words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Rachel are there as Ross enters.]
Joey: (To Rachel) Do you think he saw us or can we still sneak out?
Joey: Oh! Hey Rach, listen umm
Joey: I got a big date coming up, do you know a good restaurant?
Joey: Ooh, great! Thanks!
Joey: You sure are naming a lot of ways to postpone sex, Ill tell ya
Joey: Hey, yknow what?
Joey: Why dont I take you out?
Rachel: What?! Joey, you dont want to go on a date with a pregnant lady.
Joey: Yes I do! And were gonna go out, were gonna have a good time, and take your mind off of childbirth and c-sections and-and giant baby heads stretching out
Joey: Ill be fun.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her date with Joey as there is a knock on the door.]
Rachel: Joey? Could you get that? (There is no answer and she goes and opens the door to Joey.) What are you doing here? I thought you were in your room?
Joey: No, Im picking you up for our date. These are for you. (Hands her some flowers.)
Rachel: Ohh, Lilies. Joey, theyre my favorite. Thank you.
Joey: And, a brownie! (Hands her a bag with the brownie in it.) Well, half a brownie. Actually, its just bag. Its been a long walk from the flower shop and I was startin to feel faint so
Joey: Hey come on now, this is a real date. Uh, so nice place you got here. Foosball, huh? Pizza box. Oh, a subscription to Playboy, my kind of woman.
Joey: I would like to meet him. He sounds like a stand up guy.
Joey: Ah Hey, so this roommate of yours is he good looking?
Joey: Oh yeah, it must be tough to keep your hands of him, huh?
Joey: No-no-no-no, hes not! No! Why are you trying to ruin the game? Come on!
[Scene: A Restaurant, a waitress is taking Joey and Rachels dinner order.]
Joey: Yknow what? Bring her both, and Ill have the same. (The waitress leaves.)
Joey: Oh whoa-whoa-whoa, no roommate stuff. Okay? Were on a date.
Rachel: Okay. Wow! So I get to see what Joey Tribbiani is like on a date. So do you have any moves?
Joey: No! No. Umm, just myself and if they dont like me for(Laughs.) Im sorry I couldnt even get through that.
Joey: Oh alright. Umm, well, okay, I usually start by having a bottle of wine sent to my table from a fan.
Joey: Well it does when you combine it with, "This is so embarrassing, I just want to have a normal life!"
Joey: Oh okay, how about this one. I was gonna wait until the end of the night to kiss you, but youre so beautiful I dont think I can.
Joey: Alright, so so tell me one of your moves.
Joey: Thats your move? Boy Rach, youre lucky youre hot.
Joey: (exasperated) Queens.
Joey: Yeah, with my mom. Yeah, not so much with my dad.
Joey: I dont know. I guess theres just always been this distance yknowI mean we both try to pretend its not there, but it is.
Joey: Yeah, it is. Its really tough. Yknow sometimes I thinkWow!! Nice move!
Joey: "Whered you grow up," its so simple!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Yes I am! Again so simple!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Rachel are returning from their date.]
Joey: Oh come on! Just pick one! Between Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross if you had to, if you had to, who would you punch?
Joey: Chandler?
Joey: Me too! Hey Rach, can I just say I think this is the best date I ever had!
Joey: I never laughed so hardDid you see the wine come out of my nose?
Rachel: Joey, I think everyone saw the wine come out of your nose.
Joey: I gotta say, I never knew I could enjoy the non-sex part of the date so much.
Joey: Huh. Huh.
Joey: Ah! Okay, well then you dont judge me. Im gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before. (They both do as they planned.)
Rachel: So tell me, what are Joey Tribbianis end of the night moves?
Joey: Ah, well, if I want the girl to kiss me, first thing I do is make my lips look irresistible.
Joey: Now you cant tell anyone, but uh I put on shiny lip balm.
Joey: Yeah, like a moth to a flame, Im telling ya. Okay all right, so now you go.
Joey: Why not?
Joey: More embarrassing than shiny raspberry lip balm?! (Rachel just looks at him.) I didnt say raspberry before did I? All right just-just tell me Rach, just tell me!
Joey: (stunned and turned on) Yeah. WhyYeah, that would work for ya
Joey: Oh. (She kisses him.) Yeah. (She goes into her room.) Me to. (He then starts to freak out.)
Ross: Besides, I-I think I figured out a much faster route, Im sure I can make it this time. I just I just cant be afraid to get a little bit hit by cars. (He goes to the bathroom as Joey enters.)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh yeah, I still cant believe you havent seen Cujo. What is wrong with you?
Joey: Have you ever tried to sit through Citizen Kane?
Joey: Oh yeah? All right, lets do it tonight.
Joey: Oh right!
Rachel: Hey Joey, can I ask you something?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Oh my God! You did too? It totally freaked me out, what was that?!
Joey: Oh yeah-yeah, the lobster.
Joey: Yeah me too, all night.
Joey: Yeah well thats because uh I stayed in my room. Yeah, you dont want to look in my hamper.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey is on his hot date and theyre not speaking right now.]
Joey: No-no! Im fine. Its just Hey, can I ask you something? Have you ever looked at someone that youve known for a while and then suddenly suddenly see them a different way?
Joey: Yeah. Yeah, that thats exactly it. Youre right. Yeah.
Joey: (deadpan) Ooh! Yeah. So yeah, so you know exactly what Im talking about.
