words in movies
Written by: Doty Abrams Transcribed by: Eric Aasen With Scenes Taken From Episodes Transcribed by: Mindy Mattingly Phillips, guineapig, Ruth Curran, Josh Hodge, and Me.
Phoebe: Dont worry about me, Im a robot! Im just a machine!!
Joey: No youre not! Not to me!
Phoebe: Oh yeah, youre solid. Yeah, youre just no me.
Joey: Yeah, and oh she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to work the cameras, and smell-the-fart acting.
Ross: Excuse me?
Joey: I play Al Pacino's butt. All right? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt. Monica: (trying not to laugh) Oh my God. Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big! Chandler: Oh no, it's terrific, it's- it's- y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into show business. Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me! Ross: You're right, you're right, it is.
Joey: All right well, Im outta here. Wish me luck.
Joey: Yeah-yeah, its down to me and two other guys.
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up.)
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The auditions not til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody told me! (Listens) Whod you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.)
Joey: How could you do this to me Chandler?! This part couldve turned my whole career around!
Chandler: You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller! The eyesore from the Liberace house of crap!
Chandler: Look, Im not saying that you should magically forgive me! But youre not perfect! Youve made some errors in judgment too!
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
Chandler: Joey's tailor...took advantage of me.
Monica: Oh, stop beating yourself up! People make mistakes! These things happen! There arent any message youve forgotten to give me are there? (Chandler has a disgusted look on his face.) Apparently youre not very good at it! I
Chandler: Do you think hell ever forgive me?
Monica: Yknow what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Monica: You sold me out.
Monica: Yes you did. You absolutely sold me...
Rachel: Would you let me talk. [flicks Monica on the forehead]
Monica: Did you just flick me?
Rachel: OK, well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was jus- [Monica flicks her back] Ow. That hurt [flicks Monica]
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
Chandler: Please tell me you got the message!
Joey: (shocked) Thats mean! You really had me going there!
Joey: You hug me!
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
Chandler: I think so. Yeah, get off me.
Phoebe: And! And, theyre gonna have a baby! (The gang is shocked.) And! And, they want me to grow it for them in my uterus. (The gang is stunned into silence.)
PHOEBE: Oh, I would love to have kids. . . you're, you're the, you're, me play the songs that I will write for them.
PHOEBE: Yes, hi, Mr. Adelman. Thanks for meeting me.
ERICA: It's me.
Joey: Come on, I mean, you know me, you know...
Monica: Phoebe, listen. You were with me, and we were shopping all day.
Phoebe: (turns around) Um, that's it. No. Hey! You! J. Crew guy. Yeah. Why have you been following me? I mean, all week long everywhere I look there's you.
Mona: Im not sure yet. Why didnt you just tell me about all this?
ROSS: Oh my God. But the zoo told me that my monkey was dead.
Joey: Anyway, it uh look itll just take me a while to get over her, thats all. Im not even sure how to do that, I mean Ive never been in love before so
Joey: I dont know, maybe I cant. I mean, maybe theres something wrong with me.
Chandler: Forgive me? You haven't been taking my calls in a week!
ROSS: But you already told me everything.
Ross: My mommies love me. That's clever.
Rachel: Oh hey you. Thanks for coming out of me. (The baby cries.) I know. Oh. Yeah. Oh, shes looking at me. Hi! I know you.
Joey: Have a seat. (Mike sits on his bed, and Joey towers over him. He starts talking in an Italian godfather-type voice) Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family... and instead, you disrespect me... (shakes his head) I cannot allow this.
MONICA: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't. [throws water in his face]
PHOEBE: Um, yeah I guess that's me.
Joey: No, thats VH-1. I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today . . . Its like a lotta noise to me. I dont know
Elizabeth: Oh yeah. So umm, did you have a nickname for me?
FBOB: Hey, do you need me to pick you up?
Monica: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, okay?
JOEY: Gotcha. Phoebs, walk with me.
Rachel: Now wait a minute thats not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didnt tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Tell me.
Chandler: Okay, it's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable.
MONICA: He could hear me.
RACHEL: Excuse me. Hi.
SUSIE: Oh that's me, I gotta go.
Mindy: I know. I know, and when he proposed to me, everyone said "Don't do it, he's just gonna do to you what he did to Rachel," and now I feel so stupid.
Joey: I couldn't. He was saying all these really nice things about me. I didn't want him to get mad and take 'em all back. I'm on a edge on Chandler.
CHANDLER: You want me to wear your panties?
Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brothers not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?
Ticket Agent: Oh, let me see what I can do. (Checks the computer) There are some first class seats available.
MONICA: You sold me out.
SUSIE: Excuse me.
Ross: Well, you can't know where I am all the time. Look, this marriage is never gonna work if you don't trust me.
RACHEL: Oh, what do you, you want me to stop seeing him, is that what you want?
Rachel: Now, if you will excuse me I am going to go and lie down. (Exits.)
Pete: Im fine! Id fight tonight, if theyd let me. (stands up and starts swinging his arms) See this circle Im marking off here? This is my zone of terror.
Rachel: Absolutely! Absolutely. I d... it’s just a little weird, it’s you, and it’s me, it's just gonna take some getting used to.
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?
MONICA: Did you just flick me?
Ross: Yknow this is actually not a great time for me.
