words in movies
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!
Monica: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things...
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
Monica: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in!
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.
(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)
Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.
Monica: My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it?
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
Monica: What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?
Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...
Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
Joey: Look, it was a job all right?
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!
Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...
Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!
Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?
Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.
Rachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it-
Ross: Split it?
Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.
Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
Phoebe: Oh, was I doing it again?
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Rachel: I'm just serving it.
Rachel: Oh thank you so much. (Picks up the guy's spirit level) Oh oh wait! You forgot your erm...Your game. (hands it to him)
Chandler: Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
Monica: This is Rachel. I mean, what are you gonna do, never going to talk to her again? I mean I know its weird, its awkward, but you gotta at least try.
Chandler: I wouldn't read too much into it.
David: Well, I was probably going to do it at some point.
Monica: Terrible. If-if I want something done right, I have to do it myself. Other people just wreck stuff. I really think I might kill someone tonight.
Joey: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that if youre gonna have a roommate, yknow it might as well be the father.
Rachel: Yeah, I-I heard. (Pause, everyone looks at each other, waiting for Rachels reaction.) I think its great! (Hugs Ross.) Ohh, Im so happy for you!
Ross: Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didnt go well but it really did go well?
Joey: (To Ross) Ill tell you about it later. Be cool.
Cliff: It doesnt happen to me either.
Ross: Why, why would you open it?
Rachel: Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I don't think we can accept your acceptance of our apology, it just doesn't really seem like you mean it.
Ross: What did it say?
Chandler: Well, it didn't say "This is a virus"!!
(Monica seems to take it amiss)
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Monica: Alright heres something, it says to try holding the baby close to your body and then swing her rapidly from side to side.
Joey: You know what it is? It's a nice place but I gotta see I don't know if I see myself living here. Oh, oh, oh, let me see... (Joey sits down on the couch, mimes opening a can and puts his hand down his pants) Yeah, I could see it.
Joey: A little. Yeah no, I really am worried, you know, I mean I have to make it convincing that I'm in love with Olivia.
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
Joey: Its London, baby! All right, the hotels here. (Points to the map.) Wait. No, we wanna go No. I know. (Sets the map down.) Im gonna have to go into the map. (So Joey literally steps into the map.)
Phoebe: I'm sorry you guys but, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school so... you know, you were-you were... if it helps you, you were next in line, you just-you just missed the cut.
Ross: Yeah, that's it?
PHOEBE: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's unpacking after moving in. There's a knock on the door and he answers it.]
Joey: Kate Miller it is. (he picks up the Kate Miller badge and sticks it on Rachel's breast)
Chandler: Wow, it seems serious. What seems to be the problem, Ashley Judd?
Rachel: Well, it gets worse. When asked if you take initiative I wrote, "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision," and under Problems with Performance I wrote, "Dear God, I hope not," and then uh, then I drew a little smiley face, and then a small pornographic sketch.
Joey: Tell me who it is.
Phoebe: No! Because hes in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, youre just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Yknow, its too late! You missed youre chance! Im sorry, I know this must be really hard, its over.
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
Ross: Yep, we got it, we got it. (To Charlie) Thank you so much.
Rachel: Oh! (pause) Ok. Ok, you really wanna know who it is?
Monica: Oh my God, he's gonna do it now. Please, I cannot watch this, let's go.
Rachel: So uh I guess we should make it official huh?
Monica: Damn it!
Joey: No, he really said it.
Man with a bow tie: (shaking hands with Ross) I thought... it was wonderful!
Monica: Oh. (Holds on to it.) (To herself) Youre not gettin it.
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
Charlie: Actually, it turned out to be a lot of fun!
Charlie: ... is it weird that it's not with each other?
Mike: Wanna make it more interesting?
Mike: I'll make it a hundred!
Phoebe: (picks up a coin from her bra) Monica, you call it.
Rachel: You know? Forget it!
Phoebe: Whe-where did he put it?!
Joey: I'll do it!! It'll get the casserole stink off of mine.
Sally: It's hard isn't it? There's almost no time for a social life. I mean, where are you gonna meet someone?
Chandler: Honey, its 2:00 on a Wednesday and Im watching Road Rules, how stressed do you think I am?
