words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is at the sink and Chandler is looking at a ring brochure.]
Chandler: Pheebs, can you help me pick out an engagement ring for Monica? I cant figure this out! Its so hard! Should I get her a (turning to each page) Tiffany cut or a Princess cut or aah-ah! Paper cut!
Chandler: No, I dont want to tell anybody else because I dont want Monica to find out.
Chandler: Well, its because I trust you, youre one of my best friends, and you walked in on me when I was looking at ring brochures.
Chandler: Me too.
(Joey and Ross enter causing Chandler to quickly hide the brochure behind his back.)
Chandler: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse?
Chandler: Oh all right.
Chandler: Oh well, we dont because we got the other pl-place.
(Joey returns with a piece of pizza as Chandler and Phoebe exit.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what-what was the deal with you and Chandler blowing us off before?
Phoebe: I didnt do it! It was Chandler! Hes Hes mad at you!
[Scene: A Jewelry Shop, Chandler and Phoebe are looking at engagement rings.]
Chandler: Nothin! This is the nine millionth ring store weve been too and I cant find the perfect ring! (Goes over to another display counter and starts pointing at rings.) Ugly ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! (Notices that one of the jewelers is watching him.) Its a beautiful selection. (The jeweler walks away slowly.)
Chandler: Yknow, Im so glad I picked you to help me with this.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Chandler: Uh-uh, yes. I would like to see that ring please.
Chandler: Sir, can I ask you to umm, could you hold out that ring and ask me to marry you?
Chandler: (choking up) Oh my God thats it, thats the ring! How much is it?
Phoebe: Chandler, I-I will handle this! (To the jeweler) How much is it?
Chandler: Yes! Yes, but I can only pay $8,000.
Chandler: Uh, credit card. (Reaches for it then realizes) Oh no! No-no, but I left my credit card with Joey. (To Phoebe) Okay, Ill go get it. You guard the ring.
Ross: Hey, remember how Chandler and Phoebe blew us off yesterday?
Ross: Okay. Well, apparently Chandlers angry at us for not getting him a ticket to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-ho-ho, I got this one. Here you go. (Hands Gunther Chandlers card.) Yknow I gotta tell ya, sometimes I justI dont get Chandler. Yknow, me and him do stuff all the time without you and you dont get all upset.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is there as Rachel enters.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul is still crying as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: No. How are ya Paul? (Starts to look for his credit card.)
Paul: (acting manly to try and cover up his crying) Okay. Chandler, did your dad ever hug you?
Chandler: No, did he hug you?!
Chandler: Well, you can see my dad in Vegas kissing other dads.
Paul: Hey Chandler?
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Im a little busy here Paul.
Chandler: Okay, a quick one. Come on hug it out. (Paul rushes over and hugs Chandler tightly.) Oh hey! There you go. (The hug continues.) Okay. (The hug continues.)
Chandler: Okay! (Pushes him away.)
Joey: Whoa-whoa-hey-hey! (Motions to Chandler, "Whats going on?") Hi, Paul is it? (Paul nods yes and still hugging Joey.)
Chandler: Do you have my credit card?
Joey: Yes, its in my In in my pocket. (Paul hasnt dropped him yet.) (Chandler starts to reach for his front pocket.) My back pocket! My back pocket!
Chandler: Thank God! (Grabs his card.)
Chandler: Oh, I cant go.
[Scene: The Jewelry Store, Chandler is entering with his credit card and Phoebe is holding out another ring for him.]
Phoebe: Chandler, I found the perfect ring. (Holding it out for her.)
Chandler: Oh, thats uh, thats pretty nice but Im gonna go with the one I picked first.
Phoebe: Oh my God Chandler, the one you picked is gone. Its over!
Chandler: What?
Chandler: They put you in jail?
Chandler: Phoebe, I asked you to guard the ring!
Chandler: Yeah but when he proposed to me with the ring I got goose bumps.
Chandler: It was the ring!
Joey: From now on, its gonna be Joey and Ross, best friends. (They shake hands.) Okay! Were gonna be the new Joey and Chandler.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the ring he bought and not liking it.]
Chandler: I cant believe I let you talk me into buying this stupid gumball machine looking ring!
