words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Joey: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back.
Joey: (laughing) You fall for it every time!
Monica: Oh, and by the way, hes lost a bunch of weight. I mean he looks goo-ood! Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous! (Joey clears his throat.) I still love Chandler.
Joey: I just want you to say it once in a while.
Joey: What?!
Joey: Phoebe!
Joey: No theyre not! Theyre ugly and stupid and delicious!
Joey: She is?
Joey: Yeah. But I thought that was because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table.
Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like-like Fourth of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas!
Joey: No there wont! I promise I will finish that turkey!
Joey: Thats right! Cause Im a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we dont read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
(Joey enters eating potato chips.)
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin chips is like stretching.
Joey: Dont worry, Tribbianis never get full.
Joey: (To Monica) Who the hell is this guy?
Joey: Oh hey!
Monica: (to Will) Joey.
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
Joey: Thats it?! Even if nobody helps me I can eat that no problem. At least give me a challenge!
Joey: (quietly) Oh. How-how big is that?
Joey: (To Rachel) Its like me when I was born.
Rachel: What? (Joey starts offering Ross some turkey.) Oh yknow what? Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey and everything on the other side of the table? The smell is just yuck!
Joey: (To Monica) Seriously, who is this guy?
Rachel: What?! You heard that?! (Goes and stands behind Joey.)
Rachel: Oh no!!!! Oh my God!! This is all making so much sense to me now! This is why Adam Carter wouldnt go out with me! This is why Billy Tratt would just stay in this region! (Motions to her breasts.) (Joey has turned around.)
(Joey is now looking at Rachel, and since Rachels standing and hes sitting down and hes not looking at her face You get the picture.)
Rachel: Joey stop staring! Theres nothing there! Its not true!
Joey: Im afraid Im gonna need proof.
[Time Lapse, dinner has ended for everyone except Joey who looks like to have finished the turkey, until he turns the plate around and reveals he only ate one side.]
Joey: You are my Everest.
Monica: Joey, you dont have to finish that.
Joey: Oh yes I do. Otherwise whats next? Today Im just a guy who cant finish a turkey, but tomorrow Im the guy who eats half a Powerbar, wraps up the rest, and puts in the fridge? No! No, I just I justI gotta change my pants. (Gets up and heads for the door.) Jeans have no give. (Exits.)
Joey: (entering, wearing the maternity pants from earlier) All right wheres that turkey!
Phoebe: Joey! Those are my maternity pants!
Joey: Not now! These are my Thanksgiving pants!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Will has left and the rest of the gang is watching Joey finish the turkey.]
Joey: Well thats it. Im done. Whew! (Wipes his forehead.) There come the meat sweats. (Chandler hands him a towel and he wipes his face.)
Monica: Well Joey, were all were all very proud of you.
Joey: No just, nobody press on my stomach.
(Joey notices Monica has gotten a pie.)
Joey: Whoaheywh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie?
Joey: Ah, just cut me a little sliver. (Monica prepares to cut a little sliver.) A little bigger. (Monica prepares to cut a bigger piece.) Little bigger. (Monica moves the knife again.) What?! Are you afraid youre gonna run out?! Cut me a real piece!
Joey: Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to(he stops talking suddenly)
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
Joey: Well uh, I went down there and told him that no one treats my friends like that and that hed better come up here and apologize. Ill see you later. (Starts to leave)
Joey: Chandler, come on nothing even happened!
Monica: Oh Joey, look, we know you're having a hard time with this, but we really, we love it here.
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Joey: Aww, you guys are so cute!
(Joey and Ross exchange looks.)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh no, not you too!
Joey: Nice!
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah.
Joey: You do?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Thats great, but isnt it gonna bother that people still think youre a porn star?
Sleep Clinic Worker: Um-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for your sleep study. (Joey doesnt answer) Uh, sir? (Joey starts snoring)
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.
Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
JOEY: Well, maybe he's, maybe he's this really cool pharmacist guy.
