words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
Chandler: I'm sorry!
Chandler: Rachel, wait, wait.
Chandler: Can I just say one thing?
Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.
Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. (Points)
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies.
Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.
Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me.
Chandler: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that?
Chandler: Huh.
Chandler: Uhhuh, how did you know that?
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? (Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!
(Chandler stays stonefaced)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.]
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Chandler: (Without looking up) What? (Looks up) What?
Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening?
Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.'
Chandler: (Sarcastic) Oh, good. Rog is here.
Chandler: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy.
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's.]
Chandler: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered.
Chandler: Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Nip, y'know?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's dad is not around.]
Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.
Chandler: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?
Chandler: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That sounds so weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late."
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are sharing the sofabed in the living room. Joey is restless.]
Chandler: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing?
Chandler: Well, you're gonna.
Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?
Chandler: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?
Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."
Chandler: Yeah. I really do.
Joey: Thanks, Chandler. (Snuggles up to him)
Chandler: Get off!
Rachel: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing.
Rachel: I thought it was Chandler!
Chandler: (Comes out of his room) What? What?
Chandler: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me.
(Chandler laughs)
Chandler: Basically we just feel that he's...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain.
Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom.
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
Joey: God, its gonna so weird like when I come home and youre not here. Yknow? No more Joey and Chans. No more J and Cs. "You wanna go over to Joey and Chandlers?" "Cant, its not there."
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is entering without touching anything with his hands. Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: Joey got meat sauce on the banister again! (He goes into the bathroom to wash his hands.)
Chandler: Are you eating the cheesecake without me?!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating the cheesecake and Chandler enters and catches her in the act.]
Chandler: Oh yes! Oh yes!
Chandler: Oh yes!
Chandler: Oh yes!
Chandler: Well thats not fair, youve already had some!
[Cut to Chandler and Monicas as they enter.]
Chandler: What do we use to split it?
Chandler: All right, Ill pick that one. (Points.)
Phoebe: Okay, scarfs done. (Its not really a scarf, its just a bunch of yarn that Phoebe has tied together. Just then, Ross and Emily enter dragging with them Joey and Chandler.)
Chandler: (returning) What are you guys talking about?
Chandler: Stick to your side!
Ross: Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, (To Chandler) I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before."
Chandler: (looking up with her) Thats a plane!
Phoebe: Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse?
(Chandler seeing that Joey has his eyes closed sneaks over and picks up the chicken. The chicken starts flapping it's wings in protest as Chandler holds the chicken inches from Joey's face. Joey stops yelling and upon opening his eyes sees the chicken, screams, and falls to the ground in horror.)
Chandler: (whispering) Monica!
Chandler: There's no-one around. Why don't we just take this one?
Chandler: But I love swing music!
Chandler: Hey, yknow what we can do? Yknow, now that we are up? We can just like talk to each other all night long, yknow like we did when we were first going out. Itd be fun!
Chandler: Thats correct.
Chandler: Okay, so how bummed were you when the second sister died huh?
Chandler: (Pause) No. No, I-I was, I was talking about the book I was reading.
Chandler: What?! (Monica kicks him in the shin.) Ow! (He gets out of bed and heads into the living room.)
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)
Chandler: Yeah, I know, for a really great stew you just y'know, stick your head in between em.
Chandler: All right! Fine! But its just a lunch date, no more than an hour! And from now on I get my own dates, I dont want you setting me up with anybody ever again!
Chandler: Look all I know is when Monica and I went to see them, we had fun! And theres another reason too.
Chandler: (examining the cake) Okay well, this side looks bigger. Uh Theres more crust on this side. Yknow? So, maybe if I measured
Chandler: (startled) What? What? What?
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
Chandler: Yeah! You?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, Chandler has his eyes closed, while Monica is fully awake.]
Chandler: (intrigued) Yeah? (Monica nods yes.) I hope youre not thinking about cleaning the living room.
Chandler: Do you know what just happened?
Chandler: No. We were in the middle of sex and you fell asleep.
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: I dont want to say.
