words in movies
(Chandler picks up the timer being used and turns it to zero at which it chimes.)
Monica: Y'know, I don't like to brag about it, but I give the best massages!
Monica: It's so good, isn't it?
Chandler: It's so good I don't know what I've done to deserve it!
Chandler: I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever!! Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up I justI didn't know what it was!
Joey: Chandler, if it really hurts that bad you should just tell her.
(Chandler picks up a basket from the table and puts it on his head.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, how's it going?
Monica: (to the guys) Not the way they're doing it. What, what happened? How did she die?
Phoebe: It was really sweet. The last thing she said to me was; "Okay dear, you go get the eggs and I'm gonna get the yogurt and we'll meet at the checkout counter." And y'know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.
Rachel: Okay, it's missing something. Ooh, I know! Umm, okay. (Goes and grabs a bag, that looks like a purse, and shows it to Joey.)
Joey: It looks like a women's purse.
Joey: See look, women, carrying the bag. (He puts it on his shoulder and looks at himself in the mirror and likes what he sees.) But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man.
Ursula: Who is it?
Ursula: Umm, no. See I already thought she was dead so I kinda made my peace with it. Plus, I'm going to a concert tomorrow. So I'd invite you, but umm, I only have two tickets left.
Joey: What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book!
Rachel: Joey, y'know you get any mustard on that bag, you can't return it.
Joey: Why would I return it? I love this bag!
Chandler: Pulling flowers out it makes the bag look a lot more masculine.
Joey: (approaches, wearing his glasses) Hey you guys, check it out. Check it out. (Moves his hand towards and away from his face.) It's like it's coming right at me. (Chandler helps out a little bit by pushing on Joey's arm, which causes his hand to slap him in his face.)
Joey: Y'know what? Make fun all you want. This is a great bag! Okay? And it's as handy as it is becoming. Now, just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong. All right? So from now on you guys are gonna have to get used to the fact that Joey, (pats the bag) comes with a bag! (Exits.)
Phoebe: Y'know it's funny, you'd think I'd be angry. I mean, you'd think I'd wanna rip his tiny little head off. Fortunately, I'm past it.
Phoebe: Oh! Get off!! Ow!! Oh, stop it!! Why?! Why are you doing that to me?!
Phoebe: (seeing the look on Chandler's face) He-he does not like it! He hates it! He's in pain!
The Casting Director: (stopping him) I'm sorry. Could you, could you try it without the purse?
Joey: Yeah, sure. (He takes it off and starts reading.) Well, you must be new here. Maybe we shouldI'm sorry, can I ask you something? (He stops and asks a question.)
Joey: Okay! All right, I'll see ya. (As he's walking off stage.) (Patting the bag.) We got it! We got it!
Chandler: Oh, it would be you! You! Monica! And you'd get all the votes!
Frank Sr.: Oh. Huh. It's huh, well it's (opens it) oh it'sew used. Umm, cool.
Frank Sr.: It really says that?!
Frank Sr.: Well Lilly, when you see Lilly would you give her that, that note? Because I wanted to talk to her at the memorial but, well I pictured her getting mad at me the way you got mad at me and I well, I chickened out. So, uh, I wrote her that note, would you give it to her please?
Frank Sr.: So would it, would it make you feel better if I said I was very, very sorry that I left?
Phoebe: Y'know what, it doesnt matter what you say it's not gonna make a difference anyway, so you can just go.
Frank Sr.: Yes. Yes it is. I burned the formula and I put your diapers on backwards. I mean, I made up a song to sing you to sleep, but that made you cry even more!
Frank Sr.: Well no, just-just that one. But, it was stupid. Let's see, how did it, how did it go. Umm. (Singing.)
Joey: Estelle said I didn't get it. (Sits down next to Rachel on the couch.)
Rachel: What?! Why? Joey you were so ready for it!
Joey: Y'know what? It was a stupid play anyway!
