words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Monica are all there as Chandler enters wearing glasses.]
Joey: What?
Joey: Eyes! No, no. Your eyes! No. Chandlers eyes!
Joey: Feminine.
Rachel: Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey.
Joey: (entering) Ahoy!
Joey: Great! Im finally getting into this sailing stuff.
Joey: Why would I do that? It took three guys to get the thing in there!
Joey: Oh, its great! Its a great place to just kinda, sit, hang around, drink a few beers, eat some chips. (He says that as he sits, hangs around, drinks a beer, and eats a chip.)
Rachel: Yknow Joey, I could teach you to sail if you want.
Joey: You could?
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont (Joeys boat), shes shown to be in one of the waterways around New York, but in reality shes in a sound stage on the Warner Bros. lot and we see New York from the water in some rather poor green screen shots. Rachel and Joey are on board.]
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coasts all the way over there. (Points to the coast, meanwhile there is coast behind him.)
Rachel: Joey, just ignore the boats all right? Were not finished with the lesson yet.
Joey: All right.
Joey: Come on Rach, not again. I got it! Okay? Lets start sailing, and I want to go over there (Points) where that boatload of girls is! (Yelling to them) Yo-ho-ho!
Joey: Uh, boat rope.
Joey: Uhh, rub it?
Joey: Id say, come again. No-no, wait I-I-I know this one, I know this one, uh
Joey: And deaf!
Joey: Yes.
Rachel: Dont just say yes! This isnt a game, Joey you can really get hurt out here. Okay, so do you want to pay attention or do you want to die?!
Joey: I want to make a ship to shore call to Chandler.
Joey: (entering) Hey.
Joey: I dont want to talk about it. Yknow, you couldve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs whats left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
Joey: (recoils in horror) Women are mean!!! (Storms out.)
Joey: (entering) Hey.
Joey: Oh uh, I dont know the boat way to say this, but uh never!
Joey: Because! Youre mean on the boat!
Joey: Well, lesson learned! Rachel is mean!
Rachel: Look Joey, Im sorry if-if you thought that was mean, but I gotta tell ya something. That was not mean. Okay, my father is mean. He used to yell at me all the time on the boat, I mean it was horrible. I was just being a good teacher.
Joey: Does a good teacher say, "Put down the beer pinhead!?"
Joey: Six and a half! You knocked that last one out of my hand! Remember?
Joey: Well it hit me anyway! And it wouldve hurt a lot less if I had finished that last beer.
Joey: You wont boss me around anymore?
Joey: And youll be nice?
Joey: And youll be topless?
Rachel: AndJoey!
Joey: Do you want me to learn?!
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, its Joeys second lesson with Rachel as the resident sailing expert.]
Rachel: Okay Joey honey, youre doing really good! All right, now Im just gonna need you to step to the port side. (Joey pauses as he tries to remember which side is the port side.) Remember? Remember how we talked about the port side?
Joey: Ohh yeah.
Joey: Nope.
Joey: I dont know why you just dont say left.
Rachel: Okay, go to the left. (Joey goes starboard or sits on the right side of the boat.) The left!
Joey: Huh?
Joey: (hurrying over) Okay! Okay, youre yelling again! See that?
Joey: Oh, yknow what? Since Im here, I think Im gonna have me a little beer on the port side. (Grabs and opens one.)
Rachel: Okay Joey, were luffing a little bit, so could you tighten up the cunningham? (The mainsail has started to flap in the wind and has stopped working efficiently; she wants him to tighten it so that it starts working again.)
Joey: Uh, wow, you just said a bunch of stuff I didnt know there.
Rachel: Joey, come on! We just went over this! (She does it instead.)
Joey: Oh, yknow, when we did that was when that bird was flying overhead with the fish in his mouth. Did you see it? It was gross!
Joey: All right thats it! Youre yelling and I dont see you taking your top off! I quit!
Joey: Why not?!
Joey: Greens? Im a Tribbiani! And Tribbianis quit!
