words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is knocking on Rachels door, whose door frame is decorated with balloons. The rest of the gang is there as well. Rachel opens the door and the gang blow on noisemakers.]
(There is no response from Rachel.)
Joey: Come on Rach! Look, turning thirty is not that big a deal.
Ross: Oh really. Is that how you felt when you turned thirty?
[Flashback to Joeys thirtieth birthday party. It is being held in Monica and Chandlers apartment.]
[Cut back to Rachels party, everyone is now eating breakfast, except Rachel.]
Ross: Hey, 30 is not that old! Do you know how old the Earth is?
Rachel: Late thirties? Oh come on you guys! Is it just me? Am I overreacting to this?
[Flashback to Chandlers thirtieth birthday party. It is also being held in Monica and his apartment. He is about to blow out the candles on his birthday cake.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, breakfast is finished but Rachels still down.]
Joey: Yeah, youre roommate is a soap opera star.
[Flashback to: The Street in front of Central Perk, Ross and Joey are holding a yellow tape across the road and everyone is cheering Phoebe as she bounces around the corner on a hippity-hop.]
Phoebe: I did it! One mile on a hippity-hop! Thats it!! Thats everything I wanted to do before I was thirty. Oh, except I wanted to patch things up with my sister. But oh well. Yay!! (They all cheer again.) And-and girls this thing is a Godsend if you know what I mean. (Rachel and Monica look intrigued and as they all head into Central Perk, Rachel picks up the hippity-hop that Phoebe left behind.)
Monica: Well, doing nothing on your thirtieth is better than doing something stupid, like Ross.
[Flashback to: A street, Ross is sitting in his newly purchased MGB. Which is one of the better British sports cars ever made. Of course, better is a relative term. Which reminds me of a joke. Why dont the British make computers? Because they couldnt figure out how to make them leak oil. Anyway, the gang is all staring at his new purchase.]
Ross: Thats not what this is about okay? I-I am a sports car enthusiast. I have always been into cars.
(He starts the car and surprisingly in fires right up and comes to a nice idle. (Both can be rarities with British sports cars with their lovely Lucas ignition systems, which tend not to work especially in the rain.) Anyway, this being New York he is parallel parked on a street with the car in front of him only inches ahead of his bumper, likewise with the car behind him. Hes completely boxed in and cant move more than two inches. He tries to get out several times by bumping the bumpers of both cars to no avail.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is pouring Rachel some coffee.]
[Flashback to Monica and Chandlers apartment. Chandler has a bunch of people over in formal wear to give Monica a surprise birthday party. Joey is coming out of the bathroom and removing his tie.]
(Joey walks away and Mr. and Mrs. Geller walk up. Mr. Geller is wearing this ancient velvet tuxedo.)
Chandler: Okay, here is the thing. We have thrown a very formal surprise party for you in there! All of your friends are in there and your parents!
[Scene: Rosss birthday, Joey is now trying to get his car out while Ross is directing him.]
Woman: (To Joey) Is this yours?
Ursula: Yea-huh! Thats what is says on my birth certificate.
Phoebe: Your middle name is Pamela?
Phoebe: Well, I never knew mine. Do you remember what it is?
Chandler: Now, there is a dress laid out on your bed. (Monica stumbles on the steps.) Okay, (catches her) youre doing great. Youre doing great. Youre doing fine.
(Chandler walks over to where the rest of the gang is.)
[Scene: Rachels birthday, everyone is presenting their presents to Rachel.]
[Scene: Rachels birthday, a time lapse has occurred. Rachel is coming back into the living room carrying a notepad.]
Ross: Which is fine! Because you just turned(Removes two candles from the cake)twenty-eight!
Rachel: No! Ross, no! It is not fine! Eh-eh-according to my plan I should already be with the guy I wanna marry!
[Scene: Monicas birthday, Monica is now dressed and is being helped out by Chandler and Rachel.]
Chandler: (To Monica) Now all you have to do is just get through a little bit more, okay? Then we can put you in bed, okay? Just smile and dont talk to anyone.
