words in movies
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
Joey: Oh sorry, I hear divorce I immediately go to Ross. (To Rachel) Who-whos Barry and Mindy?
Joey: Ohh-oh, wasnt he cheating on you with her?
Joey: (starts to imagine it) I cant. I keep seeing it the good way.
Joey: Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! (Closes his eyes to do so.) Oh-hey, theres Carol again!
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Fat Monica, and her boyfriend are sitting on the couch. Monicas boyfriend is getting up to get something. For future reference, for the rest of this episode Monicas fat, I wont be calling her Fat Monica throughout.]
Joey: So Monica, still going out with Dr. Boring huh?
Joey: (not impressed) Wow!!
Joey: Oh dear God, let me think. (Starts to sarcastically think about it.)
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Hey man, look sorry about that Archie thing. Do uh, do you need me to give you some money?
Joey: Really?
Monica: Maybe Joey doesnt have to give you the money, TV stars have assistants right?
Joey: Thats an idea! (To Chandler) Hey, if I hired an assistant, would-would you take money from her?
Monica: No Joey! Chandler could be your assistant! See, he could answer all of your fan mail and stuff!
Joey: Thats great! That would be great! Lets do that!
Joey: Oh right great! Welcome aboard!
Joey: All right! Now hey, I need to use the bathroom. Since I dont need any assistance in there, take a break!
(As Joey goes to the bathroom, Corporate Phoebe enters. Shes wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase.)
Monica: Joey just hired Chandler to be his assistant!
Ross: Sometimes, you should come over (Joey returns from the bathroom) sometime! Ill play you one of my other
Rachel: (interrupting him and seeing Joey) Oh my God! Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives, just walked in here!
Monica: (getting up) Joey!
Joey: (holding a plate of what looks like Rice Crispies Treats) I know, here-here!! (Hands her the plate.)
Joey: (shaking Rachels hand) Hi!
Joey: Well, its always nice to meet the fans.
Joey: (turning and whispering to Monica) Shes not crazy is she?
Joey: (To Rachel) So uh, how you doin?
Joey: (entering) Hey there you are!
Joey: All right, heres a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work Im delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine! (Exits.)
Monica: Sorry. So hows it going with Joey?
Joey: (entering) Hey! Is uh, is she gonna be all right?
Joey: Oh great. (Starts to go in.) (To Chandler) Hey! Go take off those pants, they look ready!
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey is showing Rachel around the set.]
Joey: All right, and over there is Bradys Pub where I like to unwind after a long day of surgeoning.
Joey: Well, that is a large piece of television equipment. (Points at a large piece of television equipment as an old man walks by.) And uh that is an old man! Hey old man!
Joey: All righty, what do you say we head back to my place?
Joey: Why? (In Drakes voice.) Why cant the world stop turning, just for a moment? Just for us?
Joey: Uh, yeah but uh, (In Drakes voice) I may have said those things before but, I never truly meant them. Until now.
Joey: Okay, you watch too much TV.
Joey: Thanks! (Looks at it.) Yeah, theres pulp in that. (Hands it back.)
Joey: I thought we talked about this. I dont like pulp. No pulp. Pulp isnt juice. All juice, okay?
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
Joey: (To Chandler) Iced tea.
Joey: (To Rachel) Did I not just tell him?
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) Youre gonna throw that juice at me, arent ya?
Joey: (entering) Hey! Hey Chandler look, I know youre mad, but I just want to say Im sorry. I-I was a total jerk. Completely o-over the line. Uh, I just I hate pulp! Yknow? I mean, yknow how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise?
Joey: Yeah, o-o-o-o-okay anyway, I just wanted to say Im sorry. Here. (Hands him a cup.)
Joey: Fresh squeezed orange juice, with pulp! Just the way you like it.
Monica: Hey Joey, Chandler sold a story to Archie Comics!
Joey: Oh my God! Thats great! Congratulations! Whats the story?!
Joey: Are you kidding me?! I love Archie! And the whole gang!
Chandler: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesnt want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assistas his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that cant have lumps in them.
Joey: Wait a minute. That sounds a little familiar! Did they already do that one? Cause I think I read it!
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Rachel: Ohh! And Im one of them!! Wow! Oh, I just cannot believe this! I mean, Joey Tribbiani!