Joey: Yes! Yes! You did and youre still yelling at me!
Rachel: No! No! No! Im not yelling at you, Im just yelling near you. Oh God Joey, ohh Im my father. Oh my God, this is horrible! Ive been trying so hard not to be my mother I did not see this comin. Oh, Joey, Im sorry. Im so sorry. I just wanted you to learn.
Joey: Well, hey I did learn.
Joey: Yeah! Come on.
Joey: Yeah, its okay. I know what a mainsail is. (Points to it. Its the larger sail.) I know, I know to duck when the boom comes across. I-I know port is right.
Joey: Damnit!
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, is tied up alongside the pier; Joey and Rachel are relaxing.]
Rachel: Well Joey, I hate to admit it, your way of sailing is a lot more fun.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Hey, why dont you give a pull on that rope? (Points.)
Joey: Just pull on it.
Joey: What else?
Joey: Thank you.
Joey: What are you doing?
Joey: What youdont hold it like that! Youre lettin all the good stuff fall out.
Joey: Careful! Youre wasting good pastrami! (Gasps.) Oh my God! Im my dad!
Joey: Okay! (He scurries out the set door and re-enters, extremely impressed) All right!
Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad
[The next one is from Episode 604: The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance.]
Joey: Oh yeah, lava spewing, hot ash, of course some are dormant.
(They start kissing and turn around so that Chandler is facing the door. And Chandler sees Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey walk in and quickly ends the kiss with Monica.)
Joey: The fridge broke. I have to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limesHey, what was in that brown jar?
Joey: (to the waiter) Hey! Are those crab cakes? (The waiter nods) Did I not tell ya to come straight to me when more crab cakes were ready?
Joey: Oh wait, before you tell me what it is! (He plays a drum-roll) Okay, what is it?
Joey: All right, who got Chandler? Cause I uh, need to trade.
Joey: Ah, he cant make it, he said he had to his... (sees Ginger) Whoa-oh! (hides behind the coat rack.)
Joey: Look, theres nothing I can do for him right now, hes still in his sweat pants, thats still Phase One. Y'know? Ill be back for Phase Two, I would never miss Phase Two.
David: Bye Phoebe. (He gets in and the cab drives off. Joey walks up and witnesses that event.)
Joey: (abashed) A place to entertain my lady friends.
Ross: Okay, Pheebs: Right hand blue. (Phoebe has to bend over.)Good. (Joey stares at her butt appreciatively)
Joey: Hey!! I need to relax! Okay? I was working all day!
[Scene: A blackjack table, Joey is moving in to try and get his hand twin (who's dealing) to join him in his evil plot to rule the world! "Join me, and together we'll rule the universe as father and son!" (Sorry, I had a little Star Wars creep in thereOoh, I have a big spoiler for The Phantom Menace, Yoda lives at the end! Ha-ha, spoiled it! Now you don't have to see it!)]
Joey: (gesturing at an imaginary painting) Note the painterly lines and subtle impasto on this canvas. Monet painted quickly and usually outdoors as his elusive subject was light itself.
Chandler: Oh, just hanging out, talkin about uh, websites. (Joey laughs.) Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you.
Joey: Hey, that woman's got an ass like Carol's! (They turn to stare at him.) What? Thought we were trying to find stuff.
Joey: Yeah. You know? You just... Look, you gotta... You gotta think about last night the way she does, okay? Maybe, maybe sleeping together was the perfect way to say goodbye?
Joey: Oh-whoa-hey, dude, what are you doing?!
Phoebe: (standing up) Okay, so umm, somebody has to call Frank and Alice. (As she is talking Joey is sticking the camera under her skirt.) And then my mom wants to know-(notices Joey)-Joey, what are you doing?!
Monica: Okay, all right, how's this? 27. Italian-American guy. He's an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family, seven sisters, and he's the only....boy. (they all turn and look at Joey) Oh my God, under personal comments: 'New York Knicks, rule!'
