words in movies
Chandler: What are you going to do?
Amy: Do you have a hair straightener?
Amy: No, I'm not talking about you. <to Rachel> It was your fat friends brother with that bad afro, do you remember?
Joey: I do not.
Joey: Somebody opened the door to the coffee house and a raccoon came running in, went straight for your muffin and I said "Hey don't eat that-that's Phoebe's" and he said.. <pause> He said.. "Joey you stink at lying." What am I going to do?
Amy with straight hair: Oh she's precious. Do you ever worry she's going to get your real nose?
Rachel: Amy! <pause> Yes I do.. I really do. <grabs Ross' hand for support>
Amy: no, no, then I would get the baby. I mean you know it would be just like a movie. Like at first I wouldn't know what to do with her, then I would rise to the occasion and and then I would get a makeover and then I'd get married.
Joey: Hey! How come my plate's less fancy then everyone else's? Do you not trust me with a fancy plate?
Amy: Okay, how about this, you guys die and the crazy plate lady dies, then do I get the baby?
Chandler: Look, I may not know a lot about babies, but do you really think I'm not capable?
Amy: How hard could it be? You do it.
Amy: Do you want to know why you don't want me to have the baby?
Amy: Uh.. To name a few. You know.. You know.. You've just always been like this. You just have to have everything. And I couldn't have anything. Like in junior high, when you stole Timmy from me. I mean, do you even realize how much that hurt me?
Amy: No! What are you going to do? Make me?
Amy: So do I.
Rachel: I do pilates.
Amy: I do yoga.
Ross: So, so now do I get Joey?
Chandler: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. <knocks over the box of china> Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.
ROSS: Ok, do you have any ideas for any openers?
Chandler: Eh, y'know what, shes to political, she probably wouldnt let you do it, unless you donated four cans of food first.
Rachel: Oh (happy) oh no just stopped to throw up a little bit. (Emma starts crying again.) Oh come on, what am I gonna do, its been hours and it wont stop crying.
Cassie: Well, maybe after we get reacquainted uh, you can do me.
Phoebe: Okay umm, Id also like to try on the tiara. (The male jeweler hands it to her.) Oh yeah. Okay. (Puts it on.) (To the jeweler) What do you think, too much?
PHOEBE: Shh. In a minute, I'm gonna create a diversion. When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back.
Rachel: Thirty. Ugh, I mean thirty! Monica, do you remember mean, old Mrs. Kreeger in the fifth grade? She was thirty!
Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat)
[Scene: N.Y.U, Rosss new class, this time hes actually about to do a lecture.]
Joey: Aw crap! Okayuh uh lets-lets do the rings.
Joey: Ha-ha, very funny. I dont know what to do! Yknow? Holy crud!
Charlton Heston: I dont know one actor worth his salt that didnt say at one time or another, "God, I stink!" Hell, I just did a scene out there, first take, I stunk the place up. But, the important thing you must remember, no matter how badly you think you might stink, you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?!
Chandler: (looks afraid, but at the same time, knows she's right) Well, we have to do something. We can't have her living next door. (Janice's laughs loudly outside) Oh, that does it too. (Motions with his index finger like Monica did)
Chandler: Yeah, thats like the most ugliest dress Ive ever seen. Wh-why do you to return it?
Joey: How many times do I have to tell you! Ya, turn and sliiiide! Y'know, turn and slide.
Joey: Oh hey, do you still have their final exams?
Monica: I cant do that either! The soles are already a little scuffed up and the insides are filled with my blood.
Ross: (enters) Wow, couples who live together do start to look alike. So, Mondler...uh, what uh, what cha doin?
Rachel: Yes oh(To Ben)Do I want sugar in my coffee? (Ben nods no.) No, just some milk would be good Carol. Thanks. (To Ben) Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Chandler: Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here. (Makes kiss noise)
Joey: I mean, this soap opera is a great gig, but... am I missing opportunities? You know, I've always thought of myself as a serious actor. I mean, should I be trying to do more independent movies?
Chandler: It is the softest hair! Touch it! (Both he and Monica do so.)
Ross: And I'm fine never having heard it... (Rachel looks at Ross in a "why do you say that" manner) Rach, can I... can I see you for a sec?
Monica: I know. Hey, do you realize we may have just changed our lives forever? We may have just started a family. Nine months from now we can be here, having our own baby.
Chandler: Oh, I wish Id know you were going to do that, I ordered Chinese.
Monica: Okay, fine. Let's talk about snow. -- Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband is having sex on a copying machine?
Phoebe: (singing, drunk) My sticky shoes, my sticky-sticky shoes, why do you stick on me, ba-a-by! Thanks for the lights honey.
Rachel: Honey, no one thinks youre a pansy, but we do think you need a tissue. (She notices something hanging from Monicas nose, as does Joey.)
Phoebe: So umm, now do you have any of Matt Lauers clothes here? Maybe? Just ones that havent been cleaned yet?
Estelle: How do you do. (to Rachel and Monica) Ooh, you two girls were outstanding! (to Joey) Did they have representation?
