words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Rachel is there as Joey gets up and starts putting on his coat.]
Joey: All right, I should get going, big day a work. Yknow Im in a coma? Today, they do this test on me and it turns out Im not brain dead.
Joey: Ah-ah-ah Mr. Smartie Pants, its just not my character thats not brain dead. Hey, so Pheebs, we still on for tonight?
Joey: Ill see you at 8:00.
Phoebe: Okay. (Joey exits.)
Phoebe: Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you guys.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Monica, Chandler, Rachel, and Ross are playing Monopoly as Phoebe enters angrily.]
Phoebe: Well, Ill tell you Rachel Karen Green, I had plans with Joey tonight and he left me this note. (Hands it to Rachel.)
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Oh-Wha-Ho! What are you middle naming me for?! I left you a note!
Joey: Hey, you can cancel plans with friends if there is the possibility for sex!
Joey: Wow! Im so sorry; I had no idea it would bother you this much.
Joey: Okay, can I-can I make it up to you? Huh? Im sorry. (They hug.) How about uh, dinner tomorrow night?! Ill pay for myself!
Joey: The RossIs that back?!! (Chandler motions no.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Joey are there. Joey is reading a newspaper.]
Joey: Awww! Mel Torme died.
Monica: Joey, that papers like a year old!
Joey: Aw! Does that mean the Sam Goodys sale is over?!
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Uh-uh, excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Rosss behalf. I-I think the rule applies here yknow, since she has a chance to get on broad back
Joey: Aww thats nice. Family should be there, huh? This is her wedding, happiest day of her life.
Phoebe: Well, I have plans with Joey tonight.
Phoebe: Or! I should rush through dinner with Joey and I can meet David at 9:00!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Chandler are eating the cheesecake right out of the box.]
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: (seeing what theyre doing) What do you got there?
Joey: Huh? Uh (He starts taking off his pants.)
Chandler: Dude! Dude! (Motions that Joey should pull up his pants.)
Joey: Oh! (Pulls up his pants.) Sorry. Uh, Ive got those plans with Phoebe, why?
Joey: What?! Tonight?!
Joey: After she gave me that big speech?! She goes and makes a date with a guy on the same night she has plans with me? I think shes trying to pull a fast one on Big Daddy!
[Scene: Iridium Restaurant, Phoebe and Joey are looking at the menus as the waiter comes to take their order.]
The Waiter: (To Joey) And for you sir?
Joey: Yeah, this slow roasted salmon, just how slow are we talkin here?
Joey: Ohh, then no. Maybe I should hear those specials again.
Phoebe: Oh Joey, weve heard the specials three times! Okay? Theres prime rib, mahi mahi, and a very special lobster ravioli. (She grabs his menu and hands it to the waiter.)
The Waiter: Actually were out of the lobster ravioli. (Putting Joeys menu under his arm.)
Joey: Oh well, that changes everything! (Grabs his menu and starts looking at it again. The waiter leaves.) Yknow what Pheebs?
Joey: You were right before. I mean, friends are so important.
Joey: Yknow-yknow what I really want?
Joey: Is to have a long, long talk. Yknow? Get Joey out on the open road and really open him up.
Joey: Yes! I will have the lobster ravioli.
Phoebe: God Joey, this is taking forever!
Joey: Whats the rush? What?
Joey: Whoa-whoa, what is it?
Joey: A date?! No, no Pheebs you-you must be mistaken, because I know you wouldnt schedule a date on the same night you have plans with a friend!
Phoebe: Come on Joey, dont make me feel badly about this.
Joey: No, Im gonna!! Thats right! Yeah, you made me feel really guilty about goin out with that girl! Like-like-like I did something terrible to you! And now Pheebs, youre doing the same thing!
Joey: Okay, well my girl from the other night was special. She was a scientist too!
Joey: Well, she graduated from high school!
Joey: Fine!
Joey: Fine!
Joey: (to the waiter) What are you still doin here?! I told you, lobster ravioli!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating the cheesecake and Chandler enters and catches her in the act.]
Rachel: Oh, what are you going to do?! Are you gonna go run tell Monica?! Are you gonna tell Joey?! No! Because then you will have to tell them what we did! We are desert stealers! We are living outside the law!
David: Bye Phoebe. (He gets in and the cab drives off. Joey walks up and witnesses that event.)
Phoebe: (seeing him) Okay, nows not the time Joey. All right? You can yell at me tomorrow.
Joey: No! No! No Pheebs, Im not gonna yell at you. I just yknow, started thinking about you and David and I remember how bummed you were the first time he left. And I just Oh Pheebs, come here. (He hugs her.) Are you okay?
Joey: Hey, yknow you could always visit him.
Joey: Anything I can do? Whatever you need.
Joey: I can give it a shot.
(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)
Joey: (pulls out a fork) All right, what are we havin? (Starts digging in.)
