words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there having breakfast and Joey enters carrying a loaf of bread.]
Ross: Take from me, as the groom all you have to do is show up and try to say the right name.
Chandler: What in Gods name is that?!
Phoebe: That is so smart! (To Chandler, under her breath) Break it off. Break it off now.
[Scene: A Classroom, Ross is giving a lecture.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah it is! Im going to the movies and it starts in like five minutes.
Monica: All right, so I havent cleared the budget with my parents yet, but tell me how this is for music.
Chandler: Well, you couldnt get them anyway. Ian doesnt plan anymore and Derrick (Off of Rachel and Monicas looks) And Derrick is a name I shouldnt know.
Chandler: Now, do I get to look at this book or is it just for people who are actually involved in the wedding?
Rachel: Joey, there is a perfectly good couch across the hall!
Joey: Yes it is perfectly good, and it is not one of the places the duck got sick!
Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (Hes about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachels room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) Thats so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar (Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) wouldnt be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his (Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.)
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Phoebe has moved in and has a massage client on her table shes set up in the living room. Ross enters and is shocked to see a naked man lying on the table.]
Phoebe: (pause as she considers it) Okay, well Ross, what is this really about?
Ross: Look, this is my home and I want to be able to come and go whenever I want!
Phoebe: Okay, I will find someplace else to do the rest of my appointments. I just dont know what the big deal is!
Ross: The big deal is I dont want naked, greasy strangers in my apartment when I want to kick back with a puzzlebeer! Cold beer.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sweeping up as Rachel enters.]
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming out of the living room carrying his salad and a puzzlebeer! Cold beer. And he decides to fold up Phoebes massage table, but being Ross has trouble with it as there is a knock on the door. He sets the table back up and opens the door to reveal a beautiful woman.]
Woman: Hi, is uh Phoebe here?
Monica: I cant believe it! That there is no money for my wedding?!
Mrs. Geller: Stupid Jack, the word is stupid.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, his massage client is on the table and Ross is reluctantly starting his massage. He spreads some lotion in his hands, and doesnt like it.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning from dinner, Rachel is already there.]
Rachel: Wait, but theres no money! Well this is terrible! You guys are gonna have to get married in like a, rec. center!
Chandler: Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love each other and that were gonna get married.
Rachel: Well what?! How-how much is it?!
Monica: (To Chandler) How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the amount you have is exactly the budget of my dream wedding!
Monica: This is the most special day of our lives.
Chandler: Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer is no.
Ross: Hey, yknow what? This is your fault! Youre the one that didnt move his-his appointment.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing her checkbook as Joey enters from his room wearing a hockey helmet, gloves, and shin guards.]
Rachel: Do you even know what a vicar is?
[Scene, Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is there. Everything is out of its place and Chandler's cleaning.]
Joey: The thing is cause I live with Rachel Im here for a lot of the stuff, okay? (To Rachel) And Ross Ross is missing everything. So
Phoebe: No-no-no, but I am mad! I am mad! Because this stuff is everything that is wrong with the world! And its all sitting up in my living room and all I can think about is how I dont have that lamp!
KEVIN: All right. It's no big deal. BILL: So, she has a boyfriend. What is your situation? RACHEL: Oh, well, it's complicated. I don't actually have a boyfriend.� But um. . . BILL: Then, can I have your number? RACHEL: (pause) I'm sorry, no. BILL: Okay. (They start to walk away.) RACHEL: Oh sure.� (She pulls a business card from her purse and writes on it.) PHOEBE: (Reading the card.) Oh my God, you're giving your real number. BILL: Okay, thanks. I'll give you a call later tonight. RACHEL: Great. BILL: Bye PHOEBE: Bye. (The guys leave.) Wow. So, that's great. You, Bill, Ross, and Emma are going to be so happy together. What were you thinking?
(Basically Chandlers face looks like hes not all there and is staring off into the distance )
Joey: Were now in the ceremony, Monica is about to say, "I do" when her drunk uncle starts yelling. What do you do? Go!
