words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's hotel room in Tulsa. He's fast asleep when the telephone rings.]
Chandler: (picking up the telephone, answering it with a frog in his throat) Hello? (he clears his throat, but he still has the same frog in his throat when he speaks again) Hello?
Monica: (in her apartment, screaming) I LOVE MY NEW JOB!
Monica: Oh, and the people are so nice. There's this one guy, Geoffrey, he's the Maitre D., Chandler, you will love him. He is without a doubt, the funniest guy I have ever met. (Chandler, who was almost asleep again, sits up straight in bed in an instant and can't believe what he just heard.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are on the couch, holding hands, while Phoebe puts milk in her coffee.]
Phoebe: Yeah, I kinda do. (Mike lets go of her hand) Well, how's this? (she takes Mike's hand and puts it on her breast, she tears open the sugar and puts it in her coffee. Mike thinks it over and nods appreciative. After that, they hold hands again. Joey now enters, and sees the two sitting on the couch, holding hands.)
Joey: (in a very aaaaahhhhh sweeeeeet voice) Aaahhh, look at you two... holding hands... huh is this getting serious? (Phoebe and Mike, embarrassed, start babbling and look away.) Have you not talked about it yet? (They say nothing now, but smile) Am I making you uncomfortable? (smiles are becoming forced now, and he speaks to Mike) If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh...? Aaaaaahhhhhh (he turns away to the bar)
Phoebe: (in a flash she answers) Maybe not, is it?
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
Mike: Oh, sorry. (He digs in again and finally finds what he's been looking for. A key.)
Joey: (sitting at his table) Oh, I know it... It is amazing these little things open doors... huh! (mimes opening a door with his own keys, Phoebe looks at him in a "yeah, yeah, yeah" way.)
Prospective nanny: (in a sweet, caring voice) I think that's really smart. The easier we can make the transition for her, the better. (Ross and Rachel seem pleased with the answer.)
Rachel: Okidoki! (and she slams the door in the nanny's face while Ross crumples up the application form) Wow! We're never gonna find a nanny.
Ross: She was blonde? (he looks surprised for a while, but then gets a "gotcha" expression on his face... There's knocking at the door.) Just a sec.! Okay, okay. This one's name is Sandy. She's got a degree in early childhood education, uhm... she worked for her last family for three years.
Phoebe: (excited) No! It's a great time, come in...! WOW, hi... Oh my gosh! What are you doing here? Are you back from Minsk?
David: Are... are you kidding? You know, when you don't see someone for a long time, a-a-and you kind of build them up in your head and you start thinking about: Come on, don't be crazy. Nobody is that beautiful, but... well, you are. (Phoebe seems very charmed) Well, so, uhm... are you seeing... anyone? (Phoebe is still up on a cloud from what David just said)
Phoebe: Yeah! I mean, I don't know. I was just , I was looking, I was looking in his eyes and I was just thinking: Oh my God! It's David. David's here. He's just, he's so irresistible.
Chandler: So... Oklahoma is a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner state. Frankly I'd sooner be in any other state. (Monica looks at Phoebe, who also doesn't know what to say.) And what's with Oklahoma having a pan handle? Can all states have stuff like that? Hey yeah, I'm from the waistband, Wyoming. But when I was seven, we headed over to the crotch.
Monica: Well, he did this bit... You probably had to be there, but it was Liza Minelli locked in our freezer, eating a raw chicken. (Phoebe bursts out in a laugh)
Ross: Are you gay? (Rachel turns to Ross in an embarrassed way)
Sandy: Like in my last job, I met Daniel when he was three weeks old. And I got to watch him grow into this awesome person... When I left, I said: I'll see you soon... And he said to me: Skdandy... (Ross and Rachel look puzzled) That was his name for me... I'll see you every day... right in... (points at his heart, but starts to cry before he can finish his sentence. Rachel tries to comfort him, but Ross has this "you've got to be kidding me" look all over him)
Ross: Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap. (In the other room Emma starts to cry.)
