words in movies
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are finishing watching Die Hard on video.]
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Monica: Come on, was it somebody maybe you dated in college?
Chandler: No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive (Thinks a little while.) Hold on one second; let me check this out. (He gets up and grabs a photo album.
Joey: Hey! Whats going on?
Rachel: Oh, come on! This is crazy! Cant we just flip a coin?!
Joey: Come on! Admit it! That was the best nap you ever had!
Monica: Chandler! (Knocks on the door.) Chandler! I just figured out who you are!
Joey: Okay, all right, this is how its going to work. Were gonna give you hypothetical maid of honor situations and you will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the highest.
Rachel: Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Yknow, its-its just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You dont get to keep the gifts.
Joey: (out of his Monica character) Very good! Drawing on your own experience, I like that!
[Scene: A random apartment building, Chandler and Monica are knocking on the door of the woman from the beginning.]
Joey: Yeah! I was thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch. (Raises his eyebrows, questioning Ross to see if he wants to join him.)
Monica: (entering) Hey, whats going on?
Joey: Yeah! Look! (He throws some of his spaghetti on the floor.)
Chandler: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink, it's a hot day. Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood...
Chandler: You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge.
(They all turn and with shocked looks on their faces stare at Ross. Ross is at a loss for words at this moment.)
[Scene: Later that evening at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler and Monica are sitting on a sofa. Chandler is covering his face in embarrassment because of the toast.]
Chandler: Someone on the subway licked my neck! Licked my neck!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Julie and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Rachel: Honey, come on! You live far away! You're not related. You lift right out.
Ross: Still, I can't believe that's sprayed on... I mean, it looks really good. I wonder if I should get one!
Phoebe Sr: (entering) Hi! Whats going on?
Mr. Geller: Why would you serve food on such a sharp stick? (Looking a toothpick)
Phoebe Sr: Take it easy--if you want, theres cookies on the counter, or, or--sangria! (jumps up) I can make sangria!
Monica: Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else. And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog. Y'know but that does not mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me.
Phoebe: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cabs roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didnt get the annulment?!!
Chandler: (on machine) Youve reached Monica and Chandlers, if youre listening to this message, were probably screening. (to himself) Yeah we are.
Ross: Y'know what, y'know what, Im-Im not the one that wanted that, that break, okay. Youre the one that bailed on us. Youre the one that, that ran when things got just a little rough!
Ross: (coming out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee, almost running into Tommy) Oh-ho, whoa! Sorry, Tommy. I almost spilled this hot coffee on you.
Rachel: Yeah thats great Paul, but yknow I wanna know what(Puts her hands on his shoulders)Wow, those are really great! I just wanna know what, what is behind this-this strong, silent exterior. Yknow they say that still waters run deep and I wanna swim in yours.
Monica: We were on the platform, ready to dance the world into the new Millennium, and the guy yelled CUT!
PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.
Rachel: Come on, please?! Im boredddd! You let me do it once before.
Chandler: Well, its because I trust you, youre one of my best friends, and you walked in on me when I was looking at ring brochures.
(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)
Joey: Oh, you said it Mike. (Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
(Joey climbs up on the counter and starts looking at the top of the cabinets.)
Doug: Bing! (Chandler stands bolt upright and turns around to face him.) Read your Computech proposal, a real homerun. (He goes to slap his butt, but Chandler slides over making him miss.) Ooh. Barely got ya that time, get over here. Come on. (Chandler goes over) Wham! (slaps him on the butt) Good one. That was a good one. (to a couple of Chandlers co-workers) Keep at it team. (goes into his office)
RACHEL: Ok, ok, so you're not a fan, but I mean, come on, you cannot do this to her.
Monica: No, look, she's obviously unstable, okay? I mean she's thinking about running out on her wedding day. (Rachel slowly turns and glares at her.) (Realizing what she just said.) Okay, fine! But I mean, look at the position she's putting him in! What's he gonna do? Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?! I mean, who would do that?! (Rachel again turns and glares at her in disgust.) Okay, fine, all right, but that's y'know, it's different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people.