Carol: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.
Monica: We didnt give you any money! (Chandler is motioning, "No!")
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in one of the black chairs, and turns to face the other one.]
MRS. GREENE: ...but when all is said and done, he still drinks out of the mugs.
All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang...
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are sitting at a table. Rachel is working. Monica and Phoebe enter.]
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Monica: Hey, honey, my test is down the hall, are you sure you're going to be ok?
Joey: I can do that, yeah. How is Friday?
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.]
Ross: You have no idea what a nightmare this has been. This is so hard.
Rachel: Yeah. And yknow who shouldve shut their drapes? Is that perverted old couple two doors over.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch, eating candy. It is raining out. Ross climbs up the fire escape and is knocking on the window.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.]
Monica: Sush!! I cannot believe she is still up there.
Rachel: No its okay, this is whats gonna happen. Im gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him.
Monica: (calling from the bathroom) Is someone there?
Monica: Isn't that sad? I mean, can you see how pathetic that is? You shouldn't be jealous. You should feel bad for him.
Julie: Yes. Oh my god, are you kidding? Ross is so crazy about you, and I really wanted you to like me, and, it's probably me being totally paranoid, but I kinda got the feeling that maybe you don't.
Phoebe: I know! So this woman probably could like have all kinds of stories about my parents, and she might even know like where my Dad is. So I looked her up, and she lives out by the beach. So maybe this weekend we could go to the beach?
[Scene: Rachels Doctors Office, she is waiting for her doctor as a nurse enters.]
Monica: It is not over because she is going to call you and tell you she loves you. And the reason why she couldnt, is because her feelings were so strong, it scared her. Now you go home and wait for her call, she could be calling you from the plane! Come on now go! Go! (Tries to push Ross out the door.)
Rachel: Noooo... look, all I know is that I cannot wait a week until I see him. I mean, this is just too big. Y'know, I just, I've just gotta talk to him. I... I gotta... OK, I'll see you later. (opens door)
Ross: Actually, Billy Tratt is gay now. So-so that ones not really our fault.
Ross: Well, I do, so let's... (Ben and Ross sit down on the couch) So, Ben, you uh, you know what holiday is coming up, don't ya?
Phoebe: I'm not. I'm praying. (looking up) Please let the Knicks win... Thank you Thor! (Mike is standing up) Where... where are you going?
Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.)
[Scene: A restaurant. Joey is on his date with Phoebe’s friend, Sarah. They are sitting opposite each other on a table for two. Their waiter approaches with two plates.]
Ross: Phoebe, 800 is toll free, 801 is-is Utah.
Carol: Guess what? Ben is going to be in a TV commercial!
Joey: Well, not so good. She definitely thinks tonight is the night we're gonna... complete the transaction, if you know what I...
[Scene: The Charity Event, theyre holding a silent auction, Rachel is looking at one of the items and Phoebe walks up and hands her a glass of wine.]
Phoebe: Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay, because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, youre just mean! (pause) So, just tell me the truth!
Ross: What... what am I gonna do? My speech is gone, Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]
Joey: Exactly! All right, everybody, listen up. The coffeehouse is going to be closed for about an hour.
The Food Critic: Im torn, between my integrity and my desire to avoid a beating. But I must be honest, your soap is abysmal. (Throws down the spoon and walks out.)
Ross: I know, uh, the air, the-the trees... even though Nana's gone there's, there's something almost, uh- I dunno, almost life-aff- (Not looking where he is going he falls into an open grave)
Rachel: Okay, look, Ross, I realise that my Father is difficult, but thats why you have got to be the bigger man here.
Monica: Ok, I'm sensing that this is some kind of word play, because you are pink with barely controlled glee.
Monica: Demi Moore is not a he.
(Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone except Ross is there watching Days of Our Lives.]
[Scene: Chandler's office, Monica and him are at a party his office is throwing.]
Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?
