words in movies
Chandler: Buy stamps, pick up dry cleaning Dont let Phoebe in.
Ross: (crying) I hope youre a better father than youre a friend!! (Cries again and Joey wakes up in horror.)
Chandler: Okay. How about in that cabinet?
Monica: No reason. I-I keep private things in there.
Chandler: Oh yknow, Ive been living here a while and Ive never seen whats inside that closet. What is, what is in there?
Monica: Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you! If you love me you-youll let it go.
Ross: What?! It is?! (He tries to quickly remove his gloves, but runs into trouble and finally throws them off of his hands like a hockey player in a fight and grabs Rachels belly.)
Joey: Well I got stuff going on in here (Rubbing his belly) if you wanna feel.
Ross: Look, I-I dont want to miss anymore baby stuff. So Here. Heres my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! Ill be there! Okay? I dont care if its three in the morning and all you want is ice cream.
Phoebe: (in a soothing voice) Great, lets begin. (She starts the massage.) Hows the pressure?
Monica: (in a sexy voice) Oh. Oh yeah! Ohhhhh! Ohh! Oh yeah!
Chandler: Monica has a secret closet and she wont let me see whats in it.
Chandler: I dont know! What could she possibly be hiding in here that I cant see?!
Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Rachel: Joey. Joey, something feels weird and not good weird. I dontWhoa!! (Winces in pain.)
Joey: Oh hey whoa-whoa, dont worry. Okay. When my sisters were pregnant they got every weird feeling in the book, it was always nothing.
[Scene: The Hospital, Joey is in the waiting room as Rachel comes back out with the doctor.]
Dr. Long: Shes fine. Shes experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions, mild discomfort caused by contractions in the uterine wall.
Joey: Calm?! I wasnt calm! Ive never been more scared in all my life!
Ross: (rushes in) Is everything okay?
Rachel: Oh, I gotta go back in there.
Dr. Long: (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, heres some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. Youre gonna make a wonderful father.
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
Rachel: Okay, lets do it. Ill move in.
Monica: (entering) (Gasps) How did you get in there?!
Chandler: No, honey youre not sick! Look, I dont love you because youre organized, I love you in spite of that.
Joey: Are you kidding me? Im great! Yeah, Im uh; Im better than great. I am good. And now that shes gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldnt do before. Yknow? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Yknow? I can uh, I can watch porn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Yknow? I like being on my own, Im uh, better off this way. Im uh, a lone wolf. Yknow? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. Whats a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?! (Chandler rushes over and hugs him.)
Joey: Well, so, will you help me? I really wanna be in this play.
Rachel: Oh my god Chandler! If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital? With the blood and the screaming and the little present that's shooting out of her!?
Rachel: Can somebody please go in?
Ross: Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room.
Ross: Really? Is it ethical to ask someone in a grant review, who was the voice of "Underdog"?
Ross: Yeah, sure, right! Like I've ever been in Rachel Green's room.
Phoebe: Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, its on the counter in your apartment.
Rachel: What do you mean? You've been in my room before!
Rachel: Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room!
Ross: I'll see you in the morning (he leaves).
Erica: No, he's in prison. (More shocked looks from Monica and Chandler)
(Time lapse. Chandler and Monica are in bed now)
(Cut to Monica holding up her shirt, revealing her bra. An actor stands beside her, holding a pen in his hand.)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is it! (Looks in the window.) Oh, thats him! Thats him!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Erica enter, Chandler is in the kitchen.]
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
Chandler: All right, but you cant use that again for a whole year. Im in.
Monica: You see that guy? Hes in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave hes going straight to the porn.
Joey: No-no-no! Look, Ive been thinking about it. Im an actor right? So I wont get nervous talking in front of people.
JOEY: Naa, you're just sayin' that 'cause you're in love with Yasmine Blepe.
(Phoebe whispers something in Joey's ear, but after hearing it he jumps up, shocked)
Helena: (singing) For Im loved by a pretty wonderful boy! (Applause.) Hello! And welcome to the show. I see some of our regulars in the audience. And a couple of irregulars. (He starts going into the audience.)
(Rachel holds her hand in order to support her head. Mr Zellner obviously overheard the conversation.)
Joey: (in agony) aaw-ahhh-aaahhh STOP! STOP! I'm worried about damaging my head.
Clerk: You need to fill out this form. (motions for the next person in line)
Judge: Now if you were two involved in a serious relationship, that really creates a problem.
Rachel: Ross, it is 100 degrees outside. For the first time in weeks, I am somewhat comfortable.
