words in movies
Chandler: This is unbelievable. Its been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, youd be looking like a ham right about now.
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Phoebe: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat?
Phoebe: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
Rachel: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Teacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
[Scene : Chandler's Office, Chandler is working.]
(Helens buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)
Helen: (Over the intercom) Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.
Nina: Which is bad, because?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
(Marcel points the remote at Monicas television, pressing a particular combination of keys. The logo SAP appears on the screen, and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish.)
Rachel: (Looking at the television) Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."
Chandler: (Looking out at the balcony) So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?
Joey: She is so hot!
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Teacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower.
[Scene: Chandler's Office. Chandler is playing with a toy as his boss Mr. Douglas knocks and opens the door.]
[Scene: Chandler's Office, later that day, Nina is in his office.]
Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Jamie: What is this place?
Jamie: All we want is two Caffe Lattes.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.)
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...
Chandler: Wow, this is serious. Ive never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.
Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didnt I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Soothing male voice: ..a sound Mom and Dad never forget. For this after all, is the miracle of birth.
Teacher: Lights please? And thats having a baby. Next week is our final class.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Carol: This is impossible. Its just impossible.
Susan: What is, honey?
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
Susan: I know its frightening, but, big picture. The birth part is just one day, and when its over, were all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives.
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
[Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around Monica comforting her brother, who in a slight state of shock is cuddling a cushion for security.]
Rachel: This is just occurring to you?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is working as Nina knocks, then opens the door.]
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is taking down the Christmas lights. Monica sees her, so she leans out of the small side window.]
(In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)
Mr.Heckles: See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.
Ross: Well, I know the other day in the coffeehouse you were caught up in the whole soccer mom thing? but is that really you? I mean can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?
Monica: No! (Pause) But, theyre callin out to me! I mean this little guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldnt mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?
Ross: I can't believe Chandler is missing this!
Ross: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. (silence) Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?
Rachel: Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Yknow, its-its just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You dont get to keep the gifts.
Ross: So this is an annual thing?
Rachel: Joey, you cant let him get away with that. Ya know what, Im not going to let him get away with that. Im going to say something to himNo, I really shouldnt say anythingNo, I should say something to him. (Goes to the counter) Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him
Rachel: Alright, Emma is napping... (then to Ross) what happened to your shirt?
[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, its the set of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. The producer is showing Joey around the set.]
Chandler: (looking through the peephole again) Ross' shirt is torn.
Rachel: Oh, God. This is bad. This is so bad.
[ Scene: The freeway. Rachel is driving Monica's Porsche, while using her mobile phone. Ross is sitting next to her.]
Benjamin: Listen, I know, I may be way out of bounds here, but is there any chance you will take me back?
Ross: What is that?
Chandler: To her face? Look its the end of the date, Im standing there, I know all shes waiting for is for me to say Ill call her and its just y'know, comes out. I cant help it, its a compulsion.
Monica: Its almost 8 oclock, its almost past his bedtime. Where-where is he?
(Monica is now smiling)
Monica: Joey, that is not gonna work.
Rachel: Ewww, is that what that is?
(When Joey tries to pull back his head, he notices he is stuck)
Rachel: Honey, this really is an incredible thing to do for them, but there are things to think about.
Monica: Okay, I have to get that. Now when I get back, I want you and your friends to be gone. Thanksgiving is over. The Vein has spoken.
Mike: The woman I love... (he walks to Phoebe) I love you... Which is probably something I shouldn't say for the first time in front of my parents... and Tom and Sue...Who are by the way the most sinfully boring I've ever met in my life...
Joey: I can't believe it. When you guys come back, you're gonna have a baby! That is so weird!
(Chandler nods along and they enter the whirlpool room and remove their robes. Only Chandler is lacking a certain item of clothing. You see this is a coed whirlpool, which means swimsuits, and in fact there are two women already there and Chandler didnt seem to wear his. Needless to say, everyone is shocked, including Chandler.)
Monica: Hi Amanda! Actually now... it’s... is not a good time. Dinner tomorrow night? (Phoebe mouths 'no') Ok, Phoebe and I will see you then!
Monica: Ok, thank you.(the man leaves) Uh, well this is it. Are you OK?
Monica: Hi. It is so, so nice to meet you.
Phoebe: (to Ross) This place is awesome!
Ross: You know, we should just go, I’m not gonna find anything here! This stuff is ridiculous!
Rachel: Ah, this place is great!
Monica: (thinks about it) All right, but if-if he lights someone else on fire he is out of there!
[Scene: Ross walks into Central Perk, wearing a pink and white ladies shirt. Joey is on the couch]
Rachel: Oh, okay. Uhh, well lets see. (Grabs his hand.) Youre aboutwell uh, this one is large. And this one(Grabs the other hand.)
Chandler: Your Veal Chop is $34,95!
Joey: (looking a little agitated now) Looks like someone IS the ladies!!
Sarah: Oh, that is so sweet..
Sarah: What? what is the matter with you?
Rachel: oh oh! What is up with Miss Hawaiian Tropic?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is drinking coffee by the counter as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Oh honey, this is for the best, thus I�m not distracted, worrying about Emma, how she�s doing at home and I�m being completely here with you and, oh, she spit up!
Sarah: But you just said "What's mine is yours"?
