words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's Office. Chandler is playing with a toy as his boss Mr. Douglas knocks and opens the door.]
Chandler: Mr. D, hows it going, sir?
Mr. Douglas: Ohh, its been better. The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in.
Mr. Douglas: Its pretty ugly. We havent seen an ANUS this bad since the seventies.
Mr. Douglas: Well, were gonna be layin off people in every department.
Mr. Douglas: Not you. Relax. Ever have to fire anyone?
(She rises, dragging Chandler along by the wool. Rachel has to leap over a chair to follow them. Monica opens the door to find Mr. Heckles standing there.)
Monica: Oh. Hi, Mr.Heckles.
Mr.Heckles: Youre doing it again.
Mr.Heckles: I can hear you through the ceiling. My cats cant sleep.
Mr.Heckles: I could have cats.
Monica: (Closing the door) Goodbye Mr.Heckles.
Mr. Douglas: Nina.
Nina: Mr.Douglas... (flirting defensively) ..cool tie.
(She escapes, fortunately so distracting Mr. Douglas, that he misses Chandlers expression of alarm & guilt.)
Mr. Douglas: (Shutting the door, then pointing vaguely at Ninas shapely departure) Shes still here.
Mr. Douglas: Youre kidding? She seems so...
Mr. Douglas: Thats unbelievable.
Mr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know whats goin on inside a persons head.
(Mr. Douglas screws up his eyes, trying to credit what Bing has just said, but turning to follow Nina down the corridor, he realises Bing must be telling the truth, since he would not have any personal interest in the girl, would he?)
(In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)
Rachel: (To Monica) Im okay! Im okay! (She knocks on Mr. Heckles's window.) Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me please?
Mr.Heckles: See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.
PHOEBE: Ok, it's very faint, but I can still sense him in the building. Go into the light, Mr. Heckles!
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh! ...Hello, dear. (She whips the curtain shut in horror)
Joey: 46. Wow! Who's well educated now, Mr. I-forgot-ten-states?
RACHEL: [answering the door] Mr. Treeger.
MR. TREEGER: Oh, yeah, they were so personal, really showed you cared.
MR. TREEGER: Uhh, you said there was a party.
Mr. Heckles: That's not my monkey. Just the dress is mine, you can send that back whenever.
MR A: Phoebe?
MR A: You're saying, my wife is in you?
Ross: Oh God, thank you! (Runs and gives all of them a group hug.) Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens Id like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.
Mr. Zelner: Yeah, its not like I dont have a sense of humor, huh? Hell, I even enjoy a naughty limerick now and then. But theres a time and a place, huh?! Unless you uh, have a limerick right now? (They both nod no.) No? Okay, well uh, youve (Grabs the chocolates.) got my fax number. (Exits.)
MONICA: Hello, Mr. Heckles.
Mr. Geller: We started saving again when you were dating Richard and then that went to hell, so we redid the kitchen.
Mr. Zelner: Umm, no. Thanks, but Ill give these to Betty. (Rachel glances at Tag to say, "See?") So I read your evaluation of Tag, or to use his full name, Tag Sweetcheeks Jones. Is something going on with you two?
MR. GELLER: I know. He's like a new man. It's like a scene from Cocoon.
MR. GELLER: Hi.
MR. GELLER: Some of your old stuff.
ROSS: Oh, mine too. Isn't that neat, scotch neat. Would you excuse me? [walks out in the hallway, Mr. Greene is walking out of Chandler and Joey's apartment] Hey, hey, where you uh, sneakin off to mister?
MR. GELLER: Oh thank you.
MR. GELLER: The button, the button.
MR A: Everything.
Mr. Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...
[Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's office. Monica is there.]
MR. GELLER: Let's show 'em.
MR A: [to Joey] Worth a shot, huh?
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica is in the bathroom and Richard comes in.]
MR A: Oh, wait, I remember, she also said she wanted to sleep with me one last time.
MR. GELLER: C'mon, tell us.
MR. GELLER: Of course she would, you're a college man.
MR. GELLER: Am I supposed to stand here and listen to this on my birthday?
PHOEBE: Yes, hi, Mr. Adelman. Thanks for meeting me.
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey! Hello, babe! Wh what're what're you doing here?
Mr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat.
Mr. Geller: She went to pick up Aunt Liddy.