[Cut to Joey and Janines, theyre entering.]
Joey: Oh I am!
Joey: You forget how many great songs Heart had.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
Monica: Wait a minute...Joey. Joey you can't ask her out, she's your roommate. It-it'll be way too complicated.
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
ROSS: I got it. Uh, Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)
Joey: Okay. Okay. (He looks at the card.) Ace!
Joey: Oh, God! (Hurriedly closes his legs.)
Phoebe: Who are you kidding? (To Joey) You just find some guy off the street for me? Oh God! This is humiliating!
Joey: (not impressed) Wow!!
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Really?
Monica: Joey just hired Chandler to be his assistant!
Joey: Thats great! That would be great! Lets do that!
Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. (Goes to the counter) It was right here, where is it?
Joey: Oh right great! Welcome aboard!
Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and he appears on the TV screen and a TV commercial begins)
Joey: Well youre whippin so slow! Cant you do it any faster?
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didnt think big enough to fit a grown man!
Monica: (getting up) Joey!
Ross: Sometimes, you should come over (Joey returns from the bathroom) sometime! Ill play you one of my other
Joey: (shaking Rachels hand) Hi!
Joey: (turning and whispering to Monica) Shes not crazy is she?
(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
JOEY: Oh that's nice. Happy birthday Rachel, here's some goo.
Joey: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here.
Joey: (To Rachel) So uh, how you doin?
Joey: What?
Joey: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh? Ross?
Joey: (holding up the Queen of Clubs) Is that your card? (He winks and smiles.)
Monica: Sorry. So hows it going with Joey?
Phoebe: (singing) Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey! Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!
Joey: I guess they weren't as good friends as we are.
Joey: Oh great. (Starts to go in.) (To Chandler) Hey! Go take off those pants, they look ready!
Joey: Really? I can do it?
Joey: Okay, you watch too much TV.
Joey: (To Chandler) Iced tea.
Joey: Hey! (They hug.)
Joey: All right! All right! Enough! Enough! Enough!! Enough! (To Chandler and Monica) You two go home! I-I-I gotta talk to Janine! (They start to leave.)
Ross: Joey, the guys your best friend.
Joey: (To Rachel) Did I not just tell him?
Joey: Well I dont know remember exactly but, its-its pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.
Joey: I came over here to tell you guys.
Joey: Oh my God! Thats great! Congratulations! Whats the story?!
Joey: I know, and only one layer of jam?! What is up with that?
Joeys Head: Okay, it all comes down to this. Whatever happens, happens. Destiny.
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Joey: Its uh, right through there. (Points.)
Joey: Yeah, lifes pretty great isnt it?
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}
Joey: You know, ah, Ive been thinking about this and I gotta tell ya, its not my fault. Its a natural instinct.
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
Rachel: Wow! Tell me something Joey(She falls off the couch)Whoa! I just fell right off the couch there.
Joey: Yeah you did.
Joey: Come, come here.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Rachel is now three sheets to the wind and Joey is watching her.]
Joey: Doesnt seem like it's going to work, I mean
Joey: When was the last time someone told you just how beautiful you are?
Joey: Here you go. Let me ask you a question.
Joey: (discarding all the remaining tissues one by one) Pass, pass, oh, pass, double-pass, pass...
Chandler: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. (he sees Joey out of the window hitting on a girl) Joey, for God's sake, go to work! (Joey runs away).
JOEY: Monica, have you ever been with him when he wasn't drinking?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Oh, and plus Im 1/16th Portuguese.
Joey: (entering) Morning!
Joey: No! No! No, not after seeing that.
Joey: Wh-why?
Rachel: (groans) Oh God. Oh I cant believe Joey Tribbiani heard me throw up!
Joey: Look, do you want the ring or not?!
Joey: No-hey-no! If you dont want me to do it, I except that. I dont care about that. I just I dont want you to be upset.
Joey: All right!
Joey: Hey!
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Joey: Wow!
Joey: You?