words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.]
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
Joey: (laughing and turning off the TV) So, what did you guys think?
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Hold on please. Joey, its your mom. (Hands him the phone.)
Joey: (on phone) Mom, so what did you think? (He walks away allowing the gang a chance to figure out what theyre gonna say.)
Joey: (hangs up the phone) Wow! Well, my folks really liked it! So what-what did you guys think? (Phoebe smiles, walks up to him, and presses her breasts against him.) It wasnt that good.
Joey: (entering from bathrooms excitedly) You guys! You guys! Youre not gonna believe what my agent just told me!
Rachel: Joey! Kinda in the middle of a story here!
Joey: Ooh, sorry. Sorry. You finish, go.
Joey: Im gonna be on two TV shows!
Rachel: Joey!
Joey: Oh, you werent finished?
Joey: Uh Rach, if youre gonna start another story, at least let me finish mine.
Joey: (groans in disgust) Wow, its really long.
Joey: Well, these really are the days of our lives.
Joey: Well, since you ask. They want me back on Days of Our Lives!
Joey: Ill be playing Drake Remorays twin brother, Stryker!
Joey: (jumps up) WellI got a head rush from standing up to fast right there.
[Scene: The Days of Our Lives producers office, Joey is entering to find Terry there.]
Terry: Hey-hey-hey Joey!
Joey: Hey Terry!
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
Joey: So! Stryker Remoray huh? When do you want me to start?
Joey: Okay.
Joey: (looking between the pages and him) Audition? I thought you were gonna offer me the part.
Joey: Well, I was Dr. Drake Remoray, Strykers twin brother. I mean, who looks more me than me right?
Joey: Yknow Terry, I-I dont really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, (Pause) with a robot.
Terry: Im sorry Joey thats thats the way it is.
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is giving Joey a massage as Rachel enters.]
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Was she happy you gave her the job?
(The phone rings and Joey answers it.)
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
Rachel: Im sorry Joey.
Joey: Why would they do that?! It was a good show right?!
(Phoebe and Rachel both pause, look at each other, and go press their breasts against him. Which Joey doesnt mind, of course.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is still bumming about cancellation of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: How could this happen to me?! Yesterday I had two TV shows! Today, I got nothin!
Joey: Uh, well they might be a little mad at me over there.
Joey: Well maybe I got a little upset and maybe I told them where they could go.
Rachel: Joey, why would you do that?
Joey: Because they wanted me to audition!
[Scene: Terrys office, Joey has come to beg for a second chance.]
Joey: Hey! Terry.
Terry: Joey Tribbiani! Im surprised your big head could fit through our small halls! (Gets up) I gotta go Joey.
Joey: Wait! Terry! WaitLookWait I-I Look, Im really sorry about before. I was an idiot thinking Im too big to audition for you. You gotta give me another chance.
Terry: I cant help you Joey.
Joey: Wait! Terry! Please! Look, I just lost my other job. Okay? You have no idea how much I need this. Please, help me out, for old times sake.
(Stryker enters, only its not Joey playing him.)
Joey: (jumping up and removing the bandages) Im back baby! Ha-ha-ha!
JOEY: Oh my god, I got my very own stalker.
Joey: So what? I drove down, sold T-shirts, had a blast. And yknow who knows how to party? Drunk college chicks.
Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving Joey, Ross, and Monica their drinks.]
JOEY: Ah, the stalker.
Joey: I feel so stupid, you know? Why... why do I keep going after the wrong girls?
JOEY: Let's get out of here.
JOEY: She's comin'.
Joey: No, thats VH-1. I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today . . . Its like a lotta noise to me. I dont know
Ross: No, no. This will always be your place. It would be too sad. Plus, how much a month does it cost to feed Joey?
Joey: Yes we do! Now look, that was the best nap I ever had!!
JOEY: Erica.
[Joey nods and shrugs.]
Joey: Itll be great! We-we could talk, and play games! Huh? This could be our chance to like renew our friendship.
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule all!
Joey: Oh really? Thatd be great! You guys can be the contestants!
Joey: You got all that from the back of her head?
JOEY: Yeah, and when you do, he'll be lucky to have you.
JOEY: Yeah it is. . . what?
JOEY: No one.
JOEY: Alright, just one. [she licks his hands rather emphatically] Wow, you're good at that.
JOEY: But that's what...
[Scene: Restraunt. Joey and Erica are still there.]
Joey: (excited) Thanks dude!!!This is GREAT!! (leaves Rachel very touched on the couch and goes into his room)
Joey: OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library.
Rachel: (Swears in Italian, its the same term used by Joey earlier and Joey nods his approval.)
Joey: Anyway, it uh look itll just take me a while to get over her, thats all. Im not even sure how to do that, I mean Ive never been in love before so
Joey: And again, and again, and again... (phone rings, he answers) Hello? (hands phone to Chandler) And again.