Joey: Oh yeah, sure. (She gets up, walks towards the bathroom, and Joey watches her go.) Ehhh.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is watching Cujo while Joey returns from his date scaring Rachel.]
Joey: (incredulous) Alone?!
Joey: Hey, did you get to the part where theyre trapped in the car and Cujos throwin himself at the windshield?
Joey: Oh uh, it didnt work out.
Joey: Oh uh, okay. Yeah.
Rachel: Yknow, I never thought Id say this about a movie, but I really hope this dog dies. (Joey brings over a stool at sits on it next to Rachel whos in the big chair.) What are you doing over there? Come sit here, you protect me.
Joey: Oh sure, yeah, why not? (Sits on the arm of the chair.)
Joey: All right, I know! I know. Yeah, itll be okay.
Rachel: Oh my God .Whats he gonna do now? I cant watch! (Drags Joey closer to her and cowers into his chest.) Oh. Seriously, how can you watch this? Arent you scared?
Joey: Terrified. (But for a totally different reason.)
Joey: This is crazy.
Joey: Yeah, what are ya gonna do?
(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)
Joey: Thats great. Thanks Rach.
Joey: Hi!
Joey: Okay you guys, I got a little more written. Are you ready?
Joey: Im not answering that.
Joey: Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting the now heeled Rosita as Rachel is sitting in the newly arrived Francette. Francette is one of those new chairs from La-Z-Boy that has and does everything except cook and go to the bathroom for you. Its got a small refrigerator under one armrest it has phone jacks for the Internet and regular phone, and so much more.]
Phoebe: Yeah Joey that is so gross!
Joey: Uh, well yeah-yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta go Monica, my uh, my sushi's here!
Rachel: And thats Phoebe (points), and thats Joey.
Joey: Oh, man, I could totally get that part. Im sorry, that seat is taken.
Chandler: Oh right, your allergies. (Monica leaves and to the chick and duck) All her, she hates you. (Chandler leaves without finishing the message for Joey.)
Joey: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman! (Starts for his room.) And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition! Okay, look, if I have to pretend I don't know about you two, then you two are gonna have to pretend there's nothing to know about.
Joey: What?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is working as Phoebe and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
Joey: Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.
Joey: Got ya. (blinks an eye)
Joey: (laughing hysterically) Youre right! That did cheer me up!
Joey: Phew, close one.
Joey: Oh, wait-wait! (Reaches into the shower again.) Maybe its a pickle?!
Joey: Thatll be $3.85.
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving the bill to the same beautiful woman from before.]
Joey: (still singing) " Amy! Happy birthday to you!"
Joey: Yeah, not it here it isnt.
Joey: Or! You can just, yknow (He walks up close to whisper in Rosss ear and when he gets there he pushes Ross into the fridge.)
JOEY: Can't help you, I'm not wearing any.
Joey: But it really
Joey: Damnit! (Storms off.)
(He and Ross crack up again. Joey just sits there)
Joey: (singing) "Happy birthday to you!"
Joey: What? No-no its her birthday!
Joey: (overhearing them) Oh-ho, and mine!
Chandler: Hey! (Joey quickly hides the magazine under the couch.)
Joey: So, youd hire me, right?
Joey: See? Eh, wasnt that fun?
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Joey and Bob are talking.]
Chandler: Joey
Monica: Joey we know you steal our food.
(Joey offers them some potato chips.)
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Joey: Yeah you got 5 years left!
Joey: You wanna make it 6?!
Joey: No, no, no! My talents as an actor!
Joey: Just what needs to be done! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman
[Monica and Chandler make What was that? gestures. Joey and Ross go into Rachels old room.]
MONICA: Joey they're not real. I start miles beneath the surface of these things, ok, they're fake. See [squeezes her breast] honk honk.
Joey: Movies?
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
Joey: (laughs) I dont think so.
Joey: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Chandler, Chandler, yknow what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.
Joey: Nicole Eggert. You'll like her.
(Joey and Ross enter.)
Joey: Sort of
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Hey, y'know in Roman times this was more than just a hat.
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Joey: Ha-ha, very funny. I dont know what to do! Yknow? Holy crud!
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Joey: Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to(he stops talking suddenly)
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
Joey: Well uh, I went down there and told him that no one treats my friends like that and that hed better come up here and apologize. Ill see you later. (Starts to leave)
Joey: Chandler, come on nothing even happened!
Monica: Oh Joey, look, we know you're having a hard time with this, but we really, we love it here.
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Joey: Aww, you guys are so cute!
(Joey and Ross exchange looks.)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh no, not you too!
Joey: Nice!
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah.
Joey: You do?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Thats great, but isnt it gonna bother that people still think youre a porn star?
Sleep Clinic Worker: Um-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for your sleep study. (Joey doesnt answer) Uh, sir? (Joey starts snoring)
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.
Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
JOEY: Well, maybe he's, maybe he's this really cool pharmacist guy.
[Cut to Joey and Janines, theyre entering.]
Joey: Oh I am!
Joey: You forget how many great songs Heart had.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
Monica: Wait a minute...Joey. Joey you can't ask her out, she's your roommate. It-it'll be way too complicated.
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
ROSS: I got it. Uh, Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)
Joey: Okay. Okay. (He looks at the card.) Ace!
Joey: Oh, God! (Hurriedly closes his legs.)
Phoebe: Who are you kidding? (To Joey) You just find some guy off the street for me? Oh God! This is humiliating!
Joey: (not impressed) Wow!!
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Really?
Monica: Joey just hired Chandler to be his assistant!