words in movies
[And with that we go into the save the budget portion of the show, which features flashbacks from previous episodes. The first set of auditions feature high lights or low lights of Joeys acting career. The first flashback is from The One With The Lesbian Wedding.]
Joey: It's like, you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this big pause where you look all intense, you know, like this. (Does this intense look where it looks like he's smelling a fart.)
[The next flashback is from The One With The Butt. The gang is watching Joey in Freud!]
[The next flashback is also from The One With The Butt and it's also on the soundtrack. He's Joey telling everyone about his big break in Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
Joey: And I know both of them, theyre really good. One of them is the guy from those allergy commercials whos always getting chased by those big flowers
[Thus starts another series of flashbacks all dealing with the pressure the rest of the Friends have to deal with in their jobs. The first flashback is from The One With The Stoned Guy.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. Monica is at a job interview at a new restaurant.]
[The next flashback is from The One With Rachel's Crush.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Dozen Lasagnas, Phoebe is telling everyone but Rachel about the pass Paulo made on her.]
[The next flashback is from The One With Ross's Sandwich, Ross his confronting his boss about him eating Ross's sandwich.]
Chandler: Which I bought for ya. Taught ya how to use it. You thought it was a copier. Look, if there was anything I could do, I would do it. Okay? But everybodys allowed one mistake, right?
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
[The next flashback is from The One Where Chandler Crosses The Line. He's telling Joey that he kissed Cathy.]
Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and
Joey: Name one!
[Chandler proceeds to point out Joeys errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The first flashback is from The One With The Cat. Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds Joey trapped in the entertainment center.]
[The next flashback is from The One With The Candy Hearts. Joey and Chandler are waiting at a restaurant as Lorraine and her friend arrive.]
Chandler: Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
[The next flashback is from The One With Ross's New Girlfriend. Chandler is telling Ross and Joey that Joey's tailor took advantage of him.]
Joey: I said name one!
[We then go into another set of flashbacks of famous fights. The first is the second breakup of Ross and Rachel from The One With The Jellyfish.]
[The next flashback is from The One After The Superbowl, Part II. Monica and Rachel are fighting over who gets to see Jean-Claude Van Damme.]
[The next flashback is from The One Where No One's Ready. Joey is retaliating against Chandler hiding his underwear by wearing a whole bunch of clothes.]
[The next flashback is from The One Where Eddie Moves In. It's the sequence where Joey and Chandler are both saddened that they're not living together anymore. All By Myself is playing in the background.]
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
Chandler: You'll get one.
Ross: (answering it) 1987, the day after Christmas, at Sean McMahons party. I played you one of my songs, yknow Interplanetary Courtship Ritual.
Monica: This is it. Yeah, this is the one. I cant believe I found it!
JOEY: Ya know, one of these times you're gonna really be naked and we're not gonna come over.
Rachel: Yeah-yeah, yknow if-if there was just like one little area where Ithat I think we needwe would need to work on; I-I would think it was were just not crazy enough!
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Chandler: Well, y'know two regulars. And ah one that barely qualifies as... (starts to kiss her again, but she gets up.) Ahh, what?
Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and shes the only one left!
Monica: I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.) (To Rachel) And you don't get one!
Phoebe: Jeez, you say one thing, and...
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Chandler is under one of the tables as Ross enters.]
JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.
Monica: Hey Phoebe. Hey, tell me what you think. All right. The house next door to the one that we're buying in Westchester? Just went on the market. I wanna take a look at it, but Chandler doesn't.
Ross: Still, I can't believe that's sprayed on... I mean, it looks really good. I wonder if I should get one!
Phoebe: Why dont take care of this one, and should I get pregnant again, Ill hold onto your card, okay?
Chandler: Maybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.
Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: I had one.
Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.
Chandler: Well, you owe me one, big guy.