Monica: Oh, damn it!
Joey: (using a laptop) Oh, Monica and Chandler's recommendation. I want it to sound smart but.. I don't know any big words or anything, so...
Monica: I can't believe it! (pause) I lost!
Rachel: Come on Ross! Im miserable here! Come on! You started this, now you finish it! Come on wuss, make love to me.
[as they're walking off, little bully grabs Chandlers hat from behind and puts it on himself]
Ross: Its a little early to be drinkin.
Joey: I hate my friends. (They shake on it as if they just made a pact) Alright, look. There's gotta be a way that we can stop this from happening.
Monica: I'm on it!
Chandler: You got it!
Joey: No idea what it means.
Charlie: It's just that... I don't understand it... I mean, Phoebe likes Joey and then she comes here to buy a dress to impress another guy...?
Ginger: Ah well, its nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, Ill see you later. Okay. (She leaves and in the hall we see her shake her shoulders like when someone runs their fingernails across a blackboard.)
Joey's voice, but she sees Ross: Seriously... What is it?
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it to her.]
Ross: Stop it!
Monica: Check it out!
Monica: Don't you just love it?
Mike: Is it ok if I hug you now?
Phoebe: You know what, we're gonna have sex. Let's just leave it there.
Ross: Well, we-we havent said that to each other yet, but I guess its okay to say it to other people.
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Emily: I mean, I can't-I can't be in the same room as her! It drives me mad just thinking of you being in the same room as her!
Monica: Honey, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well!
Matt: (everyone laughs) And then it was like four takes later before we could get through it with a straight face.
Joey: Well Ross, it seems pretty clear. I mean whats more important? What people think or how you feel, huh? Ross, you gotta follow your heart.
Rachel: What? What is it?
Phoebe: Damn it woman, pull yourself together! Have some pride, for the love of God.
Ross: (Thinking it over) Sure! (Takes one) Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for the holidays this year.
Rachel: Okay, that sounds fair. It just means that once again we can't...
Monica: Really? I don't really feel like it.
Eric: Just seeing her brought it all back. All the lies, the way she used me. I just I got so angry just looking at her (Looks at Phoebe) face.
Monica: Okay, I just don't get why you like it so much.
Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute its not gonna be Baby Girl? I thought that was so original!
Phoebe: Ok, well that's bad. But don't you think it might be different with someone else? Perhaps a blonde who always uses a toilet. Except for once in the ocean.
Joey: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.
Joey: Yeah, but it did happen, so...
Chandler: No, its not! When I looked at the other ring I could see Monicas face when I gave it to her, yknow? And I could see her saying yes. When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring! Unless I look at it really closely and then I can see my own eye. (Does so and laughs.) Look, this is the most important thing Im gonna do in my life. I wanna make sure its perfect.
Phoebe: Oh, how does it work?
Monica: That's not really how it works.
Chandler: Thanks, its ah, Gaelic, for Thy turkeys done. So ah, Im gonna go, nice, nice meeting you.
Mike: (popping by, smiling) You're kidding, we wouldn't have missed it!
Frank Jr.: Sometimes I think that.. Oh, no, no, no, I can't say it, it's too horrible. No.
Phoebe: Okay. (Monica closes the door, gets the guitar, and then hands it out.)
Phoebe: Theres a reset button?! Ugh, thank you! Thank you! (He exits and she goes to shut it off.) Theres a reset button! My God! Why didnt I see that! (She takes off the plastic cover and looks for the button.) Reset button, reset button, where is there a reset button? (Finds it.) Oh here it is! (Picks it up off of the floor.) Oh! (She presses it hard, but of course it would help if the button was still attached to the detector. In frustration she presses it so hard it causes pain in her thumb.) Ohh, God!
Rachel: Well, I... you know, I-I-I don't know what to say... I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. You know, 'cause I gotta tell you Ross, it not like you just came in from branding cattle.
Mr. Geller: Ive been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mothers right, I do look like an ass.
Owen: You wanna see it?
RICHARD: Monica... [He re-enters the bedroom and Monica jumps on the bed, trying to cover it.] Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town?