Sandy: That's great! (He gets emotional again and waves his hand in front of his face in a feminine way, like trying to dry his tears) I'm sorry. It's just... such an emotional thing when you're welcomed into a new family...
Joey: (sees Monica) Fire trucks! (Chandlers eyes double in size and he turns to Monica who doesn't understand what's happening. Then he turns back to Joey, who says "you're welcome" without a sound)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Phoebe just let David in who brought a bottle of wine.]
David: In fact, ehm... I going to kiss you now. (David holds Phoebe and wants to kiss her.)
David: Yeah, I-I don't, I can't get away with stuff like that. I-I-It sounded sexy in my head, so I...
David: In Minsk...
Phoebe: Well, if that's what they do in Minsk... (They kiss 2 on each cheek... and then they pause... David turns to the door) In New York... it's... (and then David grabs her by her neck and kisses her full on the lips... They kiss passionately and cannot seem to stop.)
Rachel: (in a tearful voice) Oh... Oh boy... (she turns around and sees Ross) Hi...
Ross: And I'm fine never having heard it... (Rachel looks at Ross in a "why do you say that" manner) Rach, can I... can I see you for a sec?
Ross: Do you realise that man has cried in our apartment three times...? Huh? I haven't cried that many times since I moved in.
Rachel: Well, I... you know, I-I-I don't know what to say... I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. You know, 'cause I gotta tell you Ross, it not like you just came in from branding cattle.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. She and David are still kissing each other in the living room.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen and Ross enters.]
Ross: (looks like in heaven) Lighter than air... (changes back to serious) But that's not the point. (Joey now also enters)
Joey: Monica, you have to do some damage control here, okay. 'Cause he's feeling like... (the door opens and Chandler walks in with a pizza)
Chandler: If I'd known you guys were coming over, I would have brought more pizza. (they all burst out in a thundering laugh)
Phoebe: No, uhm... David and I did use to go out... but years ago, and he lives in Minsk. He's only... he's only in town for a couple of days.
David: Really? Well, if you do, come in the spring. It's just lovely there.
Phoebe: Right! Never! Never! I swear! (They kiss... The door opens and David comes in again.)
[Scene: Ross walks in the hallway to his apartment and stops in front of his own door. Now he hears two recorders playing a song. When he enters, Sandy and Joey are playing the recorder and Rachel listens.]
Joey: Noooo... Three Blind Mice goes like this... (he puts his fingers in position on the recorder)
Ross: (looks angrily at Joey and points at him) I swear to God...! (Joey is in shock)
Ross: Well, you know what... I-I'm sorry I'm the only one who isn't in love with Gary Poppins out there... But I just... I can't... I can't go through with this.
Sandy: (In a puppet voice) So you see Wigglemunch, that's why it's important to shaaaaaaare...
Sandy: No, none at all. You need to be happy with whoever is in your home... Although if you don't mind telling me, what was your problem? Maybe it's something I can work on in the future.
Ross: It was hard... I remember... I was in my bedroom... playing with my dinosaurs... playing and learning... and my father walks in and says... he says... "What are you doing with those things? What's wrong with you, why aren't you... why aren't you outside playing like a... like a real boy?
Monica: (closing the fridge in disgust) Shoot! Were out of soda.
Janice: So, how come you wanted to eat in tonight?
RICHARD: You know, I like the way you have efficiently folded this tab under. See in a tape emergency you could shave valuable seconds off your time.
Janice: You probably want us to move in together?
Mr. Tribbiani: No, it's only been six years. I just wanted to put a nice memory in your head so you'd know that I wasn't always such a terrible guy. ...Joe. Y'ever been in love?
Joey: Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there (points to the bathroom). Soo...
MONICA: Nooo! Never! I mean, we're living in the moment. God, it is so nice for once to not have to get all hung up on 'Where is this going?'
Chandler: Because, if Santa and the Holiday Armadillo? (Ross nods) ...are ever in the same room for too long the universe will implode. Merry Christmas!