Rachel: Okay! (She picks up the phone, Joeys phone number, and starts to dial.) Here we go! Okay! (On phone.) Hi, Joey! Its Rachel! Umm, I am free tomorrow night. Yeah, sure, sure I can bring some sandwiches.
Joey: I know. (Joey is sitting in this tall chair that is made up of balls on polls. Youll have to see it to know what I mean.) Yeah, his name is Pat.
Joey: (climbing down from his chair) Do you uh, do youready for a refill?
Rachel: Oh, I probably shouldntso I will! (Joey starts making her refill and Rachel notices that rain thing Joey has.) Oh! Wow! Its like its raining!
Joey: Pretty cool, huh? But if youre thinking you can put a fish in there and it wouldnt get sucked up into the mechanism, well youd be wrong.
Joey: Its uh, right through there. (Points.)
Rachel: Okay. (Starts to go.) God yknow, if someone told me a week ago that I would be peeing in Joey Tribbianis apartment
Joey: Yeah, lifes pretty great isnt it?
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Rachel is now three sheets to the wind and Joey is watching her.]
Rachel: Joey, youre such an amazing actor! (He smiles.) How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?
Joey: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.
Rachel: Wow! Tell me something Joey(She falls off the couch)Whoa! I just fell right off the couch there.
Joey: Yeah you did.
Joey: Here you go. Let me ask you a question.
Joey: When was the last time someone told you just how beautiful you are?
Joey: Come, come here.
(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)
Joey: (entering) Morning!
Joey: Yeah.
Rachel: (groans) Oh God. Oh I cant believe Joey Tribbiani heard me throw up!
Joey: Well he actually saw you a little bit too.
Joey: No! No! No, not after seeing that.
Joey: Wh-why?
Joey: Thats ridiculous! Im not a "Star," just a regular famous actor.
Joey: Rachel, would you stop saying that?! Hey-hey look, remember on the show when-when Caprice was dying and she gave me
Joey: Wow! Uh okay, well uh (He gets up, opens a drawer, and pulls out the ring.)
Joey: Sure! As long as they dont find out you can keep whatever you want! And I want you to have it.
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Joey: Look, do you want the ring or not?!
[Scene: Phoebes hospital room, Joey and Ross enter as Phoebe comes out of the bathroom wearing her robe.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: All right!
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Youre not gonna use the pay phone to call work, are ya?
[Cut back to her room, Joey and Ross are sitting there waiting for her.]
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Joey: You?
Joey: Wow!
Joey: All right! So, was it amazing?
Joey: Just okayDid you do it right?!
Joey: Huh. But still Ross, youre worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Yknow what I mean?
Joey: But you got to be with both of them, right?
Joey: Not the other one?
Joey: Yeah, you dont want that.
Joey: Well hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff, right?
Joey: You got a little bored?
Joey: Yeah? What did ya have?
Joey: Sounds good.
Rachel: Is Joey Tribbiani here?
Ross: Didnt you spend last night at Joeys?
Joey: Well just see.
Joey: Yknow, we dont have to imagine.
Joey: Oh uh, ordinarily I would love too, but I am just swamped right now. (Brushes something off of his shirt and looks around, but doesnt move from his chair.)
Ross: Joey, we just saw it!
Joey: And?
Joey: Die Hard 2.
Joey and Ross: Die Hard!!!!!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Kathy are sitting at a table and talking about Joey.]
Joey: Come here! (Hugs Dina and Bobby looks to hug Rachel.)
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Joey: Yeah. All right, Ill talk to you later.
Joey: Well, I dont know!!
Joey: No! Never! Never! (Pause, then Joey wants to shake Rosss hand.) Bye.
[Scene: Phoebes cab, shes driving, Joeys in the back seat, and the hitchhiker is riding up front with Phoebe.]
Joey: Yeah. Yep. Yeah. All right, well uh, Id better go.
Rachel: Oh but Joey, I have to go. Theres no room for a baby here.
Joey: Well, I was Dr. Drake Remoray, Strykers twin brother. I mean, who looks more me than me right?
Joey: Hey! Whats going on?
Joey: Oh its water under the bridge, forget it!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Rachel and Phoebe are already there.]
[Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]
Joey: See, this is a great apartment.
Joey: Hi.
Joey: Saw a girl with that vest.
Joey: Uh hey look uh Ross, look I think we need to talk about before.
Joey: Uh-huh!
Joey: Okay! When?!
