words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the phone with her mother.]
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.
Mr. Geller: Ive been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mothers right, I do look like an ass.
Ross: (taking the flyer) Apparently Phoebes mother also goes by the name Julio.
Ross: (holds up a hand) Little girl misses her cat. (hold up the other hand) Crazy lady thinks her mother is in a cat. (gets up) Okay, y'know what, I have to go have dinner with my son, can I trust that when you see Phoebe, you will tell her.
Mrs. Geller: I'm telling you, it's a wonder your mother turned out to be the positive, life-affirming person that she is.
Phoebe: I just, I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is my Mother.
Rachel: Okay, well you are just gonna have too, okay. Because I already got a Mother and a Father who cannot stay in the same room together, okay, I dont wanna have to have a separate room for you too!! (starts to cry)
Phoebe: Definitely not his mother.
Phoebe: Yeah. Candys the mother, Cookies the daughter. The fathers also Cookie. Why am I friends with these people?
Monica: Please tell me it's his mother.
Phoebe: Okay, then you dont know what it feels like when one of them comes back. Do you? I believe this is my Mother. Even if Im wrong, who cares? Just be a friend. Okay? Be supportive.
Ross: Well uh, yknow what? Even if she doesnt know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didnt live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.
Chandler: (investigating) I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off!
Phoebe: Yeah! Why would my mother send me a fur? Doesn't she know me but at all! Plus, I have a perfectly fine coat that no innocent animal suffered to make!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone with her mother. Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross are there.]
CHANDLER: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.
Monica: She is unbelievable, our mother is...
Jessica Lockhart: Whats the matter Dina? Dont you recognize your own (Does a hair flip) mother?!
Phoebe: Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you home.
Rachel: No! No! No! Im not yelling at you, Im just yelling near you. Oh God Joey, ohh Im my father. Oh my God, this is horrible! Ive been trying so hard not to be my mother I did not see this comin. Oh, Joey, Im sorry. Im so sorry. I just wanted you to learn.
Rachel: Oh god what am I gonna do you guys, I cant even comfort my own baby! Im the worst mother ever!
Phoebe: Oh yknow whats sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for three days with that movie. No wait two! Because on the third day my mother killed herself so I was partly crying for that.
Ross: (goes over to Julio) Come here, here, come here, come here, (pause) Mrs. Buffay. Sorry, about what I said, umm, it was, it was insensitive of me to say that you were just a cat. When clearly you are also the reincarnated spirit, of my friends mother.
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
Monica: This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.
Rachel: Every day, you are becoming more and more like your mother.
Mr. Geller: Your mother just added him to her list.
Rachel: Mrs. Kay! Oh yeah, she was sweet. She taught me Spanish. I actually think I remember some of it, tu madre es loca. (I think thats your mothers crazy.)
Phoebe Sr.: (to Phoebe) Im your mother.
Rachel: Oh uh-uh pal! Dont call me mommy! Its bad enough you call your own mother that. (He looks at Monica.)
Rachel: Eight weeks. I mean I love my mother, but my God, a long lunch with her is taxing.
Phoebe: If I havent said it before: shes a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going towhat the mother of crap is up with this stuff? (Referring to the taffy, which shes been chewing this whole time.) Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? Whats the deal? (she swallows it, finally) Oh, its nice! May I try a pink one?
[Scene: Phoebe Sr.s house, its right after she told Phoebe that shes her birth mother.]
Phoebe Sr: The three losers. Oh, poor Lily. (Phoebe notices a picture on the fridge, takes it, and puts it in her pocket.) Ohh, y'know I-I heard about what happened, that must have been just terrible for you, losing your mother that way.
Paul: What?! I cant believe youre trying to stifle me! When just 14 hours ago we figured out that that is exactly what my mother was trying to do to me!
JOEY: See after the scene, Mr. Beatty comes up to me and says 'good actor, bad kisser'. Can you believe that, me not a good kisser, that's like, like Mother Theresa, not a good mother.
Dina: Loosening the saddle on mothers horse was brilliant Fredrick. And the electric fence, inspired.
Mike: I'm sorry too. And just to be clear, I didn't hit his mother with a car.
Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay! Thats it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day! From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) Thats right!!
Ross: Oh-oh, wait, my mother is gonna be here any minute. And she has the keys.
Chandler: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen.
Phoebe: All right, Ive never been engaged and Ive never really been married, but I can only tell you what my mother told me. Whenever you have doubts or fears or anxieties about a relationship, do not communicate them to your husband.
Phoebe: I had to bring them! We killed their mother, they're our responsibility now. You know, they require constant care. You should know that, Rachel, you're a mother.
Phoebe: I dont know, I dont know, I dont know. You know, I mean, on the one hand, Mother may I? But yknow on the other hand No. No, I cant. Were friends. No, oh, no. I dont want to risk what we have.
Doug: Oh, my ex-wife didnt work, unless you call turning into her mother work. Fine. Tomorrow night then.
Monica: Right. Umm, listen since were-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Rosss mother
Joey: How about 'cause if you don't, his mother might.
