words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there eating breakfast. Chandler is cleaning out his wallet.]
Chandler: Yeah, it was time. The old condom ring in the leather just doesnt say cool anymore.
Monica: (Picking up a card from Chandlers wallet.) My God! Is this a gym card?
Chandler: Oh yeah, gym member. I try to go four times a week, but Ive missed the last 1200 times.
Chandler: You dont think Ive tried? You think I like having 50 dollars taken out of my bank account every month? No, they make you go all the way down there! Then they use all of these phrases and peppiness to try and confuse you! Then they bring out Maria.
Chandler: Oh Maria. You cant say no to her, shes like this lycra spandex covered gym treat.
Chandler: No!
Chandler: Oh no, youll have to come.
Chandler: Why dont you just give him to somebody else?
Chandler: Because thats the only part of you he can see when hes on the table!
Joey: All right! Ill try! But if I cant, you can stay with Chandler and I until you get settled.
[Scene: Chandlers gym, He and Ross are there to cancel his membership.]
Chandler: Yes. (In a stronger voice) Yes!
Chandler: No! I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts!
Chandler: Okay. (They go inside) (To the guy at the desk) I wanna quit the gym.
Chandler: I wanna quit the gym.
Chandler: (He turns to Ross and Ross makes a Be strong sound.) I wanna quit the gym.
Gym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. (Both Chandler and Ross start to make their way to the membership office.) Uh, excuse me, (to Ross) are you a member?
Chandler: (horrified at the prospect of trying to quit alone and unsure about himself) I wanna quit the gym.
Ross: Its okay man, be strong. (Chandler goes into the office.)
Joey: Noo-no-no, no, those are nicknames. Im the chick and Chandler is the duck.
(Chandler and Ross enter)
Chandler: Hey.
Chandler: No, I almost did, couldnt leave Ross there without a spotter!
Chandler: Were doomed. Okay, theyre gonna take 50 bucks out of our accounts for the rest of our lives. What are we gonna do?
(Chandler and Ross both laugh)
Chandler: Youre a genius!
Chandler: Now, theres two reasons.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Like-like when Im doing something exciting and I dont wanna get too excited, I just ahh, yknow try to thing of other things like ah sandwiches, and ah baseball, and ah Chandler!
Chandler: Thank you, Joey.
[Scene: Ross and Chandlers bank, they are there to close their accounts.]
Chandler: Hi.
Chandler: No, wed just like to close them.
Chandler: I wanna quit the bank!
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Okay, baseball. Rick, playing baseball. Okay, slides into second, maybe even his pants come down a little Oh nowait no, no! No! Okay, all right, sandwiches, sandwiches. Umm, okay, on a plate, maybe Ricks pants come down a little. No! No! Okay, Chandler! Okay Chandler, ooh, thats working.
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Chandlers knees. Chandlers ankles. Chandlers ankle hair. (notices the clock) Oh no. (to Rick) Okay, youre all set.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
Chandler: To pay for the gym.
Chandler: Hey.
(Theres a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.)
Chandler: Yeah Bunny-rabbit.
Cassie: Oh my God! You do a great Chandler!
Chandler: Thats not really important right now. What is important is; while we appreciate the gesture, we just dont feel bagpipes are appropriate for our wedding.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting a cup of coffee and sits down next to Monica.]
Joey: Probably Monica and Chandler.
Chandler: This is so sad. I mean, I only have like ten pins.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is working on the seating chart while Chandler looks on and Rachel reads.]
Monica: (To Chandler) Okay, the red ones are my guests and the blue ones are yours.
Chandler: Yknow I think we should invite them.
Chandler: Well this is just sad!
Joey: Well, Im sorry. I thought parents were coming! Yknow? Your parents are comin! Chandlers parents are comin! Rosss parents are comin!
[Scene: Ralph Lauren, Rachel is showing Chandler the selection of tuxedos.]
Chandler: Yeah, I know what youre thinkin! Yes, yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy.
Chandler: (entering from his room carrying a fire extinguisher and wearing oven mitts) Oh yeah, it's great! See you take a tennis ball, a bowl, and some lighter fluidOp! Op! (He puts out a small fire which has re-ignited in his room.)
Chandler: I was dangerously dehydrated during the first six months of our relationship. (Monica laughs.) Look, for me the rush is knowing that we are gonna be together for the rest of our lives.
Chandler: You mean like for award shows?
Chandler: Whos that?
Chandler: Okay, who wore those? (Points to the tuxedos.)
Chandler: Are you serious?
Chandler: Not bad.
Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and Im not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
Chandler: 007?! This is James Bonds tux?!
Chandler: Ive been taking dancing lessons.
Chandler: You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people yelling, "You are you wearing?! You look fabulous!"
Chandler: What?
Chandler: A freakish thin date with a hanger for her head?
