words in movies
Part I Written by: Michael Borkow Part II Teleplay by: Shana Goldberg-Meehan & Scott Silveri Part II Story by: Jill Condon & Amy Toomin Part I Transcribed by: Eric Aasen Part II Transcribed by: Aaron D. Miller
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Monica: Well...Id better get going.
Joey: Ah, Im-Im walking down the aisle...Still walking. (Mrs. Waltham takes her place.) Im about to pass the bridesmaid I hooked up with last night. (Looking at the bridesmaid.) Hey! (Talking to Phoebe.) I told her "Hey." And now Im at the front with Ross. Its Phoebe. (He shows Ross the phone.) He looks pretty mad. Uh...Id better go.
Monica: Oh, and the people are so nice. There's this one guy, Geoffrey, he's the Maitre D., Chandler, you will love him. He is without a doubt, the funniest guy I have ever met. (Chandler, who was almost asleep again, sits up straight in bed in an instant and can't believe what he just heard.)
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The auditions not til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody told me! (Listens) Whod you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.)
PHOEBE: Oh yeah, so you know D?
PHOEBE: Ok, do you know how to go from D to A minor?
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)
Chandler: (to Ross) All right listen, I have to go to the bathroom, but if the place with the big fish comes up again. Id like know whether thats several big fish or just one big fish.
Joey: There’s a part in a TV movie that I would be perfect for and I didn’t even be put up for it! She’d better have a good reason.
Joey: Hey! What are you guys doing here? I thought youd be out partying with Gandel-worf.
Joey: Oh really? Thatd be great! You guys can be the contestants!
Mindy: Look, I know he's not perfect, but the truth is, at the end of the day, I still really wanna be Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, D.D.S.
Rachel: Youd be okay if you knew that Mark had kissed me, and been naked with me, and made love to me?
Phoebe: Yeah, well hed prefer water colors, but y'know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal.
Monica: "Hi Im Rachel, is my sweater too tight? No? Oh, Id better wash it and shrink it!"
Ross: Of course he is! What, do you think Id just use my son as-as an excuse? What kind of father do you think I am?
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies Id like to talk to you about your toner needs. (Shes reading from the script.)
Phoebe: Id better go. (She goes and sits down in the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000, the chair that Sit magazine called chair of the year, and they both look at her.) Just over here: I dont want to miss the fight.
[Scene: Grammercy Bistero, Ross and Kristen are waiting for their table to be ready. Ross is returning from talking to the matired.]
Monica: You see, if wed gone around them like I said, weShe wouldve given us those tickets. Damnit!
Rachel: Fine. (on phone) Hi! Yes, Id like to order a large pizza.
The A.D: Yeah, we loves em. Ive never seen him with(He gets a whiff of Joey and starts smelling around.)
Monica: Oh, whatd ya bring me?! (She opens the gift) Awww, hotel toiletries from Japan. Oh, these are gonna go in my permanent collection. You want some coffee?
Monica: Oh, thatd be great.
Girl: Whatd you think I was, a hooker?
Ross: What you dont think Id go up to her?
Monica: Why? Cause otherwise youd go for it?
Ross: Now, if you wanna try to make some of it back, Id be glad to play you for it. But I should warn you, I am very good at Cups.
Dr. Green: Id love some juice. Thanks.
Ross: Hey, whered you get that?
Ross: Howd did it go?
Ross: We are having a baby together, but were not involved. (The cashier, a very beautiful woman, looks confused) I mean, uh we-we were seeing each other a while ago, but then we were just friends. And then there was one drunken night. (Rachel looks at him angrily) Or, yes stranger, wed like this delivered please.
Chandler: (to Rachel, whos entering) Hey! Howd the interview go?
Chandler: Joeys gonna be thrilled! He was hoping youd come by as a slutty nurse.
Phoebe: Whered you get too? We lost you after you opened up all the presents.
Ross: Yeah well, if I know Mark, and I think I do, Id expect nothing less.
Joey: Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought youd be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!
Ross: Oh yeah, Id love that.
Chandler: Nope, nope, Id just ah, Id rather talk to you. (pause) Yes, I do. Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom. (knocks on the door)
Monica: Wed love too.
Joey: Id really prefer a mountain bike.
Monica: So, if youre parents hadnt got divorced, youd be able to answer a question like a normal person?
Monica: Cause if you do that means youd be cancelling it for me, and were just friends.
Joey: Yeah. We figured when we couldnt find you, youd gone home to make up with Rachel. Which is probably what you shoulda done. Huh?
Chandler: Thats a bad duck!!! (to Ross) Howd the thing go tonight, Ross?
Phoebe Sr: Well, because youd be giving up a baby, and I-I really dontI dont know if theres anything I can say that could make you understand the pain of giving up a baby. So, umm, (Picks up a puppy in the box next to the couch.)
Phoebe: Hey Leslie, howd you know Id be here?
Chandler: Well, I got a job interview. Its kinda a big deal too. Its a lot more money and Id be doing data reconfiguration and statistical factoring.
