words in movies
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
Conan: Its a tradition here on Friends after every taping for me to hang out with you guys, (They all laugh) talk down the episode umm The point of this whole thing is what people see in America is: they see Friends, they love the show, it looks like a smooth running machine, but behind the scenes theres deceit, mistrust, and hate. And I thought, I thought wed actually take a look at uh, yknow some of these moments where you guys arethere are mistakes. You make mistakes.
Conan: For example, I dont have to memorize lines. You guys actually have to remember what to say and you probably forget from time to time. Yes?
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there. I think its The One With The Joke.]
Ross: Uh, oh-oh, umm no you didnt. I did.
Phoebe: So, we realize thatOh no (She resets herself) Im telling it! Im telling it (She loses it.)
Joey: Ha-ha. LookCome on, I dont know what to do or say. (He laughs.)
Joey: Ha-ha, very funny. I dont know what to do! Yknow? Holy crud!
Joey: Ha-ha-ha, very funny. Look, I dont know what to do! (Long pause, as everyone cracks up.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is speaking Italian to Joeys grandmother. Im spelling phonetically.]
Courtney: Oh! Okay! Im gonna try it without the coffee cup cause I think its the left hand thats messing me up.
Lisa: Do I? Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, thats your fault. I say.
Lisa: I love you.
Courtney: I love you! (They hug.)
Joey: Oh yeah? Then how come I keep(He notices that the marker board they use has been left on the entertainment center and holds up his discovery.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, first season, Monica is making a giant sub-sandwich and is talking to Rachel. I think its The One With Fake Monica.]
Courtney: (laughing) I spit on her!
Phoebe: Oh-ooh, and I brought Operation, but umm I lost the umm (It starts buzzing) Its making a noise.
Matt: I have had some clumsy moments I guess you can call em.
Courtney: This particular time when he continued to fall or yknow, try not to fall, I was in the room with Matthew and Matthew was like, "Should I do it?"
Conan: Matthew, you have a reputation with the rest of the cast that sometimes you like to, you like to fool around a bit. I mean like if somethings naturally going wrong you like to get in there and juice it a little bit. True or false?
Matthew: I dont necessarily like to juice things
Richard: Noo! I came down here to tell you something else. I came here to tell you I still love you.
Rachel: No yknow, I dont want to switch! Come on! I can throw wet paper towels here!
Conan: And then it just builds on itself and theres no doing the scene after. I mean you probably wait and really get it together and do it.
David: For me, I have a hard time with le Blanc in particular. When-whenI mean when
Matt: Yeah, what did I do?
David: I keep a straight face he-he delivers like this look, a reaction to you, or a certain take, I-II mean I find it so funny.
Joey: I mean what kind of an actor, what kind of an actor cant even say, "Hmm, noodle soup?"
Matt: Okay, Ill just put a little more booze on there. (Pours some more on.)
Ross: I think, subconsciously
Joey: Okay, the next situation is for Rachel. The wedding is about to start you walk into the back room and you find Monica taking a nap with Ross. (Ross lies on the floor.) Ill be Monica. Go! (He jumps down and cuddles up with Ross.)
Courtney: Im doing my brother.
David: Where the story was that I was anticipating that I would be around to hear my sons first words spoken. But the scene was about that he wasnt supposed to be able to speak and, uh for some reason when we started doing the show
Ross: Its Ben and his Da-Da. Da-Da? Can you say Da-Da? Yknow, you might as well say it because I told your
Ross: Can you say Da-Da? See, Im gonna tell your mommies you said it anyway, so you might as well try
Matt: Yeah, shes trying to waft the smell across the hall to get us to come hang out in her new place, and were sitting there eating pizza and I think it was you (Points to Lisa) that said
Phoebe: What do I smell?
Matt: I think I was supposed to say, "I dont know," and go over and open the door. And I went
Phoebe: What do I smell?
Phoebe: What do I smell?
Phoebe: What do I smell?
Joey: I dont know, but it smells good. (He gets up and heads for the door only to stop short and start laughing.)
Courtney: Im melting!
Matt: You-you mentally make a flag on it and you say, "Okay show night, Im justIll never be able to get through this."
Chandler: You see, I dont say(Starts laughing.)
Rachel: Im sorry
Conan: When you have to do physical business for a scene, I mean there must be; there must be a lot of funny moments when you have to physically do a task as part of a scene.
David: Yeah, Rachel, Chandler, and Ross had to try to get a couch up a staira very narrow New York stairwell and that was probably I-I think it was the hardest Ive-Ive laughed in my life period.