Joey: Ohh, no, no. Were not going to just sit. (Joey sits down and hits the speed dial button on the phone.) Shhh. (It begins to ring.)
Monica: I know!! (calls him) (on phone) Chip? Hi! Its Monica. (listens) Kay. (listens) Kay. (listens) Okay. (listens) Okay, good-bye. (hangs up) Oh my God, we just had the best conversation!! (goes into her room as Rachel enters)
Chandler: Come on! Why are we here?!
Joeys Date: Sorry about that, but I couldnt get that lock to work on the door.
RACHEL: What? Come on, it's not like I'm asking for this girly clock or anything, which, by the way, I also think is very cool.
Chandler: Were going to Everest! Okay, it would be nice to leave an ass print on Everest!
Monica: No. No. Not it. Not it. Not it. (Checks another rack and another woman tries to reach around her.) (To the woman) Dont crowd me! (Finds it) This is it! This is the dress! Oh my God, its perfect! (She takes it off of the rack and someone has a hold of it on the other side of the rack and tugs on it.) Im sorry, this ones taken! (The other woman tugs harder pulling Monica through the rack.) Whoa!
Gunther: (approaching with a tray with an order on it) Joey!
(Chandler turns on the TV and )
Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, we've got a bit of an emergency here...Jason Costalano is choking on his retainer.
Monica: Oh absolutely. I like it even more on you than I did on Colonel Sanders. (Ross starts to leave) Ross! Ross! Im kidding!
Joey: Yeah! Look! (He throws some of his spaghetti on the floor.)
Monica: What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress? (She turns around making sure he gets a good look.)
Dr. Long: Okay, everything looks good. Here it is on the screen. (We see Ross and Rachel looking at the screen.) Here is your uterus. And right here is your baby.
Monica: Absolutely! (He goes to kiss her, but she stops him and rubs his head and says...) Now get out of here you!! (Pete leaves) (to the gang) Okay, Im running out of places I can touch him! Look, is there something wrong with me? I mean why am I only attracted to guys where theres no future? Either theyre too old, or theyre too young, and then theres Pete whos-whos crazy about me, and whos absolutely perfect for me, and theres like zip going on! I mean, seriously, does it sound like somethings wrong with me?!
Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?
Doug: Hey Bing! (Slaps him on his ass.) (Sees Monica) Wo-ho-ho, who's the pretty lady and what the hell is she doing with you?
Chandler: That was one of the worse things ever. And not just on TV.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Right down there. (Points.) Hey listen; let me give you a little tip. Do not take a nap on this stoop (Points to hers) or you can wake up with your shoes gone.
Joey: Whoa-whoa-hey-hey! (Motions to Chandler, "Whats going on?") Hi, Paul is it? (Paul nods yes and still hugging Joey.)
Rachel: Oh honey, come on, Im sorry, I didnt.... I dont mind paying my dues, y'know, its just how much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking Mira, the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom.
Ross: You're on!
Ross: Well sorry, thats what I do on dates.
Monica: All right, listen up. There is usually only one dress in each size so when they open those doors, fan out. Now, this is what youre looking for! (Holds up a picture of it.) Memorize it! When you locate the dress, blow on these. All right? (She passes out whistles to them.) Three short blasts, when you hear it. Come running.
Ross: Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter with you? Whats going on?
Ross: You've really crossed the line here, but that's okay, it's ok 'cause I'm on my way to buy some Photoshop software and a stack of gay porn. That's right! Your coming out is about to get real graphic.
Phoebe: Wow! And Im a vegetarian! All right, all right, well Im sorry, well put some ice on it.
Monica: Phoebe, there's a dog sitting on my couch!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
Monica: Hand me those tomatoes, Im gonna show you what it should taste like! Come on, hand me them.