Chandler: (turning the light back on) Monica?
Chandler: Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking!
Chandler: I was giving you some of my best moves, and you missed it. So please wake up so we can do it right!
Chandler: Well its just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was the first time I knew that you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the chick and the duck are watching Emeril Live, a cooking show.]
Chandler: You took off your pants and climbed under the sheets!
Joey: Thats right, its all ruined! You guys ruined everything! You ruined it! (Steps into the apartment and Chandler closes the door.) (Joey struts over to the candy and starts eating it.)
Chandler: Do you wanna?
Chandler: Well, youre not gonna believe this, but if you have seven minutes
Chandler: Couldnt I just say, "This is Ross?"
(Phoebe sits down between Chandler and Ross.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are on the couch talking. Phoebe is getting coffee.]
Chandler: (knocking on the window while outside) Sorry! (Runs off.)
Chandler: Mustached bastard
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: They put you in jail?
Chandler: Little?! You freaked out big time! Okay? And I fixed it! We have switched places! I am the relationship and king and you are the crazy, irrational screw up! (Does a dance of joy.) (Monica glares at him.) And now we're back.
MONICA: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler Bing.
Phoebe: Chandler?
(Chandler throws the back of Rosita into his apartment and quickly starts pushing the base into his apartment.)
(Chandler runs to check on them coming up the stairs.)
Chandler: Stripping!
Chandler: God, its great to catch up! I cant believe how long its been!
(Joey and Rachel reach the landing just as Chandler closes the door.)
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.
[Time lapse, Ross has been demoted to the back seat with Joey and Chandler. He's not too happy about it.]
Rachel: Hey Chandler!
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Yeah, Id love to but Ive tried that so many times they wont even let me in the store anymore.
Chandler: Thats awesome! Thats great! What made you do it?!
Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa! You broke Joeys chair?
Rachel: Oh its umm, its tofu cake. Do you want some? (He makes a disgusted noise and heads for his room, Chandler follows him in.)
Chandler: Joey you broke my chair!!
Chandler: Well, what did you think, that-that elves came in and fixed it?
Chandler: Im gettin my chair back! (Heads for Joey and Rachels.)
(They enter Joey and Rachels to find that Joey has broken Chandlers chair.)
Chandler: Well, wheres the logic in that?!
Chandler: I think I should get the chair!
Chandler: So Joey breaks my chair and I get nothing!
Chandler: Because you (Points to Joey) broke a chair and you (Points to Rachel) broke a chair! The only one around here that hasnt broke a chair, is me!
Chandler: What are you guys? Like a gang or something?!
Joey: I'm Joey. I mean, I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films. (Points at Chandler, angrily.)
Chandler: Julie Grath, my camp girlfriend.
Chandler: (To Monica) Shes not as pretty as she was when she was 29.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler and Phoebe are entering. This is the place where the guy who bought Chandlers ring is going to propose.]
Chandler: No Rach, its not just you. My thirtieth birthday certainly wasnt that much fun.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are going through a bunch of pictures as Chandler enters.]
(Monica smiles then acts shocked. Chandler cant believe she just did that.)
Joey: (screaming) And now Chandler! Were all gettin so old! (Looking up) Why are you doing this to us?! (Turns away crying.)
Chandler: No, I mean, come on, seriously think about it, we get married, were up at the altar and Im like this. (Makes a bored face.)
Chandler: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.
[Cut to Mona and Joey clearing the dining room table for the grudge match between Chandler and Ross.]
(They all run over to Joey and Ross, Chandler grabs the movie and reads the title.)
Chandler: Sounds like two people are really enjoying the Dewey decimal system.
Chandler: So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, were on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
Mrs. Geller: (To Chandler) Youve done a wonderful job with this party Chandler. Everything looks so lovely.
Chandler: (To Joey) Would you put that back on?! Monicas gonna be here any minute!
Chandler: (frustrated) Okay, for the last time. Its not named for each individual man.
Chandler: (getting up to investigate) Okay, everybody stay here. I will find out whats going on.