Chandler: No, its not! When I looked at the other ring I could see Monicas face when I gave it to her, yknow? And I could see her saying yes. When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring! Unless I look at it really closely and then I can see my own eye. (Does so and laughs.) Look, this is the most important thing Im gonna do in my life. I wanna make sure its perfect.
Chandler: I cant do that.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler and Phoebe are entering. This is the place where the guy who bought Chandlers ring is going to propose.]
Chandler: Okay and he hasnt proposed yet because she has no ring on her finger.
Chandler: Yeah! Okay, go, go, go get him.
(She brings him over to Chandler.)
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Here he is.
Chandler: (to him) Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring youre about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, Im gonna need to have that back. (The guy isnt sure.) But, in exchange Im willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. (Looking at the ring.) Ew.
Chandler: No-no! This is my fiancee (Phoebe) and her heart was set on that ring. You dont want to break her heart now do you?
Chandler: Yeah, shes dying Of a cough apparently.
Chandler: (interrupting her) Okay, thats enough honey!
Chandler: Great! Okay, here. (Holds the ring up for him.)
Chandler: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! (To his girlfriend) And you are about to marry a wonderful man! (She stunned and hes horrified.) Hey! Im marrying a dead woman!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Guys? (They ignore him.) Ive got something important to tell ya. (Still nothing so he walks over and stands in front of the TV.) Guys? (They lean over to try and watch the TV, Chandler mimics them.) Guys?! (Pause) Im gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Chandler: Yeah, check out the ring. (Shows it to them.)
Chandler: Yep, pretty much.
Chandler: (goes to hug him and stops short) HeyyyyWhat?
Chandler: Okay! (They hug.) I was gonna wait til uh, it was official yknow? But I got so excited I just had to tell you guys because youre my best friends.
(Ross and Joey urge Chandler to tell Rachel.)
Chandler: Im gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Rachel: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh Chandler!! (Hugs him.) You guys are gonna be so happy!
Chandler: I know.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Chandler is showing Rachel the ring.]
Chandler: Check out the ring.
Ross: Chandlers gonna ask Monica to marry him!
(Chandler laughs, turns, and sees that Ross and Joey arent happy.)
Chandler: Well, she walked in when I was looking at the ring brochures. You can understand that, right? (Ross and Joey look at each other and go back to watching the game on TV.) Guys? Guys? (Walks in front of them again.)
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay, this is it. Its my big fight scene coming up. (He looks over and Chandler and notices that hes asleep.)
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho, yeah!
Chandler: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself using my wifes tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see whats behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God!
Chandler: Good job Joe! Well done! Top notch!
Chandler: The whole thing! Can we go?
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Chandler: I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic.
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Monica: (voice on answering machine) Hi! If youre calling before Saturday, youve reached Monica and Chandler. But if youre calling after Saturday, youve reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! Please leave a message for the Bings!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is there as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Im so sorry.
Chandler: What?!
Chandler: You dont owe me anything, I dont want you money
Chandler: Where have you been?! I tried to call you! I want to talk to you! I still feel so bad!
Chandler: Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut.
Chandler: I dont know, five hundred dollars?
Chandler: Yes, money well spent!
Chandler: Well uh, there was acting classes, stage combat classes, tap classes
Chandler: Hey Gar!
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandlers fathers Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
Monica: How did you know that?! (Runs to yell at Joeys apartment.) Joey! Chandler!! Its time!
Chandler: (suppressing a smile) What I do do is manage to uh, create an atmosphere of support for the people working with me.
Chandler: Hi!
Chandler: Man, if only youd gotten here sooner. (Ross turns and glares at him.)
Rachel: We cant find Chandler (Phoebe sticks her head and motions that they found Chandler)s vest. We cant find Chandlers vest.
Chandler: Yeah?
Chandler: Okay.
Monica: Umm, this is going to be fun. Watch me freak out Chandler. Honey?
Chandler: Okay. Ive been thinking about it too, and I, I think were ready.
Chandler: But you said you were ready too.
Chandler: Yes, but havent you wanted a kid like forever?
Chandler: Yeah. Do we have any Fruit Roll-Ups?