Phoebe: Before I start, I just wanna say that umm, I have a cold, so if I sneeze in the middle of song, it's not on purpose. Oh, except the last verse of Pepper People. (Starts to sing) Smelly cat, smelly cat. What are they feeding you? (Stops singing) This chick sounds good. (Singing) Smelly cat, smelly--(stops singing) Hey Gunther, be a good little boy and bring me a whiskey.
CHANDLER: I was not trying them out, Susie asked me to wear them.
JOEY: Well, let me see.
Phoebe: Okay. So, this wire is connected to this wire which plugs into here. (She points at each as she says it.) Okay so, to get the beeping to stop all I have to do (She picks up a shoe and proceeds to pummel the smoke detector. She then gets up and heads to bed, stops, quickly turns around, and is satisfied that the beeping has stopped.) Well done, Pheebs. (She resumes her trek to bed, but is stopped at the entrance to the hallway by the now steady and extremely loud tone emanating from the smoke detector.) (Yelling.) What do you want from me?!!!!!!!
Rachel: Yes, you didOh my God you didnt! (Screams) Well then why didnt you tell me that before?!
Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
Joey: Oh, man, why did have to go and say that for? Now that you told me I can't have it makes me want her even more!
Rachel: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?
Phoebe: (coming over after returning the musket) Wait a minute, no, this is, this is the reason you brought me. Okay? I know how to haggle. So let me handle this from here on out.
JOEY: Somebody wanna help me out here?
Ross: Chandler, can I just say something? I-I know you're still mad at me, I just wanna say that there were two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips.
Rachel: Ohh, okay, Im sorry. Youre right. Yknow what? We absolutely can stay married, because I was under the impression that the boxes were far away from each other. All right, look, just please, take a moment here and think about what youre asking of me.
MONICA: Because they made me.
RACHEL: Alright, I feel that this is totally unjustified. [Monica starts making faces behind her back] She gave me the green light, I did nothing but-. Do you think I can't see you in the TV set?
MONICA: Hey, you got me, put it in.
JANITOR: Meet me in the nocturnal house in 15 minutes.
Guy: Your mom called me. So is this her?
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in 'cause I got this message from you and I didn't know if it was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So let me know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy."
PHOEBE: Me too. [leaves]
Joey: You guys, this is Shelley, shes interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest, and Shelley, this are my friends
Chandler: Youd think that would embarrass me, but you see Im maxed out.
Jake: Yeah that would be great! Let me make sure Im not doing anything Tuesday. (He bends over to open his bag, when he does so his pants slide down his butt revealing a pink lace secret.)
MONICA: Yes but my mom got me this job.
CHANDLER: Ok, so let me just get this straight. So we're uh, strictly talking about the middle?
Rachel: Shhh don't say that loud, Gunther's gonna want to hug me.
MONICA: Listen, um honey, I appreciate this but you don't have to keep hanging out with them for me, I mean, they have each other.
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?
Monica: (On the phone) Hello? No, he's not here. Yeah, this is his wife. Yeah, well, it came as quite a shock to me too. I guess I should have known. Yeah, I mean, he just kept making me watch Moulin Rouge.
Phoebe: I-I-Id love to. Let me just tell my friend.
JADE: Hi, it's me. Listen, Bob. I'm probably way out of line here. I mean, It has been 3 years, and you're probably seeing someone else now, but if we could just have one night together, just for old time's sake, one hot, steamy, wild night...
Phoebe: Noooo! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let's try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me. "je".
Chandler: I dont wanna know what Monica got me. Yknow? I mean, look, Im sure she worked really hard at getting you a present, and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that, and I, look we have to put these back, this is not what Christmas is about.
Monica: Well you let me know if you can, because yknow I can bake a pie to cover it.
ROSS: Come on, tell me.
ROSS: Thanks for letting me tag along tonight you guys.
Monica: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?
Ross: Yeeeeeep Yep-yep-yep-yep-yep. I remember when she took out on her dads boat she wouldnt let me help at all.
Ross: (talking agitated and angry) Everyone gets a goodbye but me? What have I got to do to get a goodbye, huh? Be best friends with you? Uh, go out with you? Have a baby with you? Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, I did all those things.
Rachel: All right, believe me.If you win the lottery, it's the last you're gonna hear from us!
Chandler: It's gonna be okay, right? I mean she's not gonna leave me? This is, this is fixable.
Frank: Oh, well y'know, I wouldve called but I lost your phone number and then ah, my Mom locked me out of the house so I couldnt find it. And then, I tried to find a pay phone, and ah, the receiver was cut off. So...
SUSIE: Meet me in the bathroom. [she leaves for the bathroom]
ROSS: Are you trying to get me to bribe you?
MONICA: Dr. Burke, it, it's me.
Ross: Fine! Thank you for warning me. At breakfast Ill be on full alert for room painting and sex weapons.
CHANDLER: Fine with me.
Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (They stop talking and look up) Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group?
Ross: Because she's just going to shoot me down. You guys saw what happened with Gunther. That did not look like fun.
RACHEL: Phoebe we just saw mine, let me see yours.
CHANDLER: Yeah me too.
RACHEL: Phoebe, how would you do this to me? This was all your idea.
MONICA: Oh. Well did you get it? Let me see.
Realtor: Take as long as you want. Just let me know when you're through. (she leaves the room)
CHANDLER: Alright, one of you give me your underpants.
Chandler: Well, gosh. That makes me feel so special and good.
MONICA: Joey, promise me something.