(Theres a knock on the door and Ross enters.)
(Kathys co-star rips her blouse off and buttons go flying into the audience, and one hits Ross. Chandlers mouth is on the floor.)
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
ROSS: Oh, you know, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna hang out, work on my music.
Ross: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. (silence) Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?
Phoebe: Yeah, but you kinda knew that something was going on, didn't you?
Joey: No, no, no, see that's why you have to do this job, agents always lie. You know, Estelle just says stuff like 'They went another way', but this, I can use this. (in a very bad Italian accent) I canna work on a new accent.
Joey: Wait-wait-wait-wait! (To Chandler) Come on! Come on, lets trade! The timings perfect, I just clogged the toilet!
Ross: Ooh, well. Ah, I kinda have got a lot on my plate right now, not that I wouldn't love a weekend in the country with a strange man. (Mr. Oberblau giggles)
[Scene: Monica and Phoebes, Ross is on the phone, as Phoebe is walking by carrying a lamp.]
Whitney: Im gonna work on that.
Rachel: Okay, well, that's one less thing we have to do on Monday.
Chandler: Yeah. (Throws the pad on the table and heads for the bedroom)
Ben: (on the bike) Im ready!
Ross: (To Chandler) And shame on you! You should know better, Joey needs to work. (To Joey) Now come on!
Rachel: (entering, angrily) Ugh, that was so embarrassing! I can't believe you let me go on and on like that!
Monica: Hello? (Listens) What?! (Listens) You what?! (Listens) Hey you listen here missy! (Listens) Wh(She is hung up on.)
Ross: Aww, Pheeb, come on isnt there any relative that would have the recipe? What about, what about your sister?
(Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)
Monica: (turning a light on) Who is that?!
Monica: Joey, whats going on. What didnt you tell us you work here?
JOEY: Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're peein' with the Rockettes.
(Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the shoulder, Phoebe counters with a jab to the nose.)
ROSS: Ohh, big smoker. [Packs the cigarettes and flings one on Mrs. Greene in the process. Finally gets one in his mouth and it look really out of place] Big big smoker. In fact I'm gonna go ou into the hallway and fire up this bad boy. [as he walks into the hall, he comes face to face with Mr. Greene]
Rachel: Oh God, oh God, its sowed on though.
Joey: We don't? We really should. From now on, 'Bert' will be our code word for danger.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Rachel are on their knees with forks trying to salvage what they can of the cheesecake off of the floor.]
Rachel: Well, yknow what? Actually, I was about to bid on this lovely trip to Paris.
CHANDLER: Yes, how 'bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you?
Joey: I just wanted to come by and yknow, wish you good luck on your date.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are there. Rachel is writing something on a pad, and then crumples it up and throws it on the floor.]
Monica: Yknow, in my defense, umm there was no glitter on the macaroni and very little glue.
Chandler: So youre just, kinda rubbing it on yourself?
-Cuts to Monica (She's just arrived outside his room she fixes a bent photo hanging on the wall then sprays mint in her mouth and enter)
Monica: You guys, I ordered some chocolate pies from that bakery on Bleecker. Could you pick them up for me?
Emily: All right, all right, if you insist on doing this, at least let me help you.
Rachel: Well if you go to Disneyland, you dont spend the whole day on the Materhorn.
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Monica and Phoebe sitting on the floor next to Clunkers basket.]
Lauren: I used to umm, schedule my classes so I could watch Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives.
Phoebe: Maybe on some level.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is eating cereal from a bowl she has balanced on her stomach as Joey, Chandler, and Monica return.]
ROSS: No look I wasn''t right, that's what I came here to tell you. I was totally hung up on, on my own stuff. Listen, I'm someone who needs the whole security thing, ya know. To know exactly where my next paycheck is coming from buy you, you don't need that and that's amazing to me. I could never do what you do Joey.