[She closes the door in his face. Ross walks sullenly back to the couch and sits down. A moment of silence ensues.]
JOEY: (entering) Man, I got this close to him (holds up his fingers) and Monica kneed me in the back. What's going on?
(Ross proceeds to apply copious amounts of the lotion on his legs. He literally starts spraying the back of his legs with the lotion, and as he applies some to his butt he makes a happy face like he enjoyed that sensation. After using about half the bottle he again tries to pull up his pants, but at the first sign of resistance, his hand slips off of the pants and hits him in the forehead.)
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
Monica: Well, you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all the time.
[Scene: after the wedding, Ross and Rachel are in the lobby]
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
Ross: (moving over to stand in front of her) Okay, okay. This morning you said there was nothing so big that we couldnt work past it together...
Chandler: Hey, look, youre in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, shes gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
Joey: Great, I'm finished! In fact, I just dropped it off at the agency.
Lydia: Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on fatherhood? Uh, no.
[Scene: Monica's Bedroom, she's lying in bed wide awake.]
Ross: Yeah! Theyre putting together this panel to talk about these fossils they just found in Peru and The Discovery Channels gonna film it!
Janice: Why are you shopping here? You don't live in this neighborhood. Were you here waiting for me?
CHANDLER: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag?
Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. (gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
RICHARD: Well, we had a table in college.
Chandler: So, you gotta play the odds, pick somebody whos gonna be in the country like all the time.
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]
Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.
Rachel: Yeah. Yknow umm, uh, umm, about that, umm, Ross I really appreciate your offer to let me move in and everything, but dont you think its gonna be weird?
Rachel: What are you talking about Pheebs? (Takes out her compact) I don't (She gasps when she looks in the mirror and sees her face.) (To Ross) Oh my God, you drew on me?!
Dr. Miller: Okay then, I guess we'll see you back here in three months.
Phoebe: Yeah, um, which ones in particular were great for you?
Chandler: Hey, you have nothing but talk about her for the last 48 hours! If you were in a school yard youd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now!
Joey: All right, but in the future...
Monica: Come on guys! Suck it up! We're closing in on ten hours! It's gut-check time!
Ross: No no, this big pile of dishes in my mom's breakfront. Do you guys know who Carl is?
Ross: Hey, what are you doing shopping at eight in the morning?
Phoebe: All right, betting and wagering of any kind, are, I'm sure, not permitted in the happy place. Okay. Just-just, you know, the-the lovely waterfalls, and the, the trickling fountains. And the-the calming sounds of the babbling brook....
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross and Chandler are in their tuxes and have started to fake the pictures.]
Chandler: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination.
Chandler: See, I'm finding out all this stuff about you today, like you like the Law & Order and that you flirted with every guy in the Tri-State area!
Rachel: Uh, I will see you... and I'll raise you. (throws chips in pot) What do you say... want to waste another buck?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are sitting at a table. Monica is checking her makeup as Chandler suddenly has a horrifying thought and starts patting down his pockets until he finds what hes looking for and sighs in relief.]
ROSS: But wait, there's more. Hey, Chandler, what is in the envelope?
[Scene: Back in the restraunt. Rachel pours the last of the champange bottle in her glass.]
(in the hallway, Eric is moving in)
Mike: I'm sorry. Are you ok with that? Cause if not...maybe us moving in together isn't the best idea.
[Scene: the hallway, Joey is moving in, Monica is leaving.]
Chandler: Here in Chelsea.
Monica: You can spill. In the sink.
RACHEL: Yeah you like totally let him wash his feet in the pool of your inner power.
[Scene: the bar, Ross is entering, Phoebe is at the bar, they are the only two in the place.]
Joey: Sure I do! Its a verb! As in, "I behalfin it!"
Ross: My foot is stuck in the pocket.
JOEY: Hey, there's me! April 17th. Excessive noise. Italian guy comes homes with a date. Hey Chandler, look, you're in here too.
