words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica and Chandler are sitting on one of the chairs doing a crossword puzzle.]
Dream Monica: Okay! There's only one left, three letter word, not dog but
Chandler: Oh that's so cool! Why would a cop come in here though? They don't serve donuts. (No one laughs.) Y'know what actually, could you discover the badge again? I think I can come up with something better than that.
[Scene: A couch store, Ross is trying to decide on a new couch for his place. He has dragged Rachel along for the trip, and she's not too happy about it. Ross is sitting on it in different ways to see how it feels. He tries to just sit on it normally, and then he tries flopping on it. One thing about this couch, it's huge. It's like twice the size of a normal full size couch. Whoever designed this thing, needs help and fast.]
Ross: Yeah, y'know what? I'll take it myself, thank you! (He signs the form and hands it back to the salesman.) All right Rach, let's go! (He picks up one end of the couch.)
Phoebe: Yeah that's right you are so busted. (To no one in particular.) Book 'em.
Phoebe: You apologize to the tree right now or I am calling for backup. (The woman calls her bluff.) (Screaming at no one in particular) Backup! Backup!!
Joey: Yeah that's not such a bad situation they got going over there. I'm thinking of getting me one of those.
(He throws his piece back in the box, runs into the living room, looks for a place to hide the pizza, finds one, slides the box under the couch, sits down on the table, and tries to quickly chew the food in his mouth.)
Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you (Points at all of them) with me. (They all look at her.) Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck Chandler. (She opens the door to the cop from before.) Okay, you can arrest me. Fine. But you'll never make it stick and you know it!
Ross: This couch, is cut in half! I would like to exchange it for one that is not cut in half!
Joey: It's two gifts in one. It's a pen that's also a clock! Huh?
Ross: Yeah, she finally stopped crying yesterday, but then she found one of Richard's cigar butts out on the terrace, so.
Ross: Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card yknow, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.
Blackjack Dealer: Changing one hundred! (Gives him the change.) Good luck sir.
Rachel: Yeah, and not a very good one.
Monica: You just wanna each take one?
Monica: Really? I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor. You're gonna have to figure this one for yourself. All right? Y'know what? If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one. (She walks out.)
TRANSIT AUTHORITY GUY: He's here. (Chandler and Joey hug each other in relief) I'm assuming one of you is the father.
Rachel: Oh, god, I can't believe one of us actually has one of these.
Ross: Rachel one brunch is not gonna solve anything. You gotta face it, okay were never gonna get along.
Ross: (in accent) Right, will you excuse us for one moment? (Takes Monica aside.) (In his normal voice.) What are you doing?
Phoebe: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!! So I-I mean so in a few months Im going to have three full grown babies just walkin around inside me?! Oh! Oh! And its gonna be one of those log rides where they just come shooting out!
Joey: (entering) Pheebs come on! Bunny vs. Doody! Were waiting! (They go inside.) (To Chandler and Ross.) Okay. Okay guys, one match, winner take all. (They grasp each others hand in preparation for battle.) Oh wait-wait! What does the winner get?
Ross: Oooohhh, I'll bet she's one of those people.
Rachel: Oh, name one stupid thing that is as stupid as this one!
Joey: Good evening. Im Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets none.) I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you dont have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like this. (looks all intense for a moment and then gasps, the students cheer him) Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.
MR. TREEGER: There she is. And over there, that's the other one. This is Mr. Buddy Boyle, Mr. Heckles' attorney. He'd like to talk to you.
Chandler: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.
Rachel: I have one.
Joey: Hey, dont get mad at us! No one forced you to raise the stakes!
Ross: I talked to Monica, look, I'm the one who made the choice. I'm the one who's making things change, so I should be the one to y'know, step back.
Phoebe: Alright, could I just ask you one question?
Chandler: (shocked) Well I mean, let me get the door first. (Goes and opens the door.) Oh, hi! No one. (Exits.)
Ross: No! The reason Im asking is that I sorta had one last night.