Chandler: (excited) Guys, guys, I've got great news! Guess what Joey: Uh, ah, Monica's pregnant?! Monica: (shocked) Really? (She looks around, suddenly embarrassed) Let's get past the moment. Phoebe: What's your news? Chandler: Thank you. I got a job in advertising. (Everybody cheers) Monica: (hugging Chandler) Oh, honey, that's incredible! Phoebe: (inquisitive) Gosh, what's the pay like? (Everybody stares at her indignantly) Oh, come on people (defending) come on, now, if I don't know who makes the most, how do I know who I like the most! (She looks at Joey) Hey Joey! (Joey winks at her) Chandler: Actually, it pays nothing. It's an internship. Joey: Oh, that's cool. We have interns at 'Days Of Our Lives'. Chandler: Right. So, it'll be the same except less sex with you. (Joey nods) Ross: So, uh, what kinda stuff do you think they'll have you do there? Chandler: Well, it's a training program, but at the end, they hire the people they like. Phoebe: (enthusiastic) That's great. Chandler: Yeah, I mean, there's probably gonna be some ground work which will probably stink, you know, grown man getting people coffee is a little humiliating (At the same time, Gunther puts down a cup of coffee in front of Chandler) Chandler: (grinning awkwardly) Humiliating and noble! (Gunther shoots a nasty look at him while leaving) Ross: You know, if I didn't already have a job, I think, I would have been really good in advertising. Monica: Ross, you did not come up with "got milk?" Ross: Yes, I did, I did! (He turns to Joey, disappointed) I should have written it down!
Phoebe: (Delighted) oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! (Thrilled) You found Betty! Oh my god! (Hugging people) This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, (still happy) Where's Joey?
Phoebe: Ooh, so this is great! Rachel's gonna have a terrible date, Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realise how good they have it together.
PHOEBE: Wow, this is it, I'm gonna meet my dad. This is like the biggest thing ever, huh.
Ross: No I'm serious. I mean she wants to date people? Fine! I don't care but...at least she could have told me. You knowI...I've been putting my life on hold and just concentrating on Emma but if she wants to go out there kissing guys shebarely knows, then so will I ! Very funny! Ross is gay! Ah! Ah!
Monica: (pointing to a picture on the table) I-Is... Is that a picture?
JOEY: (emerging) Bedroom is clear, although you might need some new pillows.
Ross: Turns out this sweater is made for a woman.
Rachel: Oh, no, no. That is a doll.
Rachel: Oh. Who is the blonde, she's pretty.
Rachel: Yeah! If you don't I will! Of course your body's gonna change. Your breasts are gonna get bigger, your ass is gonna get bigger, you're gonna lose bladder control. (she starts sobbing) God! It's just such a magical time!
Chandler: This is bringing out a lovely color in you!
Monica: Okay. Right. Oh my God that is gonna be so hard.
Monica: This is huge!
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Everybody except Monica and Chandler is there.]
Joey: Hey, is uhm... is Chandler here?
Monica: (turns to them) Ok, alright, you guys, you'd better sit down, this is pretty big.
Rachel: (looking at the bulletin board with baby pictures) So, which of these babies do you think is the ugliest?
Rachel: What is wrong with raising a kid in the city? I'm doing it, Ross is doing it, Sarah Jessica Parker is doing it!
Chandler: I know this is really hard and we're really sorry.
(All the friends looked shocked and confused. There is a long silence.)
Rachel: Yeah it is.
Phoebe: Yeah, but so is this.
Rachel: You're fly is open, Geller!
Ross: That money is mine, Green!
Monica: Hey, did you get the turkey bast-Oh my God! Oh my God! (She sees someone is stuck in the turkey.) Who is that?
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bing’s job?
Rachel: That is not true. She did! She forced me!
Chandler: Ah well, she's got this weird idea, that, uh, y'know, just because you and I are alone, that something is gonna happen.
[Scene: A restaurant, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Gary are on a double date. Chandler is yawning.]
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Chandler: Tonight?! (looks at the ring) Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? (squints at the ring to emphasize how tiny the diamond is) Oh, there it is!
Joey: Rachel's right. This is where you guys belong.
Monica: Rachel, this is yours.
Phoebe: Hello, is this the creepy residence?
Rachel: (panics, turns around, picks up the phone, and pretend to talk on it) Hello?! (Listens) Oh, yeah! (To Tag) This is gonna be a while. Excuse me. (Tag leaves and she closes the door behind him, disgustedly.) Yeah!
Rachel: Ooh! Oh wow this is so beautiful. (she got a scarf)
(Rachel goes to hug him but Ross is holding one of her hands and doesnt let go, so she can only put one arm around him.)
Laura: Your place is just lovely.
Chandler: You know, our band is playing on Friday.
(She goes to look out the window at Rosss apartment and sees Jill staring at her and closing the drapes with an evil look on her face. Rachel is stunned into silence.)
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
[Scene: Monica's apartment, where Phoebe's bachelorette party is taking place.]
Joey: Yeah! But that is not what they're looking for. (time's finished) OOOH!
(the first word is cream)
(The third word is ketchup)
(the second word is mayonnaise)
Ross: Oh, well, uh, this is gonna sound kinda silly, but, do you remember my roommate Chandler Bing?
[Scene: College reunion party. Ross is talking to Missy.]
Rachel: Okay please tell me that this is just one of your jokes that you do that I dont get.
Monica: (to Rachel) Hey, where is this guy, it's been over an hour!
Monica: Who is it?
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe is still investigating the smoke detector trying to figure out how to stop the beeping.]
Phoebe: How old is your phonebook?
Monica: Oh my God, this man is gonna get naked in my apartment!
Phoebe: This is how I look when I'm turned on!
Phoebe: I can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that would be?! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Okay? Just, y'know, feel him out!
Ross: I guess if everybody else is...