words in movies
[Scene: A beauty parlour, Rachel is getting a manicure while Chandler, yes Chandler, is getting a petticure (Does that scare you that I know those terms? Well, it scares me.).]
Chandler: Y'know, I can't believe I'm getting my nails done! And you said it was gonna be fun! (pause) Which it kinda is. Also, you said there would be other guys here. There are no other guys here!
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Joey: I know what it did! Nothing.
Janice: Oh well, Im divorced.
Janice: Yeah, Im riding the alimony pony. (Does the now famous laugh.)
Janice: I just came up to say, "Hi!" Hi! (to Chandler) And you, sweetie, Ill see you tonight.
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After its closed) I cant stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)
Phoebe: What?! I thought you were crazy about her!
Chandler: Yeah, I know, but all of those little annoying things she did before we fell in love? Like her voice, her laugh, her personalityWell, theyre all back! Yknow? And shes picked up like nine new ones!
Chandler: Dont worry about it. Im taking care of it tonight. (Chandler opens the fridge and grabs something to drink.)
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
Joey: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. (They all look around and then back at Joey.) Im tellin ya!
Emily: I cant believe you really walk alone here! I mean, you hear such stories about New York.
Ross: No, its really not that bad. I mean, I-I for one, feel perfectly safe.
Emily: So how are you? Ive been meaning to ring you ever since I arrived but umm, well, Ive been rather busy.
Emily: Oh my God. I think youre right.
Liam: (puts his arm around her) Well, actually the last time you and I saw each other was that morning.
Ross: Oh, Liam. So uh, what, were you guys playing soccer or somethingor should I call it (In an English accent) football?
Emily: (laughs) Ross play rugby? I dont think so.
Emily: Well I mean, youre American to start with. You dont even have rugby here.
Janice: Oh boy, I just love to sing!
Chandler: Yes, I-I know that you do, but I think one of the reasons people were complaining though, was that they paid to hear the actor sing Old Man River.
Chandler: (laughs) Okay, we have to talk. Im just getting out of a very serious relationship
Janice: I know! And Im just getting out of a marriage, I mean talk about meant to be!
Chandler: Right! I just think that this is happening too soon.
Janice: Oh, too soon, too schmoon. Face it honey, I am not letting you get away this time.
Chandler: I hear ya. (Pause) But! Unfortunately, my company is transferring me overseas!
Chandler: Okay, could you just stop talking for a second? (Thinks) Yemen. Thats right, yes, Im being transferred to Yemen!
Chandler: I dont know exactly.
Janice: Ugh, well I will just have to soak up every once of Chandler Bing until that moment comes.
Chandler: But I do know that its some time tomorrow.
Monica: This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and checked every outlet. Now, four of them dont work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.
Joey: (to Rachel) I bet I stopped listening before you did.
Monica: Yeah, well, Im using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises its Joey.)
Phoebe: Ooh, hey, could we put on the news? I think it might be raining.
Ross: Oh, just hold on a second. Im watching this rugby thing on ESPN. I dont know what the big deal is. Im man enough to play this sport.
Chandler: Well, I-I thought I did but, I-I guess I did not!
Chandler: Oh, Im packing. Yknow Im-Im packing cause Im moving to Yemen tomorrow.
Chandler: Im only going to pretend Im moving to Yemen, its the only way I can get rid off her.
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, I do that cause it makes me look taller.
Joey: Nope. (To Ross) Man look at this! Ross, I cant believe you said youd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!
Ross: Hey, I can handle it! All right?
Ross: Well, you shouldve seen the guy that she used to go out with. I mean, hes like Joe Rugby.
Phoebe: Youre kidding! And he plays rugby?! Thats so funny. (Realises) Ohh! I see how you did that. All right.
Ross: Anyway, she thought the very idea of me playing rugby with him was like hilarious. So Im gonna show her how tough I really am!
Rachel: (starts laughing, Ross stares at her) Im sorry. Im sorry. Youre right, you are a tough guy. Youre the toughest palaeontologist I know.
Ross: Look, dont worry about me. Okay? Ill just stay real energetic and stay away from the ball. Ill uh, Ill be that guy right out of the circle. (He points to a player who starts running and then gets viscously tackled from behind.)
Emily: Im just going to say hi to the lads. All right?
Phoebe: Whoa! (The player leaves and to Joey) I kinda liked it.