Rachel: Okay, yknow what, yknow what? This playing hard to get thing is not working. Umm, hand-hand me those cherries. (Chandler does so.) Okay. Okay. (She does a little sexy walk over to where Joshua is standing.) Hi!
Monica: What the hell is that dog doing here?! (She notices the dog sitting in the living room.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there including Janice, theyre watching Happy Days.]
Phoebe: Wait okay, if this game is gonna cause problems between the two of you, then maybe I should just keep it.
[Cut to Chandler's room, Joey is relaying to Chandler his amazing discovery.]
Mrs. Geller: This is your grandmothers engagement ring, I want you to give it to Rachel.
Monica: (taking the phone) Hello, this is Monica... Yeah??? Oh... (Smiles at Rachel to reassure her) Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down.(Listens) Thank you. (Hangs up)
Chandler: If that is your father calling to tell this story then the marriage is off!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is reading as Monica and Chandler enter.]
Ross: Ok, ok, ok, ok, here goes. You know, I, you know, can't do this. Uh, this is too weird. I feel stupid.
[The next flashback is from The One With The Candy Hearts. Joey and Chandler are waiting at a restaurant as Lorraine and her friend arrive.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just found out about Chloe and is screaming at Ross. The rest of the gang is trapped in Monica's bedroom.]
[Scene: Joey's room: Joey is sitting on his bed reading DooL transcript when Rachel walks in]
Tim: Oh, Im so glad you called. I feel like its always me calling you. So, whats up? Is everything okay with Phoebe?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, Chandler has his eyes closed, while Monica is fully awake.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is closing. Ross walks in in a uniform.]
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, the movie is ending and it takes the applause to wake up Chandler.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's room, Ross is drinking a beer while Rachel is examining herself in the mirror.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, 3:02 A.M., Chandler is up. There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.]
Rachel: Okay, honey, what he means by that, is ...while this is a very nice gift, maybe it's just not something a boyfriend gives?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Cecilia is entering the living room from Joeys room followed by Joey.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
Rachel: Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me!
Spokeswoman: ...has become the penicillin of the twenty-first century. And so today, this hospital is about to take major steps toward leading that revolution. It is truly ironic, on one hand consider the size...
Ben: I have to go. My friend Doug is waiting for me over there. (Goes over to Doug.)
Monica: Youre supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I mean, whats-whats the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way you get girls to go out with you?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is drinking coffee as Chandler enters.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, except Joey, is there. Phoebe is, well you y'know.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is there as Ross enters with his all his hair sticking straight up.]
Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me?
Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
[Scene: Street, Phoebe is being followed by some guy, as they pass a flower vendor. Phoebe turns around and the guy quickly picks up some flowers and continues following her.]
[Scene: Grammercy Bistero, Ross and Kristen are waiting for their table to be ready. Ross is returning from talking to the matired.]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is standing in front of his door.]
Monica: No-no, wait! Just let me finish, okay? This isnt something that we just, we just impulsively decided in-in Vegas, this is something we both really want. And it is going to happen.
Rachel: Emmm. Now, instead of the vegetables, is there anyway I can substitute the three-pound lobster?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone else is there as Chandler enters.]
Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.
Rachel: I know! I know, she says its all mass-produced, nothing is authentic, and everyone winds up having the same stuff. (Ross looks at his table.) So come on, shes gonna be here any second! Can we please just cover this up with something?! Please?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe is there. Bonnie is telling them of her sex-capades.]
Rachel: Well, y'know, the reason I didn't wanna go running with you is because um, well y'know the way that you run is a little...(Starts flapping her arms)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Rachel is there as Joey gets up and starts putting on his coat.]
MONICA: Ok, it is definitely less than a ballpark.
Rachel: Im not moving! (She re-hangs a picture, crookedly.) Is that picture straight?
[Scene: Central Perk. The entire gang is there, and Chandler and Monica are handing out presents.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as enter except Joey enter.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is holding a book as she, Rachel, and Monica drink some tea as Chandler looks on.]
Phoebe: Okay. But the question is whos gonna go first. Cause whoever goes second is the bitch.