words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting at the bar, in their bathrobes, eating cereal]
JOEY: Man this is weird. You ever realize Captain Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
[Joey finishes his cereal, licks his spoon, and puts it back in the silverware drawer.]
JOEY: What?
JOEY: Yeah, so.
CHANDLER: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
JOEY: Well, that was only 'cause I used the red one to unclog the drain.
JOEY: Hey, why can't we use the same toothbrush, but we can use the same soap?
JOEY: Alright, well next time you take a shower, think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table, Joey and Chandler enter.]
JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: Well, you know that guy that's on my show that's in a coma? He's havin' a brunch.
JOEY: Wow, this is wild. What're you gonna get?
JOEY: So where you gettin' it?
JOEY: Oh, is today the day you're gonna tell them about you two?
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
JOEY: Can you believe this place?
JOEY: Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're peein' with the Rockettes.
JOEY: Hey! We were just sayin', great apartment man.
JOEY: Huh?
JOEY: Yeah, can you see me in a place like this?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are returning from their brunch.]
JOEY: Can we drop this? I am not interested in the guy's apartment.
JOEY: Why would I want another apartment, huh? I've already got an apartment that I love.
JOEY: Alright, you want the truth? I'm thinkin' about it.
JOEY: I'm sorry. I'm 28 years old, I've never lived alone, and I'm finally at a place where I've got enough money that I don't need a roommate anymore.
JOEY: What're you gettin' so bent out of shape for, huh? It's not like we agreed to live together forever. We're not Bert and Ernie.
JOEY: Well that's how I feel.
JOEY: Well then maybe I will.
JOEY: Great. Then you'll be able to spend more quality time with your real friends, the spoons.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is at the bar and Joey enters.]
JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: Hey listen, I'm sorry about what happened. . .
JOEY: I know. Yeah.
JOEY: No, we're alright.
CHANDLER: So I got ya something. [tosses Joey a bag of plastic spoons]
JOEY: Plastic spoons. Great.
JOEY: These'll go great in my new place. You know, 'till I get real ones.
JOEY: Well, I can't use these forever. I mean, let's face it, they're no friend to the environment.
JOEY: I'm movin' out like we talked about.
JOEY: Well, it was a fight. . . based on serious stuff, remember. About how I never lived alone or anything. I just think it would be good for me, ya know, help me to grow or. . . whatever.
JOEY: Hey, are you cool with this. I mean, I don't want to leave you high and dry.
JOEY: Woah. Why do you get to keep the table?
JOEY: Yeah. And uh, I paid for the other half.
JOEY: Alright, you're on. I can take two minutes out of my day to kick your ass.
JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, woah. Which sister?
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing foosball for the table.]
JOEY: Get out of the corner. Pass it, pass it.
CHANDLER: Stop talkin' to your men. [Joey scores]
JOEY: Yes! And the table is mine.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. The whole gang is helping Joey pack.]
JOEY: Hey, you guys are still gonna come visit me, right?
JOEY: Oh no-no, it's uh, it's not what you think. We uh, we used it to, you know, fling water balloons off the roof. Remember that, those junior high kids couldn't even get theirs accross the street.
[Everyone except Joey and Chandler leave.]
JOEY: Naa, you keep it, you need the practice.
JOEY: So, I guess this is it.
[Joey walks to the door. He stops, turns around.]
JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again. CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house. JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care. CHANDLER: Yeah. [Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.] CLOSING CREDITS
Joey: You guys kissed! Oh mythis is huge!
Rachel: Okay, it's missing something. Ooh, I know! Umm, okay. (Goes and grabs a bag, that looks like a purse, and shows it to Joey.)
Rachel: Joey, you are not! Youre 31.
Joey: (realizes) Aww crap!
[Time lapse, Phoebe is playing the guitar for Joey.]
Joey: Wouldnt she?
Charlie: Joey is a great guy, but we're just... so different! I mean, during your speech he kept laughing at homo erectus!
Joey: Yeah, we haven't dropped it in (Looks to Ross.)
Joey: Yeah! If you wanna sing at their wedding, well you sing at their wedding!
Joey: They break your heart, dont they?
Joey: What?! Whats wrong with my eyes.
Joey: You got pregnant for funny?! Dina if hes funny laugh! All right, Ill be back in a little while! You stay here!
Joey: Tell me about it, I feel like Im holding down the fort all by myself.
Joey: Yeah! And also, a little like a French guy. (They both squint at each other.) I never noticed that before.
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Who wants French toast?
Chandler: (on phone) Hey, its me. I know you cant stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought Id try and apologize over the phone. All I (Joey hangs up the phone in disgust.)
Lorraine: Hi, Joey. (Sees Chandler.) Well well, look what you brought.
Joey: You got it. Okay. Now, I can pass for 19 right?!
Joey: Yeah, shes been out there for twenty minutes, Im surprised you didnt hear her on the way over.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are standing around the table drinking champagne as Ross enters.]
Joey: Well, the duck
Joey: I dont know! How about, "Thanks for taking the message." Jeez! (Exits.)
Rachel: Now Joey, what did the duck do?!
Rachel: Hey Joey, what cha doing?
Joey: Yeah I did!
