words in movies
Rachel: Its good. Except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? (to the waitress handing her a cup of coffee) Oh, thank you. Ill see you guys later.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Phoebe and Ross are sitting in the living room talking.]
Monica: (entering with something behind her back) Phoebe, cmere. I want to show you something in the bathroom.
Phoebe: This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy. Now, you can only keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up!
Chandler: (picking up a video from the table) Candy and Cookie. Candy and Cookie? Monica got me porn?! Girl-on-girl porn?! She really must love me!! (Chandler runs over to the TV, puts the tape in, and sits down to enjoy some "porn")
Monica: Chandler, if you thought I was going to get you porn for Valentines Day (pulls a video out of a basket) you were right! Apparently, its about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom, but ends up having sex with a lot of guys! Yeah, it got four starts! (looks closer) Oh, wait a minute. Those arent stars. Anyway, you want to take a look?
Chandler: Well, Im not really in a sexy mood right now.
Chandler: How long it took to go back in the water?
Ross: Yeah, Im missing out on all this other stuff, too. So, Joey suggested Rachel move in with me.
Mona: Joey cracks me up! Its like, Yeah, why dont you have your ex-wife move in with you? That wouldnt be awkward at all! (she laughs again)
(Ross fake laughs, obviously not finding this funny, and hes starting to panic, so he shoves the whole saltwater taffy hes eating in his mouth)
Ross: Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just want to butter her up, first! You know, Im going to take her to an amazing Valentines dinner. Do all this romantic stuff, and then, just when she thinks Im the best boyfriend in the world, then Im going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.
Joey: So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isnt going to happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat.
Phoebe: Oh Joey, you bummed him out! This was the happiest dog in the world, and he spends half a day with you, and look at him!
Ross: Yknow, its interesting! Most people think thats made with seawater, when in fact
Rachel: You know what Im going to do? Im going to get in my sweats, and eat this in bed! (exits)
Ross: And you thought she was going to be in our way! So, why dont you, uh, open the champagne, and Ill be right back. Ive got a surprise for you.
(Chandler crawls over to Monica and they move in to kiss, but they cant do it and back up. They move in to kiss again, and kiss very awkwardly for a second, until someone knocks on the door.)
Monica: Come in!
Rachel: (entering) Hi! Im so sorry to barge in on your Valentines, but I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.
(Monica and Chandler both look at each other and run over to the window to watch the action in Ross apartment)
Chandler: Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes!
Chandler: (with his arm all the way under the cushion, moving it around) This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. (Chandler puts the tape in, and they all sit down) Okay, here we go.
Ross: Well, with everything thats been going on lately, I havent exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didnt tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?
(Two girls sitting at a table next to them look up in disgust, and Ross and Joey move away)
Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh is he still in love with her?
Gunther: (placing a cup in front of Ross) Heres your warm milk.
Ross: Im going to uh Im going to, um, put the bourbon in it at home.
(Ross just stands in the doorway, for like a minute Ahh! Whats going to happen next??!!! I cant make it all the way through the Olympics!!!)
[Scene: Ross and Rachels. Rachel is standing in front of the TV holding a video.]
Rachel: (thinking) Youre going to have a baby, and you need to be prepared. Now, youre going to make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it! (Rachel puts the tape in the VCR)
JOEY: No, I don't. It's like, ya know, you work your whole life for somethin' and you think that when you get it it's never gonna be as good as you thought it would be. But this so was. Ya know, it changed everything. Like the other day, I got this credit card application, and I was pre- approved. Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life.
Phoebe: That’s nice. I like having things to read in the bathroom.
Mrs. Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, there'd be no her, and your father would look like Sting. And I'll tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along, he's been so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive, he's been more loving... I mean, it's like every day's our anniversary.
Charlie: And then, and then you said that thing about, about bringing the Mesozoic era in the 21st century.
(Trying on a hat and talking to his own reflection in the mirror)
Chandler: And the fireplace in the bedroom.
Rachel: Okay. All right Dina, well lets talk about the different areas of fashion that you could get involved in. Lets see, theres design, but you may need a whole other degree for that. Uh, theres-theres sales, which is great because you get to travel
Chandler: I just didn't want to tell you in front of them.
Monica: In one year?! My God what did she eat? Her-her family! Thats not the point.
Chandler: Not a lot of closet space, but he can just hang his stuff out the window in a bag!
Chandler: Totally. I had sex in High school...
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Joey: No, no, no! You kneed me in my misters!
Joey: No, I don't think it's just about just getting a girlfriend. Y'know? I mean, yeah, I can get a girlfriend! Yeah, we could sit in the chair and do crosswords, but y'know are we ever going to have y'know the closeness like-like you guys have?
Joey: Look, theres nothing I can do for him right now, hes still in his sweat pants, thats still Phase One. Y'know? Ill be back for Phase Two, I would never miss Phase Two.
Morse: You see, thats why I did so bad on this test. Im having a hard time concentrating. When youre up there (Points to the podium) and youre teaching and your face gets all serious you look so good. (In a sexy voice) You wear that tight little turtleneck sweater
Phoebe: Well, if that's what they do in Minsk... (They kiss 2 on each cheek... and then they pause... David turns to the door) In New York... it's... (and then David grabs her by her neck and kisses her full on the lips... They kiss passionately and cannot seem to stop.)
Gene: You put this in your coffee.
Monica: Oh my God, this man is gonna get naked in my apartment!
Ross: If like the four of us could all yknow, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emilys coming into town this weekend, why dont you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?