Rachel: Well, let�s see. The first one is: I don�t want to. And, you know, I�m not going.
Phoebe: All right, wait just one more second. Hi, it's Phoebe and Rachel's. Please leave a message, thanks!
Gary Collins: Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, (As he is speaking, Joey and the volunteer getting into a shoving match.) and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do (Joey is knocked down.) is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to (Just as the volunteer sits down, Joey pulls him to the ground.)
Monica: I saved you a seat. (Motions to the one next to her.)
JOEY: Come on you guys, one more time.
Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, yknow? Well pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.
Chandler: Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this ones free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third ones free.
[Scene: The plane. Rachel's telling her story to the passenger on her left. The one on her left is still wearing his headphones.]
Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.
Rachel: I guess I can talk to one of my supervisors
Joey: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?
Phoebe: Huh? Can you just imagine getting down on one knee and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry?
Joey: Well, the brown one brings out your eyes, but your butt looks great in the blue one.
Monica: One!
Gary: It's a witness not a perp. And no one talks like that!
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Chandler: I know, I still am one of these.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Monica is holding the wrapping paper from one of Rachel's gifts.]
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. Oh, good thing its one of those 801 numbers. Right?
Charlton Heston: I dont know one actor worth his salt that didnt say at one time or another, "God, I stink!" Hell, I just did a scene out there, first take, I stunk the place up. But, the important thing you must remember, no matter how badly you think you might stink, you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?!
Joey: You were amazing, could you just do me this huge favor, you see there's this one other audition that I really, really want, and Estelle couldn't get me in.
Ross: Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce butI'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.
Monica: All right, there's some pizza at my place, we can all eat with one hand right? Are you with me?
Monica: What one? You wanted him to invite you to the party and he did it!
Joey: Oh (To Chandler) Can you imagine if I hadnt left you that last one? You two mightve never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! Its like it was in the stars!
Phoebe: Well actually you're the one person I can't tell this too. And the one person I want to the most.
Phoebe: Okay, first of all, breathe. Second of all, I dont get it. Arent you the one that decided that you didnt want to be with Ross?
Joey: Uhh, well Ive got an audition down the street and I spilled sauce all over the front of my shirt. (Removes his hand to reveal a huge sauce stain.) You got an extra one?
Chandler: It was working until you showed up, you big tree! I mean, this isnt fair. You had your chance with her! You had your chance and you blew it! And this is my chance and I am not going to blow it because we are meant for each other! And this is all just been one stupid mistake! (Sits down heavily.) I was gonna propose tonight.
[Cut to Elizabeth Hornswoggle's bathroom, Ross frantically pulls his shirt out and drops his pants. He exhales in sheer ecstasy as the coolness of the bathroom envelops his legs. He sits on the cast iron bathtub, again gasping in pleasure. He next grabs a magazine and starts to blow air on his exposed legs, but that doesn't work the way he wants it to. So he throws the magazine down, looks around for another idea, and finds one. He jumps up and hops to the sink. He turns on the water and starts to splash some on his legs, cooling them further.]
Ross: W-What was the one right before bananas?
All: Three, Two, One!
Chandler: Oh no..don't thank me. Thank you. You know there's not one thing I would change about you? Not one single thing! And definitely not... two... single things.
Chandler: Its incredible, I mean one minute shes inside you and then 47 hours later here she is.
Phoebe: Great! It worked! No ones sad.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah yknow, like warm up the crowd. Ask em where theyre from. Cause in Joey Tribbiani you get a minister and you get an entertainer. Im a minis-tainer! (Rapping) There is no one better! There is no one greater!
Phoebe: Oh, this ones for Chandler. Here.
Rachel: Oh, this ones for me!
Joey: (exiting from Chandlers room with the new roommate) Everything on your application looks really goodOhh! Just one last question umm, are you and your friends gonna be over here all the time like partying and hanging out?
Chandler: Okay, one more time.
Janice: Chandler, one of us has got to be strong.
