words in movies
Written by: Doty Abrams Transcribed by: Eric Aasen With Scenes Taken From Episodes Transcribed by: Mindy Mattingly Phillips, guineapig, Ruth Curran, Josh Hodge, and Me.
Phoebe: Dont worry about me, Im a robot! Im just a machine!!
Joey: No youre not! Not to me!
Phoebe: Oh yeah, youre solid. Yeah, youre just no me.
Joey: Yeah, and oh she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to work the cameras, and smell-the-fart acting.
Ross: Excuse me?
Joey: I play Al Pacino's butt. All right? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt. Monica: (trying not to laugh) Oh my God. Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big! Chandler: Oh no, it's terrific, it's- it's- y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into show business. Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me! Ross: You're right, you're right, it is.
Joey: All right well, Im outta here. Wish me luck.
Joey: Yeah-yeah, its down to me and two other guys.
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up.)
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The auditions not til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody told me! (Listens) Whod you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.)
Joey: How could you do this to me Chandler?! This part couldve turned my whole career around!
Chandler: You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller! The eyesore from the Liberace house of crap!
Chandler: Look, Im not saying that you should magically forgive me! But youre not perfect! Youve made some errors in judgment too!
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
Chandler: Joey's tailor...took advantage of me.
Monica: Oh, stop beating yourself up! People make mistakes! These things happen! There arent any message youve forgotten to give me are there? (Chandler has a disgusted look on his face.) Apparently youre not very good at it! I
Chandler: Do you think hell ever forgive me?
Monica: Yknow what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Monica: You sold me out.
Monica: Yes you did. You absolutely sold me...
Rachel: Would you let me talk. [flicks Monica on the forehead]
Monica: Did you just flick me?
Rachel: OK, well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was jus- [Monica flicks her back] Ow. That hurt [flicks Monica]
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
Chandler: Please tell me you got the message!
Joey: (shocked) Thats mean! You really had me going there!
Joey: You hug me!
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
Chandler: I think so. Yeah, get off me.
Phoebe: Well, no, no, wait, wait, wait. All right, I gotta go. Just listen. Promise me, that you will wait a minute before you call her.
Ross: Umm, she kissed me.
Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."
Rachel: Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sisters mouth long enough to tell me that.
Monica: Excuse me, sir, would it help if I werent wearing underpants?
Monica: (laughs) Thats right. My Mom doesnt have any faith in me! Oh, thats hilarious! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
Emily: No ones ever thrown me a surprise party before!
Monica: Yeah, me too! (Runs and grabs her 3-ring binder of ideas.)
Mr. Geller: Hi. God, it seems like just yesterday you guys used to come out to watch me work.
Ross: No-no. Its-its me, Ross!
Rachel: Ohh! Me too!
Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out.
Chandler: Look I'm very glad that you saved Ross from the car backfire, but y'know, it could've been a bullet and you y'know, you didn't try to save me!
Rachel: No-no-dont! Dont leave me here with these people.
Phoebe: Who are you kidding? (To Joey) You just find some guy off the street for me? Oh God! This is humiliating!
Man: Oops, I'm sorry. Excuse me. Is this the umm, the memorial?
Ross: Are you angry at me because I said your handwriting is childlike?
Rachel: You are asking me to be your wife!
Chandler: Joey told me, he saw you two kissing.
Phoebe: Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV! Oh that makes me feelOh no! (Realizes that her deed made her happy and therefore it's selfish and covers her mouth in horror.)
Chandler: So you didn't uh, choose Ross before me.
Chandler: But only because I was up all night worried about this meeting, aint that funny? Irony? Not a fan, alright (he sits down). See, heres the thing. I went home and told my wife about Tulsa and she wont go. See, me, I love Tulsa! Tulsa is heaven! Tulsa is ItalyPlease dont make me go there!
Ross: Well, ok, it's for 25 thousand dollars. And if I get it, I'll finally be able to complete my field research! And there will be an article about me in the "Paleontology Review"! Yeah! That'll be the first time my name is in there, without people raising serious questions about my work!
Ross: Oh hey, Gary, want me to grab the berry for ya?
Chandler: Oh thats great! Great! Thanks! But that dress I mean its like yuck! Its terrible! It makes me wanna just rip it right off of you!
ROSS: Yes, it was horrible. She cried. I cried. She threw things, they hit me. Anyway, I did the right thing.
Joey: (pretending to be an announcer) And the winner is Joey Tribbiani! (He then gets excited and goes over to the counter to practice his acceptance speech using a bottle of maple syrup as the award.) Oh Wow! I honestly never expected this. I uh, I didnt prepare a speech. But umm, Id like to thank (Rachel enters quietly) my parents, whove always been there for me. Id also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel
Ross: So honey, this morning was fun, huh? Me hopping in on you in the shower there.
Chandler: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. <knocks over the box of china> Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.
Phoebe: Oh, give it to me.
Rachel: No-n-n-n-no! I am finally thinking clearly. My lucky dress wasnt working out to well for me, but for four years, this baby never missed.
Carol: Oh, me too.
Emily: (Giggles.) Ohh...(She realizes that shes in her gown.) Oh! You were not meant to see me before the wedding. Its bad luck.
Joey: (laughing hysterically) Youre right! That did cheer me up!
Rachel: Ehh, pardon me?
Monica: And what if I was still fat? (To Chandler) Well, you wouldnt be dating me, thats for sure.
Rachel: Oh! Did you hear that?! My dads proud of me! My dads proud of me.
