words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
Chandler: I'm sorry!
Chandler: Rachel, wait, wait.
Chandler: Can I just say one thing?
Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.
Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. (Points)
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies.
Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.
Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me.
Chandler: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that?
Chandler: Huh.
Chandler: Uhhuh, how did you know that?
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? (Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!
(Chandler stays stonefaced)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.]
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Chandler: (Without looking up) What? (Looks up) What?
Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening?
Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.'
Chandler: (Sarcastic) Oh, good. Rog is here.
Chandler: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy.
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's.]
Chandler: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered.
Chandler: Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Nip, y'know?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's dad is not around.]
Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.
Chandler: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?
Chandler: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That sounds so weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late."
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are sharing the sofabed in the living room. Joey is restless.]
Chandler: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing?
Chandler: Well, you're gonna.
Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?
Chandler: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?
Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."
Chandler: Yeah. I really do.
Joey: Thanks, Chandler. (Snuggles up to him)
Chandler: Get off!
Rachel: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing.
Rachel: I thought it was Chandler!
Chandler: (Comes out of his room) What? What?
Chandler: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me.
(Chandler laughs)
Chandler: Basically we just feel that he's...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain.
Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom.
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: But honey you don't have to.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler enters. Rachel and monica are seated at the table.]
Chandler: They...do that?
Chandler: God why why would you want to do that to yourself!?
Chandler: (sedated) What?
Chandler: your ass?!?!?
Chandler: Honey I... I love your breasts the way they are!
Monica, Rachel, Chandler: It's over/Joe!
Monica: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Monica is getting Chandler ready for his half of the plan.]
Rachel: Joey! Why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
(Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are carrying a couch through the door)
Monica: Well you know it's just like living with a girl. Only they don't steal your makeup. Unless they're playing "This is what my sister would look like" (Looks at Chandler)
Chandler: Hey! Ready to go?
Chandler: What are you doin'?
[Scene: Ross' apartment , Chandler and Joey enter]
Chandler: The tall girl who wouldn't sleep with you?
Chandler: Bet she'd sleep with you now...
Chandler: Well maybe you're going about this the wrong way. You know I mean think about it. Single white male, divorced three times,two illegitimate children. The personal ad writes itself....
Chandler: Great, a faster way to tell people that I'm unemployed and childless .
Chandler: Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute! (Looking at his tea.) Mine has a picture of The Village People, what does that mean?
Chandler: Oh, I'm so sorry!
Chandler: So, ah... Any plans for the summer?
Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger.
Joey: Oh, it was a lot of fun right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye!
Chandler: Hey Rach! Ah........ Perfection. (kisses monica) Wouldn't change a thing. Not a thing.
Chandler: You're not gonna need my help?
Chandler: Who cares? Nobody reads those things
Ross: (yelling at Chandler) I have sex with dinosaurs??
Chandler: I don't have a page.
Chandler: I believe I read that somewhere!
Chandler: Because I told everyone he slept with dinosaurs.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is looking at the screen of his laptop, shaking his head.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
Chandler: Oh, you'll see my friend.
Chandler: It kills over one americans every year.
Chandler: Well, how you died was funny.
[Time lapse, still Chandler and Monica's, but only Chandler is there. Enter Ross]
Chandler: Aaaaand....... hernia.
Monica: You are! (she picks up a bill from the table, handing it to Chandler) Hey, here's twenty bucks. -- Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow?
[Scene: Ross's Apartment: Ross is doing something on his laptop when Chandler walks in]
Chandler: Hey, Ross, I just wanted to apologize... (looks at laptop screen)..don't tell me you actually made those gay pictures of me?
Chandler: No, come on, you know that's not true.
Ross: uhu uhu, check this out. (Chandler sits down and looks at laptop screen)
Chandler: Ross, don't press send, don't press se... !
Chandler: Right, I mean, come on, I'm sure that if you had a funeral or a memorial service, tons of people would come.