Ross: Yeah, ooh yeah, I think there is one from batch 17 left, uh (Grabs a cookie and takes a big bite out of it and doesnt like it.) Its batch 16! 16 people! Get out of the way! (Gets up and runs for the bathroom.)
[Scene: Chandler's job, Chandler is typing data into his computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.]
Chandler: What about that circled one?
Joey: You know what I want? I want a lot of things! I want to be with the woman I love on Valentines Day! And I want her to love me back! And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that thats never going to happen!
Julie: Oh, you're busy, that's ok, I'll get it. Anybody else want one?
Rachel: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there. (Camera fades to Ross, who's listening very carefully) Joey was there too.
Phoebe: No thanks, Ive already seen one.
(He throws his piece back in the box, runs into the living room, looks for a place to hide the pizza, finds one, slides the box under the couch, sits down on the table, and tries to quickly chew the food in his mouth.)
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
PHOEBE: You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.
Chandler: Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut.
Russell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why dont you tell me what happened.
Joey: I am so-so-so sorry. I was gonna do it! Really! But I was standing there with 327 dollars in one hand and 238 dollars in the other hand, and I was thinking, "Wow! Its been a long time since I had (tries to do the math in his head, but cant) 327 + 238 dollars!"
Mr. Geller: What?! Ive never seen one before!
Rachel: No? Yknow, I can tie one of these into a knot using just my tongue.
Aunt Lillian: You know, whatever we pick, she would've told us it's the wrong one.
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, I got one! (She sits up and the cushion she was leaning against falls off of the balcony.) Anyway- The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me.
MR. BOYLE: All right, there was none. Let's talk signing. You be noisy girl number one, you be noisy girl number two.
Rachel: Hey, come on! I had this friend from college and I made the stupid mistake of telling Joey that one time she and I yknow kissed a little bit.
Phoebe: Earl, youre not hearing me! All Im saying is that youre not alone all right? Everybody hates the people they work with! (One of her coworkers overhears that, and she mimes that she didnt mean him.)
Phoebe: Well, I think my mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats. (Ross hands her one) Thank you! So what, youre just never going to tell her?
[Scene: The Hallway, Joey has a tray full of keys, and is trying each one in the lock.]
ROSS: Well maybe, you know, maybe we should stay for one song.
PHOEBE: Ok. One.
Lady: Well, we already have one offer on it, and I think the lady upstairs is goning to make another one.
Rachel: Okay, Phoebe, honey, you gotta be kidding. I mean, you know you cannot keep one of these babies!
Ross: Yeah, but it didnt fit. Well, luckily theres a store here that has one left in her size, but Im the groom, Im not supposed to see the dress
Joey: You know more than one Fun Bobby?
Joey: Are we talking about one of those big boats that carry cars that go like five miles an hour?
Chandler: Ohh, thats a good one.
Phoebe: That was supposed to be a good thing, I forget why. Just listen, Monica, I, do you know, okay, do you know, I couldnt sleep for like a month because I got like a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions.
[This starts a series of flashbacks; the first one is from Episode 106: The One With The Butt, Joey is in a play called Freud!.]
Frank: Well, you see, the-the thing is, we-we only got, we kinda have one shot to make it right.
Joey: Okay well, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand
Monica: Well, at least you have one thing to be happy about. That jerk Gavin from your office didn't show up (Gavin shows up at the balcony windows).
Phoebe: Yeah, last Saturday. Wow! She was the first black man to fly solo across the Atlantic. (Chandler and Monica look puzzled) Oh, wait a minute, I read the wrong one.
Monica: This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and checked every outlet. Now, four of them dont work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.
Rachel: Hey. Oh, I have a question. If-if-if one of you had to pick one of the other two guys to go out with, who would you pick?
Phoebe: Oh, its the compulsively neat one by the window, okay.
Joey: Oh! I got it! Ok, everyone pick a number from one to ten. Alright? Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first.
Monica: Limited seating?! (Screechingly) I am just one tiny person!
Ross: Did you see me? I was pretty good, huh? That is one fun game!
