words in movies
Chandler: This is unbelievable. Its been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, youd be looking like a ham right about now.
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Phoebe: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat?
Phoebe: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
Rachel: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Teacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
[Scene : Chandler's Office, Chandler is working.]
(Helens buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)
Helen: (Over the intercom) Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.
Nina: Which is bad, because?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
(Marcel points the remote at Monicas television, pressing a particular combination of keys. The logo SAP appears on the screen, and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish.)
Rachel: (Looking at the television) Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."
Chandler: (Looking out at the balcony) So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?
Joey: She is so hot!
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Teacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower.
[Scene: Chandler's Office. Chandler is playing with a toy as his boss Mr. Douglas knocks and opens the door.]
[Scene: Chandler's Office, later that day, Nina is in his office.]
Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Jamie: What is this place?
Jamie: All we want is two Caffe Lattes.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.)
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...
Chandler: Wow, this is serious. Ive never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.
Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didnt I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Soothing male voice: ..a sound Mom and Dad never forget. For this after all, is the miracle of birth.
Teacher: Lights please? And thats having a baby. Next week is our final class.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Carol: This is impossible. Its just impossible.
Susan: What is, honey?
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
Susan: I know its frightening, but, big picture. The birth part is just one day, and when its over, were all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives.
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
[Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around Monica comforting her brother, who in a slight state of shock is cuddling a cushion for security.]
Rachel: This is just occurring to you?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is working as Nina knocks, then opens the door.]
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is taking down the Christmas lights. Monica sees her, so she leans out of the small side window.]
(In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)
Mr.Heckles: See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.
Joey: You guys kissed! Oh mythis is huge!
Rachel: Honey, Monica, this is ridiculous! Look
[Time lapse, Phoebe is playing the guitar for Joey.]
Phoebe: Well, I dont think Monica is gonna take this away.
Rachel: (Faking cheerfulness.) Hello. Umm, when is your next flight to London?
Ross: Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I want you there. Then that's what I'll do.
[Time lapse, inside the store, Monica is frantically looking for her dress.]
Joey: Would she? (He smells something and gasps as he realizes what it is.) You ate my candy bar!
(Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him.)
(There is a knock on the door.)
Monica: Oh, is that why you did it the secret hallway where nobody ever goes?!
Monica: Oh, wait, is he the guy I met at Christmas?
Rachel: Why? Honey, what is the big deal?
Ross: Uh, Rachel, Ive been thinking. I dont think us getting together tonight is such a good idea. Im calling it off.
Rachel: Who is it?
The Doctor: It's too late, all we can do now is sow up the wound.
Chandler: How is that ever going to happen?!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is singing outside Monica and Chandlers door.]
Joey: (browsing the tissues) Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug (discards one). This guy's Canadian (discards another). And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
Joey: Err... I just figured it out! You know, I mean you're not working and the economy is bad.
Chandler: What in Gods name is that?!
[Scene: A Classroom, Ross is giving a lecture.]
Phoebe: That is so smart! (To Chandler, under her breath) Break it off. Break it off now.
[Time lapse, dinner is now finished and Ross is looking out the window.]
Phoebe: Oh my God. This is where you got all our stuff, Pottery Barn! Oh my God!
Chandler: The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice. (goes to kick the ball but kicks Rosss foot instead.)
Jack: I know what you're thinking Judy, the resemblance is uncanny!
Joey: Mine's is to Lilian Myers.
Rachel: Yes, his name is Barry, hes a doctor, thank you very much.
Monica: This is my dress!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sweeping up as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: Me asking is kind of a sign.
Monica: Yes it is! You saw me wearing it!
Woman: Hi, is uh Phoebe here?
Ross: Probably. But you know, I'll tell you something. Passion is way overrated.
Monica: No. No. Not it. Not it. Not it. (Checks another rack and another woman tries to reach around her.) (To the woman) Dont crowd me! (Finds it) This is it! This is the dress! Oh my God, its perfect! (She takes it off of the rack and someone has a hold of it on the other side of the rack and tugs on it.) Im sorry, this ones taken! (The other woman tugs harder pulling Monica through the rack.) Whoa!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is going through her purse as Rachel rushes in.]
Chandler: (interrupting in the nick of time) Joey, I uh! I can't believe this is how I'm spending my anniversary.
Monica: Okay, this is the den. All right, check this out. Lights! (the lights turn on automatically, but are very bright) Whoa! All right. Less lights! Bad lights! Lights go away! (they dim) Oh, see you just need to find the right command.
(He holds up a white poster with huge red letters. It reads, "Welcome Home Baby." There is also a huge red stain on the left of the poster.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is looking at the foosball table.]
Mrs. Geller: Stupid Jack, the word is stupid.
Monica: Ross let me ask you a question. All jokes aside, where is this relationship going?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler comes running in. Everyone else is already there.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning from dinner, Rachel is already there.]
Rachel: Well what?! How-how much is it?!
Ross: That's right, sex is off the table. (The door starts to open behind him and Dr. Green emerges) I am never having sex with you again. (Rachel stays quiet and after a few moments Ross realizes what has happened. He turns abruptly) Dr. Green, are you feeling better? (Rachel's dad glares at him with a deadly look)
Monica: This is the most special day of our lives.