Mr. Geller: I dont know. They-they must be your mothers, but please, please dont ask her. Ill throw these away. (He puts them in his pocket as Ross finds something of interest in one of his boxes.)
Phoebe: Ooh ooh, we have a live one!
Ross: Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30! So-so if anyone has-has a better suggestion, let's hear it! 'Cause I-I got nothing! All right, don't be shy, any suggestion will do. (There are none.) Okay then. Here we go. Magic 8 Ball, should I never see Rachel again? (He turns it over and reads the answer) Ask again later. Later is not good enough. (He shakes it up again and reads the answer.) Ask again later. What the hell! This is broken! It-it is broken!
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Yeah, I'm movin' to a bigger place. You should definitely take this one.
Ross: (showing them the page) Here, check it out. Its the first one, too.
Rachel: See Pheebs, I promised you no one would die, didnt I?
Chandler: Yeah, Ill go get one.
Joey: I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma’s books.
Chandler: I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy.
Chandler: I wasnt sure which one Mary-Angela was. (all of Joeys sisters gasp) Look, Im sorry okay, I was really drunk, and you all look really similar.
Monica: It's okay. It's okay. Just pretend that it didn't happen! Okay? No one needs to know! I mean, Phoebe's not an official ballplayer! I mean, only official ballplayers can drop the ball!
Phoebe: Well, I heard youre having a problem with one of the boys in your class. And so I thought I would just come down here and sit you both down, have a little talk and make it all okay. Now umm, the boys name is Stings son.
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
Joey: I was uh, I was thinking I might want to pick one of those babies up for myself, I might want to get one of those
Rachel: I am still talking!! And then you chase away the one guy that I actually liked! I mean, no offense to you guys. Really! I mean (To Patrick) congratulations on all the cash, (He nods) and-and yknow(Feels Eldads hair)Wow! You do have very soft hair! But I would much rather go to the ball all by myself than go through anymore of this! Good-bye! (Grabs her stuff, starts to leave, then turns back suddenly, and to Eldad) Now do you use some sort of special conditioner on that hair?!
Mr. Tribbiani: Just for a coupla days. I got a job midtown. I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry. (Sees Roger) I don't know this one.
Rachel: Come on! They rushed into this thing so fast its ridiculous! I mean, theyre gonna be engaged for like what? A year? And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realise what theyve done and theyre call the whole thing off. Im telling ya, youre gonna be dancing at my wedding before youre dancing at theres.
[The next flashback is also from The One With The Butt and it's also on the soundtrack. He's Joey telling everyone about his big break in Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
Chandler: Well, You could, but... probably just the one time.
Emily: No ones ever thrown me a surprise party before!
Joey: Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to(he stops talking suddenly)
Phoebe: Youre making one right now!
Phoebe: No, I made myself take an oath. Yeah, no fooling around with clients and umm, always be prepared. Yeah, that ones actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Phoebe: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? Hes the one who slept with someone else.
Monica: All right, all right! Lets just cut to the chase, okay? (To Phoebe) Youre single. (To Tim) Youre single. (To Phoebe) He gets off work at eleven. (To Tim) Shell be waiting for your call. (To Phoebe) Ill give him your number if I can get one calamari and one Caesar salad!! (Everyone in the kitchen stops.) I did not yell. I am not putting a dollar in the jar.
Joey: Not the other one?
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
Phoebe: Oh! It will be fun! Ohh! Yay! Oh! Okay, ooh, lets plan the wedding reception. (She grabs the notebook which Monica used for her ideas and starts flipping page after page after page after page after page to find a blank one.) Wow! You really wanted me to do something with this van. (pause) Yknow what, I want you to take the chef job.
EDDIE: Oh yeah, that's right, look I got us a new goldfish. He's a lot fiestier that the last one.
Monica: I mean, youre the one theyre gonna come to when they wanna run away from home, and the one they talk to about sex.
Ross: I cant believe no one believes me!
Monica: There was just one woman, wasnt there?
Joey: Thanks. (Starts to read it.) Well but this one starts now. (Points to one.)