Monica: I really like to say that Im-um (Pause) Yknow what Id really like to say? Im drunk!! (Mrs. Geller pulls the camera down.) Thats right mom and dad your little Harmonica is hammered!! (Ross grabs the camera out of his dads hands.) And guess what! Ive been drunk before! And Ive smoked a cigarette! And I got a box of Ding-Dongs hidden in my underwear drawer! Its all okay. Its okay because I turned thirty today. And, and I can do anything I want! Because I am a grown up. (Falls over sideways with Ross filming the fall.)
Phoebe: I lost a whole year! I cant believe it! This is so unfair!
[Cut outside, Joey is catching up with Phoebe.]
[Scene: Rosss birthday, his car is still trapped in its spot. Now Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are at the front of the car with Monica, Rachel, and Chandler at the rear of the car.]
Ross: Okay, is everybody clear? Were gonna pick it up and move it. Now all we need is teamwork, okay? Were gonna lift the car and slide it out. Lift and slide!
[Scene: Rachels birthday, she is coming into the hallway where Joey and Tag are playing with the scooter.]
Tag: Rachel, dont do this. This is just because youre turning thirty.
Rachel: Yeah, it is! But youre just a kid! I mean youre 25!
[Time lapse, Rachel is entering her apartment after breaking up with Tag.]
[Scene: Rosss birthday, night has fallen and Joey and Ross are walking by where his car is parked to find that both cars blocking him in have left.]
Rachel: Oh, oh. (she's holding the present, a transparent bag with a white stick in it). What is this?
Rachel: Mon... Okay... I've gotta... just say what it is I'm gonna say... None of the amazing things that have happened to me in the last ten years, would have happened if it wasn't for you. No-one has been more like a sister to me...
Monica: That is so sweet. (they hug)
Ross: Well it's okay. Chandler is talking to her.
Monica: This is not, what I�m wearing. I�m ovulating and Chandler�s gonna be home any minute, so I thought we would try before dinner.
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's dressing room. Phoebe is fixing her hair and Duncan enters.]
Chandler: (to Monica) Is it okay that I want you to wear that head set in bed tonight?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.]
[Scene: Monica's living room. We look outside to the balcony where Rachel is saying goodbye to Joey.]
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Ross: (taping Joey with the cam) Hey, there is uncle Joey!
Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so--ooory. (he pushes his breasts together from the side)
(Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)
Phoebe: (smiling, raising her hand) Who's hoping the hand raising thing is still cute enough that you won't hate me?
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters. Joey is holding a baby duck.]
Phoebe: That is the rule, though.
Ross: Is Rachel here?
Joey: So, so is she still going to Paris?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He is sitting on the barcalounger holding a French study book and listening to a French learning tape.]
Chandler: Is it really that bad?
Monica: Chandler, you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child! It's the miracle of life!
Doctor: The baby's head is crowning.
Erica: Is he okay?
Chandler: Alright. Wow, that is one disgusting miracle.
Rachel: I know, it's amazing. It's amazing. It's so much better than what I had at Ralph Lauren. The money is great...
Monica: This is unbelievable.
Monica: Okay, what if the person who adopts the other one is horrible?
Monica: Yeah, because I hear the king is looking to adopt.
(Ross is shocked.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]
Monica: Son of a gun, it is!
Phoebe: How sweet! Oh, is that the baby?
Chandler: Oh dont forget, my office holiday party is tonight. (They go into the apartment.)
Ross: Yeah, and she still wants to go! It's pretty clear where she is.
Joey: (To Monica) Hey, so what is the big surprise?
Chandler: Her name is Erica.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is performing, his music hasnt improved.]
Joey: This is so cool!
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
[Scene: The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
[A monkey jumps on the desk and hands the guy a beer. He opens the beer and is suddenly on the beach, in a hammock, with beautiful women all around.]
[Scene: New York City Department of Correction, Monica is visiting Fake Monica.]
(Chandler grins, while Monica is less enthusiastic.)
Phoebe: Damn, that window is clean.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is still looking for the birds.]