(Monica passes the Envelopes on to Ross, Joey and Rachel.)
Joey: Hey thats not true! Look at uh, look at Angela LansbAngelina Jolie!
[Scene: At Pyramid. Joey is with the woman now.]
JOEY: Great. Then you'll be able to spend more quality time with your real friends, the spoons.
(Joey sits sideways on his chair, looking at Sarah's chocolate torte, and then looking away from it, nervously playing with his fork, drumming with it on the table every now and then.)
Joey: Your thumb? Thats weird. (Makes a fist.) You sure youre punching right? Make a fist. (Ross just looks at him with his thumb in a cast.) Maybe later. Ross I feel terrible.
Joey: All right, fine... But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame... (Chandler turns his back to the TV. Joey puts the tape in the VCR, switches it on and watches what's on the tape... It's clearly a american football match, with the referee's whistle blowing, the crowds cheering...)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is on the phone and Monica is nonchalantly "minding her own business".]
The Assistant Director: (to another actor) Richard? Were ready for you. (Richard approaches.) Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby hes playing Vincent.
Joey: (after Ross is gone) What is he doing? What, Emily, thinks Ross's furniture has got Rachel coodies?
Joey: Oh-oh!
Chandler: Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.
Joey: I am pretty wisdomous.
Joey: Monica face it, Chandler is against marriage. And-and always will be!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his newspaper so Joey can look at the funnies, while Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.]
Joey: What the hell are you talking about, (in a Jamaican accent) "The south will rise again man."
JOEY: Well, I get the medical award for separating the siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramone. And that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's cursed.
Chandler: You say that now, but it could take us a long time to get back home. Plus Joey could get lost and and they could have to page us to go pick him up.
(They go out to investigate, and find Joey wrapped in a blanket watching their television.)
Chandler: OK, I'm officially unpacked. Thanks for helping me man. (Turns around and sees that Joey isn't there.) Joe? (Hears giggling coming from a box) Well, I guess Joey went home. Oh and look, there's still one box that I have to unpack. (Hears the giggling again)
Joey: Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, its a great part. Look, check it out. Im the lead guys best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. Im sorry, that seats saved.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is returning from having removed Rachels panties.]
Joeys Sister: No, Im Mary-Theresa.
JOEY: How far'd ya get?
Joey: Oh! I see what happened. It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on.
Joey: Yknow, Monica and Chandler are married. Ross and Rachel are having a baby. Maybe you and I should do something.
Joey: Ah!! Okay! Eyes open at all times! Oh, hey, how do we decide where we... (clears throat) y'know each would, (clears throat again) y'know (pause) be?
(She puts her head on Joey's shoulder and Joey kisses her on her head.)
Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!
Joey: Ohh, hey! Why dont you book a date for both of you at one of those romantic spas?
Joey: Well, you gotta give him something that he cant say no too. Like uh, Knicks tickets! Invite the guy to a Knicks game, youre guaranteed hell say yes!
[Scene: the Pharmacist convention. Joey and Rachel are walking out of it, drinking cocktails]
Joey: Rach, I told you everything I knew last night! Look, it's not that big of a deal, so Monica and Chandler are doing it.
Joey: My identical hand twin! The person whose hands are exactly like mine! This thing is a gold mine!
Joey: That's it! I'm tired of covering for you two! This has got to stop! (Realizes he still has the underwear in his hand.) Ahh! (Throws them towards Chandler's room.) And tighty-whiteys! What are you, 8?
Joey: Huh, un, blu, bla, flu, flenk!
Joey: What?! Wait-wait-wait! The handsome man was about to enter!!
Joey: Of course you do! I saved him! You're mad at me! It all adds up! You want Ross out of the picture.
Joey: Yeah, I just… I just feel bad about firing Estelle. This is got to be killing her.
Joey: Hey! You hold on pal! Now you made my friend, Rachel, cry. So now, youre gonna go up there and apologize to her, unless you want me to call the landlord.
Joey: Na-uh! (To everyone there) Hey did anybody lose their keys?
Joey: What do you have against the duck?! He doesnt make any noise!
[And with that we go into the save the budget portion of the show, which features flashbacks from previous episodes. The first set of auditions feature high lights or low lights of Joeys acting career. The first flashback is from The One With The Lesbian Wedding.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
Ross: Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five is good. (Gunther leaves, hurt) Well, I'm gonna have a loogie in my coffee tomorrow.
Chandler: (to Joey) You are really frightening me.
JOEY: Hey no, seriously, I don't need you to pick me... [Fun Bobby picks Joey up off the ground, bounces him. Joey laughs.] Alright! It still works.
Joey: Whoa, whoa. And the fact that you dumped him because he hit on Phoebe?
