words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is showing Ross, Rachel, Joey, and Phoebe his engagement ring again.]
Joey: Okay listen, how are you gonna ask her?
Joey: That sounds perfect!
Joey: Youre gonna mess it up let me do it.
Joey: Hey!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there as Rachel enters.]
Joey: Hey Rach!
Joey: Where are you going?
Rachel: How about you guys? (Points to Phoebe and Joey.)
Joey: Hey, yknow what? Ill come too. Im making money now; its about time I give something back.
Joey: Okay. Have a benefit.
Joey: Thats not what she said last night. (Ross glares at him.)
Chandler: Will you marry me? Will you marry me? (Makes like a gun with his fingers.) Hey, you marry me! (He gives up as Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, and Ross slink in all excited.) Whats going on little elves?
Joey: Its the big night! We wanted to wish you good luck!
Rachel: And I also brought my friend Joey
Joey: (behind them) Oh!! Shrimp toast! (Walks right past the little group on his way for the shrimp toast.)
Joey: Hey!
Mr. Thompson: And finally, our biggest item of the night, the 22-foot gentlemans day sailer sailboat. The winning bid was a whooping $20,000! (Joey suddenly gets excited.)
Joey: I won! That was my guess!
Joey: I guessed 20,000!
Rachel: Joey! It is an auction! You dont guess, you buy!
Joey: What?! I dont have 20,000!
Mr. Thompson: Congratulations on your new boat, Joey Tribbiani!!
Rachel: Joey! Sit down! (Pulls him down.)
Phoebe: Forget her! You enjoy this!! (Pulls him back up and starts applauding again. Joey waves and does a salute.]
[Scene: The Charity Event, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey are sitting at their table.]
Joey: I didnt know it was an auction!
Joey: I figured, take a guess, help a charity, free boat!
Joey: I dont know! Charity?
Joey: Oh hi!
Joey: Just out of curiosity, how-how much is that boat worth?
Joey: (To Rachel) Hey, I was pretty close. (She just glares at him.) Uhh, so bad news. Umm, I cant buy the boat, I dont have any money.
Rachel: Joey! Joey, good one! (Mr. Thompson starts to laugh.)
(After hes left, Rachel stops laughing and glares at Joey again.)
Joey: So uh listen, I think Im gonna take off now. (Starts to get up.)
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey! You cant leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me!
Joey: Well, what am I gonna do Rach?! I dont have that kind of money!
Joey: Okay.
Joey: Look, I dont know why the kids need a youth center anyway! Yknow? They should just watch TV after school like I did and I turned out fine!
{Transcribers Note: For further reading on the above story, please check out The One Where Joey Moves Out.}
[Scene: The Charity Event, Rachel and Phoebe are sitting at the table as Joey approaches.]
Joey: Rach! Rachel! Okay, the next highest bidder is at table one.
Joey: (To Phoebe) Oh and uh the guy who got the Paris trip is at table four.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel approaching table one.]
Joey: Uhh, excuse me is there a Mr. Bowmont at this table?
Joey: Ahh, yes. (Pushes Rachel in front of himself so that she could do the talking.)
Joey: You-you have to pay that! Its not just a guess.
Rachel: (To Joey) Okay. Okay. (Shushes him.)
Joey: Are you kidding me?! Shes gonna this boat!
Joey: Aw-awww!
Joey: Oooooh
Joey: No way! Its mine!!
Rachel: (To Joey) What?! What?!
Joey: All that stuff you just said? I want that!
Rachel: But Joey you dont have $20,000!
Joey: Who cares?! I-Ill make payments, whatever it takes, I want the Mr. Bowmont!!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is taking out the garbage as Phoebe and Joey enter. Phoebe gasps.]
Joey: Oh my God, youre back!
Joey: Yeah.
(Chandler puts his face in his hands as Joey and Phoebe start to examine the trash.)
Joey: What?! Noooo (Phoebe gasps.)
Joey: We didnt ruin it!