Ross: Okay, I know what I have to do. Ive got to go Red Ross. (Joey and Phoebe dont know what hes talking about.) Yknow, Red Ross!
Joey: I totally dont know what youre talking about.
Ross: Come on! The time we were all waiting in line for Dances With Wolves and that one guy cut in line in front of us and I just lost it?! Screamed at him! Turned all red! Red Ross!!
Rachel: No. But I was showing him some cufflinks and I felt his pulse.
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay should I be scared?
Monica: I know that switch does something, okay? So-so I went down to city hall and got these. All I had to do was pay $25 and wait in line for three hours.
Chandler: Well, were really not that close. (Pause) Okay, so I guess this is uh, good-bye then.
Janice: On no! No! Its not good-bye, Im not leaving until you get on that plane.
Chandler: Okay. Then I guess its just, wait here then. (Hands her the sign that says, Wait Here.") (To the ticket agent) Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no. No, no, no, I just, I just need a pretend ticket.
Ticket Counter Attendant: Im sorry sir, I dont understand.
Chandler: No. All right, yknow what, shes (Points to Janice) gonna think that Im handing you a credit card, but what Im really gonna do is hand you a library card.
Emily: I cant believe theyre doing that to him! I told them to go easy on him!
Ross: Did you see me? I was pretty good, huh? That is one fun game!
Ross: Thanks. (When shes gone he collapses into Joey.) I-I think Im dying. I really do.
Ross: (to Phoebe) Tell my son that I love him. (Emily returns with the water.) Excellent! Well, okay, I gotta have some more fun!
Ross: What? No! No, Im not stopping. Im Red Ross!
Ross: I dont care! I am not quitting! I insist on finishing this game!
Emily: No. Thats not what Im saying. I just may know a few things that might help you inflict some pain.
Ross: I like that.
Emily: And that big bloke with the beard, he has got a trick hip. Yeah. And uh, and David over there, I heard he doesnt wear a cup.
Ross: Yeah? I can use that, trick hip, no cup, okay! Okay!
Emily: I dont care! You just get him!
Ross: Im gonna go get him! Okay, I am going back in! (Squeals like a madman.)
Monica: Oh, just some pictures I made and hung up. I thought theyd brighten up the place. They do dont you think?
Monica: I know that theres no hole there, I just really liked that picture.
Monica: Okay, but there is a wire back there! I mean that switch is connected to something!
Rachel: I dont care! The wires have come loose in your head!
Monica: I just thought that if I could follow the wire I could find out what it did.
Monica: No. It disappears back there behind that baseboard. For a minute there, I thought it went downstairs.
Ross: Oh no! That-thatll just bring me down! This was great! I mean I-I-I was great! This is a great day! Yknow what? Im buying everyone coffee. All right? If someone would just grab my wallet, its in my pocket.
Joey: Uhh, look, your eyes still popping out a little, Im gonna go get some ice.
Phoebe: Ooh, ice! I am so in the mood for ice! (They go and get the coffee and the ice leaving Ross and Emily alone.)
Ross: Oh, I kinda was, wasnt I?
Ross: I made a man twice my size cry. I mean, I havent done that since I was four and I washed my dads Porsche with rocks.
Ross: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody noseI mean I-Im not proud of it but, I really am. And its all because of you, wonderful, amazing you.
Emily: I think youve got concussion.
Ross: No, no, Im serious. Thank you.
Emily: Youre welcome. (She hugs him tightly and he winces.) Im sorry. Did I hurt you?
Chandler: Well, I-I guess I gotta go.
Janice: Oh, my Bing-a-ling. Ill wait for you. Do you even know how long youre going to be gone?
Janice: Oh. Well, Ill right you everyday. (Reading the address) 15 Yemen Road, Yemen.
Chandler: Janice! There you are! There you are! I had to have one last kiss, and also-also you said that you were going to leave right after I got on the plane!
Janice: No! No! I wanna see you take-off.
Chandler: Well, I then guess Im going to Yemen! Im going to Yemen! (To this old woman also going to Yemen.) When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?
Monica: All right. The super couldnt figure out what it did. A $200 an hour electrician couldnt figure out what it did. Ive had seven pretty serious shocks. I officially give up.
Monica: I guess Joey was right, it does nothing.