Dr. Green: Stay calm?!! How do you expect me to stay calm?! This is unacceptable Rachel! And I wanna know why?!! Is it because that punk Ross wont marry you?! Thats it! Is that it?!
Phoebe: Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins. So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other anyway?
Joey: Yes I do! And were gonna go out, were gonna have a good time, and take your mind off of childbirth and c-sections and-and giant baby heads stretching out
Rachel: Me either. Umm, all right, first thing I need you to do is go downstairs and find a women named Hilda and tell her to go home.
Chandler: Well, of course I do! My good friend Joey over here. (Pats Joeys arm, Joey pats Chandlers shoulder, and Chandler motions for Joey to say the same about him.)
Rachel: I know, it's huge, and it's scary, and it's... really far, far away from you guys, but this is such an incredible opportunity for me. And I've already talked to them about our situation with Emma, and they said they'll do whatever we need to make us feel comfortable.
Monica: Oh, how do you play the shadow game?
Ross: Yeah, I know, so what? I mean, whos-whos to say? Does that me we-we cant do it? Look, huh, I was with Carol for four years before we got married and I wound up divorced from a pregnant lesbian. I mean, this, this makes sense for us. Come on! I mean, on our first date we ended up spending the whole weekend in Vermont! I mean, last night I got my ear pierced! Me! This feels right. Doesnt it?
Rachel: Oops! All right, so what do you want to do now?
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, I can help you decide who should do it! Yeah, we could have like uh, like an audition and see how youd handle maid of honor type situations.
Joey: Yknow, Monica and Chandler are married. Ross and Rachel are having a baby. Maybe you and I should do something.
Phoebe: Yeah. (phone rings and Phoebe answers it) Hello. (listens) Oh my God, I totally forgot! (listens) Well cant someone else do it. (listens) But, I have company. (listens) Yeah, no look, thats all right Ill come in. (hangs up phone) Um, Frank, Im really sorry but I have to go to work. Its-its one of my regulars and hes insisting that I do um.
Joey: Of course you do! I saved him! You're mad at me! It all adds up! You want Ross out of the picture.
Phoebe: Yes you do! This is your third divorce! You love divorce so much youre probably gonna marry it! Then it wont work out and youre gonna have to divorce it, divorcing guy. (Pause) Im so drunk.
>>> Joey's Subconscious So this is going pretty good. dinner was nice, got a lot in common. (Sees a magazine) Victoria's secret huh we even like the same books. (Walks over to a painting on the wall) Oh now there's a scary painting. wait a minute I think I've been scared by that painting before. (Looks around) You know what this whole place look familiar I have definitely been in this apartment I know I've seen this weird plant before (it's a cactus and he touch's it) AWCH! It did that the last time. Oh my god, I've gone out with this girl before yeah we had sex on this couch and then on that chair and no. no we didn't do it hear which is weird because it seems like a perfectly good place.
Phoebe: Yeesh, whatd you do about it?
Joey: What do you have against the duck?! He doesnt make any noise!
Estelle: Theres just one thing. Do you have a problem with full frontal nudity?
Ross: Well we gotta do something, ok? Nannies like her don't grow on trees. (pause)
Chandler: Her ass print is still on your grandmothers quilt, do you really want to talk about smoking?
Ross: Oh my God! Of course, of course. (To the class.) Umm, would you please excuse me for a moment? Umm, do you know each others hometowns? Why dont you (Motions that they should learn everyones hometown.) (To Phoebe) Wh-whats going on?
Rachel: Honey, that's very sweet, it just seems to me though, that if two people love each other and trust each other, like we do, there's no reason to be jealous. (she kisses him)
Chandler: I believe the foundation of our friendship was unfortunate hair. (Ross just stares at him) All right, look, if we're really gonna do this... it's not like you never broke one of the pacts.
David: Damn it! I-I'm sorry. I-I don't mean that. I-I want you to be happy... But only with me. No, uhm... that's not fair. Uh, who cares, leave him!. Oh, I don't mean that. Yes I do... I'm sorry Uhm, I... I think I should probably uhm... go...
Ross: Come on Chappy, do your business. MAKE! MA-AKE! I did not sign on for this.
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you want me to marry Mike? Alright, well, let's just gag him and handcuff him and force him down the aisle. I can just see it: "Mike, do you take Phoebe..." (gestures with her hand as if someone is covering her mouth and tries to shout "No! No!") You know, it's every girl's dream!
Phoebe: Whoa!! Thatokay, thats a lot of pressure on me and my uterus. (to Dr. Zane) So, well okay, so is thereis maybe is there something that I can do yknow just to like help make sure I get pregnant?
Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?
The Interviewer: Well umm, another thing our readers always want to know is how our soap stars stay in such great shape. Do you have some kind of fitness regime?
Phoebe: Why, do I have a feeling thats not as happy as it sounds? (Joey points out one going into the chipper to her, as this haunty, demonic music starts to play in the background) No! Nooooo!!! (she winces in horror and hides her face against Joeys shoulder, as she sees the tree spit out from the chipper.)
Ross: Hey! What do you guys think about this. "Ross: The Divorce-Force".
Joey: Oh, I do. (Gives her the Joey-love look.) How you doin?
