words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
Chandler: I'm sorry!
Chandler: Rachel, wait, wait.
Chandler: Can I just say one thing?
Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.
Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. (Points)
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies.
Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.
Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me.
Chandler: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that?
Chandler: Huh.
Chandler: Uhhuh, how did you know that?
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? (Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!
(Chandler stays stonefaced)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.]
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Chandler: (Without looking up) What? (Looks up) What?
Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening?
Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.'
Chandler: (Sarcastic) Oh, good. Rog is here.
Chandler: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy.
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's.]
Chandler: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered.
Chandler: Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Nip, y'know?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's dad is not around.]
Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.
Chandler: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?
Chandler: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That sounds so weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late."
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are sharing the sofabed in the living room. Joey is restless.]
Chandler: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing?
Chandler: Well, you're gonna.
Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?
Chandler: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?
Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."
Chandler: Yeah. I really do.
Joey: Thanks, Chandler. (Snuggles up to him)
Chandler: Get off!
Rachel: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing.
Rachel: I thought it was Chandler!
Chandler: (Comes out of his room) What? What?
Chandler: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me.
(Chandler laughs)
Chandler: Basically we just feel that he's...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain.
Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom.
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
Chandler: Thank you for writing your book. Its-its uh, great book and you are the queen of everything.
Chandler: We wanna hear Monica's Thanksgiving story!
Chandler: Uhh, 9. (He pushes the clock into the sink.)
(Joey enters and Chandler pushes her away.)
Chandler: (quietly) Hi! (They both start kissing.)
Chandler: Okay, I gotta go to work.
Chandler: Okay, y'know your not though. Let's go. (He starts for his bedroom.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Chandler: What's going on?
Phoebe: Oh weird, Chandler just told us he's got a conference there!
Chandler: I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference.
Chandler: Uh, hey!
Chandler: We're flipping Monica's mattress.
Chandler: Aww, man! (They go into Monica's room.)
Chandler: Why are you screaming and hugging?
Chandler: (To Ross) Why don't you cut him a little slack? Okay? Maybe if he relaxes a little bit, he'll get some work done.
Chandler: Condoms?
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Can you hear anything?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, Chandler is trying to listen through the door.]
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?
(Chandler opens the bathroom door to reveal Joey passed out on the toilet with a toothbrush in his mouth.)
Chandler: Really?! I-I thought you werent looking for something serious? I thought you were looking for some kind of a fling.
Chandler: (jumping on the bed) I can't believe it! We're here!
Chandler: Oh yes! Monica, get in here! There's a high-speed car chase on!
Chandler: All right everybody, I know that it's Christmas Eve and you'd rather be with your families, but there's *no* call (he takes it off) for writing "Screw you, Mr. Bing!" on the back of my chair! (he looks at it) -- By the way, you can all call me Chandler.
Chandler: Yes, and I was saying the actual words.
Chandler: What? Why?
Chandler: Uh-huh. (He doesn't take his eyes off the TV.)
Chandler: Half a tank? We still got a lot of high-speed chasing to do!
Chandler: (turning to face her) Yeah.
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: Okay, great. (He grabs the remote and turns on the TV to the chase.)
Monica: (To Chandler) Excuse me, umm, can I talk to you over here for just a second?
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, am I getting in the way of all the room switching fun?
Kathy: (outside the door) No. (Chandler opens the door and they kiss again.)
Chandler: Do not speak ill of the dead.
Chandler: Hey listen, come on, Joey is having a problem! A little girl is beating him up.
Chandler: I just want to watch a little television. What is the big deal? Geez, relax mom.
Chandler: Oh yeah? (He grabs the pad and starts reading it.) Joshua, give me a call sometime, guys like you (Pause) never go out of stylewhat did you throw away?
Monica: Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go tell Dan that it's not gonna happen. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around.) Don't do the dance.
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: Okay, fine, $300.
Chandler: Flashdance.
Chandler: Damn Rollos!
Chandler: Y'know, if I won $5,000 I'd join a gym, y'know build up my upper body and hit Richard from behind with a stick! (Mimics it.)
Monica: Chandler stole a twenty from my purse!
Monica: Chandler! (Motions for him to come outside.)
Chandler: Monica. (Follows her out.)
Monica: Oh, it was awful. (To Chandler) I guess some people just don't appreciate really good food.
Chandler: Yeah, just think of it as $25 per room!
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler and Phoebe: Yeah, me either.
Joey: Who cares? You're Rachel! (To Chandler) Who's Kip?
Chandler: Okay, Ross is in the bathroom.
Chandler: Yes that would have made more sense.
Chandler: Kip, my old roommate, y'know we all used to hang out together.
Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out.
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Yes that was mine.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen eating breakfast.]
Chandler: Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Lets take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs dont mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and thats just an ordinary pig not even a pig thats good at sports!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's weekend, a hotel clerk is showing them their new room.]
Chandler: Because of the weekend, we had a fight.
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: So, I guess this is over.
Chandler: I just came over to drop off nothing. So that weekend kinda sucked, huh?
Chandler: Really? Okay. Great!
Chandler: So, this isn't over?
Chandler: Okay.
Chandler: (stops her) We're in a relationship?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters.]
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second? (He grabs him and starts to drag Joey into Monica's room.)
Chandler: If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?
Chandler: Yes. Yes. (Lets him up.)
Chandler: It happened in London.
Joey: (To Chandler) You?! (To Monica) And-and you?!
Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
(Chandler pushes him through the door and Monica closes it behind them.)
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!
(She goes over and kisses Chandler.)
[They all run to get in the cab, and Chandler pulls out a smoke.]
Chandler: Fun's over!
Chandler: Buh-bye. (Hangs up the phone) I just got us reservations at Michelles and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
Chandler: No, Im afraid I wont be able to make love as well as him.
Chandler: Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel.
Chandler: Sorry.
Chandler and Monica: Okay.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica and Chandler are making out on one of the chairs.]
Monica: (To Chandler) Rachel's at work.
Chandler: Hello!
Joey: (Pointing at Chandler.) Your different here too. Your mean in England. (Chandler throws his hands up to his head in frustration. They walk away from each other.)
[Time lapse, Monica and Chandler have changed rooms yet again.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there.]
Chandler: Yes. Yes! Right! And I feel horrible. You have to believe me!
Chandler: (With the covers pulled up to his chin.) Morning, Ross.
Chandler: So you're really okay with this?
CHANDLER: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake.
Mr. Geller: (To Chandler) God, your hair sure is different!
Chandler: Yeah, we were just talking about that. I can't believe how stupid we used to look. (They both quickly push their sleeves over their elbows.)