Joey: Rach?! (He walks over to the fridge to put it in, but it cannot be opened either) Rachel!!!!? (He walks to the bathroom and tries to lift the toilet seat cover. It won't come up.) So I can't do anything I like????
Joey: (pointing at himself) Growth!
Joey: Okay. I went down to the Mattress King showroom and, and I saw Janice, kissing her ex-husband.
Phoebe: Joey, you pick who ever you want. Okay? You just listen to your heart. What does it tell you? (Mimicking a heartbeat and tapping her chest.) Phoebe, Phoebe.
JOEY: What happens if you flick it?
[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he peels off the caption on his poster, revealing more posters underneath. The captions read, as follows:
Joey: (to his team) All right, huddle up, right over here.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are there as Phoebe enters carrying a large box.]
(The pianist starts to play, and Joey readies himself, and then runs out of the audition.)
Joey: All right. Hey Rach, while you're in there, throw something on Alicia Mae.
[Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in the bathroom and Emily is yelling at him. Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the doorway.]
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
Joey: Yes, and they should name one of their kids Joey. I may not have kids; someone's gotta carry on the family name.
Joey: Hey, what is with the secrecy Phoebe? Huh? And what about this Denise, is she cute?
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
Joey: Oh thats on the house courtesy of Joey Tribbiani.
Joey: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? (Chandler looks annoyed at him and Joey leans in to him) Oh! Secret teapot?
Joey: Why are you going? He said, she wanted the shrew! (runs after the waiter)
Joey: (yelling at her) I’M CURVY, AND I LIKE IT!
Rachel: (carrying a tray of drinks) Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me! (Starts handing them out.) Decaf cappucino for Joey.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this!
Joey: (manages to pry off only a small piece) Aw! Look at that, every inch of this stuff is glued down. Itd take forever to pry this up. You should ah, you should just leave it. (starts to walk away, but Monica grabs him)
[Time lapse, Ross has been demoted to the back seat with Joey and Chandler. He's not too happy about it.]
Joey: Listen, I ah, I know its a longshot. But, by any chance did she find that funny?
JOEY: Oh yeah. Well you can't fire Joseph. You know why, 'cause he's not in your department.
Joey: Oh-ho, yeah!
Joey: Hey I was crying because, because nobody believed Quincys theory. Okay?
Joey: I don't know uhh (Pause as he thinks about it.) Well, I'm Joey. Yeah, I'm disgusting, I take my underwear off in other people's homes.
(The ladder retracts, taking Joey up into the spaceship for his voyage to Blargon 7.)
[Cut to Monicas work kitchen, shes on fire again and Joey is putting her out.]
Joey: The blizzard. I just saw on the news, it's like the worst snow storm in 20 years! They already closed all the bridges and tunnels. (Opens the curtains to reveal a snow storm outside)
Chandler: Will you marry me? Will you marry me? (Makes like a gun with his fingers.) Hey, you marry me! (He gives up as Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, and Ross slink in all excited.) Whats going on little elves?
[Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the table, looking at the Geller siblings like theyre weirdos.]
JOEY: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. We live in the building by the uh sidewalk.
(They both start to frantically rip each others clothes off, but are interrupted when Joey tries to open the door.)
Ross: Oh! That is so thoughtful. (To Joey.) She's a keeper. And what did you bring me? (Grabs the bag that Charlie brought for Joey.)
[cut to later, Joey, Rachel, Ross, and Tim are watching the football game, and they all cheer loudly.]
Joey: No, in Ross's building! (He throws Rachel onto the chair and heads to the window.) She's back! She's back! (Pantomimes) Okay, wait there, I'll be over in a second. (He counts where she is again.) Got it! (Runs out and does a little hot over a chair.)
Joey: Nah, Im too depressed to eat. Ill probably eat in like 5 minutes. So I guess Ill just fly home with you guys, what times your flight?
Joey: (slightly irritated)I'm not really comfortable with these questions!
Joey: Or not. Uh, Rach, why dont you just move in with me? (Rachel sighs.)
Joey and Ross: Kristen Lang.
Joey: Hey Ross, is uh, is Staten Island really an island?
Joey: I'm surprised you didn't go home wearing your lunch.
Joey: (sticking his head out the window) Fights over!
Joey: Actually, that will be long. You know, I really need to organize my thoughts.
Joey: Salami, anchovies, jam!
Joey: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight!
Joey: Yeah, I saw her this morning walkin it by the park.
Joey: Oh, come on! Last night I was finishing off a pizza and she said (aping Amy badly) "Uoh oh oh, a moment on the lips, forever on the hips!" I don’t need that kind of talk in my house!
Joey: A meatball Sub? Thanks! (he got a meatball sandwich)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Monica are holding the twins. Joey and Phoebe are sitting by the window, while Ross and Rachel are standing together. The apartment is completely empty. Two men are carrying a large dresser.]
Joey: Good, I uh, I saw a pretty big pigeon.