words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's hotel room in Tulsa. He's fast asleep when the telephone rings.]
Chandler: (picking up the telephone, answering it with a frog in his throat) Hello? (he clears his throat, but he still has the same frog in his throat when he speaks again) Hello?
Monica: (in her apartment, screaming) I LOVE MY NEW JOB!
Monica: Oh, and the people are so nice. There's this one guy, Geoffrey, he's the Maitre D., Chandler, you will love him. He is without a doubt, the funniest guy I have ever met. (Chandler, who was almost asleep again, sits up straight in bed in an instant and can't believe what he just heard.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are on the couch, holding hands, while Phoebe puts milk in her coffee.]
Phoebe: Yeah, I kinda do. (Mike lets go of her hand) Well, how's this? (she takes Mike's hand and puts it on her breast, she tears open the sugar and puts it in her coffee. Mike thinks it over and nods appreciative. After that, they hold hands again. Joey now enters, and sees the two sitting on the couch, holding hands.)
Joey: (in a very aaaaahhhhh sweeeeeet voice) Aaahhh, look at you two... holding hands... huh is this getting serious? (Phoebe and Mike, embarrassed, start babbling and look away.) Have you not talked about it yet? (They say nothing now, but smile) Am I making you uncomfortable? (smiles are becoming forced now, and he speaks to Mike) If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh...? Aaaaaahhhhhh (he turns away to the bar)
Phoebe: (in a flash she answers) Maybe not, is it?
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
Mike: Oh, sorry. (He digs in again and finally finds what he's been looking for. A key.)
Joey: (sitting at his table) Oh, I know it... It is amazing these little things open doors... huh! (mimes opening a door with his own keys, Phoebe looks at him in a "yeah, yeah, yeah" way.)
Prospective nanny: (in a sweet, caring voice) I think that's really smart. The easier we can make the transition for her, the better. (Ross and Rachel seem pleased with the answer.)
Rachel: Okidoki! (and she slams the door in the nanny's face while Ross crumples up the application form) Wow! We're never gonna find a nanny.
Ross: She was blonde? (he looks surprised for a while, but then gets a "gotcha" expression on his face... There's knocking at the door.) Just a sec.! Okay, okay. This one's name is Sandy. She's got a degree in early childhood education, uhm... she worked for her last family for three years.
Phoebe: (excited) No! It's a great time, come in...! WOW, hi... Oh my gosh! What are you doing here? Are you back from Minsk?
David: Are... are you kidding? You know, when you don't see someone for a long time, a-a-and you kind of build them up in your head and you start thinking about: Come on, don't be crazy. Nobody is that beautiful, but... well, you are. (Phoebe seems very charmed) Well, so, uhm... are you seeing... anyone? (Phoebe is still up on a cloud from what David just said)
Phoebe: Yeah! I mean, I don't know. I was just , I was looking, I was looking in his eyes and I was just thinking: Oh my God! It's David. David's here. He's just, he's so irresistible.
Chandler: So... Oklahoma is a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner state. Frankly I'd sooner be in any other state. (Monica looks at Phoebe, who also doesn't know what to say.) And what's with Oklahoma having a pan handle? Can all states have stuff like that? Hey yeah, I'm from the waistband, Wyoming. But when I was seven, we headed over to the crotch.
Monica: Well, he did this bit... You probably had to be there, but it was Liza Minelli locked in our freezer, eating a raw chicken. (Phoebe bursts out in a laugh)
Ross: Are you gay? (Rachel turns to Ross in an embarrassed way)
Sandy: Like in my last job, I met Daniel when he was three weeks old. And I got to watch him grow into this awesome person... When I left, I said: I'll see you soon... And he said to me: Skdandy... (Ross and Rachel look puzzled) That was his name for me... I'll see you every day... right in... (points at his heart, but starts to cry before he can finish his sentence. Rachel tries to comfort him, but Ross has this "you've got to be kidding me" look all over him)
Ross: Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap. (In the other room Emma starts to cry.)