Phoebe: See? Im doing it. I am totally doing it. (Suddenly it stops working.) I lost it.
Monica: All right. I know you're not happy about us moving, but you're the only one who hasn't seen the house.
Ross: But if I hadn't walked in here, would you..?
Roy: Ooh, boy. You should warn people there's no elevator! I should not have had that Mexican food for lunch.
Joey: Hey, hey... I can convince people to do anything, you know. I bet I can even get Mike to do that "thing". What is it?
Joey: Well, why dont you tell me what youre supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell cant figure it out! I talk to you and nothin. You look at me, and its nothin. (He kisses her) Nothing.
Ross: Look. Look, my mom gave me that ring because she wanted me to propose to Rachel, but all I wanted to do is if she maybe kinda wanted ah start things up again.
Clerk: How can I help you?
Phoebe: Well, not anything, I mean...
Chandler: Forget it! Okay, Im not giving up my bachelor pad for some basketball seats!
Rachel: Really, I shouldn't feel guilty?
Phoebe: Oh, not anymore. I changed it today.
Joey: (takes her hand) Listen, I hope... that you know... (has difficulty saying it) I don't want you to see your father cry, GO TO YOUR ROOM!
Chandler: (interrupting) Oh-no-no-no! Dont! Dont! See-see, youre getting me confused, Im starting to urn.
Joey: After she gave me that big speech?! She goes and makes a date with a guy on the same night she has plans with me? I think shes trying to pull a fast one on Big Daddy!
Rachel: Wha... My resumé? I wouldn't... I wouldn't call my online dating profile a resumé.
Ross: Great. I feel like an idiot.
Rachel: (crying) No, it's not that. I got fired today. And I didn't get the other job.
MRS. GREENE: Oh well thank you. Such a gentleman. Thank you. [Chandler takes the hot pink coat and grimaces at it] Ahh, it all looks so nice, so festive, all the balloons... [Chandler, remembering that Joey and Mr. Greene are in the bedroom, throws her coat in a cupboard] The funniest thing happened to me on the way here. I was...[Joey peeks out]
Mike: Ah! I missed you
Joey: I-I did! I told her everything, Chandler! But she wouldnt believe me.
Mike: I intend to marry her.
Phoebe: Uhu, uhu, well, then, great. If you love it, I love it.
Mackenzie: (sighs) I hate my parents.
Phoebe: And I love Crap.
Mike: I do love it, and I love your name. I love Princess Consuela.
Ross: Because I am bored...Out of my mind. Ive already been to the bank, post office, and the dry cleaners.
Chandler: I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work stuff and/or are sick.
Mackenzie: I really don't.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, I guess.
Joey: What am I gonna do, I feel like I'm losing my friends.
Mackenzie: I read a lot.
Man: Hey Rach, I just heard. I'm so sorry.
Rachel: Oh come on, what are you talking about? Youve got three years painting houses. Two whole summers at T.G.I. Fridays, come on!
Ross: I hate that guy.
Maitre d': I know. With Gukki
Ross: I'm serious. I just don't trust that guy, okay?
Chandler: Our balcony? Seriously? That's so funny because I told Monica we should put lights on our balcony. And she said"No, no. It's too cold, nobody will go out there." And I said "Maybe if we put some light out there they will"
Joey: What? I get my own room?
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
Joey: All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dads cabin. Just me, her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic dinner....
Monica: I guess. Why? Who's she with?
Ross: We ran into him on the street today and he said he might have a job for her. But I know he just wants to get into her pants.
Mr. Geller: (ignoring her) Well, Id gotten Judy pregnant. I still dont know that happened.
Chandler: I said it first, bro.
Rachel: I know, it's huge, and it's scary, and it's... really far, far away from you guys, but this is such an incredible opportunity for me. And I've already talked to them about our situation with Emma, and they said they'll do whatever we need to make us feel comfortable.
Rachel: I mean, I'll fly back and forth, they'll fly you out... Anything we want.
Rachel: I think it is. (Ross looks very sad. Phoebe and Joey enter.)
Rachel: I got a really incredible job offer.
Chandler: I see.
Joey: Well, it comes and goes. I wouldn't trust it.
Joey: No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear".
Janice: Oh well thats what I thought about my first husband, now Im lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Ms. New Boobs.
Ross: I didn't say we were brothers.
Monica: I know, but what are we gonna do? She really needs this job.
