words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are there.]
JOEY: Hey, is that when you wrote salt water taffy man?
JOEY: Oh no, what happened?
JOEY: Yeah, I've had it.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Joey is there.]
CHANDLER: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you need something to hold you over, I can get you a job right here as an entry level processor.
JOEY: But don't you need experience for a job like that?
CHANDLER: Hey thanks. Scott Alexander, Joey Tribbianni. Joey is a uh, fellow processor.
JOEY: Oh yeah yeah. I process. People want the processing, I'm the one they call.
JOEY: Uhh, well, right now I'm in between things. You know how it is. One day you're processing, the next day you're not so much... processing any more.
CHANDLER: I was just telling Joey about the opening in Fleischman's group.
JOEY: Ha-ha. [Scott leaves] Are all you processors dorks?
[Scene: Chandler's office. Joey enters.]
JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly just putting numbers from one column into another column.
JOEY: Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie.
JOEY: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?
JOEY: I figure my character has kids.
JOEY: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
JOEY: Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid... Ya know what? Just did.
[Scene: Chandler's office building. Joey and Jeannie are talking.]
JOEY: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it.
JOEY: Oh, thanks, thanks. Bye bye Jeannie.
JEANNIE: Bye bye Joey.
JOEY: What a phony.
JOEY: Sir.
JOEY: Yeah Bing, what's that about?
JOEY: This company was not built on rough numbers. Am I right Mr. Douglas.
JOEY: Joseph's good, isn't he?
JOEY: Hey, hey, I just figure Joseph's the kinda guy that likes to mix it up. Ya know, get in there, ruffle some feathers.
JOEY: Look, I'm sorry but that's what Joseph does, ok. If you try to pull somethin', he'll call you on it. 'What're you tryin' to pull,' he'll say.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Chandler is asleep in his chair holding a paper in one hand and a pen in the other. Joey walks in, waking up Chandler who covers by pretending to write on the paper.]
JOEY: Hey. Mr. Douglas is looking for you.
JOEY: 'Cause he has a strong suspicion that you dropped the ball on the Lender project.
JOEY: Becasue at first he thought it was Joseph. But after he asked Joseph about it, turns out it was you. Anyway, I just thought you should know.
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
JOEY: What're you talking about, everybody loves Joseph.
JOEY: Oh yeah. Well you can't fire Joseph. You know why, 'cause he's not in your department.
JOEY: Karen.
JOEY: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me man.
JOEY: Really?
JOEY: Take it easy. If it means that much to you, I'll uh, I'll go find something else.
JOEY: It's just that, I, I'm gonna miss Joseph. I liked him. His wife, she was hot. [Chadler pushes him out the door by the face.]
Ross: Obviously not to Joey.
Joey: (pause) What?
Joey: (pause) What?
Joey: Im tellin ya, he hasnt moved since this morning.
Rachel: Okay, but taking care of a drunk, naked woman seems like a job for Joey.
Joey: Yeah, and not put us in the middle.
Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an optionwhat's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?!
Monica: (to Joey) Whats so funny?
Joey: What-whats so funny?
JOEY: Wow, this is wild. What're you gonna get?
Joey: Hey you guys. Hey, you all know my dad, right?
Ross: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself.
JOEY: Kinda looks like that stuff you get when you get a bad infection.
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monicas bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
Joey: Sure! (Monica gets very depressed) But hey, you know this way sounds good too.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Its like my chance to give something back to the acting community.
Joey: What is the big deal? Its not like were exclusive.
Wayne: It can do this. (He moves C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm close to Joeys special area and he jumps back.)
JOEY: Oh no, can't invite her. She also steals.
Joey: Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.
Ross and Joey: No.
Charlie: Hum, so, I started to say you something earlier, hum... (pause) There was another reason I realized it was time to end it with Joey. I kind of realized I... was starting to have feelings... for someone else.
Joey: B-bye Janice. So when ya' dumpin' her.
Joey: Now, wh-what, what is that like?
Joey: I dont know, maybe I cant. I mean, maybe theres something wrong with me.
Joey: Well, I want it!
Joey: (to Ross) Why cant I find that?
Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?
Phoebe: (to Joey) Youre Franks best man?!
Joey: Listen, I know you're new, but it's kinda understood that everything from Young Men's to the escalator is my territory.
JOEY: Hey Ross, I'm aware of what I owe.
Joey: Oh, hey, Chandler, we, ah, we stopped by the coffee shop and ran into Ross.
Rachel: Yes, Joey, I remember, she's annoying, but you know what she's-she's his girlfriend now. I mean what can we do?
[Scene: The Philly, Chandler and Joey are talking to Chloe.]