Eric: Im an idiot. Uh, is your mother here? Maybe I can give her a little slap on the butt.
Chandler: The guy was hammered, okay? Theres no way, you look like Rosss mother.
Joey: Uh, why, it’s a... (he picks a book up) one of her favorites, uh, (he reads the title of the book) “Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression” eesh! (he puts the book back and picks up another) “Love you forever”. Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed (he pauses and changes the tone to a dramatic one) in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”. (the picture fades and Joey is now finishing the book). And while he rocked her, he sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”.
Ross: I have shown you everything we have. Unless you want your mother to spend eternity in a lemon yellow pant-suit, go with the burgundy.
Mr. Geller: Well you gotta get at it princess! When your mother and I were trying to conceive you, whenever she was ovulating, bam, we did it. Thats how I got my bad hip.
Phoebe: Okay. And, my, dead, mother, says, you, are, it. I'm with Rachel.
Phoebe: No, of course not! I also, you know, prepared a reading (she picks up a book). “Sex and the single mother. (pause) Finding your G-spot.
Rachel: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for 'inspiration.' Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!
Mr. Geller: So its just your mother then.
Mr. Geller: No. Your mother really did the work. I was busy with the business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is about?
Phoebe: (looking up) There it is! Oh, look at that! Isnt Mother Nature amazing?
Monica: Oh, my mothers right. Im never going to get married.
Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear(A nurse opens the privacy screen and Chandler sees Janice)Mother of God its true!
Dina: Im going to keep dating him Mother, and theres nothing you can do about it!
PHOEBE: OK, hi. For your information this is exactly what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great distance. It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.
Rachel: Whatever! Okay, Im not your mother.
Monica: Your mother told you this?
Rachel: Oh, with the mother, just... just constantly tell her how amazing her son is. Take it from me, moms love me. Ross's mom one time actually said I'm like the daughter that she never had.
Phoebe: My mother killed herself.
Joey: Please I have an extremely high threshold...Holly Mother Of God! My face! My face!! I'm all right! I'm all right!Just a little bit of shock that's all but I'll be fine you can go again. I'm OK(He tries to avoid the tweezers) Dammit! Woman!! How Hoooow!
Rachel: I know, I lied! I didnt want her to think I was a terrible mother! I cant even see my own baby!
Chandler: Bravo Dennis thanks for pleasing my mother so.
Monica: Oh! Oh, my God! No wonder my mother hates me!
Rachel: Okay. (She goes over to tell her mother.)
Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: My mothers still alive.
Rachel: Why did you invite my mother?!
Phoebe: Well, I think my mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats. (Ross hands her one) Thank you! So what, youre just never going to tell her?
Monica: Oh my God, your mother!
Rachel: So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?!
Phoebe: Well I dont, I dont have a mother so often I forget that other people
Phoebe: Well, if you dont want your mother to move in with you, just tell her.
Rachel: Hi, and I am also Emma�s mother.
Monica: Rachel, listen to your mother. She is very smart.
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Ross is explaining to the gang what happened with his mother.]
Mr. Geller: This one time I had my knee up on the sink and your mother, she was
Rachel: Oh no no no no no, Gavin can't, he already has plans, most likely with his mother.
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Joey: So whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! What are you gonna do? Youre gonna have the baby and-and raise it by yourself without a husband?! You cant be a single mother alone! Youre gonna ruin your life!
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
Ross: Look at you! WhatYoure-youre this big executive! You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for. I-I have no doubt youre gonna be an incredible mother.
Phoebe: (simultaneously) Holy mother of God!!!
Rachel: Joey relax! My mother picked her up two hours ago. You were there!
Frank: Well, you, wait no, my Mother didnt want us to be together, but the worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch.
The Director: Kate Millers awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. (Kate walks away depressed.) Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is (stops, reads it again, and throws down the paper in disgust) Thank you, boys and girls, youve ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mothers crab cakes! (starts to leave) Excuse me!!
Mike's mother: Yes, we are.
Chandler: Oh, y'know what? The last time Joey went to a meadow, his mother was shot by a hunter.
Rachel: Are you kidding? Eight hours with my mother talking about Atkins? Good luck, Emma!
Mr. Geller: I dont know. They-they must be your mothers, but please, please dont ask her. Ill throw these away. (He puts them in his pocket as Ross finds something of interest in one of his boxes.)
Chandler: I dont know, my mother spent most of her money on her fourth wedding. Shes saving the rest for her divorce. And any extra cash my father has he saves for his yearly trips to (Pause) Dollywood.
Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.
Phoebe Sr: But umm, youre right. I think that a person should know where they come from. Wh-which is why I ah, (pause) ahh, (pause) okay. Im your mother.
Mischa: (to Monica) And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my dog,. In seven languages.
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! Im sure. First of all, okay, theres the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mothers favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an Oh my God. gesture) Oh, I havent seen this smile in 17 years!
Ross: W-oa � Mommy! (gestures to his not understanding mother)