Rachel: Look, I know that you guys really want to get to Vermont and this isn't a really big deal to you, but it really is to us, ok? Emma will never have a first birthday again.
ROSS: You know, you know, actually it's getting better. It is. It is. Let's not go. Anyone for Thcrabble?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is having coffee with Dana.]
Joey: Just out of curiosity, how-how much is that boat worth?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
Ross: (talking to himself) My God! These pants are burning up! (He's still wearing the leather pants.) (She snuggles closer.) Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! (Out loud.) Are you hot?
[Scene: The Emergency Room. The officious admissions nurse is again on duty. Rachel and Monica enter, looking worried. As they approach the desk, Rachel adopts a winning smile, while Monica struggles to smile at all.]
Rachel: Joey! It is an auction! You dont guess, you buy!
Rachel: Do you even know what a vicar is?
(She goes out into the hall and when shes there and the door is closed; she rips off her robe to reveal her work clothes.)
[Cut to the living room, Joey is eating a sandwich.)
Rachel: Ok, I know this is gonna sound really stupid, but I feel that if I can do this, you know, if I can actually do my own laundry, there isn't anything I can't do.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is singing Happy Birthday to yet another good-looking woman. Gunther is watching and is not very happy.]
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Phoebe is pacing back and forth waiting for someone.]
Phoebe: You'd better get back in that kitchen Monica, the garlic is not gonna overuse itself.
Rachel: Joey, there is a perfectly good couch across the hall!
Joey: I had to get out of the apartment. Janine is like stretching all over the place. Yknow, everywhere I look shes like (He imitates her stretching)
Charlie: Joey is a great guy, but we're just... so different! I mean, during your speech he kept laughing at homo erectus!
Ross: Oh, and also, hes, hes walkin kind of funny, his left leg is moving a lot faster than his right leg, and hes in there just sort of y'know... (walks around in a circle)
Phoebe: Oh, so this is all about money! Yknow its bad enough thatOw! Oh, you have got to be kidding!
Rachel: Right. So, what you have to do is, you have to accidentally run into her on purpose. And then act aloof.
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler is trying to get Joeys money back from Ross.]
Joey: Well, lesson learned! Rachel is mean!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Chandler are sitting on the couch and chair as Phoebe is getting coffee.]
Chandler: No, our guy is just a floating head.
Rachel: (returning) Wait-wait-wait, I just thought of another story about how nice Ross is!
(Phoebe then gets possessed 'cause she starts speaking in tongues. She speaks Italian to Joey's grandmother. She is quickly exorcised and returns to speaking in English. Of course, too most people English is a strange language as well. But none of them are probably reading this and if they were they wouldn't understand it. So why am I talking about them? I have absolutely no clue. Moving on )
Monica: (entering) Chandler is such an idiot!
(They walk into a completely redecorated and repainted room. And of course, the room is immaculate. Only an obsessive-compulsive like Monica could find fault with the room.)
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, he is giving Monica a massage.]
Joey: Yes it is perfectly good, and it is not one of the places the duck got sick!
Chandler: (clearly lying and hating the dessert) Yeah, this is so good, that Im gonna go enjoy it on the balcony so that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert.
Monica: I cant believe it! That there is no money for my wedding?!
Chandler: Thats right, I can throw her off. I can make her think marriage is the last thing on my mind.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.]
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
Rachel: No! No! No! Im not yelling at you, Im just yelling near you. Oh God Joey, ohh Im my father. Oh my God, this is horrible! Ive been trying so hard not to be my mother I did not see this comin. Oh, Joey, Im sorry. Im so sorry. I just wanted you to learn.
[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Ben how to ride a bike. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are they also.]
Rachel: Is Monica around? I-I have to ask her something.
Rachel: Yeah! Its weird. But the thing is need to find a date.
Phoebe: I dont know why I was so nervous about this. And I dont know why Frank and Alice are always complaining. This is so easy.
Rachel: Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.
Terry: Im sorry Joey thats thats the way it is.
Rachel: All right, its okay. One little setback is okay, just dont let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But Im just gonna take the-the pajmena. (Ross hands it to her.) And the uh, and the uh pants. Yknow what, Im just gonna take it all away, cause that way youll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, Im gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner. (Leaves with all of Jills stuff.)
Ross: Look, just because some idiot drew on your face doesn't mean you shouldn't have any fun! Okay? And besides, hey-hey-hey no one is even gonna look at you. Okay? This is Vegas! Hello! There are tons of other freaks here! (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) There are tons of freaks here. No other. No. Come on! No one will notice, I swear!
(Joey walks out, while Rachel is pensive. Once he's out of her room, he suddenly realizes who she was talking about and goes back in. He looks at her in disbelief and she looks like she was caught red-handed)
Megan: Oh no, these dresses are all so amazing but there is no way I could afford one.
Rachel: Ohh, my new assistant is working out, yes.
Phoebe: HeyOoh, hows Hilda? Is she working out?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing living room golf as Rachel enters. Rachel sees this and holds the door open until Chandler is ready to start his swing, when he is, she slams the door shut which causes the club to fly from his hands. He turns around, shocked.]
Chandler: (To Monica) Of course it is. (Mouths to Ross) Wowwhoa!