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Joey: Well youre not selling the story! Its like; its like you dont believe it! Look, I gotta go. I got a date, but try this. Do what I do when Im preparing for an audition. Okay? Ill set you up with my video camera and you can record yourself and-and see what youre doing wrong.
Phoebe: Oh great! And listen, could you do us a favor and not tell Chandler and Monica about this? Cause yknow umm, they dont-they dont have any kids of their own and-and this door was like a child to them.
Monica: It is so weird, I know what I said, but uh, this morning, I was lying in bed I was, I was imagining what it would be like to say yes. (Rachel slams the magazine shut in amazement.) I know its a little sudden, and its a little rushed, and its totally not like me to do something like this, but that doesnt mean I cant. Right? I mean Im-Im crazy about Pete, and I know that we want the same things, and when I thought about saying yes, it made me really happy.
Ross: Okay. Okay. Yknow what? If you want to, we can do it one more time. I mean Id-Id be okay with that. In fact, I have some time right now.
Joey: Okay, what do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia, Tris Holy cow, thats a big word. Trisc Seriously look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that?
Richard: Wow. Y'know were back where we were. Honey, I would love to do all that, but nothings changed.
Ross: What, now youre not even taking to me? (moves over to the coffee table) Look Rachel, I-Im sorry, okay, Im sorry, I was out of my mind. I thought Id lost you, I didnt know what to do. Come on! Come on, how insane must I have been to do something like this? Huh? I-I dont cheat right, I, thats not me, Im not Joey!
Chandler: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, youre my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.
JOEY: What? You think I'm too dumb to understand that a husband needs to be with his wife?� Huh?� Do you think I'm like, "Duh."� (He strikes himself in the head with the bat.� He stands dazed for a moment.)
RACHEL: Ok, you know what, lemme, let me just see what else I can do. All right, look, look. Why don't you just let her go on after Stephanie whatever-her-name-is. I mean, you won't even be here. You don't pay her. It's not gonna cost you anything.
JANITOR: Of course they're gonna say he's dead. They don't want the bad publicity. It's all a great big cover-up. Do you have any idea how high up this thing goes?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is there and is getting ready to direct a bunch of strippers, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe on what to do in the upcoming orgy of lesbian lust. Yes, its a dream sequence, this isnt cable.]
Monica: Ohh! Did you do what I said? Did-did-did you tell her?
Rachel: How many ways are there to do that?
Mr. Franklin: What do you think of adding him to our team?
Ross: Sure, I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together would have worked out? Of course. You know, I'm disappointed, but it's not like it's a divorce.
Rachel: Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why Im not drinking on this date tonight. "Umm, Im a recovering alcoholic. Im a Mormon," or "I got so hammered last night Im still a little drunk?"
Phoebe: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, yknow? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. Its been a really bad day, whore wise.
Monica: Any time you want. Y'know, when I was younger, all I wanted to do was to play with this dollhouse, but no!! It was to be looked at, but never played with.
Rachel: (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this (makes a gesture like a stewardess pointing out exits) right now. But I'm not.
Chandler: (sliding up behind her) No. No, I wont. Do you know why I took all those lessons? See, for the first time I didnt want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.
Chandler: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. (Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.) Nothing.
Mindy: I know. I know, and when he proposed to me, everyone said "Don't do it, he's just gonna do to you what he did to Rachel," and now I feel so stupid.
Chandler: Yeah, I can be a hero, I could do that. I could, I could do... I, w-w-what if, what if it attacks me?
Pete: Let me tell you a story. When I set out to create Moss 865, do you think it just happened overnight? No. There was Moss 1, that burnt down my Dads garage, there was Moss 2 that would only schedule appointments in January, and 862 others that I learned from, just like I learned from this fight, never to let a guy stand on my neck.
Phoebe: (rapidly) Im doing okay. I think its going well. Do you think theyre having fun? Am I talking to fast?
Monica: Do you see this? (Mimics him drooling over a womans breasts.)
Phoebe: No! We're gonna do it my way. (listens) Because your way is stupid! Alright I gotta go, I have another call, Reverend. (switches calls) Hello?
Joey: (grunting) Oh my How much do you weigh Ross?!
Ross: I know! I know! Why do you guys need to have this conversation?! Huh? I mean no self-respecting man would ask a woman, "So, where is this going?"
Phoebe: That was supposed to be a good thing, I forget why. Just listen, Monica, I, do you know, okay, do you know, I couldnt sleep for like a month because I got like a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions.
Rachel: I know. Okay. (Whispering and thinking.) Okay. Okay. All right. All right, this is what were gonna do, we are gonna go to the next highest bidder, and we are just gonna let them buy it, and then youre just gonna pay the difference.
Joey: Ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah! (He drapes it around his shoulders.) Enh? All right, what do you think?
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
Chandler: (disgusted) What? What can't you do?
Chandler: Sure! Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you! Do you believe that who everdid something over here last night did what they did or didn't do ...I mean come on!!
Monica: Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. (She picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I dont even know what it is! Ohh, its still soft. (She rubs it against her cheek.) What do you think this is?