Monica: I cant! I spent so much money on them and I told Chandler that Id wear them all the time, I just cant give them away!
(Chandler mimics him.)
Chandler: Kathy! Kathy! Hi!! Kathy! Kathy! (She doesn't hear him and keeps running, Chandler starts chasing her as the theme to The Mod Squad starts to play. First, a car almost hits him and then gets mustard splashed on him as he runs by a hot dog vendor.) Kathy! (He keeps running and gets tangled up in the leashes of five dogs, in desperation he throws his paper.) Fetch! Fetch it! (He frees himself and resumes the chase) Kathy! Kathy! Kathy! (He now trips and falls into a pile of garbage, he tries to get up and scream her name again but he has a piece of spinach in his mouth. He gets out of the garbage and starts crossing the street by running over the hoods of a couple of cabs.) Kathy! (He jumps in front of her and out of breath he says) Kathy.
Chandler: SoIf you wear that youll make mine less special.
Chandler: That was pretty 007.
Chandler: Look, its my wedding day okay? If you were getting married I would never do anything to upset you.
Chandler: You cant wear that! Im wearing the famous tux! James Bonds tux!
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is blowing out a candle as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Im not your garbage man. Im your mailman.
[Time lapse. Ross and Joey are cleaning the table while Judy and Phoebe talk by the window. Jack and Chandler are sitting on the couch while Monica sits on the coffee table.]
Chandler: Ross is Batman!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch as Chandler disgustedly enters.]
Chandler: Ooh, yum! (Runs into the bedroom.)
Chandler: Im an alien. Im an alien.
Chandler: I would but mine doesnt fit. The pants are a little tight.
Chandler: (standing up) Let me try it on!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are still giving away all of their secrets.]
Chandler: Well, does that mean that youre not going to wearing yours?
Chandler: Please, dont take away my cool thing. Please?! Pretty please?!
Helena: (to Chandlers back) Oh look, a standing ovation already! So early in the show. Oh turn around honey; let me see your pretty face. (He slowly turns around. Helena recognizes him.)
Ross: Gunther. (To Chandler) Hey-hey! Why dont we put them on? Yknow get a picture of Batman and James Bond together.
Joey: (entering) Hey! Uh, Monica? Chandler? Can I talk to you guys for a second?
Chandler: Oh, I have to get married in James Bonds tux!
Chandler: Well, youre welcome. And tell them were really glad theyre coming.
Chandler: Whose is it?
Chandler: Whose is it?
Chandler: Oh, come on! I dont care! Come on! Whose is it?
Chandler: Do you happen to know what Im going to say?
Chandler: Do you realize you get louder each week?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is at the kitchen table and Chandler is in the living room.]
Chandler: Right. So uh, have you written yours yet?
Chandler: (watching in her) (in his head) Look at her go! She must love me more than I love her! Whats wrong with me? Ooh, dont open that door.
Chandler: (writing) Monica, there are no words (To Joey and Ross) There are no words! This should not be this hard!
Chandler: Im so pathetic! Monica knows what she wants to say! You shouldve seen her. Writing, writing, writing!
Joey: Uh, hey, Rach let me ask you something. Uh, I was just over there talking to Monica and Chandler, boy they are really tight.
Chandler: Okay. Well, I think the centerpieces are too big
Chandler: (seeing her) Okay.
Ross: ...everyone, this is Chandler!
Chandler: Yeah, Im not sure I can do that.
Chandler: Oh, yknow-yknow what, I was looking at it upside down.
Chandler: (shocked) There are seven?! (Points to one) Thats one?
Chandler: (writing) Monica
Chandler: (writes what Joey said and waits for him to go on) Yeah?
Chandler: No, no, no.
Chandler: You'll get one.
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Chandler: Nice try.
Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.
Chandler: No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, youre going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff.
Chandler: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Chandler: You are so great! I love you!
Chandler: No I didn't!
Chandler: This is not going to work.
[Cut to Ross leaping into Chandlers Hotel room in London in The One With Rosss Wedding.]
Chandler: Look, Monica
Chandler: Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking!
Chandler: No I didn't!
[Cut to Chandler opening the door to his and Joeys apartment to reveal Monica standing there with a turkey on her head in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]
Chandler: Yknow I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?
Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?
Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what Im saying?
Chandler: Oh my God.
Monica: Chandler In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to fall in love with my best my best Theres a reason why girls dont do this!
Joey: Look, Chandler I dont think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!
Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.
Chandler: (motioning with his hands) Im not worried, Im uh, Im fascinated. Yknow its like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me. (Exits as Phoebe enters from her room with her guitar.)
Chandler: Hey Joe!
Chandler: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.
Chandler: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken.
[Scene: Ralph Lauren, Rachel is hooking Chandler up with another tuxedo.]
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!
Chandler: It happened in London.
Chandler: Can you people not see me?! (He waves his arms around to get their attention.)
Phoebe: CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!