Rachel: Honey wait, Joey, Im sorry I mean as terrific as I think you are with it (Looks for help.)
Cassie: (hugs him) Its been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
Joey: Its uh, right through there. (Points.)
Joey: Yeah, lifes pretty great isnt it?
Rachel: Yeah, it sure is!
Chandler: Oh come on, come on, it can't be that bad.
Phoebe: Uh huh! If its a girl, Phoebe, and if its a boy, Phoebo!
Carol: Looks like it.
Monica: People! People say it! Come here! (She grabs him and kisses him.)
Susan: Oh, I wouldnt miss it for the world.
Monica: Stop it!! Thats not funny!!
Carol: (jumping up to get it) I got it!
Monica: Im sorry, okay? It justtonight was supposed to be yknow, it was supposed to be a big deal.
Ross: Because! Because, it-it-its Itd be like you having this guitar (Points to hers) and-and never playing it. Okay, this guitar wants to be played! And-and this bike wants to be ridden and-and if you dont ride it you-youre-youre killing its spirit! (Pause) The bike is dying.
Monica: Oh really? When? Do you wanna do it with me?
Monica: No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps, Ross? (picks up the pan of badly burnt potatoes) Well, here you go, buddy, ya got one.
Chandler: Stop it! Were doing this! Lets do it!
Chandler: Yeah, lets just forget it.
Chandler: Oh you wouldnt uh, care. Its just a stupid comic book story.
Guru Saj: It got caught on my watch.
Ross: It was, it was okay.
Joey: All right! So, was it amazing?
Joey: Just okayDid you do it right?!
Ross: It really was!
Joey: Listen I uh (He takes her hand.) Its a scary world out there especially if youre a single mom. Yknow, I always felt like you and I have this-this special bond. Yknow? So, (gets down on one knee again) Rachel Green will you marry me?
Chandler: Im totally screwed. Okay, they are gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, and then theyre gonna go to their cast parties and hes gonna try to undermine me. Y'know itll be like, "So wheres your boyfriend, whats-his-name, Chester?" And shell go, "No-no-no, its Chandler." And hell go, "Whatever. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Ross: Aw forget it, its from Pier One. (Theres an angry knock on the door.) Sorry. (Goes and opens the door to an irate Dr. Green.)
Ross: Howd did it go?
Monica: Yeah, well, Im using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises its Joey.)
Woman: Hey Pheebs! Hows it going?!
Jack: Take it easy. (Sits her down.)
Rachel: Oh. (Doesnt believe it.)
Rachel: Well, you might want to tell him it sounds like his wife is (whispers) gay.
Chandler: No, I hope not! I tried to offer him some money, but he wouldnt take it.
Joey: No it isnt, I ate that.
Rachel: Oh my God Phoebe, this is impossible! We cant do this by Friday! We have to find a place. We have to invite people! We have to get food! Theres just too much to do! Its impossible! We cant do it! We cannot do it! We cannot do it!
Joey: Uhh do it?
Joey: But Jos got a crush on Laurie. (Ross nods his head) Oh. You mean its like a girl-girl thing? Cause that is the one thing missing from The Shining.
Joey: Takes it out of you? (Laughs.)
Ross: All right, maybe it means that too
Ross: No, its a concept!
Gary: Does it have melted cheese and marinara sauce?
Rachel: What? Im not you. This may be the only wedding I ever have. I want it to be amazing.
Gunther: (approaching with a tray with an order on it) Joey!
Pete: Yeah, stupidly charming isnt it? Well listen lets, you wanna get something to eat? Cause this place is kinda depressing. (they start to leave)
Ross: I know and I was going to, but I thought it was better that you heard it from Rachels father. Look I I made a mistake, but its only because I really, really like you. Really!
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
RACHEL: Ok Ross, just so you know, calling it a poopie diaper doesn't make this process any cuter.
Cop: Yeah. I mean, I coulda done it better, but these people keep staring at me.