Rachel: No! (Joey sets his beer and bag of chips down and heads into his room.) Oh what does he know! Come on Rosita, us chichas got to stick together! (She tries pulling on the back of the chair, until the hinge breaks and the back falls off.) You bitch!
Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?
Joey: And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still deciding what to do about the hooker.]
Joey: I can fix it. Hold on. (He goes and gets a screwdriver from his apartment) Look out. Look out. (Pries at the door a little bit.)
(Chandler opens the bathroom door to reveal Joey passed out on the toilet with a toothbrush in his mouth.)
Joey: Uh yeah-ye-ye-ye-ye-yel-l-l-l-l-look the-the-the only reason that I, that I came up to you before was because well, Im really nervous about-about being you. Yknow if you can help me capture the essence of the character. Yknow? Help me keep Jessica alive. Please?
Joey: I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her
Joey: Uh, it's 2:30 in the morning!
Joey: Something called Braxton-Hicks contractions.
Joey: (looking in the Yellow Pages) Look, maybe I need to try a real teacher! Right here! Here! Andy Cooper, he teaches guitar and look ooh, there's a nice picture of him with a little kid and THE KID'S GOT A GUITAR!!!!!! (Storms out.)
Joey: (crying) You didnt cry when Bambis mother died?
(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)
(The chain breaks loose from the wall, and because Joey was pushing with all his might, he propells into the kitchen, towards the table with all the food. This table has wheels underneath it, and when Joey falls on this table, he rides into the living room, with all the food falling off, until finally Joey also falls off... Joey gets up quickly, a bit agitated, and acting as nothing happened. He is covered in food stains.)
Ross: Maybe it was both of us, but we had our best friend's interest (Pauses and looks at Joey.) But we had our best friend's interest at heart.
Joey: (to himself) That's the fastest I have ever thought!
Joey: (to Erin) Okay, good to see you again.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.]
Joey: Aw! Does that mean the Sam Goodys sale is over?!
Joey: All right look man, I didnt want to bring this up, but Chandler, is the stupidest name I ever heard in my life! Its not even a name; its barely even a word. Okay? Its kinda like chandelier, but its not! All right? Its a stupid, stupid non-name!
Joey: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! (He starts rocking back and forth, taking Ross with him.)
Joey: Hey hey! You dye your hair!
Joey: Ms. Monroe (She slaps him) Oh there you go. (She storms off, leaving Joey standing next to Dina. They share a nod at the ferocity of the slap they just received.)
Joey: Well do it all, and better! Look, after tonight, Gandolf will want to party with us, dude! Come on!
Monica: (entering, to Joey and Rachel) Hey, did you guys know, that your oven doesn't work?
Grandma Tribbiani: Joey, bravo! (Starts with that Italian stuff again.)
Joey: Yeah, yeah, they must have jumped off the table, 'cause now they're gone!
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, they are admiring the entertainment center]
Joey: Youre right. Youre right. I-Ill go tell her now before Ross finds out and Ill be gentle. I can do that. I am a gentle person. Oh, by the way. Two people screwing in there (Points to the closet Chandler and Monica were in) if you want to check that out.
Joey: (hanging up the phone) Yes! Guess who's in an audition for a Broadway musical?
Ross: Oh, I'm sorry, did I say "invest it"? I meant "be cool and piss it all away" (Joey and Chandler pleased)
Joey: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way?
Joey: No, not really. They give you all the information, its uh, its like memorizing a script. (Making like a tour guide) "And on your left, you have Tyrannosaurus Rex, a carnivore from the Jurassic period.
Joey: Thats right! I helped you guys out a lot in the start of your relationship. Huh? I helped you guys sneak around for like six months, and I looked like an idiot! And I was humiliated. And I only made 200 dollars!
Joey: (to Monica) Hey, how much will you give me to eat this whole jar of olives?