Joey: Glove salesman!
Joey: Hey, being you is finally gonna pay off! (They give each other fives.)
Joey: That guys still doing that?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is looking out the window and Joey is sitting on the couch.]
Joey: Yeah! And also, a little like a French guy. (They both squint at each other.) I never noticed that before.
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Oh, just hanging out, talkin about uh, websites. (Joey laughs.) Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you.
Joey: (laughs) Yeah, Big Brother.
Joey: (all excited) The Mr. Bowmonts here!!! (Jumps over the back off the couch and runs out into the street.)
(Joey enters looking like Captain Stubing from the Love Boat.)
Joey: Hey uh, have you guys scene Chandler?
Phoebe: Joey.
Rachel: Joey?!
Rachel: Wh So If neither of you are married by the time youre 40, youre gonna marry Joey.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, is practicing his slipknots as Monica enters.]
Joey: Hey Monica!
Joey: This is for my boat, pretty cool huh?
Joey: Whoa-whoa, whats the matter?! Talk to the captain!
Joey: Chandler giving you a hard time huh?
Joey: Well, you know Chandler.
Joey: Maybe you changed?
Joey: Maybe thats the problem.
Joey: Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife.
Joey: I dont know! (All excited) I havent totally decided how to talk on my boat yet.
Joey: Monica face it, Chandler is against marriage. And-and always will be!
Joey: There are?
Joey: R-R-Richard said he wants to marry you?! (Monica nods yes.) And-and Chandlers tellin ya how much he hates marriage?!
Joey: Chandler loves marriage!!
Joey: You got that from what I said?!
Rachel: Phoebe?! Wait abut-but she just, she said that Joey was her backup.
Rachel: Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey made a deal!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is entering to find Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, on the phone.]
Joey: Where the hell have you been?!
Joey: Richard told Monica he wants to marry her!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah, Ive been trying to find ya to tell to stop messing with her and maybe I would have if these (lifts a leg) damn boat shoes wouldnt keep flying off!
Joey: I know! They suck!!
Joey: I know!
Joey: Look, Chandler I dont think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: Okay.
Joey: Dude-dude-dude!
Joey: Let me know about that coconut phone, it might great for the boat.
Rachel: Phoebe! You picked Joey and Ross?! You can not have two backups!
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Phoebe! Were both (points at Ross and himself) your backup?!
Joey: No we werent!
Joey: Pick me!!
Phoebe: All right well lets see, Ross is a good father, but Joey has a boatThis is hard!
Joey: This is crazy! Hey look, I wanna switch to Rachel!
(She turns her head away and when shes not looking, Phoebe shakes her head and mouths, "No, Im not." Both Joey and Ross smile, look at each other, and then stop smiling.)
Rachel: Okay, yknow what?! I know-I know how to settle this! All right here, this is what were gonna do! Im gonna write Joey on one napkin (does so) and Im gonna right Ross on the other napkin (does so) and we are going to pick one! And that person is going to be our backup! Okay?
Joey: Okay thats fair.
Rachel: (reading) Joey! (Pause) We should just switch.
Joey: Yeah.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is running up the stairs and towards his apartment, but Joey is taking out the garbage at the same time and stops him in the hall.]
Joey: Dude!
Joey: Shes gone.
Joey: Shes gone. She had a bag and she left.
Joey: She was all crying. She-she said you guys want different things, and that and that she needed time to think.
Joey: I-I did! I told her everything, Chandler! But she wouldnt believe me.
Joey: To her parents I think and she said you shouldnt call her. But if I were you I would.
Joey: I am so sorry man.
(He turns to look at Joey who smiles slyly and closes the door leaving them alone.)
Joey: (yelling through the door) Can we come it yet?! Were dying out here!
Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) Were engaged!!!
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: Thatll be $3.85.
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving the bill to the same beautiful woman from before.]
Joey: (still singing) " Amy! Happy birthday to you!"
Joey: Yeah, not it here it isnt.
