is restless.]
[Monica and Chandler both are shocked. Ross gives Monica a take that! look.]
Phoebe: Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, (pause) is on this couch.
Chandler: Oh right, your allergies. (Monica leaves and to the chick and duck) All her, she hates you. (Chandler leaves without finishing the message for Joey.)
Janine: I had so much fun tonight, and what a great restaurant.
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]