David: We enjoy watching each other. And I settle for watching each others performance, and we like each other.
Ross: Oh the bands ready! And wellI-Iwe gotta do what the band says, right? I dont care about the stinkin band!!
Monica: I think you got it!
Courtney: Im sorry, I messed up.
Matt: Ill do it again and again if you want.
Ross: No-no! Ill-Ill (He takes too much and some falls out of his mouth, which starts him laughing.)
Chandler: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay?
Monica: Okay, I got it. Phoebe? All right, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. (Joey starts giggling.) Joey? Now is not the time!
Monica: I think you're better than you think you are.
Monica: I think you're my favorite.
Monica: I don't care.
Phoebe: But umm, I mean, did you talk to them about, y'know
Rachel: Okay! No accountants. Oh, and no one from like legal. I dont like guys with boring jobs.
Phoebe: I know.
Drew: Ahh, I just got out of a big relationship, Im not looking for any thing serious.
Rachel: I cannot believe you.
Ross: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... (Joey shakes his head) Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right?
RACH: I don't know. Who would I have to sleep with?
Ross: I had to talk loud because the movie was loud!
Kim: Oh thats interesting? Because I checked and only one keycard was used to access the copy machine yesterday during lunch and that keycard belonged to you, Rachel.
Monica: (pulling on a robe) Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I-I-I was um, I was taking a nap.
Joey: Maybe, I should call this place and get them to put my 'Days of Our Lives' on here. You know, juice this puppy up a little.
Joey: Come on Ross! Look, I-I dont have any brothers; Ill never get to be a best man!
Mrs. Geller: (holding two pies) Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room left in the fridge.
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties!
Joey: Do uh, do you got any beer? All-all I got is this melon stuff that Rachel left. I dont
Rachel: A-alright! I can do this.
RACHEL: (after a pause with everyone staring at her, she goes up to the microphone) Ya, know what Barr, I'm not gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not, see 'cause I promised myself that I would make it through at least *one* of your weddings (da-doom-chesh). See now, tonight, all I really wanted was to make it though this evening with a little bit of grace and dignity. Well (laughing), I guess we can all agree that's not gonna happen. There's nothing really left to say except....(starts singing) "Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers (band joins in), feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there. She would..."
Monica: I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?
Emily: I miss you to. Well, at least I think I do.
CHANDLER: I think you played the Gunther card too soon.
Phoebe: I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!
Rachel: Wow, he's cute, Pheebs! But I thought you just started dating that Kindergarten teacher.
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Monica: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...
Chandler: No, I didn't misunderstand, okay? She was all over me! She touched my bicep for crying out loud!
Emily: I understand that would be difficult.
Emily: I don't know, it's just
Ross: I know. I am, I am so sorry.
Phoebe: (In a British accent) This is Phoebe Buffay. I was wondering, please, if-if its not too much trouble, please, umm, might I speak to Miss Emily Waltham, please?
Emily: I did. Now I'm the idiot.
Monica: Well, I do.
Ross: No-no-no! Only if I promise never to see Rachel again.
Chandler: No-o-o! (To Monica) No? (She nods no.) No-o-o! Look Joey, heres the thing, Monica and I have decided to live together, here. So, Im gonna be moving out man.
The Interviewer: Umm, Im gonna just go get this warmed up. (She takes her coffee mug up to the counter.)
CHANDLER: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room]
Ross: No! No! Im not! Its-its-its perfect! I mean its better than you just-just moving here, cause its us together forever, and thats-thats what I want.
Monica: Y'know what, champ? I think I'll pass.
Emily: (on answering machine) Hello Ross? It's Emily. (Rachel runs back into the room with the tequila.) I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
Ross: What can I do, she doesnt listen to me about renters insurance either.
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you called her fat.
ROSS: Well, hey. You're an actor, I say you just suck it up and do it. (Rachel looks at him in disbelief) Or you just do it.
Monica: When Mom and Dad drove you to the hospital to get your nose fixed, I swam into the lake and fished it out.
Joey: What? My hands are totally clean, I just gave the duck a bath.
Ross: Im-Im not kidding. Look I-I, I cant have three failed marriages. I cant. Okay? I-I am not gonna be that guy!
Phoebe: I would like to make a pledge. I would like to donate $200.
Chandler: Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just carry it around. Do you have any Chap Stick?
Chandler: I am really sorry. That is so terrible. I am so, so sorry.
Phoebe: Ohh, Im getting too pregnant for this, lugging around a stupid massage table. Yknow, I have to find a job where I carrying a smaller table. (She goes over and stands in front of the TV.)