Joey: Or! You can just, yknow (He walks up close to whisper in Rosss ear and when he gets there he pushes Ross into the fridge.)
JOEY: Can't help you, I'm not wearing any.
Joey: But it really
Joey: Damnit! (Storms off.)
(He and Ross crack up again. Joey just sits there)
Joey: (singing) "Happy birthday to you!"
Joey: What? No-no its her birthday!
Joey: (overhearing them) Oh-ho, and mine!
Chandler: Hey! (Joey quickly hides the magazine under the couch.)
Joey: So, youd hire me, right?
Joey: See? Eh, wasnt that fun?
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Joey and Bob are talking.]
Chandler: Joey
Monica: Joey we know you steal our food.
(Joey offers them some potato chips.)
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Joey: Yeah you got 5 years left!
Joey: You wanna make it 6?!
Joey: No, no, no! My talents as an actor!
Joey: Just what needs to be done! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman
[Monica and Chandler make What was that? gestures. Joey and Ross go into Rachels old room.]
MONICA: Joey they're not real. I start miles beneath the surface of these things, ok, they're fake. See [squeezes her breast] honk honk.
Joey: Movies?
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
Joey: (laughs) I dont think so.
Joey: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Chandler, Chandler, yknow what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.
Joey: Nicole Eggert. You'll like her.
(Joey and Ross enter.)
Joey: Sort of
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Hey, y'know in Roman times this was more than just a hat.
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Joey: Ha-ha, very funny. I dont know what to do! Yknow? Holy crud!
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Joey: Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to(he stops talking suddenly)
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
Joey: Well uh, I went down there and told him that no one treats my friends like that and that hed better come up here and apologize. Ill see you later. (Starts to leave)
Joey: Chandler, come on nothing even happened!
Monica: Oh Joey, look, we know you're having a hard time with this, but we really, we love it here.
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Joey: Aww, you guys are so cute!
(Joey and Ross exchange looks.)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh no, not you too!
Joey: Nice!
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah.
Joey: You do?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Thats great, but isnt it gonna bother that people still think youre a porn star?
Sleep Clinic Worker: Um-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for your sleep study. (Joey doesnt answer) Uh, sir? (Joey starts snoring)
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.
Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
JOEY: Well, maybe he's, maybe he's this really cool pharmacist guy.
[Cut to Joey and Janines, theyre entering.]
Joey: Oh I am!
Joey: You forget how many great songs Heart had.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
Monica: Wait a minute...Joey. Joey you can't ask her out, she's your roommate. It-it'll be way too complicated.
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
ROSS: I got it. Uh, Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)
Joey: Okay. Okay. (He looks at the card.) Ace!
Joey: Oh, God! (Hurriedly closes his legs.)
Phoebe: Who are you kidding? (To Joey) You just find some guy off the street for me? Oh God! This is humiliating!
Joey: (not impressed) Wow!!
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Really?
Monica: Joey just hired Chandler to be his assistant!
Joey: Thats great! That would be great! Lets do that!
Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. (Goes to the counter) It was right here, where is it?
Joey: Oh right great! Welcome aboard!
Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and he appears on the TV screen and a TV commercial begins)
Joey: Well youre whippin so slow! Cant you do it any faster?
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didnt think big enough to fit a grown man!
Monica: (getting up) Joey!
Ross: Sometimes, you should come over (Joey returns from the bathroom) sometime! Ill play you one of my other
Joey: (shaking Rachels hand) Hi!
Joey: (turning and whispering to Monica) Shes not crazy is she?
(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
JOEY: Oh that's nice. Happy birthday Rachel, here's some goo.
Joey: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here.
Joey: (To Rachel) So uh, how you doin?
Joey: What?
Joey: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh? Ross?
Joey: (holding up the Queen of Clubs) Is that your card? (He winks and smiles.)
Monica: Sorry. So hows it going with Joey?
Phoebe: (singing) Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey! Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!
Joey: I guess they weren't as good friends as we are.