Ross: (entering) Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?
Ross: I justI-I cant believe shes-shes dating?!
Ross: (surprised) Huh, I took a shot there.
Mr Zelner: But I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do... Ah, it's not true, there is... nothing I want to do.
Monica: Alright, we don't know that it's him. I mean, it could be the football guy.
Rachel: Ohh! Lucky me! Oh my God! That is good news, Ross! I think that's the best news I've heard since Le Poo died!
Mr Zelner: Well, I guess having Rachel back wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
Joey: I love that saying!
Phoebe: I’m guessing she does.
Joey: I’m just mad at my agent.
Ross: Yeah! Yes! Thank you! This is great. Thank you so much. And I swear, your kid is going to have the time of his life.
Joey: I’m saying that… (pause). This isn't working for me anymore, ok? Estelle, you’re fired. Goodbye. (he hangs up the phone).
Monica: Oh, you know, my flock is good, I mean, yeah, my flock pretty much takes care of themselves at this point. Good flock. Flock, flock, flock.
Joey: Yeah, actually I am!
Joey: I was just gonna call you! That’s weird.
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
Rachel: No, I’m still going.
Ross: Rach, thanks but uh, I don't need you doing me any favors.
Chandler: No-no all kids are embarrassed by their parents, youd have to come up with a whole new word for what I went through. When I was in High School, he used to come to all of my swim meets dressed as a different Hollywood starlet. Yknow its hard enough to be fourteen. Youre skinny. Youre wearing speedoesThat your mom promised that you would grow into! And you look up into the stands and theres your dad cheering you on dressed as Carmen Miranda. We was wearing a headdress with real fruit that he will later hand out to your friends as a healthy snack!
Chandler: Huh! So that's what I would look like if I worked out... and was being serviced by a policeman. You're not actually going to send these out are ya?
Erica: You're kidding me? I mean, it's enough that you are a doctor. But on top of it, you're married to a reverend?
Lady: Oh, sure. I’m showing it to someone else right now, but please, look around.
Chandler: No, no, Ross and Rachel will be back soon and then I gotta go to the office (Pulls another balloon out of his mouth) Am I producing them?
Emily: She said, "If Im not gonna be happy getting married somewhere that we find in a day, well then we should just postpone it."
Monica: (looks confused and scared) I don't know why.
Phoebe: Yes. Yes. Yes. I cant believe it! The baby wants bologna! Maybe he wants me to eat meat? I cant eat meat!
Rachel: I know, I know, and you were right Ross. (To Amy) You are soo irresponsible I am never letting you baby-sit ever again!
Chandler: Well he doesnt have to know! Its not like we run in the same circles. I hang out with you guys, and he stars in a drag show in Vegas.
Ross: Okay, and oh Im gonna need a bunch of extra keys. Apparently I give them away for no reason at all.
Chandler: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not.
Rachel: (she enters wearing a bath-robe) Hey... Hi you guys! Listen, you know what? I'm not feeling really well. I think I can't get out for the play.
Chandler: Yknow what? I dont trust you with this cake anymore! And I got it first, and Im takin it back! (Grabs the cheesecake and heads for his apartment.)
Ross: (to the guys) I gotta go make a fake Ben.
Joey: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look. I take a girl out, she can order whatever she wants! The more, the better! All right? Just don’t order a Garden salad and then eat my food! That’s a good way to lose some fingers!
Chandler: I never stopped loving you.
Joey: Can I ask you something? Uhm, what's it like there?
Phoebe: Well, I didn't think I should just drop by...
Janice: All right, I got to run. Tell Monica I say goodbye. And... I'll see you later, neighbor. (Janice laugh)
Chandler: And yet I never run into Beyonce!
Phoebe: (Under her breath) God, I woke the beast. Sorry. (To Monica) I was wrong obviously, I justI misspoke. It's okay.
Chandler: I understand.
Janice: I don't know what to say... I mean, you know, obviously we have this... heat between us.
Rachel: Well, I took it.
Monica: This is not, what I�m wearing. I�m ovulating and Chandler�s gonna be home any minute, so I thought we would try before dinner.
Joey: You know what? You are my friends, I wanna be supportive, I will come with you. SHOTGUN!
Ross: Uhm, I hadn't no you... I had no idea you were so excited about Paris. Uhm, I mean, you said you were scared.