Phoebe Sr: (on phone) Ah, oh, hang on a second. (to Phoebe) Come in, come in. (on phone) All right, so think about it, and call me back. (hangs up)
Gary: Sweethart, but none of that matters if it's too soon for you. It's fine! We don't have to move in together. I justI want you to be happy
Monica: Do NOT let me sit in one of those. We'll be here for days.
Phoebe: Hmm, did you talk to Gary about the moving in thing?
Ross: (looks disappointed in himself) Man... I... I'm sorry.
(The waitress lets her in as Monica is about to throw a lobster into a pot of boiling water (Although, she hasnt taken off the rubber bands that hold the claws, so she cant be that good of a chef). Anyway, guess who the Colonel is by the following phrase.)
Rachel: So maybe something in an office.
Laura: Well, I must say, this seems like a lovely environment to raise a child in.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica's there and Ross and Chandler walk in.]
The Hot Girl: No, I-I actually thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. I mean you had just moved in.
Mike's father: Who in God's name are you?
Phoebe: Uhm... well, they're not in the wedding.
Ross: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.
Rachel: Uhm... you haven't told these guys what they're doing in the wedding yet.
Monica: (looking at Phoebe eating something) Pheebs, spit that out, that has pork in it.
Ross: And it's a wedding! It'd be weird if I'm not in it...
Chandler: Pick me, I look great in a tux and I will not steal focus.
Mike: You're right. She probably will support me. Hey, unless we move in with you, dad?
Chandler: No, Im not mocking you, (in a mocking voice) or you beautiful guest room. (Exits.)
Monica: She's in her room, why?
Ross: (waving his fist in the air in triumph) YES, YES!
Mike: (gets up) Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is pacing and Rachel walks in.]
(Mike walks in.)
Rachel: Well, in my defense, you were not supposed to tell each other.
Chandler: You told us both we could be in the wedding? (they both stare at Rachel)
Phoebe: (Nearly in tears) Please?
(Cut to Phoebe who is in the living room, still on the phone.)
(Ross pours himself a glass of wine, hits record, and sits down in front of the camera.)
(Joey walks in)
Chandler: So technically, would this person be in the wedding?
Monica: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didnt have a baby in nine months!
Monica: "Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen, tonight we'll put all other things aside. Give in thistime and show me some affection..."
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Chandler: (to Monica) Is it okay that I want you to wear that head set in bed tonight?
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys Bathroom: Chandler is watching the duck swim in the bathtub.]
Announcer: From New York City, New York! Appearing in his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut! Hes known for his confrontational business style. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Pete Beck-errrr!!
Ross: Hi! Yeah! Tommys in line for the bathroom and someone just cut in front of him, I think hes gonna snap. (Hes watching very intently)
Ross: A no sex pact huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America.
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)
Joey: Well, so, will you help me? I really wanna be in this play.
Rachel: Oh my god Chandler! If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital? With the blood and the screaming and the little present that's shooting out of her!?
Rachel: Can somebody please go in?
Ross: Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room.
Ross: Really? Is it ethical to ask someone in a grant review, who was the voice of "Underdog"?
Ross: Yeah, sure, right! Like I've ever been in Rachel Green's room.
Phoebe: Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, its on the counter in your apartment.
Rachel: What do you mean? You've been in my room before!
Rachel: Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room!
Ross: I'll see you in the morning (he leaves).
Erica: No, he's in prison. (More shocked looks from Monica and Chandler)
(Time lapse. Chandler and Monica are in bed now)
(Cut to Monica holding up her shirt, revealing her bra. An actor stands beside her, holding a pen in his hand.)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is it! (Looks in the window.) Oh, thats him! Thats him!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Erica enter, Chandler is in the kitchen.]
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
Chandler: All right, but you cant use that again for a whole year. Im in.
Monica: You see that guy? Hes in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave hes going straight to the porn.
Joey: No-no-no! Look, Ive been thinking about it. Im an actor right? So I wont get nervous talking in front of people.
JOEY: Naa, you're just sayin' that 'cause you're in love with Yasmine Blepe.
(Phoebe whispers something in Joey's ear, but after hearing it he jumps up, shocked)
Helena: (singing) For Im loved by a pretty wonderful boy! (Applause.) Hello! And welcome to the show. I see some of our regulars in the audience. And a couple of irregulars. (He starts going into the audience.)
(Rachel holds her hand in order to support her head. Mr Zellner obviously overheard the conversation.)
Joey: (in agony) aaw-ahhh-aaahhh STOP! STOP! I'm worried about damaging my head.
Clerk: You need to fill out this form. (motions for the next person in line)
Judge: Now if you were two involved in a serious relationship, that really creates a problem.
Rachel: Ross, it is 100 degrees outside. For the first time in weeks, I am somewhat comfortable.
(Joey's eyes double in size)
Monica: I dont believe this! When someone asks you in for lemonade, and to you that means they wanna have sex?
Joey: Oh, yeah, sure, easy for you, you're young. Me, I'm set in my ways.
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (they all stare at each other)
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (we see Ross stare in disbelief)
Rachel: It's in Paris.
Joey: So, you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's step dad, tomorrow, right?
Joey: No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear".
Rachel: Alright, come on... (starts to knock on the door) Alright, you guys. We're so sorry we're late. Please let us in, so we can have dinner together.
Mike: Yeah, you do that, and I go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding. (Mike walks away and Bitsy walks in the same direction.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's reading a newspaper. Chandler and Monica walk in.]
Monica: What if he reads it in the paper?