Monica: Yeah, me too.
Monica: Oh really? When? Do you wanna do it with me?
Chandler: Hey thats what I tell girls about me.
Rachel: Wow! Tell me something Joey(She falls off the couch)Whoa! I just fell right off the couch there.
Rachel: (groans) Oh God. Oh I cant believe Joey Tribbiani heard me throw up!
Rachel: Okay, let me just change.
Ross: No, she kept kicking me away!
Frank: I mean, how hard can it be? Y'know, I mean, y'know, babies, y'know who doesnt want babies right? And besides y'know, I never had a Dad around, and ah, now-now I always will, cause y'know, itll be me. Right?
Ross: I cant believe no one believes me!
Monica: Including me?
Ross: Look Chandler, Monica is really weird about this kind stuff all right. Believe me, I lived with her for 16 years. She is going to freak out. Oh my God, she's going to sit on you.
Chandler: Im totally screwed. Okay, they are gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, and then theyre gonna go to their cast parties and hes gonna try to undermine me. Y'know itll be like, "So wheres your boyfriend, whats-his-name, Chester?" And shell go, "No-no-no, its Chandler." And hell go, "Whatever. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Joey: Are you kidding me?! I love Archie! And the whole gang!
Joey: Hey, are you unsupporting me again?
Cop: Yeah. Ever since you flashed my badge at me, I kinda can't stop thinking about you. You're the prettiest, fake undercover whore I've ever seen.
Ross: No, its okay. Some-some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I dont
Richard: No I dont have a ring! (Pause) You go get her Chandler. (Pause) And can I give you a piece of advice? If you do get her, dont let her go. Trust me.
Monica: (steps up and points at her) All right! You and me! Lets go! Right now!
Ross: Oh, I know. (Laughs) Yknow, just-just talking about it is getting me kinda
Monica: The Way You Look Tonight is on here! Dance with me?
Rachel: Hey you guys... You're never gonna believe it. This headhunter called me. I have a meeting tomorrow with Gucci. Gucci wants me.
Chandler: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.
Joey: Uh-uh, excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Rosss behalf. I-I think the rule applies here yknow, since she has a chance to get on broad back
Joey: Excuse me, Aaron? (The director turns around.) Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasnt supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. Its my best friends, and Im officiating so I really cant work past four.
Rachel: Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me.
Mr. Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says 'Jack Geller, so predictable'. Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say 'Buried at sea! Huh!'.
Elizabeth: Yeah. I felt a little weird about it. Youre a teacher. Im a student. But would you maybe want to go out with me sometime?
Fireman #1: Excuse me?
Monica: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!
RICHARD: Well, that's not bad at all. I mean, you had me thinkin it was like a fleet.
Frank: Uh, Delaware. She's on her way though, so until she gets here, I'm gonna be your coach. But don't worry, she told me all about the la-Mazada stuff.
PHOEBE: I think it went into me.
Rachel: Well, dont look at me! My hairs straight! Straight! Straight! Straight!
Rachel: (taking the phone and hanging it up) Sorry, I thought you were talking to me.
Monica: Ohhh! Let me see! Oh God, I can't believe this! They're an hour late and they're just staying out there, talking!
Elizabeth: Do you not want to be seen with me?
MONICA: Dad, dad this is a good thing for me. Ya know, and you even said yourself, you've never seen Richard happier.
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Okay, you have to switch with me! Monica is driving me crazy!
Elizabeth: For what its worth I did appreciate you standing up for me. It felt really nice. It kinda made me like you even more.
Chandler: Thats our phone number. Now look, I know I kinda sprung this whole me moving out on thing, so why dont I justwhy dont I just cover you for a while?
FBOB: OK, look, this isn't the first time somebody's said something to me about this, but, I don't know... I always made excuses about it, like... uhhh... 'I'm just a social drinker,' or, 'C'mon, it's Flag Day.'
Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesnt look exactly like her sister.
Rachel: No-no! Dont dance for me! Please? Dont! (She gets up to yell at her friends.) What is the matter with you guys?
Rachel: (entering) Hi. (To Phoebe) Hey, hi! So uh, Frank and Alice wanted me to tell you that they're still outside making phone calls.
Joey: (pause) Give me $400!
Joey: Yeah, that was a disappointment...(pause) Oh, hey!D'you want to come down to the set and tell me if I'm doing ok?
Fat Joey: Thanks sweetheart. Give me a little sugar here. (They kiss.) Okay.
Elizabeth: You wanted to see me Professor Geller?
Rachel: You found me a guy?
Sebastian: Excuse me?
Rachel: Excuse me, can I, can I bum one of those? (He holds up his pack.) Y'know what, actually (She takes the one he's smoking and heads over to where Nancy and Kim are standing and laughing.) Okay, okay, okay, what's so funny over here?
Jill: But you know what might really cheer me up?
Ross: Call me!
Joey: Not anymore. So anyway, how do you want to pay me?
Phoebe: Well, they fired me and Im having heart attack.
Fat Joey: Whats my little chef got for me tonight?
Monica: I dont think mine likes me either.
Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
Rachel: Well y'know if you, if you started smoking again you could've at least told me! Come on, give me one of those! What are we talking about?
Phoebe: Oh yeah, Ive done it for years. I actually stopped because I was so accurate. Yknow, and-and yknow, one of the great joys of life is its-its wondrous unpredictability. Yknow? And also tea tends to give me the trots.
Chandler: Do you want me to call?
Russell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why dont you tell me what happened.