words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is taking a jar of olives out of the fridge.]
Phoebe: I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN and, I dont know where his country is.
Monica: Wow! You might just get the first Nobel prize in rubbing. So what country is this guy from?
Phoebe: What is this?
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking along with the diplomat (Sergei) and his translator (Mischa).]
Phoebe: Me too. Although this city is my home, so. So thats dumb what I said, dont tell him I said that. Umm, you make something up. (Mischa does so and Sergei kisses her hand.) Nice, (to Mischa) thank you. This is me. Here.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is showing Monica where Sergeis country is.]
Phoebe: (pointing to the globe) See there it is right there.
Ross: What is ah, Rach in her room?
Ross: Oh what?! Is she gonna cancel on me again?! How can she do this? Doesnt she know its our anniversary?
Monica: All right ah, Ross, this is the extent of my knowledge on the subject. (holds up a notepad) Call Rachel.
Phoebe: Hey, dont call him that! His name is Spackel Back Harry!
Chandler: What time is it now?
Chandler: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there.... (holds his arm out and pretends to grab something with his hand.)
Rachel: Ross honey, this is very nice, but, but I-I got a crisis.
Rachel: But I dont, hmm... (on phone) Oh, who approved that order?! (listens) Well there is no Mark Robbinson in this office. (to Sophie) Get me Mark on the phone!
Rachel: Well, let me just check that with what I got here, all right see 038 is not the number for (Ross starts making a lot of noise with a handheld pepper grinder) this store, 038 is Atlanta. And I...(stops and looks at Ross)
Rachel: Im sorry, as I was saying the store number is wrong, and Im sorry but thats... (notices a fire that Rosss candle has started) Oh my God!!
Ross: Dont yell at me okay, this is the most Ive seen you all week.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is eating the picnic as Rachel comes home from work.]
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life Im doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life Im doing something that Im actually good at. I mean. if you dont get that...
Ross: Is this about Mark?
Rachel: No. (Ross is standing in the doorway.) A break from us.
Chloe: I want you to met some friends of mine. (Introduces him to Chandler and Joey) This guy is my hero, he comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400%, we said we dont do that, and he says you gotta. And y'know what, we did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say lets Ross it!
Phoebe: Yeah but, Mischa is so interested in you, that Sergei and I havent been able to say two words to each other.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is lying in front of the bay window, and the phone rings.]
Mark: What? Is it my breath?
Chandler: Hey, no way! Come on, this is you guys, call her and work it out.
Chandler: Y'know that whole swimming thing is a myth.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Mark is there, opening Chinese food boxes.]
Ross: Really? Ive been thinking, this is crazy, I mean dont, dont you think we can work on this?
Mark: Is it okay if I finish the apple juice?
Ross: Is that Mark?
[Scene: The Philly, With or Without You is playing. (Which is the same song Ross played for Rachel in TOW the List.)]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is next to the bay window again, Mark has left.]
[Scene: The Philly, Ross is dancing with Chloe.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Sergei is teaching Phoebe how to sing American Pie, by Don Maclean.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Leslie is singing.]
Joey: Hey. I just saw a woman breast feeding both of her twins at the same time; it is like a freak show up here. (Notices shes wiping her eyes.) Whats the matter?
Ross: And is a hum, kinda like a scruddle?
Monica: Yeah! Okay, this one is a mushroom cap. (Points to it.) Umm, this one is made of bologna. (Points.)
[Scene: The lecture, Ross is passed out against Rachels shoulder.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading the newspaper.]
(As shes saying that Joey is to pull out a chair and sit down, only Matthew comes running in from off camera and dives for the same chair.)
Rachel: What? Uhh, Phoebe, honey, honey, I know you're quirky and I get a big kick out of it, we all do actually, but if you destroy a coat like this that is like a crime against nature! Not nature, fashion!
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]
Rachel: Oh, that is so...
RACHEL: Oh my gosh, wow. Monica. Oh my god. Mom. This is so great.
(She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And Id also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
Rachel: (Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane.
Phoebe: That's true. (Pause) Well, is anything you told me about yourself true?
MONICA: Oh, gosh, this is so weird. I mean, his whole life was in this apartment, and now it's gone. You know, I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments, for Mr. Heckles. I mean, he was kind of a pain, he was, but, he was a person. You're all going to hell.
Ross: Is everything okay?
Ross: Thats right good things, that-that is what I said. (glances at Monica)
Chandler: This teramisu is, is excellent. Did you make it Mary-Angela?
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
Phoebe: Stating the obvious, but thank you. And its not weird is it.
Phoebe: Okay, this is what Im talking about, this. I-I need to live in a land where people can spill.
Rachel: Um-hmm. (Joshua turns to look in the mirror and leaves Rachel staring at his ass.) There we go. There it is.
Chandler: (running around the apartment pointing out things) Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, (opens door) Bye-bye.
(They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a short while and pushes Phoebe away.)
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters.]
ROSS: But wait, there's more. Hey, Chandler, what is in the envelope?
CHANDLER: God that is good TV.
Julio: The Empty Vase is not about you. My baby, you make me so sad that you would think this.
Frank: Wait a minute, wait, this is because of you?
Phoebe: A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so clich�. Why don't you get a magician?!
Ross: This is my son having lunch, ok? It's gonna happen a lot, so you'd better get used to it. Now if you have any problem with it, if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it, now come on.
[Scene: The Hallway Between The Apartments, Ross and Rachel are coming back from the hospital. Ross is helping her up the stairs.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is watching Joey read Little Women, Ross is also there.]
Ross: Is this about Mark?