Joey: Where do you think, (pause) Zelda?
Rachel: Joey, did you my face cream?
Joey: What are you mad at me for?!
Joey: You got porn!
Rachel: Monica, number one, I dont think Ben understands the concept of bribery, and number two, I... (Joey starts laughing in the background) (to Joey) What?!
Chandler: (interrupting in the nick of time) Joey, I uh! I can't believe this is how I'm spending my anniversary.
(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)
Joey: Yeah! Look! (He throws some of his spaghetti on the floor.)
Joey: (entering from bathrooms excitedly) You guys! You guys! Youre not gonna believe what my agent just told me!
(Joey creaks louder)
Joey: I know. (Joey is sitting in this tall chair that is made up of balls on polls. Youll have to see it to know what I mean.) Yeah, his name is Pat.
Rachel: (quietly) Joey.
Joey: (Pointing at Chandler.) Your different here too. Your mean in England. (Chandler throws his hands up to his head in frustration. They walk away from each other.)
Joey: Hey Rach.
Joey: Hey Rach, do you smell smoke?
Joey: Fine, you want to get the birds, get the birds!
Joey: Look I dont know this baby. I dont know if shes a famous artist or not. You know, and I dont want to be a jerk but youre changing too much around here.
The Director: (answering the phone) Hello. Oh! Its you. Just ah, just one-one sec. (to Joey and Kate) I am going to take this call. When I continue, I hope that there will appear on stage this magical thing that in the theatre we call, committing to the moment! (He goes to take the call.)
Rachel: Yknow, I can not believe you told him, Joey!
Joey: 'Cause I figured you'd hooked up with some girl and she'd left it there.
Joey: Just out of curiosity, how-how much is that boat worth?
Chandler: Okay this is great, but Joey said he didn't want any of us out there.
Joey: Gotcha.
Joey: Dude, what are you massaging an old man for?
Monica: Come on Phoebe, lets go! Come on, its time to get serious, huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game.
Joey: The vicar!
Joey: Of course Im jokin! I dont take checks.
Joey: Huh?
Rachel: Yeah thats right! Come on Joey; sex me up!
Joey: Good, me too. (Tosses him the loaf.) Eggs and milk are in the fridge. Thanks.
Joey: I dont want to, Im scared.
Joey: What?
Joey: Feminine.
Joey: I guess I'm going to have to come up with a really good reason why I wasn't there. The producers are going to be so mad at me. They sat us all down yesterday and said "Everyone has to be there at 6:00 AM sharp, that means you Tribbiani." Like.. like I was some kind of idiot.
Rachel: (looking around) Who are you talking too? Oh, youre kidding! Oh, its a joke! (Laughs.) Its funny. Its funny. I dont get it. (Joey doesnt say any thing and Rachel realizes its not a joke.) Oh. (Pause) Okay. Umm I-I uh, wow. Are you uh How did umm When?
Rachel: Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey.
[Cut to the living room, Joey is eating a sandwich.)
Joey: I've been trying for two days. When I called the restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin' me off.
Joey: You could?
Phoebe: Okay, scarfs done. (Its not really a scarf, its just a bunch of yarn that Phoebe has tied together. Just then, Ross and Emily enter dragging with them Joey and Chandler.)
Joey: Why would I do that? It took three guys to get the thing in there!
Joey: All right.
Joey: Yes.
Rachel: Joey, there is a perfectly good couch across the hall!
Joey: Oh dear God, let me think. (Starts to sarcastically think about it.)
Joey: Uhh, rub it?
Joey: And deaf!
Joey: (entering) Hey.
Joey: (recoils in horror) Women are mean!!! (Storms out.)
Joey: I mean, the jobs easy and the moneys good, you know? I guess Im going to be hanging out here anyway. I might as well get paid for it, right? I just feel kind of weird serving you guys.
Chandler: Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey Joey, why dont you be my best man."
Joey: (entering) Hey.
Joey: Because! Youre mean on the boat!
(The Dry Cleaner stares at him and Joey retreats.)
Joey: Well, lesson learned! Rachel is mean!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Chandler are sitting on the couch and chair as Phoebe is getting coffee.]
Joey: And youll be nice?
Rachel: AndJoey!
(Chandler and Joey enter and overhear that.)
Joey: Do you want me to learn?!
Joey: You wont boss me around anymore?
Joey: Nope.
Joey: Uh, boat rope.
Joey: Ohh yeah.
Joey: Huh?
Joey: I dont know why you just dont say left.
Joey: Uh, wow, you just said a bunch of stuff I didnt know there.
Joey: God, its gonna so weird like when I come home and youre not here. Yknow? No more Joey and Chans. No more J and Cs. "You wanna go over to Joey and Chandlers?" "Cant, its not there."
Joey: Yeah? Well, I dont want to talk to you Wayne! I hate you! You ruined my life! Oh, Chandler, Wayne. Wayne, Chandler. (They shake hands.)
Joey: Why not?!
Joey: All right thats it! Youre yelling and I dont see you taking your top off! I quit!
Joey: Yes! Yes! You did and youre still yelling at me!
Rachel: Joey, come on! We just went over this! (She does it instead.)
Joey: This body? (He backs into the kitchen.)