(Monica turns around and is about to leave when she steps on something.)
Joey: Because its all tainted with your betrayal. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And Im not happy about you either. (The bread maker dings) Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you. (Joey walks into his bedroom and slams the door.)
[Scene: The gate. Rachel is still searching for her boarding pass.]
(Monica is standing by the crib, and she's looking at her babies.)
Rachel: Phoebe? Is everything okay?
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
Ross: Is the old woman on the bicycle still alive?
Rachel: This is ridiculous! I...
Air stewardess: There is no Philange!
Passenger #1: But she is sometimes.
(She notices that everybody is leaving.)
Monica: Alright. My job here is done.
[Scene: A Casting Directors Office, Joey is entering for his callback.]
Ross: Where is she?
Phoebe: There she is!
Ross: Okay, the thing is..
Passenger #1: We're all getting off. There is no Philange!
Chandler: Wow, this is weird.
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Rachel and Monica enter. Rachel is limping and leaning on Monica for support.]
Benjamin: Certainly. Very well. And Dr. Geller, when is my birthday?
(The message is finished. Ross jumps over to the answering machine.)
Ross: This is it. Unless we're on a break.
Rachel: Okay. You and me, alright? This is it.
Phoebe: So, I guess this is it.
Richard: Thats what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! (Spits on the t)
Rachel: Look, I know what's going on here, okay, Mark explained it all to me. He said this is what you guys do.
Waiter: Hah, sorry about the wait, but it is mega-jammed in here! We have a couple specials tonight
[Scene: Rachels bedroom; Rachel is awoken by a man singing in the next apartment.]
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. Is that annoying? And speaking about being selfish in bed, hows Whitney?
Phoebe: Oh! Alright. Well I think the reason people laugh is becuase it's a play on the word roomy.
Phoebe: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. (plays a chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very much.
Chandler: It still wouldnt be clean. (Rachel makes an Eww, disgusting! face) All I want is my freedom.
Sarah: (laughing) No. If I can't have your clams, you can't have my dessert. This is a two way street.
Chandler: Oh, so thats why the priest threw holy water on me. (theres no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Phoebe: Wow! Oh you can just imagine that this is where (Shes opening and closing the drawers) they kept all the stuff to make their potions.
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
Phoebe: nothing, I'm excited about our date, Mike this is Ross Geller this is Mike Haaaaa (starts crying)
Ross: He is saving your butt, ah, unless of course Im stepping on some toes here, in which case I can just mosey on, Ive got plenty of people to help on the Interstate.
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I dont really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isnt that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and theyre gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I cant stop it! I cantI dont own Ross! Yknow? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I cant believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
Monica: Okay. (They kiss.) Okay, I cant wait! This is going to be the best Valentines Day ever! (Chandler giggles and exits.) I cant believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents!
Chandler: It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. (pause) It means...
Monica: Ok worse case scenario is...we borrow some money from my parents.
Joey: Oh, were supposed to just get him a ticket?! That guy is always mooching off of us!
Joey: What? Yeah! Sure! Uh, look at the uh, the reason (Exhales slowly)Is it hot in here?
Rachel: (entering) Hi! Im so sorry to barge in on your Valentines, but I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebe is on the phone to the motor club.]
Chandler: Well, whatever it is, I hope it involves winking. (Winks in a spy-type manner.)
Chandler: That was a celebration of life. Alright, look, I�m not gonna do this. Alright, is this really the way you want a baby to be conceived?
[Scene: A beauty parlour, Rachel is getting a manicure while Chandler, yes Chandler, is getting a petticure (Does that scare you that I know those terms? Well, it scares me.).]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch writing when Chandler enters to make his brief cameo.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isnt doing all that well.]
Monica: Are you kidding?! I practically spent my entire childhood at the arcade! This is likeOh my, this is like my second favorite game!
Joey: Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife.
Chandler: He said...he said, he said that they're having a great time. I'm sorry. But, the silver lining, if you wanna see it, is that he made the decision all by himself! Without any outside help whatsoever.