words in movies
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
(Joey makes a sound of absolute disgust.)
Joey: Do we have to know about that?
Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?
Joey: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars.
(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)
Joey: (to the screen) Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot, or just fall down. That's good too.
Joey: Oh, yeah.
Joey: Hey, listen, lady....(sees that she's pregnant)...whoa.
Joey: Oh yeah? And who do you like?
Joey: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright?
Joey: Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father over here! We need a father!
Joey: Oh, oh, oh, sorry.
Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.
(Joey accompanies Lydia to a hospital room.)
[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the phone with her mother.]
Lydia: Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk. No, I'm not alone. Joey's here. (pause) What do you mean, Joey who? (covers the phone, to Joey) Joey who?
Joey: Tribbiani.
Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.
Joey: (takes phone) Hi, yeah, it's me. (Listens) Oh, no no no, we're just friends. (Listens) Yeah, I'm single. (Listens) 25. (Listens) An actor. (Listens) Hello?
Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know?
Joey: Ok, look, maybe I should just go.
Joey: Good luck, and uh, take care, huh?
Joey: You know what the Celtics problem is? They let the players run the team.
Joey: Oh, it is.
Joey: It is.
[Scene: Lydia's Hospital Room, Joey is helping Lydia go through labor, a nurse is now present in her room as well.]
(Joey looks down at Lydia.)
Joey: Ew! What is that? Something exploded!
Joey: (panicked) Water breaking, what do you mean? What's that, water breaking?
Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.
[Scene: Lydia's Room, Joey is helping her deliver.]
Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was justyeah, right. Push! Push!
(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)
Joey: Oh, just had a baby.
[Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up to Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees that the baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.]
Lydia: I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse, and a helper guy. (Joey smiles) So, did you see who won the game?
(Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob. Then he walks away, holding the hand of an inflated balloon animal he had brought.)
Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station.
Chandler: (to Joey) You are really frightening me.
Joey: Ben, Ben, hey Ben. Nothing. I don't think that's his name.
Joey: He doesn't do much, does he?
Joey: What?
Joey: No, no, hey, no! Too late for apologies... ok? You broke my heart. You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you? (and he leaves the apartment, leaving her shocked)
Monica: Hey, Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Wow! Cool! (He takes the guitar, stands up, and goes to play a note. However, while strumming it, he knocks it out of his hands and it bounces off the table and lands on the floor. Phoebe just stares at the guitar.)
Joey: Really?
Joey: Shh. He did it. He told her off, and not just about the kiss, about everything.
(When Joey tries to pull back his head, he notices he is stuck)
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man, just stop calling.
Joey: No plans, huh?
Cecilia: No thats La Guardia. (Joey nods in recognition.) This is Mexico.
Joey: (entering) Hey, you guys!
Joey: I can't believe it. When you guys come back, you're gonna have a baby! That is so weird!
Angela: Hi, Joey.
Joey: My god, Angela.
Joey: You look good.
Joey: You don't say.
Angela: (casually) Joey.
Joey: Come on, we were great together. And not just at the fun stuff, but like, talking too.
Joey: What?
Angela: Forget it Joey. I'm with Bob now.
Joey: What?
Chandler: ...Poulet passes it up to Leetch! (Passes it to Joey.)
Joey: Eww! Look, I'm asking a favor here. If I do this for her brother, maybe Angela will come back to me.
Ross: Yeah, oh and Sarah... I'd like to introduce you to my colleague, uh, Professor Wheeler, a-and this is Joey Tribbiani.
Joey: Yep.
Joey: Which what?
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey is getting pointers on how to play Jessica Lockhart.]
Joey: No, but he's...
Joey: Oh yeah, sure, no problem, Ill justhold on one second. (He turns around and puts his hand in his pants and groans in relief.) (In a relaxed voice.) "Hey Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you!"
Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out.
[Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English truffle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janines party, are egging her on to hurry up.]
Phoebe: Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. (Thinks) Or-or Rachel!
(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)
Joey: Oh my god.
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, listen for it.
(Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.)
Joey: What?
Joey: All right, look, I'm not proud of this, ok? Well, maybe I am a little.
Joey: Come on, they're close.