Phoebe: Now, its you little bunny friend. (She sticks it in Rachels face and they both laugh.)
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Joey: Thanks. (Starts to read it.) Well but this one starts now. (Points to one.)
Joey: But its $2,000.
Eric: (finds it) What a relief. It has all the numbers of the people in her prayer chain.
RACHEL: Ok, we can do this now, can't we Ben? Yes we can, yes we can. [finishes the diaper] There. I did it. I did it. Look at that, oh, stays on and everything. Hi.
Monica: Have I read it? (pause) No, are you enjoying it?
Phoebe: Ooh! Thats good! Wow! But now if you were pregnant, what would you name it? Hint: Phoebe.
Phoebe: Shes made it pretty clear, it is not going to happen.
Monica: Oh, I love it! Thank you so much!
Chandler: Oh, its okay. I dont
Monica: Oh, what a great gift! Is The Way You Look Tonight on it?!
Rachel: All right Joey! That is enough! (Grabs him and pulls him away from Bobby and Dina) Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, its not legal. Okay? They-they dont have a marriage license, they dont have any witnesses, and the groom only has on one shoe!
Ross: My nana used to do it. That's how she paid for all my dancekarate lessons.
Monica: I wanna wake up early and go get it for you!
Ross: I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y'know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, thats right, thats right, it was you!
Chandler: Well, its like that old saying, have some sex, eat some cake.
Ross: Its not something you are! Its something you have!
Rachel: Say it!
Rachel: Say it!
Ross: Besides, I-I think I figured out a much faster route, Im sure I can make it this time. I just I just cant be afraid to get a little bit hit by cars. (He goes to the bathroom as Joey enters.)
Emily: But, we cant go now. It looks like Rachels gonna put on a skit.
Ross: Oh, I know. (Laughs) Yknow, just-just talking about it is getting me kinda
All: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out!
Chandler: Well, stuff like whered we live, yknow? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Yknow, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, wed have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
(Suddenly, a strange and familiar voice comes out of the tape player. Heres a hint, OH MY GAWD!! Thats right, its Janice!)
Ross: Its a great class.
Monica: (not buying it) Uh-huh.
Message: "Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight" (Joey's upset and stops it)
Rachel: Who wrote it?
Chandler: (entering, with Joey) All right! Lets do it!
Joey: Oh, well think of it like this, when youre 90
Rachel: Careful. Light. Okay, do you know how, just sweep it across the lid. Okay? Just sweep it.
Joey: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. (They all look around and then back at Joey.) Im tellin ya!
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
(He throws it back to Ross, but it's intercepted by Monica and the guys both scream in horror.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! How bad was it?
Rachel: No-no-no! No-no-no! Please Ross, I cant! I cant do it! (Starts to freak out.) Its just gonna freak me out!!!
Monica: Oh well, its not so bad.
Joey: Oh, how bad is it?
Rachel: Fine! Im sorry for your loss! (Hands it back to her.)
(He goes and sits down next to Rachel and puts a cigarette in his mouth, which Rachel takes away from him. He puts another cigarette in his mouth, and Rachel takes it away again.)
Ross: But, Elizabeth and I are-are both adults and so I dont think theres really anything you can do about it.
Rachel: Oh b-b-but it is!
Phoebe: Well no, it was my fault so you should get the nice room.
Rachel: Hey! Hey-hey, now this was no ones fault Pheebs. Okay? It was an accident.
Elizabeth: Yes you did! What was it?
ROSS: Hello. Oh hi, are you on your way ove-. Oh. No, no, I, I understand, I mean a monkey's gotta work. No it, it's no big deal, it' not like I uh, had anything special planned. Yeah OK, OK. OK, OK, bye.
Rachel: I think, if it was a little colder in here I could see your nipples through that sweater.
Phoebe: Yeah I know, it was my candle. My candle!
(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
Rachel: (taking the phone and hanging it up) Sorry, I thought you were talking to me.