words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
Chandler: I'm sorry!
Chandler: Rachel, wait, wait.
Chandler: Can I just say one thing?
Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.
Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. (Points)
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies.
Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.
Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me.
Chandler: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that?
Chandler: Huh.
Chandler: Uhhuh, how did you know that?
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? (Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!
(Chandler stays stonefaced)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.]
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Chandler: (Without looking up) What? (Looks up) What?
Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening?
Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.'
Chandler: (Sarcastic) Oh, good. Rog is here.
Chandler: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy.
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's.]
Chandler: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered.
Chandler: Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Nip, y'know?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's dad is not around.]
Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.
Chandler: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?
Chandler: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That sounds so weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late."
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are sharing the sofabed in the living room. Joey is restless.]
Chandler: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing?
Chandler: Well, you're gonna.
Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?
Chandler: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?
Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."
Chandler: Yeah. I really do.
Joey: Thanks, Chandler. (Snuggles up to him)
Chandler: Get off!
Rachel: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing.
Rachel: I thought it was Chandler!
Chandler: (Comes out of his room) What? What?
Chandler: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me.
(Chandler laughs)
Chandler: Basically we just feel that he's...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain.
Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom.
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
Chandler: Okay.
(Phoebe mocks what Monica just said. Ross pulls Chandler aside.)
Chandler: Im sorry youre here with me instead of Roger.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica are eating Monicas dinner.]
Chandler: Well good, good for you. You really think that Roger is the perfect guy?
Chandler: Okay. (Pause.) What was tonight?
Chandler: Four different women! Ive had sex way more times!
Chandler: What was tonight?
Chandler: Hey thats what I tell girls about me.
Chandler: So was I.
Chandler: (smiling cheekily) I do! Want a hint? huh? "I do" (Monica looks confused, so Chandler repeats) "I do".
Chandler: Okay. (They both realize what he just said.)
Monica: Chandler, Im gonna die a virgin!
Chandler: Shes shhing me! Its my phone and shes shhing me!
Chandler: I do like that.
Chandler: Stop it! Were doing this! Lets do it!
Chandler: We cant do this.
Chandler: Hey, will you grab me a cruller? (Joey starts to groan and get up.) Sit down! Will you go to the hospital?!
Chandler: Okay! (They both get up.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
Chandler: I have some moves.
Chandler: Yeah, lets just forget it.
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Oh yeah.
Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: Oh, okay! (He rolls over to do that again.)
Chandler: Well, if it helps there were only three. So it would just be for tonight, right?
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, she has just lost her flower to Chandler.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting advice from Ross and Joey.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler has the tape measure out and is busy lining up the lamp on the kitchen counter, Ross is supervising the whole operation.]
Chandler: Oh you wouldnt uh, care. Its just a stupid comic book story.
Chandler: (sexily) Yeah?
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: We got some Vap-O-Rub in some places.
Chandler: So you uh, want to do something tonight?
Chandler: Let me tell you about this chick I scored with last night! Oh no wait a minute that was you!
Chandler: Yeah! Totally! Totally, and you?
Chandler: I bet he can.
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
Chandler: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? (he taps the results and reads them) "You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation."
Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!
Chandler: Hey, buddy boy, howd the audition go?
Chandler: I got caught up and work, but I'm quitting tomorrow.
Chandler: (sticking his head in the door) Okay to come in?
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: Because you shouldnt be with him. (Pause.) You should be with me.
Chandler: Yeah I know, guess who beeped him?
Chandler: Oh yeah.
Chandler: No, there were two.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: I see where youre goin!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Joey is working.]
Chandler: (reminiscing) Ah, finally an explanation.
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Chandler: Ahh, ooh, try a hard 8.
Chandler: Hm-hmm. (Goes to take another bite.)
Chandler: Hey-hey, is Monica here?
Chandler: Okay, look I need your help, I dont know what to get her for Valentines Day.
Ross: Yknow what (Moves away as Chandler enters, panicked.)
Chandler: I made a (Does one of those gibberish words.)
[Scene: Chandlers gym, He and Ross are there to cancel his membership.]
Chandler: (laughs) She was working on Valentines Day so were celebrating it tonight.
Chandler: Nothing!
Chandler: Well, have you guys made anything that maybe I can take credit for?
Chandler: Do we have to make the entire thing?
Chandler: (sticking his head back in) What?
Monica: Im just so excited to make the presents! (Chandler does another sarcastic/scared laugh and leaves.) Shoot!
Chandler: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is entering numbers on a calculator as Ross reads off how much hes sold.]
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: Im going crazy! Okay? Do you have any thing around here that looks homemade?
Chandler: Ugh. Just a sec, give me a minute to wake up for thisAh-ha-ha!! You lost the ring! Youre the worst best man ever!
Chandler: I cant figure out what to make Monica.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming in from doing his laundry. He starts folding it as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say that your love sends me to the moon.
Chandler: Wait a minute, I cant give this to her.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, continued from earlier. Monica and Chandler are still discussing the previous question.]
Chandler: Hey! Hi! You uh, ready to exchange gifts?
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, hes still trying to figure out what to make Monica.]
Chandler: Okay, come here! Come here.
Chandler: Now, its not wrapped because I just, just finished it.
Chandler: Okay!
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: Not really.
[Cut to the living room, Chandler is entering as Monica finishes wrapping her present for him on the kitchen table.]
Chandler: Oh, its okay. I dont
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Bathroom, Chandler and Monica are sharing a candlelight bubble bath while drinking champagne and they clink their glasses.]
Chandler: Oop!
Chandler: (thinking it over) Well, I did put a lot of thought in the tape. (They both run into the bedroom.)
Chandler: (approaching) Here you go Joe, heres the freshly squeezed orange juice you asked for. (Hands it to him.)
Chandler: You have done enough!
Chandler: Who the hell is Carl?!
Chandler: No you dontget it in black, not brown.
Chandler: Well, its like that old saying, have some sex, eat some cake.
(Chandler escorts Monica down the aisle.)
Chandler: Its all very, very good. (She covers up and sits down.) So you wanna go uh, mix it up?
Chandler: Yknow sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, arent they?
Chandler: Oh, the mixed tape.
Chandler: Look, you have done enough! Okay? You have to stop this now.