Phoebe: (Lightly) Oh! It ended okay. One of my friends shot him.
Joey: All right look, let me show you the catalog! (Does so.) See? Huh? It's the latest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them!
Ross: One. (Rachel gives him the card.)
Chandler: Y'know what, I think this might be one of the times hes wrong.
RACHEL: Ok, Chandler, Mon, there's only one bananna nut muffin left.
Monica: (threatening) Don't get too cocky! Remember I won the last one! Oh, by the way, how did that feel, losing to a girl?
Ross: Aw forget it, its from Pier One. (Theres an angry knock on the door.) Sorry. (Goes and opens the door to an irate Dr. Green.)
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
[Scene: Joey is in Monica and Chandler's future house, sitting in a child's bedroom, looking at a quiz card which has "5+10=" printed on one side.]
Monica: Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and um, it got kindve competitive and one year, Geller Bowl VI, I accidentally broke Rosss nose.
Joey: No! No! I-I can do it one more time! See? Look! (Eats another spoonful) Hmm, noodle soup. Damnit! (Storms out.)
Phoebe: No, no, you can get one yourself. Itll be on the house! Y'know what are big sisters for?
Phoebe: Oh. (Picks it up.) Its just so unexpected! I I uh Boy Ill tell you its just such an honor to be nominated for a Nobel Prize and yknow to win one for a massage. Especially after having just won a Tony award for best actress in
CHANDLER: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve love? What're you lookin' at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.
Monica: Hey, see that snippy guy over there? Hes the one who decides who gets up on the platform. We should go dance by him.
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Check it out! Cup hat! (Points to her hat.) Cup banner! Cup chandelier! And the thing that started it all, the cup! (Holds up one.)
Rachel: Ooh, is this one of those things where you throw it in a bag with some graveyard dirt and hang it from a north-facing tree?
Phoebe: Well I guess its okay to open one more if its part of a set. Yknow, its probably this one. (Grabs another small one.)
RACHEL: Ok, I'm sorry, I'm just not very good with babies. I mean I haven't been around them, I mean, you know, since I was one.
Chandler: No! No! No! No(Joey looks at him)one can beat me.
Monica: Six? I just had it for one night. Its three.
CHANDLER: The one time they're not home.
JOEY: No one.
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
Chandler: Oh just great. He beeps me now with codes. One is, "Bring me food." Two is, "Im with a girl, bring us food." Three is, "Im lost and I cant find food."
Phoebe: This is so typical. I'm always the last one to know everything.
Ross: (pretend fishing in the living room) Ohh, Gellers got one hooked! Ohh! Looks like a big one! Yeah, ohh! Ohh! (Swinging the rod back and forth) Its the classic struggle between man and(swings the rod and knocks over a lamp.) Someone knocked over a lamp.
Phoebe: I cant. I cant. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was Okay, bye Pheebs gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun Ive ever had in like all my lives.
(They walk off into the sunset, at least a picture of one.)
Rachel: Oh yes I do. I do. I believe that there is one perfect person out there for everyone. And do you know how you find him? You stop looking for him. Thats why I stopped looking for Russell Crowe. Hell find me.
Chandler: See Joe, not that thats not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Yknow, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us!
CHAN: OK, look, that is one guy's opinion, alright. Phoebs, read yours.
Joey: No, yeah, no, ok, but not yet. I don't wanna seem too eager. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. That seems pretty cool. (he walks over to her) Hey, Angela.
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
Monica: Yknow, I only know of two surefire ways to shut a man up. And one of them is sex.
Ross: Yeah, okay. (he plops down into one of the leather chairs, with the footrest extended.)
Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. and... action.
MRS. GELLER: Which one? Which button, Jack.
Joey: Oh comelook, when I was a kid my dads company gave season tickets to the number one salesman every year, all right? My dad never won! Of course, he wasnt in the sales division, but still, I never ever, ever forgot that!