Joshua: Hey, heres an idea. Why dont uh, I put the food in the fridge and we can eat it later?
(Joey is singing in his head.)
Phoebe: No, no, I am against innocent trees being cut down in their prime, and their, their corpses grotesquely dressed in like tinsel and twinkly lights. (to Joey) Hey, how do you sleep at night?
Joey: You said, you wanna come in for some lemonade?
Chandler: (leaning in) Ill go.
Ross: (entering with Monica in tow) Hey!
Ross: What?! That-thats all the way cross town, Im supposed to teach a graduate seminar there in ten minutes.
>>> Joey's Subconscious So this is going pretty good. dinner was nice, got a lot in common. (Sees a magazine) Victoria's secret huh we even like the same books. (Walks over to a painting on the wall) Oh now there's a scary painting. wait a minute I think I've been scared by that painting before. (Looks around) You know what this whole place look familiar I have definitely been in this apartment I know I've seen this weird plant before (it's a cactus and he touch's it) AWCH! It did that the last time. Oh my god, I've gone out with this girl before yeah we had sex on this couch and then on that chair and no. no we didn't do it hear which is weird because it seems like a perfectly good place.
Janice: Oh my Gawd, I-I understand. I-I am so sorry, Ill go. (Starts for the door.) Good-bye Monica (hugs her), I wish you a lifetime of happiness with him. Chandler, (hugs him) you call me when this goes in the pooper. (Hurries out.)
CHANDLER: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
Monica: Why is this car in my bedroom?
Chandler: Oh my God this doesnt count! Okay? The interview was over, that was the real Chandler Bing in there, this is just some crazy guy out in the hall! Call security! Theres a crazy guy out in the hall!
Phoebe: Listen, I need to ask you something. Ok, you know how my step dad's in prison.
Joey: (to everyone) Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (on phone) Chandler, listen. (says something intentionally garbled)
Rachel: Hi! So Im out having lunch at Monicas and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdales and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and hes gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!
Chandler: Hm-hmm, I told you! (Looks at the clock) I cant believe that Ive only got two hours before I call in sick for work.
(A woman walks up to Gunther in the background.)
(She turns out the lights and in the darkened room Chandler starts to moan.)
[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross and the janitor are in the nocturnal house.]
Monica: Oh my God! Well push it in! Push it in!
Rachel: I cannot push it in!
Monica: Ross, Rachel promised it would be over by now. We seriously have to go, if we want to get to Vermont. I called them and the last train leaves in a half hour.
Phoebe: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?
Joey: They were in his office.
Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?
Ross: Uh, don't you think that would be a little weird? I mean, two guys in a romantic inn...
Janice: In the park?
Ross: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.
Monica: Oh, whatd ya bring me?! (She opens the gift) Awww, hotel toiletries from Japan. Oh, these are gonna go in my permanent collection. You want some coffee?
Phoebe: Oh, just think... she's gonna be watching that video on a TV that hasn't even been invented yet! With friends who right now are just like babies! And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built to escape the ant people!
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
Phoebe: (while Monica drags her in the restaurant) Get your garlic-peelers off me!
Phoebe: Well, how could it not be breezy, no, 'cause, you're, you're in such a breezy place.
Phoebe: (in a coy tone) Oh, you caught me. I am so busted.
Rachel: Phoebe, your in pain, would you just go to the dentist, just go.
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say.
Rachel: I hope its still funny when youre in hell.
Monica: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails in Appalachia.
MONICA: Oh, because, um . . .� well, Chandler's going to be home in a couple of days.� So, I thought I would, you know, practice the art of seduction.
Monica: Okay. Lets bring it in.
Monica: (Into the phone) Hello? Chandler, what's wrong? (She listens) Oh my God, are you alright? (listens some more) Yeah, I'll be right there. (She hangs up and speaks to Amanda) I'm so sorry, but Chandler was in a car accident. (She gets up)
Joey: (on the tape) I'm comin' out! (He opens the door and hops out pointing the gun in all directions and then runs out of view.)