Sandy: That's great! (He gets emotional again and waves his hand in front of his face in a feminine way, like trying to dry his tears) I'm sorry. It's just... such an emotional thing when you're welcomed into a new family...
Joey: (sees Monica) Fire trucks! (Chandlers eyes double in size and he turns to Monica who doesn't understand what's happening. Then he turns back to Joey, who says "you're welcome" without a sound)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Phoebe just let David in who brought a bottle of wine.]
David: In fact, ehm... I going to kiss you now. (David holds Phoebe and wants to kiss her.)
David: Yeah, I-I don't, I can't get away with stuff like that. I-I-It sounded sexy in my head, so I...
David: In Minsk...
Phoebe: Well, if that's what they do in Minsk... (They kiss 2 on each cheek... and then they pause... David turns to the door) In New York... it's... (and then David grabs her by her neck and kisses her full on the lips... They kiss passionately and cannot seem to stop.)
Rachel: (in a tearful voice) Oh... Oh boy... (she turns around and sees Ross) Hi...
Ross: And I'm fine never having heard it... (Rachel looks at Ross in a "why do you say that" manner) Rach, can I... can I see you for a sec?
Ross: Do you realise that man has cried in our apartment three times...? Huh? I haven't cried that many times since I moved in.
Rachel: Well, I... you know, I-I-I don't know what to say... I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. You know, 'cause I gotta tell you Ross, it not like you just came in from branding cattle.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. She and David are still kissing each other in the living room.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen and Ross enters.]
Ross: (looks like in heaven) Lighter than air... (changes back to serious) But that's not the point. (Joey now also enters)
Joey: Monica, you have to do some damage control here, okay. 'Cause he's feeling like... (the door opens and Chandler walks in with a pizza)
Chandler: If I'd known you guys were coming over, I would have brought more pizza. (they all burst out in a thundering laugh)
Phoebe: No, uhm... David and I did use to go out... but years ago, and he lives in Minsk. He's only... he's only in town for a couple of days.
David: Really? Well, if you do, come in the spring. It's just lovely there.
Phoebe: Right! Never! Never! I swear! (They kiss... The door opens and David comes in again.)
[Scene: Ross walks in the hallway to his apartment and stops in front of his own door. Now he hears two recorders playing a song. When he enters, Sandy and Joey are playing the recorder and Rachel listens.]
Joey: Noooo... Three Blind Mice goes like this... (he puts his fingers in position on the recorder)
Ross: (looks angrily at Joey and points at him) I swear to God...! (Joey is in shock)
Ross: Well, you know what... I-I'm sorry I'm the only one who isn't in love with Gary Poppins out there... But I just... I can't... I can't go through with this.
Sandy: (In a puppet voice) So you see Wigglemunch, that's why it's important to shaaaaaaare...
Sandy: No, none at all. You need to be happy with whoever is in your home... Although if you don't mind telling me, what was your problem? Maybe it's something I can work on in the future.
Ross: It was hard... I remember... I was in my bedroom... playing with my dinosaurs... playing and learning... and my father walks in and says... he says... "What are you doing with those things? What's wrong with you, why aren't you... why aren't you outside playing like a... like a real boy?
(Joey hands her the book and she puts it in the freezer.)
Janice: (Ross is still taking their photo) Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter.
Kate: It doesnt say that in the script.
Joey: It does in mine!
MONICA: Really? I'm perfectly comfortable. [one of the guest opens the refrigerator] Hey, hey, hey, get in line buddy, I was next. [she opens the refrigerator and leans into it]
Chandler: Oh-ho, it'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if youre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.
Phoebe: Yeah! Let's do it! Let's live together! (They embrace and Mike kisses Phoebe) Oh god, we're really going to move in together!
(Kathy runs in, hair all out of place, and hugs Monica.)
The Director: (leaning in) Kate?
Chandler: Does he say that before he sticks his thermometer in your touchy?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the black chairs.]