Mr. Thompson: And finally, our biggest item of the night, the 22-foot gentlemans day sailer sailboat. The winning bid was a whooping $20,000! (Joey suddenly gets excited.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is walking from the bathroom to his bedroom and walks past a pile of Rachels laundry, which just happens to include a selection of panties. He stops, goes back to the basket, looks for Rachel, picks up a lavender thong, and heads for his bedroom. However, he decides he doesnt like his selection and goes back this time picking up a red low-cut silk brief and heads for his room, flexing along the way to prove his masculinity.]
Joey: All right, all we need is a little lighter fluid.
Chandler: I am sorry I am late. You�ll understand when you�ll see Joey.
Announcer: Presenting the award for Favorite Supporting Actress is Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives. (Applause as Joey angrily walks to the podium and eyes the trophy.)
Joey: (angrily) Get your non-believer ass outta my chair! (She gets up and heads for her room.)
Joey: Hey, that's why I didn't invite you. you have to calm down, alright... go, go get yourself a drink or something...
(Camera pans to Joey and Janine)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross still has boxes all over the place. Joey is wearing a football helmet, and Chandler is spinning him around in one of the chairs and counting.]
Joey: Hey... hey listen... What do you guys know about investments?
Monica: Joey, she was listing the countries shes done it in.
Joey: What's happenin'?
Rachel: Im fourth! (Joey is startled.) Look at you with your little maple syrup award!
Joey: Ohh. Hey, remember when I ran into this thing (The shutters that close off the kitchen.) and it kinda knocked me out a little?
Joey: Yeah, the other day I was at the bus-stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up. Oh! Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs. (Note: Actually, I think every guy is thankful for thongs. That and spandex. J )
Ross: Oh yknow, I stillI cant believe it. Joey and Rachel I mean its Its like you and me going out, only weirder!
Joey: Yeah, and oh she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to work the cameras, and smell-the-fart acting.
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
(Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an extravagant gesture of disappointment.)
(No one can and Monica looks at Joey expectantly.)
Joey: No-no-no, please-please Chandler I-I-I would owe you so much!
Rachel: Oh, come on Joey! You will totally keep it in check this time, and plus yknow the publicity would be really good for your career! And you deserve that! And if you do the interview you can mention, oh I dont know, gal pal Rachel Green?
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
JOEY: (emerging) Bedroom is clear, although you might need some new pillows.
Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a little while) 5 of hearts.
Joey: Yeah, or you can teach him a lesson. Y'know? What you could do is you could rub something that really smells on your butt, all right? Then, when he goes to smack ya, his hand will smell. (thinking aloud) Now what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
Joey: I didnt know it was an auction!
Joey: Right-right up here. (Starts looking at them through a piece of pipe.)
Rachel: Oh, isn't that adorable? Joey is afraid of the tarantula.
Joey: Hey! (he throws the basketball against a table again)
Joey: Because it's impossible to find her apartment! She lives in some like of hot girl parallel universe, or something.
Rachel: The beef? Yeah, that was weird to me, too. But then, yknow, I thought well, theres mincemeat pie, I mean thats an English dessert, these people just put very strange things in their food, yknow. [To Joey] Oh! by the way, can I borrow some Rum from your place?
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad .
Joey: No-no, she kicked our butts. You could be on the Olympic standing-there team.
Joey: Hey, Monica, wow youve been in the bathroom for like a half-hour.
Joey: (to Chandler) Dude, Phoebes mom has got a huge peni...
Joey: (after a long pause he starts miming again) I'm cold!
Joey: (to the fan) So, you saw me on Days Of Our Lives huh? Want me to, want me to do a little Dr. Drake Remoray for ya?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are watching one of those Kung Fu movies and imitating the moves.]
Joey: No, I don't think it's just about just getting a girlfriend. Y'know? I mean, yeah, I can get a girlfriend! Yeah, we could sit in the chair and do crosswords, but y'know are we ever going to have y'know the closeness like-like you guys have?
Rachel: HuhWait so Joey if you get this, youre gonna be like the star of your own TV show! I mean youll be like the Big Cheese! (To Phoebe) Or the Big MacHey! You love those!
Joey: Somehow they got the idea that you only invited them because of me. They feel a little unwanted.