words in movies
Monica: The strange part was, he was really nice, umm and he looks great, but I didn't feel anything at all!
[Cut to Ross's apartment, he's sitting by his window looking at an art book. As he's turning the page, he glances up and notices something.]
Ross: (in his head) Oh my God! That's Rachel naked! I can't look at that! I am looking at this. (Looks back at his book.) Okay, vivid colors, expressive brush strokesUnless she wants me to be looking at that. She knows I'm home. She knows I can see her. What kind of game is she playing? I think maybe someone's lonely tonight. Oh-ho, Dr. Geller! Stop it! You're being silly! Or, am I?
Ross: The physical act of love. (Hisses at her.)
Joey: They uh director. Uhh, her. (Points to an old woman standing behind him. Who glares at him and walks off.) All right, all right, it's not a gladiator movie. I work here.
Joey: Hey-hey don't look at me! I just work here! (Walks away.)
[Scene: Chandler's hotel room, he's sitting there with Joey who's talking about his helmet and running his hand through that feathery thing at the top.]
[Scene: The casino bar, Phoebe and Monica are sitting at the bar, while Wayne Newton's signature song Danke Schoen is playing in the background.]
Phoebe: Y'know Monica you had a minor setback in your relationship with Chandler. Big deal! It's only Chandler. (Monica turns and stares at her.) I am so sorry.
Ross: (to the guy in the window seat next to him) Hey! Y'know that teacher who had a baby with her student? (He points at Rachel.)
Joey: What's it sound like? It's a guy with my identical hands! It was incredible! Chandler, the dealer's hands were exactly like me! It-it was like looking at my hands in a mirror!
Chandler: Are you sure you weren't (pause) looking at your hands in a mirror?
[Scene: That same plane cabin, Ross is working on a crossword puzzle and Rachel is asleep against his shoulder. She shifts a little bit and Ross suddenly gets an idea. An evil idea when he looks at his pen. Then we have a little time lapse, the plane has landed and everyone is disembarking. The flight attendant is saying bye-bye to everyone.]
Phoebe: (sees Rachel's face) What? Did you go to a costume party? Let me guess umm Pancho Vila? (Points at Rachel) and you're Bob Saget. (An old lady has sat down at the slot machine Phoebe was just at.)
(The old lady at Phoebe's machine wins. Phoebe turns around in shock.)
[Scene: A blackjack table, it's the same one Joey's hand twin was working at, only he's not there anymore and has been replaced by a beautiful woman.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's hotel room, Rachel is still trying to get the ink off and Ross is on the phone to the company. Wait a minute, why exactly are they sharing a hotel room? Didn't they like break-up or something? Did I miss a memo? Or maybe, it's just foreshadowing things to come. Who knows? Maybe the answer's at the bottom of the page. Then again, maybe it isn't and it's just one of those things TV writers just don't explain. Anyhoo ]
Ross: (on the phone) Yes, hello. I have a question. Umm, I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. (Listens) A beard and a moustache. (Listens and laughs) Thank you. (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) No, she didn't think so. (Listens) I know it's like (turns and sees Rachel staring at him and quickly changes the subject) anyway, umm well make-up didn't cover it and we've tried everything to get it off and nothing's worked. What-what do we do? (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Oh! Okay. (Listens) Okay, thank you! (Rachel gets excited at his tone.) (Hangs up the phone) Yeah, it's not coming off.
Ross: Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So (Rachel stares at him.) Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it.
Ross: Look, just because some idiot drew on your face doesn't mean you shouldn't have any fun! Okay? And besides, hey-hey-hey no one is even gonna look at you. Okay? This is Vegas! Hello! There are tons of other freaks here! (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) There are tons of freaks here. No other. No. Come on! No one will notice, I swear!
Ross: Oh, hey y'know, they-they really overcharge you for that stuff. (Rachel glares at him.) But who cares?! Because it's all on me! (Rachel reaches into the fridge and pulls out two handfuls of those mini booze bottles.) (Watching her.) That is, one big drink!
Ross: (looking at the price list) Umm Wow! That's-that's some pricey nut!
Phoebe: (seeing her) Get out of here you lurker! (She doesn't move) Go on! Get! (She throws a quarter at her.)
Monica: Yeah, I couldn't be mad at him for too long.