(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)
Ross: Is that Mark?
Margha: It is okay, if I stay and watch?
Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an optionwhat's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?!
Monica: No, it is me! Y'know, I'm not just the person who needs to fluff the pillows and pay the bills as soon as they come in! Y'know, when I'm with her, I am so much more than that. I'm- I'm Monana!
Monica: The second that Ross walks in that door, I want you take him back to your bedroom and do whatever it is that you do that makes him go, (high pitched) rweee!!
Chandler: Oh my God this doesnt count! Okay? The interview was over, that was the real Chandler Bing in there, this is just some crazy guy out in the hall! Call security! Theres a crazy guy out in the hall!
JOEY: Hey, this is a little extra somethin' for uh, ya know, always bein' there for me. [hands Chandler a jewelry box]
Ross: Ah y'know, this building is on my paper route so I... (gives her a flower)
PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree. Oh my God, you should see the size of his Christmas Balls.
Joey: All right, okay, now, we just have to make sure she doesnt find out some other way. (spins the chair around so that Ross is facing him) Did you think about the trail?
Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
[Scene: The Xerox Place, Ross is trying to break the trail.]
Chloe: Is this about me taking your watch?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, and hes very dejected.]
[Scene: Phoebes Work, Ross is now trying to stop Jasmine from telling Phoebe.]
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are on their date with Janice and Clark, however Clark is a no show and Janice is crying the Mississippi River about it.]
Phoebe: Aw, honey its not your fault, y'know this is who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be friends, and if I keep living here I dont see that happening.
Phoebe: Now what is Fabutec?
[Scene: Central Perk, all except Phoebe are there, Ross is telling the gang, minus Rachel whos still being retrained, about the different cookie options.]
Phoebe: You guys were right. Hes just too excited about everything. I mean Im all for living life, but this is the Gellers 35th anniversary. Okay? Lets call a spade a spade this party stinks.
Joey: Thank you Phoebe, that is very, very generous.
[Scene: The lecture, Rachel is listening closely, Ross is bored out of his mind.]
Phoebe: Yeah, yknow what I noticed Rachel? He scares easy. Is that the kind of guy youd like to take to a ball? "Hey Sebastian, would you like to dance?" (Imitates him.) "Uhh, okayI gotta go!"
Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
[Scene: Chandler is standing on a street corner waiting for Phoebe in the cab. Joey walks up.]
Ross: Ah, yeah, yeah. Umm, we started talking after she y'know, did her thing. And it turns out she's got a boy about Ben's age, so we're taking them to a gym-boree class. Why, is that okay?
Ross: (loudly) Why?! Are there like bears or something?! (Looks around and then sees that Elizabeth is shaking her head no and realizes what Elizabeth meant.) Ohh. Oh, protection. Yeah-no, yeah-no, that-that-that I forgot.
Rachel: Oh... (opens it)... (sees it is a pin) Oh my God. He remembered.
[Scene: Ross's bedroom, Ross is working and Rachel is reading a book in bed]
Joey: Yeah, listen, before I forget that side is still wet.
Ross: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me.
[Cut to the living room, Chandler is entering as Monica finishes wrapping her present for him on the kitchen table.]
[Scene: The rest stop, Joey is making a sign.]
Monica: Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, hes actually going to kill you dead.
Rachel: What is he doing here?!
Monica: This is amazing. I mean, how, how did this happen?
Chandler: Oh, this is horrible, its just horrible.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is throwing darts, as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I dont know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monicas face when I give her my present, and Im sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back?
Phoebe: Y'know what, but there is, there is no right or wrong, here.
Joey: Well, you lied again! (Rachel comes out of her room and is observing the conversation)
Chandler: Yknow, I knew something like this was going to happen. (He starts to take off his pants, revealing that he is still wearing his sweat pants.)
JOEY: Wow, this is wild. What're you gonna get?
Dick Clark: (on TV) Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square...
Rachel: God, Im not lame, okay. I can do something. I can throw, would you let me throw, come on this is my game too.
(David the scientist guy is standing at the news-stand)
Rachel: Oh honey, this is his office too. I told you we're Joanna's two assistants.
[Scene: Outside Chandlers Office, Chandler is just about to go into his office when Bob calls for him from behind.]
Rachel: Wow, this is so cool, you guys. The entire city is blacked out!
ROSS: I'm sorry. What was I supposed to do stand up and shout 'Hey, Rachel, your butt is showing!'
Monica: Y'see, this is where you'd use that 'hello' word we talked about.
MONICA: Because that's where the party is you goon. See this is just the staging area.
Ms. McKenna: Boston is down, Atlanta is down, Houston is down, I could go on and on but instead of boring you Ill go straight to my forty two point plan.
Doug: Hi. So good news, the divorce is final. I signed the papers this A.M.
Joey: Now, wh-what, what is that like?
Chandler: Oh, this is soo bad. (doesnt see Mary-Angela)
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
[Scene: Phoebes, Phoebe is opening the door.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing as Leslie enters.]
[Cut to Living Room, Rachel is sleeping on the couch, Ross is gone, the rest of them can finally emerge from their cell. They all wave good bye, and start to walk quietly out, as Monica goes and puts a blanket on Rachel. Joey starts walking all hunched over and bobbing his shoulders as he goes.]
Monica: Seriously, what is this supposed to mean?
Monica: What the hell is this? (holding up the check)
Chandler: Well I think its safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.
[Scene: Phoebes, she is coming home. She turns on the lights, and sits down on the couch.]
[Rachel comes out of her apartment, followed by Mark, and they leave on their date, without saying a word to Ross. Ross is stunned.]