Monica: Y'know in a weird way, you have too much power. Look, youre gonna have to help me out here, cause I only have three.
(Ross starts stuffing pinecones in the suitcase. As the receptionist walks in, Chandler makes a bird's verse and Ross stops)
Joey: (with food in his mouth) You talked to him. Are you crazy?
Rachel: Man in the black dress (Monica walks away and Rachel looks around to find a woman in a black dress.) (To her) Hi! Im Rachel! Im a friend of Monica and Chandlers!
(Joey whispers in Rachels ear to confirm his response.)
Ross: Mona? (Theres no answer, so he starts to leave but remembers where her extra key is. He reaches atop a hall light just outside her door and grabs the key. He looks at in triumph as the pain from it being hot moves along his nervous system to his brain, and when it arrives his brain orders his hand to drop the hot key and his mouth to squeal in pain. After dropping the key he pulls his shirtsleeve over his hand and uses the key to open the door and enter Monas apartment.) Okay, if I were a salmon shirt, where would I be? (He hears a key in the door and as it opens he dives behind the couch.)
CHAN: And we're changing. [jogs back in his apartment]
Joey: You guys have one of those signs that says: 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you know.
ROSS: You uh, you don't believe in gravity?
Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr!
MONICA: I'm just easing you in.
RACHEL: Oh my God this is sooo humiliating. I think the only thing that tops that was, was, was when I was in the eight grade and I had to sing the Copa Cabana in front of the entire school. I think I got about two lines into it before I ran and freaked out. Oh my God, my entire life is flashing before my eyes.
Joey: It's a rented tux. Okay. I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.
Rachel: That's right! 'Cause that would give him the control! So now he's all ooh, coming up with this whole I've got a party thing y'know, trying to get me to hint around for an invitation. Blew up in his face, didn't it?
Chandler: Look out kids, hes coming! (Ross continues to leave with his head down in shame.)
Kate: Yeah, thats pretty much what I had in mind.
Phoebe: Wow, I have the spirit of an old Indian women living in mine.
Rachel: Honey um, honey, you do realise that we dont keep the womens lingerie here in the office?
NOTE: For this episode, I'm using italics to signify portions contained in the prom video.
Phoebe: Your hair looks too good, I think it would upset her. Ross, why don't you come on in.
Phoebe: All right. All right! If he wants a date? He's gonna get a date. All right, I'm gonna go in.
The Doctor: Hes doing just fine, hes resting now, but you can see him in a little bit.
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Ross: Sorry I ah, I scared you in there.
JOEY: Well, you know that guy that's on my show that's in a coma? He's havin' a brunch.
CHANDLER: But hey, it's courtside.� The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr. . . (Pause)� That's not the way to convince you.
(The women all clap and start to leave as Ross comes up to the instructor. Apparently he was hiding in the back.)
Joey: Joey Tribbiani! From the wall! (The dry cleaner doesnt remember) Okay, maybe this will jog your memory, huh? (Holds his picture up in front of his face.) Huh? Okay eh-ah-anyway, Im ready to go back up on the wall Im the star of a new TV show.
Chandler: This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that program!
Joey: Hey, how much cash do you got in your pocket right now?
Rachel: Yeah, it was senior year in college. It was after the Sigma Chi luau and Melissa and I got very drunk! And we ended up kissing! For several minutes!
Joey: Ah. Yeah. Well look, the thing is its the same day as my nieces christening and I really want my parents to be there in time to see me. Cause my parts just in the beginning Im not even in the rest of the showWedding!
(She slaps Rachels side and Rachel screams in pain.)
[Scene: Healing Hands Inc. (Phoebes work), Frank is being ushered in, by the arm, to the room Phoebe is in by another girl.]
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Ooh! Yknow what? If we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour.
Chandler: Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve.
Ross: How come its always us left in the field holding the ball?
Phoebe: No, the No Smoking sign. Theres no smoking in my Grandmothers cab.
Joey: Check the freezer. If theres none in there, then were probably out. Are you just getting in from work? Its late.