Ross: (does so) Oohh, 23. (Rachel looks at him.) Which is what we play to at this casino! You win 10 dollars! (Holds out a ten.)
Ross: I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. (He starts to sit down on the bed. There's one problem though, he's about two feet to the left of it. Needless to say, he misses and falls on his butt.) (Looking up at Joey.) Whoa-oh-whoa! Are you, are you okay?
[Scene: The slot machines, we see some guy not having any luck. Both Phoebe and the Lurker are lurking him and each stick their heads around the corner at different times This is all set to that Pink Panther song. Finally the guy gives up and walks past the lurker's position, thus giving her the advantage. She scurries in and quickly drops a coin in the slot before Phoebe gets there. Phoebe arrives slightly later and pulls the arm just after the lurker deposits the coin and wins.]
Phoebe: She sells drugs to kids. (The guard looks at the lurker.)
Chandler: Okay, one thing at a time. (They run out to get married.)
[Scene: A blackjack table, Joey is moving in to try and get his hand twin (who's dealing) to join him in his evil plot to rule the world! "Join me, and together we'll rule the universe as father and son!" (Sorry, I had a little Star Wars creep in thereOoh, I have a big spoiler for The Phantom Menace, Yoda lives at the end! Ha-ha, spoiled it! Now you don't have to see it!)]
Joey: (throws down a small wad of money, and as his hand twin starts to unfold it, Joey once again brings attention to their special gift to the world. {Y'know, looking at it now, they really don't have that similar of hands. Joey's are bigger.}) Ooh-ho-ho! (The dealer stares at him and he stops.)
Phoebe: (entering and sitting down at the table.) Hello. My name is Regina Phalange. I'm a businesswoman in town on business. Would you like to see my card? (Looks down) Ooh, what did I do with my file-a-facts? I must've left it in conference room B.
(Ross stares at her. Thinks about it. Puts cards on table, face down.)
(Joey looks down at Lydia.)
David: Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Phoebe: Oh Joey, you bummed him out! This was the happiest dog in the world, and he spends half a day with you, and look at him!
Rachel: (anxiously) No, no, not at the moment, no, I'm not. Are you?
Susan: Oh, look at that.
Rachel: Oh, I know. Look at him.
(Ross is practically drooling over Rachel at this point.)
Monica: Awww, look at Aunt Monica's little boy!
(Joey is looking at his check.)
Joey: Well... I'm helping out down at the N.Y.U. Med School with some... research.
Phoebe: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the...
Phoebe: So you do know who he is! (laughs, Ross stares at her) Sorry.
Ross: At the coffeehouse, right.
Monica: You know, that guy she met at the coffeehouse.
Monica: I'm not going to be a part of this! You can't just bring some random guy at home and expect him to be our sperm donor!
Ross: Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. (Chandler checks and runs into the bathroom.) Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great. And hey! See you guys Monday morning. (They museum geeks wave at him.) Thanks Joey.
Phoebe: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Aaaaaahhhh.... (puts picture down, sees Ross staring at her) Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun.
MONICA: Alright, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in shower at the gym, and no I don't look.
Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station.
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!
Monica: Behind my brother's back? (Rachel glares at her) ... is exactly the kind of crazy thing you won't be hearing from me.
Ross: 200 at least.
Rachel: At his apartment. Is this juice?
Chandler: At least as long as I have the pants.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. (Chandler and Ross stare at him) What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
Phoebe: Oh, look at these! Hey, Ben. Just do it. (Ben starts to cry) Oh my God, oh, ok, was that too much pressure for him?
Carol: It did at first, but not anymore.
Phoebe: Yes, and then I realized I'm against that, and uh, so then we bought some, (sees Monica pointing at her chest) uh, boobs.
Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. (Ross looks at her.) Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
Ross: (staring at Susan) You've tasted it? You've tasted it.
(They walk off into the sunset, at least a picture of one.)
Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.
PHOEBE: Just don't. Look at this funky shirt!
RACHEL: Monica, Monica, look at this lamp. Is this tacky or what? We have to have this.
Chandler: (sarcastic) Ooooh. (looks dumbfounded at Joey's stupidity)
Chandler: (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight. (She leaves)
(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.)
Julie: Oh, listen you guys. I have this friend at Bloomingdale's who's quitting tomorrow and he wants to abuse his discount. So, anyone want to come with me and take advantage of it?
