words in movies
Chandler: (entering, happily, with a bottle of champagne, thinking that Monica is the only one there) Ha-ha-ha-(sees everyone)-enh-enh. I'm so glad you guys are all here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Monica are eating breakfast.]
Chandler: Oh no-no-no-no-no-no, vomit tux! No-no, vomit tux!
Chandler: Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.
(They are standing on either side of Chandler as they discuss the point. Chandler, meanwhile, is disgusted with the whole argument.)
Joey: Are you calling you people? (Chandler rolls his eyes.) Yeah, well sorry to burst that bubble, Pheebs, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay? And you the deal on Santa Clause right?
Ross: Emily? Emily! Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Emily! (He picks up a lamp and hands it to Chandler, for no reason.) It's Emily everyone! Shush-shush-shhst! (to Emily) Hi!
All: (subdued) Yay! (He motions for them to keep quiet, including Chandler who is still holding the lamp Ross handed him, before he goes off to talk to Emily in private.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: So Chandler, have you heard about Monica's secret boyfriend?
Chandler: Uhh, yeah. She uh, she uh, she uh might've mentioned him.
Chandler: Yeah, I don't think he's up to meeting everyone yet.
(Chandler is quite pleased with that statement.)
Chandler: Really?! That's what you heard? (To Monica) You said that?
Monica: I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?
Chandler: Because I'm very happy for him! (To Monica) And you, you lucky dog!
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, Monica? Can I ask you a cooking question?
Chandler: If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?
Rachel: Chandler! (Pause) Is he?
Chandler: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is telling Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler about Emily's ultimatum.]
Chandler: Yes!
Chandler: Well, you can't just not see Rachel anymore, she's one of your best friends.
Chandler: That's true!
Chandler: That's true!
Chandler: Hey, there he is! There he is!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the chick and the duck are watching Emeril Live, a cooking show.]
(Chandler enters and sees what they're watching, panics, and runs to turn off the TV.)
Chandler: How many times have I told you guys, you never watch the cooking channel!
Monica: (entering) Hi Chandler.
Chandler: Hey!
Chandler: Oh that was yours? Uh, yeah, we used it when the duck was throwing up caterpillars.
Chandler: Expect it in 4-6 weeks. (She starts to leave.) Umm, hey, umm, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves.
Chandler: Well I just, thought maybe you'd wanna book some time with the best you'd ever had.
Chandler: Why?
Chandler: What's your point?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are cooking, Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Monica: All right, let me see. (She grabs the 8 ball.) Will Chandler have sex tonight? (Reads the answer.) Don't count on it. Seems like it works to me.
Chandler: (entering) Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best.
Chandler: I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH MY GOD.
Chandler: Oh-aw my God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to sex!
Chandler: Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him. (She starts to take off her latex gloves.) Oh no-no-no, leave the gloves on.
Chandler: Yeah, why don't we lose the gloves.
Chandler: All right, let's show them how it's done.
Chandler: Y'know that wasn't part of it?
[Scene: Central Perk, ??????? is playing, as Chandler peaks his head out of the storage closet and sneaks back to his seat and pretends he's reading something. Then a short while later Monica pokes her head out of the closet and sneaks back to her seat and sits down, pretending as if nothing has happened.]
Chandler: Nope.
Chandler: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is at the foosball table trying to get Phoebe to play a game with him.]
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to Chandler) Hey.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Chandler: Thank you Rachel.
Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.
Chandler: Yeah.
Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesnt matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. Its so annoying. Does it bug you?
Rachel: Good luck Chandler.
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll.
Chandler: Okay, one question.
Chandler: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom.
CHANDLER: (noticing a beautiful blond walking in) Ooh, oh, oh, that's her.
Chandler: She guessed 8, 9, based on his drawings.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]
Chandler: That, that's what's stupid.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us.
Chandler: And that's how you bought it?
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! I mean Im sorry, I wish I can take everybody, but yknow Chandler always supported my career. Hes paid for acting classes and head shots and stuff and well this will be my way of paying you back.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
CHANDLER: Why her mom?
[Outside the window, Monica and Chandler jog up. Monica playfully pushes him. They start puching and slapping harder and harder until Monica pushes him down. Chandler stands up, with a serious expression, and chases her away.]
Chandler: Sure. What's up?
Ross: (to Chandler) Are you intrigued?
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Chandler: You're flingin'-flangin' right I am!
Chandler: Hey, man. What's up?
Chandler: Well, it's official there are no good movies.
Chandler: Well, I'll tell ya I do enjoy guilt, but, ah, it wasn't me.
CHANDLER: I don't, I hate Joseph, ok. I think he's a brown-nosing suck up.
CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
Chandler: Is anybody else scared?
(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and Chandler look at the monkey, who is now in some distress.)
Chandler: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad!
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Chandler: (entering with his ringing phone) Joe. Joe! Answer the phone.
Chandler: Noo.
Chandler: Just do it! Okay, it's Janice and if I get it I'm going to have to see her tonight. (phone stops ringing) Oh, that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it to her.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is still unpacking after the move, and Phoebe is their also.]
Chandler: You think?
Chandler: Do we have any...(turns around and bumps Monica's fake chest) Do we have any thoughts here?
CHANDLER: Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em. After they're done playing, I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.
Chandler: Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Janice are having dinner]
Chandler: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this. (hands her a present)
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Chandler: I'm not yanking you.
Chandler: It doesn't scare me!
Chandler: Yep, we're a couple and that's what couples do. And, I wanna meet your parents. We should take a trip with your parents!
Chandler: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because, you're my girlfriend, and that's what girlfriends should, should get.
Chandler: Oh God.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are comforting Chandler]
(Monica (Courtney Cox) and Chandler (Matthew Perry) are laughing. That then causes Lisa and Jennifer come out of character and start laughing hysterically. And that finally causes David Schwimmer to come out of character and start laughing as well. Matthew decides to sing along now as well.)
Chandler: She said she'd call me.
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Chandler: So, I finally catch up to her and she says this relationship is going to fast and we have to slow down.
Chandler: Okay, okay. So, should I call her?
Chandler: I know, that, (looks at her fake chest, and loses his train of thought, temporarily) that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.
Chandler: So I'm not, not gonna lose her?
Chandler: I said, 'So I'm not gonna lose her?'
Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!
Chandler: Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, theres a big selling calendar, eh?
Chandler: Jeez, what a baby.
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Chandler: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party. (grabs a bag off of the shelf)
Chandler: (normal voice) No. Not anymore.
Chandler: (shyly) Chelsea.
Chandler: (in accent) Oh, just a bit of shopping. How've you been?
Chandler: A woman's
Chandler: Can I be that guy?
Chandler: Yes indeedy! (they look outside) With a beautiful view of...
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
CHANDLER: Well, actually just one birthday flan.
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Chandler: Hello!
Chandler: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
Chandler: Here in Chelsea.
Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Chandler: (on phone) I love you too.
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Doug: Come on honey, let's go drink our body weight. (They walk off leaving Chandler and Monica alone.)
Chandler: Hey-hey-hey. So what happened? A forest tick you off?
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: So, you don't think I'm terminal?
Chandler: Yeah!
Chandler: All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. (sits on Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
Chandler: Youre building a post office?
Chandler: Eh. I thought that was an alp.
CHANDLER: No actually, I was just going for colorful.
Monica: So, Chandler, whos on your list?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
Phoebe: Chandler.