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers (He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
JOEY: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth.
MR. TREEGER: [to Rachel who is standing under mistletoe] So, uh, is this, uh, mistletoe?
MR. GELLER: Everybody smile.
Mr. Posner: Yes, thats very good. Now a uh, big part of this job is cultivating personal relationships, especially with designers.
Mr. Zelner: Ive asked Lee from human resources to be here as a witness to our conversation.
Mr. Heckles: Saw Regis Philbin once...
Mr. Geller: They never did, so if ever see me giving them legal advice just nod along. Shall we?
MR. GREENE: To get my coat.
Joey: No way! Mr.Salty is a sailor, all right, he's got to be, like, thetoughest snack there is.
MR. GELLER: Judy, Judy, relax, this is our little harmonica we're talking about. We taught her well. Ten percent of your paycheck, where does it go?
MR. GREENE: Neat.
MR. GREENE: You work and you work and you work on a boat...
MR. GREENE: Scotch.
MR. GREENE: Get my glasses too.
MR. DOUGLAS: Rough numbers?
MR. BOYLE: All right, kids. Here's the deal. According to my client's will, he wants to leave all his earthly possessions to "the noisy girls in the apartment above mine".
MR A: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
Mr. Heckles: Well, Im going to go into my new apartment now. (goes over to the door and opens it) Ehh! (Eric leaves)
JOEY: Hey. Mr. Douglas is looking for you.
Monica: (entering with everyone else including Mr. Geller) Hi! Hey look whos here!
[Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.]
RACHEL: Oh hi, Mr. Wineburg, hi Mrs. Wineburg.
MR. WINEBURG: Stay well.
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey, hey. Good to meet you, Roger.
ROSS: Ok. Here's his diaper bag, and his uh, Mr. Winky, and uh...oh, him. Hi!
MR. GELLER: Oh, Judy. Oh, Judy.
Mr. Geller: Maybe.
Mr. Geller: You don't wanna know.
Mr. Geller: No.
Mike: (puts on a fake smile) Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it? (he takes the ring from the cake, and cleans it with a napkin)
Mr. Geller: Oh, I'm not falling for that one!
Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.
Chandler: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and she starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me.'
MR. GREENE: It's not a game Ross, a woman died on my table today.
MR. WINEBURG: Rachel!
MR. GREENE: Thank you. Is that one of my cigarettes?
Mr. Geller: I saw Richard.
MR. GELLER: Well, c'mon. Don't ya want to find out?
ROSS: Yes. [pulls them off and hands them to Mr. Greene] I was just warming up the earpieces for you.
Mr. Geller: So you don't wanna go to Williamsburg?
Mr. Geller: She may have died.
Mr. Heckles: I could play the oboe!
MR. GREENE: Are you wearing my glasses?
Student: Hey, Mr. Trib.
Mr. Geller: Your mother just added him to her list.
Mr. Geller: Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up this pamphlets on how to get pregnant. (He slides them under the door.)
Mr. Heckles: Im Chandlers new roommate.
Mr. Tribbiani: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women.
Rachel: Oh thank you so much Mr. Kaplan, thank you so much.
Rachel: (jumping up from reading her magazine) Yeah, right away Mr. Kaplan.
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up as her boss, Mr. Waltham, walks in.) Oh! Mr. Waltham, I ah really need to talk to you.
CHANDLER: Yeah, jus' second. Good-bye Mr. Heckles. We'll try to keep it down.
MR. DOUGLAS: Have the final numbers on my desk by Tuesday.
Mr. Heckles: Mmm. Bob Buttons. Here, Bob Buttons.
Mr. Kaplan: Eh.
Mr. Geller: Oh my God! This is so exciting! Well, get back in there! (Points to the closet) Ill guard the door!
Monica: Mr. Bigot. He tells the most racist jokes.
Mr. Kaplan: Come on over here, sweetheart. (they walk over to a storage closet)
Mr. Geller: So, I think youre boxes are over here. (They walk over to them.)
Phoebe: Oh please! Just before when you were asleep in the lounge! That Armenian family was watching you instead of the TV. Oh, that reminds me. That Mr. Hasmeje still has my Gameboy.
Mr. Tribbiani: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. What's the matter with you.
Mr. Geller: Well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
Mr. Geller: We're looking into it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
MR. WINEBURG: I tell ya a lot things!