words in movies
Chandler: This is unbelievable. Its been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, youd be looking like a ham right about now.
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Phoebe: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat?
Phoebe: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
Rachel: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Teacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
[Scene : Chandler's Office, Chandler is working.]
(Helens buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)
Helen: (Over the intercom) Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.
Nina: Which is bad, because?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
(Marcel points the remote at Monicas television, pressing a particular combination of keys. The logo SAP appears on the screen, and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish.)
Rachel: (Looking at the television) Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."
Chandler: (Looking out at the balcony) So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?
Joey: She is so hot!
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Teacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower.
[Scene: Chandler's Office. Chandler is playing with a toy as his boss Mr. Douglas knocks and opens the door.]
[Scene: Chandler's Office, later that day, Nina is in his office.]
Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Jamie: What is this place?
Jamie: All we want is two Caffe Lattes.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.)
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...
Chandler: Wow, this is serious. Ive never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.
Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didnt I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Soothing male voice: ..a sound Mom and Dad never forget. For this after all, is the miracle of birth.
Teacher: Lights please? And thats having a baby. Next week is our final class.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Carol: This is impossible. Its just impossible.
Susan: What is, honey?
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
Susan: I know its frightening, but, big picture. The birth part is just one day, and when its over, were all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives.
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
[Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around Monica comforting her brother, who in a slight state of shock is cuddling a cushion for security.]
Rachel: This is just occurring to you?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is working as Nina knocks, then opens the door.]
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is taking down the Christmas lights. Monica sees her, so she leans out of the small side window.]
(In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)
Mr.Heckles: See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.
Rachel: Right! But, none of that compared to how kind and-and how gentle and thoughtful he is. (Rubbing his shoulder.)
Monica: Yes... What is the end of that sentence?
Phoebe: Yes, they are expected presently. Yeah, yeah um, their arrival is in the offing.
Joey: Enough said, I'm there for you man. Where is she, upstairs?
[Scene: Professor Sherman's office, Ross is relating to Professor Sherman]
(Turns to look at Professor Sherman, only to discover that he is sleeping)
Ross: Come on sweetie! Youve had to work late every night for the past two weeks, what is it this time?
JULIE: So is there like a story or do they just stard doing it right. . . oh, never mind.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is scrapping gum off the table as there is a knock on the door. He goes over and opens it.]
Rachel: I know, I know, so it is just not a big deal.
Chandler: Hey! Look I brought a friend for dinner, this is Zack, from work!
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Carol is working on something at the table and Ross is reading a newspaper on the couch.]
Monica: Chandler, this is crazy! What did you even say to him! "Come up, meet my wife! Give us your sperm"!
(Monica hears that and is suddenly very interested in Zack)
Ross: Joey! Hey, I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there?
Stranger: And it is annoying when parents put their baby on the phone...
RACHEL: Um, this is gonna sound kinda goofy but uhhm, my friend over there, who cooks by the way, um, she thinks you're cute.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is sitting on his bed and the phone rings]
Monica: I think he is fine! It's just that we don't know anything real about him... we should get more information.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is looking at the screen of his laptop, shaking his head.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting on the sofa, eating a cookie.]
Rachel: Uh-huh! Nice try, but you dont get that chair anymore! All right? That is my chair now! You can sit on my lap! (Joey starts to get up.) No I take that back!
Dr. Green: Ill never understand you lesbians. (To Rachel) So baby, tell me what is new with you.
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
Rachel: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's peepee time. (She goes into Joey and Chandler's apartment, where Mr. Tribbiani is reading the paper) Hey, Mr. Trib.
David: Good, good, life is good...
Charlie: Hey, there's Phoebe! Is that Mike she's with?
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Monica: That is so sweet. I love you. (they kiss)
Monica: So this is it, we're really gonna adopt?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that morning. The porn is still on, there are three women getting ready to shave the chest of some guy. Joey and Chandler are wondering why that guy is letting them shave his chest, and Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast at the foosball table.]
Phoebe: (entering with Rachel) and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.
[Scene: The Hallway, Monica and Chandler are returning and Monica finds her basket is empty.]
Charlie: Wow! This place is beautiful!
Ross: Wow! This is very flattering, uh...
Joey: I would, but this is a nice place and my T-shirt has a picture of Calvin doing Hobbs.
Janice: Oh! Sid is still in his room. I don't allow porn at home so this is like a vacation for him. So did you do it? Did you make your deposit?
Monica: This is Rachel. I mean, what are you gonna do, never going to talk to her again? I mean I know its weird, its awkward, but you gotta at least try.
[Scene: The theater. Chandler is sitting in the otherwise empty front row, looking around nervously]
David: Mike is your ex... uh... boyfriend!
PHOEBE: Oh, this is so nice. Alright I have to make a speech. I just wanna say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe.
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe tonight!