(Joey's eyes double in size)
Monica: I dont believe this! When someone asks you in for lemonade, and to you that means they wanna have sex?
Joey: Oh, yeah, sure, easy for you, you're young. Me, I'm set in my ways.
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (they all stare at each other)
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (we see Ross stare in disbelief)
Rachel: It's in Paris.
Joey: So, you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's step dad, tomorrow, right?
Joey: No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear".
Rachel: Alright, come on... (starts to knock on the door) Alright, you guys. We're so sorry we're late. Please let us in, so we can have dinner together.
Mike: Yeah, you do that, and I go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding. (Mike walks away and Bitsy walks in the same direction.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's reading a newspaper. Chandler and Monica walk in.]
Monica: What if he reads it in the paper?
2nd Customer: It was. The duck in particular was superb.
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. He’s there and Phoebe comes in.]
Emily: She said, "If Im not gonna be happy getting married somewhere that we find in a day, well then we should just postpone it."
Dana: Apparently Howies editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Yknow I-I-I havent spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor!
Ursula: No, I umm, I read about her in Moms suicide note.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He walks in reading his mail, and plays back his messages on the answering machine]
Phoebe: Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people youve dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends dont do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the whos who of human crap. (Walks off)
Ross: That's great! So you're staying in New York!
Chandler: (speaking as in pain) They're never coming down now.
Chandler: Yknow what you should do, just toss em in the shedder and claim you never got em.
Dr. Long: Ill be back in an hour to check you again.
Rachel: Oh, well. Everything that I need (she takes her bag) is in here and my travel documents are on the counter organized in the order that I will be needing them.
Joey: (noticing Chandler) What are you doing? (he pushes Chandler back to his side of the couch) Get back over on your side of the... (sees Robert in all his glory) Hello!! (to Robert) Hi, Im Joey, we havent met.
Phoebe: Hey! So I had a great day, Rick and I really hit it off, and we started making out, and then my boss walked in and fired me for being a whore.
Joey: Oh, she's putting Emma down, she'll be over in a second.
Ross: Hey, what do you think they're doing in there?
Monica: Rachel used to live in that room.
Chandler: Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
Monica: Oh no! You and Phoebe are gonna help me in here.
Ross: Hey you know what? You know what? To avoid this little thing in the future, let's just say, you and me, never having sex again.
(Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Rachel bursts in.]
Erica: (in pain) Ooh! Are you sure?
Rachel: Oh you're not. You're not gonna get in the middle of anything, don't worry about Ross really, really.(She hears the noise of the key in the lock) Oh! Hide! That's Ross! Hide! Hide!
Mischa: (to Monica) And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my dog,. In seven languages.
Phoebe: But no, because a doctor wont be able to help him, its just gonna yknow naturally pass through his system in like seven years.
Monica: She doesn't have a stomach-ache. She's in labor!
Monica: You'll be fine. Nah, you won't, but I'll be back in two minutes.
Erica: Uh-huh! I think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!
Monica: I... I'm sorry, who should be along in a what now?
Chandler: Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!
Erica: Twins actually run in my family.
Sandy: (In a puppet voice) So you see Wigglemunch, that's why it's important to shaaaaaaare...
(Mike starts to kneel in front of Phoebe.)
Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and Im not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
Phoebe: You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?
Monica: Do you think they recognize each other from in there?
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monicas bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
Joey: No, I sat in the paint.
Chandler: Yeah, I think that's wrong, but there's a Connect the Dots in here for you later. (To Monica) Hey, how about maroon?
(Mike enters with a roll of paper in his hand.)
[cut to Monica and Phoebe in the kitchen]
Phoebe: Oh yeah? Well, tell me which one, and I'll try slip it in my coat.
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
(He brings his hands in closer to his face then does it again.)
[Scene: The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
[A monkey jumps on the desk and hands the guy a beer. He opens the beer and is suddenly on the beach, in a hammock, with beautiful women all around.]
Phoebe: Yeah, and maybe that youre a real (She says something in Italian, and it doesnt matter what she said. Its not important so I dont need everyone who speaks Italian telling me what she said.)
Phoebe: Do you wanna get to Rachel in time?
Ross: Yes, but I don't wanna die in your cab!
Phoebe: You should have thought of that before you got in!
Joey: Oh! They're in the table!
[Scene: The airport. Ross and Phoebe run in.]
Rachel: Hah! I found it! I told you I would find it! In your face! You're a different person.
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
Ross: Please, please stay with me. I am so in love with you. Please, don't go.
Joey: So did you guys make it in time?
(Monica and Chandler put Jack and Erica in their stroller.)