JOEY: Who?
JOEY: Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.
JOEY: It's not what you think, that was...
RACHEL: Oh, I know, I know. [Turns on the TV. Joey in on it.]
Joey: Because I forgot about our date, I'm so sorry.
JOEY: Somebody wanna help me out here?
JOEY: I'm not Drake.
Joey: Hey come on now, this is a real date. Uh, so nice place you got here. Foosball, huh? Pizza box. Oh, a subscription to Playboy, my kind of woman.
Dina: Thanks so much for meetin with me. Joeys told me so much about you!
JOEY: 'Cause it's a television show.
JOEY: OK, alright, the people who threw the water.
JOEY: This is amazing.
(Joey gestures to show that he wouldn't dare...)
Joey: (goes over to Ben) Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle.
(Joey hears the bell which means his answer is correct and is surprised. The screen now says "5 to win" and "Spanish words")
JOEY: Oh, now you're tellin' us how you feel.
JOEY: Gotcha. Phoebs, walk with me.
Joey: To her parents I think and she said you shouldnt call her. But if I were you I would.
Ross: Wow! Kind of uh, kind of a full house here. Ill guess just Ill come back. (Ross exits followed by Joey.)
Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brothers not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica switches off the VCR. Joey and Chandler are behind the couch.]
JOEY: Oooh.
Rachel: (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!
Joey: No room? Its a baby. Its like this big. (Holds his hands about a foot apart.) Yknow, I mean you-you could you could put it over here. (A desk.) Or-or-or we could put it right here. (The chair.) Aw, its cute, right? Or-or we could put it over here. (By the bathroom door.) You wouldnt even notice it. Wheres the baby? (Mumbles that its over in the corner.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is getting help writing his vows from Joey and Ross.]
JOEY: Forget about it.
Amy: We’re gonna be roomies! (she snaps her finger and points at Joey, snaps her fingers again and points to the bags) Come on!
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy!
Joey: Just being friendly. (He gives Monica a whats wrong with you? look and proceeds to walk behind the counter.)
CHANDLER: Joey!
JOEY: Ma?
CHANDLER: Joey?
[Chandler and Joey are watching, Rachel turns their heads away from Monica.]
JOEY: Are you naked in there?
Monica: Oh, what a great argument, exhaling! All right, y'know what, Ill prove it to you, okay. Ill trade you Joey for Rachel, and Ill still win the game.
JOEY: Well, let me see.
JOEY: Chandler's wearing panties.
ROSS: [to Joey who's looking over a toilet stall] Joey, some people don't like that.
[Ross enters, sees Joey in the mirror]
JOEY: Pheebs, who's Evelyn Dermer?
[Joey enters]
(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)
Joey: Yeah, well, you don't have your racket.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh.
JOEY: Hey.
Joey: Oh uh, well I just came in for a cup of coffee to go.
Joey: Well Ross was hangin out over at our place, Rachel comes over to borrow some moisturiser from Chandler....
JOEY: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.
JOEY: Put it on.
Joey: Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now Im not good with the jokes like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple. I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where everybody knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. (pointing at everyone.) But not as much as I love America. (Looking at Chandler.) Could we please..go home now?
Joey: Barmifsaed?
Joey: (smiling) I'm in it.
JOEY: Heh, what d'ya say?
Janine: (entering from her room) Monica! Chandler! Im really-really sorry about tonight. I dont know if Joey told you; I just couldnt get out of going to this play. Im sorry. Have a great time.
Rachel: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's peepee time. (She goes into Joey and Chandler's apartment, where Mr. Tribbiani is reading the paper) Hey, Mr. Trib.
Joey: No. (Pause) wait a minute what was the little mermaid?
Charlie: I guess. There was hum... (she breathes deeply) there was another reason that I thought it was time to end it with Joey. I started to realize that I was having feelings for someone (pause) else.
(Joey whispers in Rachels ear to confirm his response.)
Joey: What's he doin' in my section?
Rachel: Dont just say yes! This isnt a game, Joey you can really get hurt out here. Okay, so do you want to pay attention or do you want to die?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey and Chandler are there eating breakfast.]
Joey: (walking towards her to hold her and support her) Monica, you understand what we are saying, right?
JOEY: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should have just said so.
Joey: (squinting his eyes) Are you kiddin'? I think I just saw a bat in the corner!
The Interviewer: (returning) So, as Joeys friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know?
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh. Mommy
Joey: (sipping red wine from a glass) Who says that wine has to cost more than milk!
JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: Get out.
JOEY: How come you have two?
JOEY: [pulls out a VCR tape] Hey Monica, what's on this video tape?
JOEY: What is with your nose?