Rachel: Oh, please!Honey, just the fact that you want me here to support you, I'm...OH MY GOD!Is that Christian Sanders?He's so gorgeous!
Monica: Do you really think marrying someone else is the right answer?
[Scene: Ross's hotel room. Ross and is reading his keynote speech to Charlie from his laptop]
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is pouring wine for her boyfriend, Dr. Roger.]
Charlie: Actually the wet season is June to December.
Chandler: Well, it didn't say "This is a virus"!!
Joey: You know what it is? It's a nice place but I gotta see I don't know if I see myself living here. Oh, oh, oh, let me see... (Joey sits down on the couch, mimes opening a can and puts his hand down his pants) Yeah, I could see it.
[The next one is from Episode 512: The One With Chandlers Work Laugh, Joey and Phoebe are betting on who will reach the treat the fastest, the chick or the duck.]
Ross: I don't think that your monologue from Star Wars is gonna help me right now, Joe!
Monica: Ok, Mike, enough is enough, now you love Phoebe and she loves you, so you need to get over your whole "I never want to get married" thing and step up!
Mike: Who is this?
Chandler: Phoebe is going to say "yes"? That's, that's great!
PHOEBE: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
Joey: Kate Miller it is. (he picks up the Kate Miller badge and sticks it on Rachel's breast)
PHOEBE: I don't believe this. Is this how this relationship's gonna work? Ross equals boss. I mean, c'mon what is this, 1922?
Monica: Phoebe is going to say "Yes" to David. See, that's what happens when you meddle in people's lives!
[Scene: Ross's room. Charlie is sitting on the bed, while Ross is walking up and down nervously]
Chandler: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. (Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.) Nothing.
Charlie: Oh my God, this is so cool!
Joey: Tell me who it is.
Joey: (eagerly) Yeah, who is that?
Rachel: Oh! (pause) Ok. Ok, you really wanna know who it is?
Charlie: Oh, ah, isn't there another professor that is supposed to come with us?
Monica: The sun is out!
[Scene: Conference room. Ross is making his keynote speech]
Chandler: Ladies? Ross's speech is in 45 minutes.
Chandler: What are you talking about? The couch is perfectly in line with the carpet. And then I can just walk over here and casually just put my feet right up on the...(Tries to rest his feet on the coffee table but they won't reach) OK, OK, here's what we do, we just uh, move the couch closer to the coffee table.
Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?
PHOEBE: (calling from the bar on her cell phone.) Hey, Mike, it's me.� Listen, is um, is Ross near you?
[Scene: At the Spa, Phoebe is at the half-opened door]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is eating the picnic as Rachel comes home from work.]
Charlie: ... is it weird that it's not with each other?
[Scene: The Airport, Chandler and Monica are following the previous couple through a tiny hallway that proves this is a set on a sound stage and not an actual airport, and see them enter the first class lounge.]
Rachel: (worried) What, is everything ok?
[Scene: Rachel's hotel room. She is watching the Weather Channel on TV.]
Chandler: Shes moving on! Okay, if its not this guy, its gonna be somebody else! And unless youre thinking about subletting my peep hole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over! Okay, man? Its over.
Joey: (sitting up again) I'm telling you, Rach, Charlie is not right for me!
Monica: Well I guess there is no harm in telling you now, Rachel and Ross are gonna have a baby.
[Scene: Rachel's hotel room. Joey is standing at the door, facing Rachel]
Rachel: Yeah, he did! (smiling) Oh, see, this is what I'm talking about!
Ross: No!! Y'know-y'know dont do me any favours. In fact, where, wheres the rest of my stuff?! Huh? Like-like my umm, (picks up a book) Hey, this book is mine!! And-and-and, and that T-shirt you sleep in? Id like that back too. Yes, I do.
Joey: Me too. Yeah, this place is great. I'm so happy for you guys. Although, you know, I hope you like fungus.
Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. (Ross looks at her.) Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
David: Yeah, well, being a failed scientist doesn't pay quite as well as you might think. That's uhm... one seventieth of a karat. And the clarity is uhm... is quite poor.
Phoebe: Is that Ross?
(Phoebe starts to listen at the other wall, where Rachel's room is. There, Joey and Rachel are kissing.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you're right. This is none of our business.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isnt doing all that well.]
[Time Lapse: Rachel is returning from chasing down the boy in the cape.]
Charlie: uhm... Is everything okay?
Monica: What?! Are you crazy? You just had Rosss baby! Its-its so inappropriate. No, its worse than that. Its wrong. Its It is bigger than mine! (Rachels engagement ring.)
Ross: You know where Joey is?
Ross: Is everything okay?
Rachel: Yeah, sure... (looks outside into the corridor if Joey is there)
Phoebe: Shhh... This is the listening side of the wall.
Phoebe: Now, what is this?
Joey: Is he gone?