JOEY: Well, I don't know. I don't know what we're gonna be doin'. I mean, what if we're at her folks' place?
JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.
Ross: (looking at them) Wh-what's going on?
Phoebe: You bought your sheets at a flea market? Ross come on, you gotta loosen the purse strings a little.
Janice: Hi! Hi sweetheart! This is my husband Sid, I dont think youve met him. Ross, Rachel, this is Sid. I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologists office. Thank God for adult acne huh? (Does the laugh.)
MONICA: I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us. I mean, isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life, without even knowing it?...Would you look at this dump? He hated us. This is his final revenge!
RACHEL: [to Monica at the counter] Ooh, Julie's so smart, Julie's so special.
PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating tonight at the Garden, he's in the Capades.
Ross: Exactly, itll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.
DUNCAN: Ahh, look at you, you look great.
Chandler: So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, were on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
Rachel: Well, Joey probably thinks Ill just embarrass him. Yknow, he thinks Im some kind of a soap opera nutWhich Im not! Im not. Although I do know that your uh, your favorite ice cream flavor is butter pecan. (Starts stroking his arm) And uh, and that your-your dogs name is Wally. Well look at that, Im just stroking your arm.
[Scene: At Chandler and Joey's. Ross and Chandler are there. Ross is watching wrestling.]
(At Monica and Rachel's)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
JOEY: Yeah, someplace nice. (to Phoebe and Rachel) How much do you think I can get for my kidney? (at Central Perk)
PHOEBE: Wow, look at these prices.
CHANDLER: I'm hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.
Chandler: Oh, Satan's minions at work again...
(at Monica and Rachel's)
CHANDLER: Why did you look at me when you said that?
JADE: Hello, I'm looking for Bob. This is Jane. I don't know if you're still at this number, but I was just thinking about us, and how great it was, and, well, I know it's been three years, but, I was kinda hoping we could hook up again. I barely had t he nerve to make this call, so you know what I did?
(at Monica and Rachel's)
(at Central Perk)
(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)
[Scene: At Monica and Rachel's.]
(At Somplace Nice)
JOEY: Hey, hey, look at that talent.
RACHEL: Whoa, look at you, you did pretty well.
Chandler: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.
Joey: I'm telling ya... (his eyes open wide and he looks like his eyes are about to pop out. He stares at Ross like this without blinking) I can do it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler enters.]
CHAN: OK, let's do it. [Monica looks at him funny] What?
RACH: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a, uh, have a, uh, really good cat. [she leaves carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.
Joey: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my head.
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
RACH: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And then, oh, god, and then we just sort of sunk into it.
MONICA: Look. [they look at Joey in the kitchen with a cigar in his mouth, looking at his reflection in a spatula] Joey, do you know we can see you from here?
[Ross and Rachel look at each other and then at Phoebe, realizing the song is about their situation.]
[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job at Caesar's Palace.]
ROSS: No, no, wait, ok, ok, look at the other side. Look at Julie's column.
JOEY: [quietly] I never know how long you're supposed to wait in this type of a situation before you can talk again, you know? [Ross stares blankly at him] Maybe a little longer.
[Ross is at his apartment.]
[Ross approaches Rachel at counter.]
CHANDLER: Sure. (My god, that's a big head! It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting. My head must look like a golf ball at work. All right, don't get hung up on it, quick, quick, list five things you like about her: Nice smile, good dresser...Big head, big head, big head!)
Erica: I don't want to look at your file! This is over.
JOEY: Well she better get here soon, the outlet stores close at 7.
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)
[There's a bang at the door.]
RACH: Joey, would you slow down? They're not gonna be sold out of papers at one o'clock in the morning.
PHOEBE: You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh! That was fun. So who's hungry?
[Scene: The ladies' bathroom at the restaurant, Monica and Angela are talking.]
[Scene: Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica comforting Joey at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
[Everyone looks at each other in amazement.]
JOEY: What about Ross? I mean, are you still mad at him cause he made that list about you?
RACH: Noooo, no, I'm not mad at him. I'm.. I'm not really anything at him anymore.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel at counter, Phoebe, Chandler, and Fun Bobby at the couch.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]
MNCA: Ahhh, hey honey? Don't you have to be at your interview now?