Chandler: Look, weve always talked about having babies someday. Im not saying it has to be right now, but Im starting to think that we can handle it. Were good. Were really good.
Chandler: Im not crazy about babies. Im crazy about us.
Chandler: Im kidding. This is going to be fun.
[Scene: Outside the Nursery, Chandler is looking at the babies as Monica walks up.]
Chandler: But nothing has to happen until your ready.
Chandler: What?! Its not right! Were not ready to have a kid now!!
Chandler: Period math?
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: Right here?
Chandler: Were trying to get pregnant. (They start kissing, but Chandler stops it.) Yknow Im not really comfortable doing this in front of the babies. So, when do you want to start trying?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
Chandler: I can develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word.
Chandler: Okay. (They start kissing.)
[Scene: An Empty Hospital Room, Chandler and Monica enter.]
Chandler: Yes, 98.6. Youre gonna be fine.
[Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his apartment about Phoebes knowledge.]
Chandler: I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma.
Chandler: Should we tell Rachel theres an empty private room right next door to hers?
Chandler: Well let me think about that, while I remove my pants!
Chandler: If its not, then theres two of them. And that would mean its the end of the world!
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.]
Chandler: I think it's winning.
Chandler: Do you want a calculator?
Chandler: Hi.
Janice: Chandler Bing!
Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear(A nurse opens the privacy screen and Chandler sees Janice)Mother of God its true!
Chandler: Thats funny. Does it-does it hurt? Does the labor hurt?
Chandler: What?!
Janice: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler.
Chandler: Alright. Once I got on the subway, right, and it was at night, and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn... just for the hell of it.
Chandler: No, that was Dana Caplin.
Chandler: (sees another rack) Well, whats the deal with these? These-these look nice.
Chandler: So, do you know what youre gonna call her yet?
Chandler: So then I guess Ferdinad is out.
Chandler: You do?
Chandler: Oh no, its gonna be named after some snack or baked good isnt it?
Chandler: And if not, we got to do it on a bucket.
Chandler: That was amazing.
[Scene: The Portrait Studio, Monica is waiting for Chandler to make another attempt at taking a good picture.]
Chandler: You know, guys I got to say. This means so much to me. That you would trust me with your child. I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been trying to have a baby of our own. You know I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but that you two.. that you two.... <starts to cry>
CHANDLER: [to the woman who just rejected him] All right look. Penis schmenis. We're all people. [She walks away again.]
Chandler: Okay, here is the thing. We have thrown a very formal surprise party for you in there! All of your friends are in there and your parents!
Chandler: He pulled a quarter out of my ear!
Chandler: Okay. Wow.
Chandler: That was you?! I thought it was Jack!
Chandler: Sure.
Chandler: What?! Why does she think that?
Chandler: Again, what?!
Joey: (taking Chandler aside) Hey Chandler, can I talk to you for a second?
Chandler: Ross had a ring?! And he was gonna propose?
Chandler: Does Ross know?
Chandler: If you clear things up with Rachel then Ross never needs to find out, but you have to do it now before he hears about it and kicks your ass!
Chandler: Well, what did she say?
Chandler: Well maybe you dont have to tell him anything.
Chandler: And you did it first?! This is gonna kill him! You know how much he loves to propose!
Chandler: As we all are at some point during the day.
Amy: <points to Chandler> This guy? Seriously?
Joey: (laughs) Now lets not get carried away. (He walks away as Monica comes over and hugs Chandler from behind.)
Chandler: Batman has the Batmobile!
Chandler: Honey, weve been over this. I need to be facing the other way.
Chandler: Hello sir, you know Monica.
Monica: All right, lets be practical, if Ross isnt willing to do it, hes not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow ChandlerChandler is good!
Chandler: Look, we cant stay in here forever.
[Scene: The Janitors Closet, Chandler and Monica are trying to figure out what to do now.]
Chandler: This is okay. Were all adults here; theres nothing to be ashamed of. Now, lets put our underwear in our pockets and walk out the door. (They do so and find Mr. Geller leaning against a wall stunned.)
Chandler: I was asleep. (She takes off her robe and starts to shiver) Oh no! No-no honey! Yknow whats sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy. And blankets are sexy. And oh! Hot water bottles are sexy.