Phoebe: No, it sucks. I was saving up to buy a hamster.
Phoebe: Yeah, not the one I had my eye on.
Chandler: I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH MY GOD.
Joey: (interrupting) Hey! Chef Geller! Yknow that little speech you made the other day? Well I got a problem with it!
Rachel: Actually, y'know that's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about.
Monica: But, I just cleaned the bathroom.
Ross: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily. (Points at her.)
Monica: I know!
Erica: Yeah, when I read about you two, I was pretty sure I wanted you, but I just thought we should meet face to face. (to the agency guy). I've made my decision. I choose them.
Mark: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
Ross: Yeah, thats okay, I mean if you guys all have to go away for the first weekend Im alone by myself, y'know then I totally, totally understand.
Phoebe: Oh, no, I have the cutest Christmas story!
Chandler: Okay, I gotta go to work.
Ross: Is Rachel here? I gotta talk to her.
Ross: Fine! Yknow what? It doesnt matter, because, if I remember correctly, there is a comb on the floor of the bathroom.
Joey: Doesnt seem like it's going to work, I mean
Ross: I can't believe you let George Michael slap you.
Rachel: Oh yeah! I know.
Monica: (getting up) Im gonna go put my make up on, we have to be at the hotel in an hour! (Starts for the bathroom.)
Rachel: Oh! Well, as a single woman, who is available, I think you look great!
Monica: Yes. Yes, I was. A guy. From work. (Thinks) I'm seeing a guy from work! Ha!
Phoebe: Yayohyay! Okay, I gotta go tell Frank and Alice! Right now!
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
Phoebe: I know it's le poo right now, but it'll get better.
Monica: Ooh, chocolates on the pillows! I love that!
Chandler: (jumping on the bed) I can't believe it! We're here!
Monica: Wait. Rachel, no, hes married. Married! If you dont realize that, I cant help you.
Ross: Hey, so uh, y'know how there's something I wanted to talk to you about?
Ross: Okay, I uh, I can't see you anymore.
Rachel: But yknow what, if you think its gonna be okay well just work out a system. Yknow, itll be like college, Ill hang a hanger on the door and put a sign, "Come back later, Im gettin lucky." (Laughs.)
Jill: Ugh! I cannot believe you did this too me! You had me doubting how smart I was! (Gasps) You had me doubting my fashion sense!
Rachel: Y'know, I know it's totally superficial and we have absolutely nothing in common, and we don't even speak the same language but Goooooooddddddd....
Rachel: Yeah, I know. It's ridiculous! I can't see you either.
ROSS: Hello.� (listens)� Ah, no, she's not here right now.� Can I take a message?� (grabs a pad and pen)� Bill from the bar?� (writes)� Okay, "Bill from the bar."� I'll make sure she gets your number.
Ross: I have no idea. I mean But-but I assure you I will figure it out.
Phoebe: You guys kissed!!!!! What does this mean?!! Are you, are you getting back together?! Can I sing at your wedding?
Joey: Aww, man. Thats the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out hes my roommate, shes gonna tell him what I did.
Ross: Oh, and Chandler and I have this stupid college alumni thing. I can't believe you get to meet Donny Osmond.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, I had too. There was never any parking by the Psychology building.
Jim: I write erotic novels, for children.
Monica: Were not gonna have sex! Okay, nothings changed here. He still doesnt want children and I still do, so thats why were just gonna be friends.
Joey: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, am I getting in the way of all the room switching fun?
Joey: Look-look-look you guys, I need some help! Okay? Someone is going to have to convince my hand twin to cooperate!
Chandler: I just want to watch a little television. What is the big deal? Geez, relax mom.
Chandler: But only because I was up all night worried about this meeting, aint that funny? Irony? Not a fan, alright (he sits down). See, heres the thing. I went home and told my wife about Tulsa and she wont go. See, me, I love Tulsa! Tulsa is heaven! Tulsa is ItalyPlease dont make me go there!
Phoebe: Okay. So, this wire is connected to this wire which plugs into here. (She points at each as she says it.) Okay so, to get the beeping to stop all I have to do (She picks up a shoe and proceeds to pummel the smoke detector. She then gets up and heads to bed, stops, quickly turns around, and is satisfied that the beeping has stopped.) Well done, Pheebs. (She resumes her trek to bed, but is stopped at the entrance to the hallway by the now steady and extremely loud tone emanating from the smoke detector.) (Yelling.) What do you want from me?!!!!!!!