Joey: Yeah, its this great part, this boxer named Nick. And Im so, so right for it, y'know, hes just like me. Except hes a boxer, and has an evil twin.
Joey: I couldnt help it, there love is so pure.
Janice: I'll see you later, sweetie. Bye Joey.
Monica: Well, if we owe it? (She throws down her cleaning stuff and jumps into his arms.) Oh my When is Joey gonna be home?
Ross: (shaking head) Oh Joey, Joey! But still, I mean, it seems like you guys are having a great time together.
Joey: Sure! As long as they dont find out you can keep whatever you want! And I want you to have it.
Joey: Hey!
JOEY: Phoebs look, if you want to know what the deal is, you're just gonna have to ask him.
Joey: Every night!!
Joey: (to Monica) Can I use your phone? (On phone) Yeah, the number for a Sidney Marks, please.
Joey: Rach, its, its ah, its not that we dont want to, really. (quietly) Are we talking models in their underwear?
Joey: oh why don't you fly out there and surprise him.
Phoebe: Oh, Joey! Oh, okay, see I didn't recognize you wearing, in those....pants.
Joey: So the ah, plays pretty great, huh?
Chandler: Wow!! Can Joey and I put them on and fight?
Joey: Oh uh, can I give you a hand?
Joey: Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. Yknow? The only problem is, Carls acting is (Does the international hand symbol for so-so.)
Joey: Yeah, that was real.
Joey: Then you hold on to it!!
Chandler and Joey: Hey!
Joey: Yeah, yeah, she's really into history and foreign movies... And oh, oh, she loves puzzles. Huh? Come on, who loves puzzles?
(Joey takes the ice-bucket with the champagne bottle in it and puts it on his sore spot)
Joey: Okay, now the Mastodon is from the semi-late Jurassic period.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.
Joey: It does in mine!
Joey: Whew! Stood up to fast, got a little head rush.
[Joey walks back inside just as Rosss dance is finishing.]
Joey: Hey! What are you guys doing here? I thought youd be out partying with Gandel-worf.
Joey: Like the three musketeers, only with fruit.
Joey: Hey!!! Oww!! And Im bleeding.
Joey: Okay. Im Chandler (makes a growling/gurgling sound at the end and the girls laugh.)
Joey: If the Homo Sapiens, were in fact Homo-sapien, is that why there extinct?
Joey: Look, the point is, theres a lot of women out there you havent even had sex with yet!
Joey: (holding an empty tissue box) Wheres all the tissues?! (Throws the box down in disgust.)
Joey: Oh. (realises) Ohh. Ohh, youre out of your mind.
(Joey enters.)
Phoebe: Joey, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Believe me, there's something I've been trying to get Mike to do in bed and there's... he's just...
Joey: I know! I know! And Im going to talk to them about it. They mean so much to me. They Theyre like my family. If you guys are gonna be fighting all the time, I-I I dont think we can be together. It just, it just cant work. It cant. (Starts to break up) Im very upset.
Joey: All right. Chandler, you can either spin the wheel or pick a Google card.
Joey: Hey, listen you ah....
Joey: Ah, Kate?
Joey: ...feel like getting a cup of coffee?
The Director: (to Joey) Very nice. Very nice. (he walks away)
[Cut to Living Room, Rachel is sleeping on the couch, Ross is gone, the rest of them can finally emerge from their cell. They all wave good bye, and start to walk quietly out, as Monica goes and puts a blanket on Rachel. Joey starts walking all hunched over and bobbing his shoulders as he goes.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]
Joey: Oh, and Mississ-Pete is?
Joey: (yelling from bathroom) Hey, does somebody wanna hand me one of those tiles.
Joey: Yeah! Oh my God! (to Chandler) Is this what its like to be you?
Joey: You ah, you forgot your shoes.
Joey: Better?
Joey: I don't know. I mean I like her a lot, and she's really nice, but
Joey: Oh, forget about it. She rocks!
Joey: You guys have one of those signs that says: 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you know.
Joey: Hey, Kate!
Joey: Oh, hey! Joey Tribbiani.
Joey: Listen, I ah, went to that restaurant that you were talking about last week...
Joey: Yeah?
Joey: All right.
Monica, Ross, and Joey: (joining in) Home is Home Star stew.
Joey: (looks at her, shocked) What?!
[Cut to the tape Joey made in front of some famous place in London with a rather famous English-type person.]
Joey: Get out of here, really?!
Joey: Excellent! Lets play Bamboozled! Chandler, youll go first. What is the capital of Columbia?
Joey: Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still And guess what, Im thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts.
Joey: Calm down, do you want this unit or not?