Monica: We were, we were just in the storage area and we saw this really creepy man!
CHANDLER: Well the people in my group wanna spend the holiday weekend with their families.
Erica: Well, it turns out that Erica didn't pay much attention in Sex Ed class, because the thing she did with that prison guy... it'd be pretty hard to make a baby that way.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, yo. [they move from out of in front of the TV]
Rachel: Thank you. (She goes to take off her make-up and screams in pain) Oww!!!! God!
Ross: Yeah. Do you have any idea what this means in academic circles, uh? I am gonna get laid.
Rachel: Hey! Thats just poking me in the eye!
Monica:: Here why don't you sit down, get yourself comfortable because I. (Monica shows him the tape then puts it in) have a little surprise for you.
Ross: (rushing back in) What?! I wh-, whats wrong?
(Chandler picks up the chick and drops it in the water.)
Dr. Green: This where they put it? What, there no table available in the kitchen! Hello, baby.
(In horror, Joey wipes his neck and smells it.)
Joey: I-I wasnt in that.
Joey: Oh yeah? Ross, how many items left in that bag?
Rachel: Okay. Okay, we'll be here! Hating you! Did you see how he was sweating when he walked out of there? Listen honey, if I'm hogging the ball too much you just jump right in there and take a couple punches because I'm telling you, this feels great.
Joey: No, they-they werent in the play.
Joey: Uhh, because I'm shooting a scene right now. Yeah, I uh, I play a gladiator. Uh, y'know what? Hold-hold on a second. (To no one in particular) Can we cut? Yeah, my-my friends are here, I'm gonna take a little break.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, yeah. (to Monica) I put your stuff in her room, and her stuff in your room.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen chopping vegetables. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting in the living room.]
Tommy: What is in the cup?!
Tommy: Whats in the cup, Ross?
Chandler: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real."
Lauren: (whispering) She got a job in L.A.
Rachel: No! Theres no orange juice in there! We win!!
(Monica and Chandler come running in.)
Joey: (to Lauren) In a minute!!
Phoebe: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal thats hes going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.
Rachel: Oh mom, I swear Im not an idiot. Ive read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I-I just didnt think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And-and then guess what? The babys coming and I dont know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my diaper genie?
Ross: Hum...So...hum...Oh hey I noticed you were reading the paper...another flood in Europe? Here�s a question: "Would you...would you rather drown or be burnt alive?"
Chandler: Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear.)
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
Phoebe: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.
Chandler: Okay, so I guess thats about ah, two weeks before the topless thing kicks in.
[Scene: Joey's room: Joey is sitting on his bed reading DooL transcript when Rachel walks in]
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Ross: What is ah, Rach in her room?
Friend No. 2: Rachel! Rachel! (stirs Rachel from her dream, shes in her car driving back from the city)
Rachel: Oooh... you're sweet, I knew uncle Joey would step up. (Turns to face Emma in the the playpen) Look Emma, look who's baaack!
[Time lapse. They are now in Monica's bedroom, on the bed.]
Chandler: (to Joey) My lighters in there! (points to the cab)
Jason: Yeah, come on in.
Monica: Oh umm, that's because I just wanted to y'know walk in on me and Chandler while we were, y'know, doing it all night. Will you excuse me for just a second?
Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.
Phoebe: You got problems because of you! Not your name! All right, this has got to stop! Chandler is a great name! In factyes, (To Joey) Im, Im sorry. I know you really wanted me to name the baby Joey, but eh, so, Im-Im, Im gonna, Im gonna name the baby Chandler.
Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!
Monica: Oh, some idiot customer put a suggestion in the suggestion box.
Phoebe: Well, I made you a candle light dinner in the park.
MR. WINEBURG: It's so wonderful to see you again, my dear, in fact I hardly expected to see so much.
The Director: (stepping in) Excuse me. Excuse me. (to Kate) Sweetheart! (Kisses her.) Come! (They leave.)