Frank: Yeah, so we just thought wed stop by and let you know theres still no pressure.
Phoebe: Okay, well if I was in this for the money, Id be a millionaire by now, y'know. You just got to get out of that jingle head sweetie.
Chandler: Y'know, I wouldve bet good money that hed be the first one of us to get married.
Ross: Hey, howd the date go with Mr. Millionaire?
Frank: Wait, y'know what, I-I came to you because I thought youd understand! Oh no!! Y'know, I would storm out of here right now if-if I had some money, or a place to go
Pete: Ahh, Id throw another thousand on that.
Ross: Oh God, thank you! (Runs and gives all of them a group hug.) Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens Id like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.
Joanna: Why?! Why?! He said hed call. Why hasnt he called?
Joey: So, so, whatd ya think?
Pete: Yeah, sure, thatd be great.
Rachel: Okay, youd tell me the truth. Right?
Joey: (manages to pry off only a small piece) Aw! Look at that, every inch of this stuff is glued down. Itd take forever to pry this up. You should ah, you should just leave it. (starts to walk away, but Monica grabs him)
Mr. Waltham: I-I was wondering, my niece you see is in from Londonwell Shropshire really but yknowwell shes about your age I say. Anyway I have tickets for the opera, Die Fledermaus, and I was wondering if youd like to keep her company this evening?
Rachel: Howd it go with Pete?!
Pete: Well, if that were true, Id dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out were just plain awkward. (to Rachel) Come on, you think she should go out with me, dont you?
Cailin: So. Howd you guys meet?
Chandler: Its possible. You are very loveable, Id miss you if I broke up with you. (Ross glares at him) I was just trying to be supportive.
Phoebe Sr.: So I guess youd like to know how it all happened.
Monica: (stopping him) No! Joey, we swore wed never tell!
Rachel: Well, itd better not be about the apartment pants, because I just pitched the idea to my boss at Ralph Lauren and she loved it.
Joey: Id seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...
Monica: Well Id probably be scared of a guy using a fake voice.
Written by: Doty Abrams Transcribed by: Eric Aasen Episodes Orginally Transcribed by: Eric Aasen, guineapig, Josh Hodge, Aaron D. Howard-Miller, and Kiza Abuzahra.
Pete: Im fine! Id fight tonight, if theyd let me. (stands up and starts swinging his arms) See this circle Im marking off here? This is my zone of terror.
Rachel: Doh!! (pause) Ive got it!
Joeys Sister: Finally, I thought wed never be alone. Can I just tell you something, I have not stopped thinking about you since the party. (kisses him)
Chip: Oh, like Id give up that job! Free popcorn and candy, anytime I want. I can get you free posters for your room.
Monica: You promised Dr. Weinburg, youd never use that phrase.
Mrs. Geller: Oh no, dont be silly. I just bet Id need these. (Opens the freezer to reveal )
Chandler: Yeah, thatd be much worse than being 28, and still working here.
Mr. Simon: Why wasnt I offered that? Id definitely pay more for that.
Chandler: No, wed just like to close them.
Ross: Wed like to close our accounts.
Ross: Yeah! Wed meet, wed meet total strangers, and hang out with them!
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
Chandler: (in a deep voice) If I broke up with you, Id miss you.
Mrs. Potter: Oh really? Well, then youd better tell his other wife, cause she called three times asking where he is.
Chandler: Well, I just thought itd make me feel good to do something nice for my friend.
Ross: Like em, like em? Or, Id like to get store credit for that amount like em?
Mark: Ive kinda of had this ah, this crush on you. (Rachel is shocked) But since you were with Ross, I-I didnt do anything about it. But, now that youre not, Id really like to ask you out sometime. So-so thats-thats what Im doing, now.
Melissa: Of course I remember our kiss. I think about it all the time. I can still hear the coconuts knockin together I (Phoebe is shocked.) I just didnt want to tell you cause I didnt think that youd return my love, and now that you have (Leans in to kiss Rachel.)
Chandler: Oh-no, yknow with Gandolf wed be out all night!
Monica: Yeah, y'know I-I made a commitment to you. Yknow what, itd be, itd be fun.
Joey: Howd it go?
Kathy: Oh wow. I really wish youd call me.
Chandler: Why not?! Id be thrilled if I heard that some hot girl was just looking to getoh I see.
Phoebe Sr.: No, Im not done. I-I-I just want you to know that I, the reason I didnt look you up was, well I was afraid that youd react, just well like, the way, the way youre reacting right now, and cant we just, y'know, start from here?
Monica: You bet that Id screw up?! So all that stuff about hiring me because I was good was
Phoebe: I cant follow Ross! Itd be like those bicycle ridding chimps that followed The Beetles. No.
The A.D: The one with "Heston" on it.
Joey: Nope. (To Ross) Man look at this! Ross, I cant believe you said youd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!
The A.D: Calm down, we got time, were running a little late.
The A.D: You.