Chandler: I respectfully disagree.
Chandler: Ross, what're you... what're you... what are you doing? (looks at laptop screen)You're having a memorial service for yourself!?
Chandler: Is that gal pal spelled L-O-S-E-R?
Chandler: It was awful. To get out of going to dinner with Doug I told him that you and I split up. So then he took me to all these strip clubs and sleazy bars, and then when I wouldnt give him my wedding ring, he threw a soda can at a bird!
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas bathroom. Both are sitting on opposite ends of the bathtub.]
Chandler: Oh yes, yes... let me... take your coat.
Chandler: There you go! Someone came!
Chandler: (in a mournful voice) Please, come in.
Chandler: At least he died doing what he loved... watching blimps (he goes in the bedroom)
(Chandler and Monica go open the door)
Chandler: Some guy, Tom Gordon.
Chandler: (entering, very upset) Ok Tommy, that's enough mourning for you! Here we go, bye bye!! (he shoves him out the door)
Chandler: Ok! (shuts the door behind Tom)
Chandler: Please, one ridiculous problem at a time!
(someone knocks on the door) Oh, great. More party boys for Chandler!
Chandler: I didn't know Ross and you were so close.
Chandler: Don't listen to him, he's in a really bad mood! (lets her in)
Chandler: I'm sure it's somebody for you. Now, go hide. (Ross hides in the bedroom again)
Chandler: You know, I flew a long way t see my loving wife? Is she here by the way?
Chandler: Wow! You look amazing!
Chandler: Chandler, Chandler Bing. I'm not gay, I'm not gay at all.
Chandler: Well! We er..climbed up four flights of stairs, manueveored a narrow hallway, dodged a rabid pitbul... but these last three feet are where it gets really tricky.
Monica: Yeah with Chandler not getting paid, we could really use 300 million dollars.
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. What was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window.)
Chandler: You wanna talk about people's feelings? You should have heard how hurt professor Stern was yesterday when I told him I wouldn't be able to go with him to Key West!
Chandler: Yeah, because if I was at my old job we'd say 300 million? No thank you!
Chandler: Still on Amelia Earhart?
Chandler: Kinda like Joey.
Chandler: When you go lunching with hunky moustache men and don't tell me about it!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen]
Chandler: Pie eating contest?
Chandler: (into receiver)Hello? Hey Charlie, what do you know?
Chandler: Kori? Kori Weston?
Chandler: (hysterical)Don't touch the phone! I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it!! (picks up the phone)
Chandler: Yeah I know.
(phone starts ringing and Chandler comes running out of the bathroom)
Chandler: (still on the phone)Damnit. Alright call me when you know more.
Chandler: Yeah...I mean I want this so much! I mean, I wanna get one, I want my friend Charlie to get one...Except I don't care about Charlie.
[Scene change back an forth: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica's on the other end of the line. The phone's speaker is turned on, so the rest of the gang, sitting around the phone, can hear Chandler.]
Rachel, Chandler and Monica: Please, just do it!
Chandler: Well you wouldn't, but we own the paper, we can print whatever we want.
[Flashback to 702 - TOW Rachel's Book] [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
Chandler: You're right, it has been you dream for over 15 seconds.
Chandler: Ok, so now that you're in, what are you gonna do if we win?
Chandler: You know, I'm not sure a sports team is the way to go.
Chandler: One of the slots got filled.
Chandler: (looks around) I'll take this one too (to Ross) Uh ... Mommy?
(Phone rings, Chandler picks up)
Chandler: He's the boss's son.
Chandler: Hello? Hello? Oh, hey Charlie. Did anybody else hear? ... What? Susan got it?? How? Oh man, I would have slept with him!! .. Alright, bye. (hangs up)
Monica: Chandler, sense the tone!!
Chandler: Yes there are, I just saw them a few minutes ago.
Rachel: Chandler, would you just tell her what she did was wrong?