Joey: Ow!
Joey: We, we come back from our walk and the- the phone was ringing...
Joey: Hi-hi, Im Joey.
Joey: Fifth day's a charm.
(Monica and Joey enter.)
[Scene: A Hallway, Chandler is following Joey.]
Joey: So, you and Angela, huh?
Joey: Excellent.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, tiem lapse. Everyone but Joey and Monica are there.]
Joey: When have I ever done that?! (And does the sound again.)
JOEY: Alright look, that's it. I don't think we should see each other anymore, alright. Look, I know I should have told you this a long time ago but I am not Drake Remore, OK. I'm not even a doctor, I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor.
Joey: What are you talking about? Bitch.
Joey: Whadja think?
Mike: How do I and Joey know each other? Wow, if I had a nickel for every time somebody has asked me that.
JOEY: Alright... I've got to go shower. [leaves]
Joey: Who's Rick?
Joey: Oh yeah, dude, I totally understand. Usually after I have a baby with a woman I like to slow things down!
Joey: Ugh, I cannot wait to ask her out!
Joey: I couldn't do it.
Monica: Good for you, Joey.
Rachel: Oh, what are you going to do?! Are you gonna go run tell Monica?! Are you gonna tell Joey?! No! Because then you will have to tell them what we did! We are desert stealers! We are living outside the law!
Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me!
Joey: (He just sits there, legs very close together with a painful look on his face) Soldier down!
Joey: Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked.
Chandler: Yeah I know, but I was really confused and then I talked to these guys. (Turns to look at Ross and Joey.)
Ross: Right, I'm gonna go talk to Joey. I think this is the right time. He's always in a good mood after the flight attendant says "duty free".
(Joey enters and he's on the phone.)
Ross: C'mon, seriously, Joey, what's the part?
Joey: Thank you! (He goes into the bathroom.)
Joey: ...I'm his (mumbles)
Joey: (entering) Look, what am I gonna do? I'm not flirting but still, I'm drawing her to me like - like a moth to a flame! (Tries to put his feet on the coffee table...they won't reach and looks around.) What the hell's going on over here?!?!? (Points to Chandler) Monica's gonna kill you! Look I need your help, I have to do something to-to repel this woman! Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys repel women all the time.
Joey: Whaddya think? Today's the big day!
Chandler: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone.
(Monica and Chandler's room. Phoebe, Monica and Chandler have their ears pressed against the wall, and Joey looks at them)
Joey: Me?
[Scene: A Film Set, Joey is entering for his scene.]
Joey: Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you for this great opportunity.
Joey: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you.
Joey: Well, I'm- I'm showering.
Joey: Yeah and wed go check it out, but you took away our keys.
(Joey enters.)
Joey: Nope.
Joey: You like someone. Tell me who it is. Who is it? (tickles her a little)
Joey: My mom will.
Rachel: Oh, Joey, you know what, no-one is gonna be able to tell.
Joey: I got fired.
Joey: You were supposed to duck!!! Why didnt you duck?
Joey: Yeah? That's so nice! (They hug.)
Joey: Hard to tell, I was naked.
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey is watching Jessica Lockhart perform a scene.]
[Scene: The Vending Machines, Phoebe is buying a soda and Joey is shaking the candy machine.]
Joey: Oh, ah- the kid has it.
Joey (to Ross): You know, I had a chance to stop her too!
Joey: (looking at the flyer) Yeah-eah! 200 dollar reward, split five ways!!
[Scene: Cental Perk, Joey and Ross are persecuting Chandler about his smoking.]
Joey: Hi everyone.
Joey: What's up man?
Chandler: (angry) Put Joey on the phone.
JOEY: Man this is weird. You ever realize Captain Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
Ross: Ugh. Well, were just gonna have to jump. (Joey looks at him.) Yeah. Now, were gonna have to make sure to land to the right of that patch of ice, okay? Not hit the dumpster on the other side and uh, and try to avoid that-that weird brownish red stuff in the middle. So, when you get down there you go up to the roof and you let me in.
Ross: (To Joey) Hey, you wanna get something to eat or uh, do you wanna see how long we can throw this ball back and forth? Huh?