Joey: I want to do it again.
Joey: Why not?
Joey: (Hes recorded his voice on the tape) Joeys your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
Joey: Fine! Do you want something to drink?
Ross: Ive said it! Okay?! But its over Joey!
Chandler: Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should water his plants. If y'know what I mean.
Joey: Why is 10 the highest?
Joey: (crying) I dont want to marry Chandler!
Joey: Okay, Phoebe
Joey: Yeah.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Joey.]
Ross and Joey: Oh! Thats nice.
Joey: Wow. (To Ross) Good speech.
(Joey and Ross pause while they picture the event.)
Joey: And shes back in the game.
Chandler: So this is nice! I wish I didnt have to go, believe me! But unfortunately I have to. (He gets up and Joey moves over next to Ross.) Oh uh, by the way, whats the name the girl youre dating?
Joey: No reason, Im just saying that uh Thats where Ill be.
Joey: Well, hes not used to women being so forward with him; but uh, I good check with himHe says its okay. (She hands him her card.) Great! Thanks! Bye-bye!
Joey: Yeah, yeah. We went to a Mets game, we got Chinese food, and you know, I love this woman. You have got competition buddy.
Joey: (groans in disgust) Wow, its really long.
Joey: (screaming) And now Chandler! Were all gettin so old! (Looking up) Why are you doing this to us?! (Turns away crying.)
Joey: (checks in the window to make sure it has them) Its got em!
Joey: Obviously! So, how do we decide?
Joey: Morning!
Joey: Alright, come on you guys, it's not that big a deal. Really... I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but at the end of two weeks, I get seven hundred dollars.
Joey: Pretty good.
Joeys Date: Hi!
Joey: Damnit!
Rachel: What-what if I marry RossOr Joey?
[Scene: Joey and Ben's audition, Joey is rehearsing his lines, uh correction, Joey is rehearsing his line.]
Joey: Hey! Whats up?
Rachel: Oh Joey, Im sorry I just couldnt tell her all those things you wanted me to tell her. And yknow we got to talking and I
Joey: Yeah. Ill uh, Ill call ya.
Joey: What?!!
Joey: Bye-bye.
Joey: Man, do you know what guys want!
Erin: Bye Joey. (Kisses him.) Last night was fun.
Joey: My beers?! Look you guys, shes a very nice girl. Okay? We had a good time, but I justI dont see it going anywhere.
Phoebe: Joey, shes so cool. She speaks four languages.
Joey: Look Im sorry you guys, I-I just dont think so.
Joey: You cant just ignore the bet! Its a bet! You bet and you bet and if you lose, you lose the bet!
Joey: Warm milk and Excedrin P.M. (Ross just leaves.)
Joey: Me too. I mean I havent thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didnt feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward.
Joey: Hey!
Joey: (skeptical) What party?
Joey: Erin.
Joey: Whos birthday party?
Joey: All right, so we should go catch our movie.
Joey: (still skeptical) Yeah, look how that worked out.
Erin: Joey.
Phoebe and Rachel: 32. (Joeys not buying it.)
Gunther: (approaching with a tray with an order on it) Joey!
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Yeah well we should order some food then.
Joey: Okay.
Joey: Aaahh... How much do I owe you?
Joey: (not buying it) Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Or, or Im the one who dates her.
Ross: No Joey! Look why dont, why dont we just let her decide? Okay? Hey-hey, well each go out with her one more time. And-and well see who she likes best.
Joey: What about Game 1 of the Series?
Rachel: So hows it goin with Joey?
Phoebe: Does Joey have any idea?
Joey: Okay. See you guys later.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey sits at a table and Chandler and Monica enter.]
Joey: I dont know! But he did not eat your face cream!
Joey: (returning) Hey! You wanna go?
Joey: Great nap.
Phoebe: You could get arrested, right now! (Flashes the badge and they glare at her.) All right, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power. (She heads for the door just as Joey enters.)
Joey: (in a funny voice) Yeah, so it turns out that it wasnt the hair straightener that started the fire. (Rachel prompts him on what to say next.) No-no, it was the candles. Its very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is (Phoebe suddenly enters.) Uhh Uhh Okay. Well, I have to go now. (Phoebe leaves.)
Joey: Hey!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Joey: And what?! Did you sleep with her?!
Joey: Oh. Oh.
Rachel: Joey