words in movies
Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.]
Phoebe: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.
Phoebe: Yeah, you wish!
Rachel: Phoebe, you're on.
Phoebe: Oh, oh, good.
Rachel: (Into microphone) Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh!
Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)
Phoebe: (Sung)
(Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists, Max and David, having a noisy discussion)
Phoebe: (Sung)
Phoebe: Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear!
Phoebe: Could you speak up please?
Phoebe: Okay, we're gonna take a short break. (Goes over to their table)
Phoebe: David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical.
Phoebe: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?
Phoebe: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions...
Phoebe: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just?
[Scene: Max and David's lab, David is explaining something to Phoebe with the aid of a whiteboard.]
Phoebe: Okay, alright, I have a question, then.
Phoebe: Um, were you planning on kissing me ever?
Phoebe: Sure.
Phoebe: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean, you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and throw me.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, right now.
Phoebe: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying.
David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop?
Phoebe: I can hop. (She hops onto the table)
Monica: I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.
Max: Phoebe. Hi.
Phoebe: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?
Phoebe: No, no, he hasn't been around.
Phoebe: Minsk?
Phoebe: I know where Minsk is.
Phoebe: So when, when do you leave?
[Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the door]
Phoebe: Hello?
Phoebe: Hi.
Phoebe: Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so (Puts on a fake cheery voice) congratulations! This is so exciting!
Phoebe: Oh, you're not going? (Fake disappointed voice) Oh, why?
Phoebe: So-so you're really not going?
Phoebe: Oh don't do that.
Phoebe: Oh no no.
Phoebe: Oh, but I can't do that-
Phoebe: It's your thing, and-
Phoebe: Okay, um, stay.
Phoebe: Stay.
Phoebe: Getting so good at that! (She hops on)
Phoebe: And then... your face is bloated?
Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.
(David is feeding Phoebe popcorn. Max walks up)
Phoebe: Hi, Max!
Phoebe: Are you alright?
(Phoebe leads David into a bedroom)
Phoebe: You're going to Minsk.
Phoebe: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me.
Phoebe: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.
Phoebe: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you put your arms around me. (He does so) And, um, and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me.
Phoebe: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.
Phoebe: Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.
Phoebe: I dunno. I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are doing dishes as Joey enters.]
Phoebe: Oh, I'm just so exhausted from dragging around this... (she shows her ring) HUGE engagement ring!
Phoebe: (simultaneous to the others) Blah blargah, blar-blab.
[Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who runs up field and delivers a fore-arm shiver to Chandler, knocking him over and scores the touchdown, and she yells...]
Phoebe: Oh. (Picks it up.) Its just so unexpected! I I uh Boy Ill tell you its just such an honor to be nominated for a Nobel Prize and yknow to win one for a massage. Especially after having just won a Tony award for best actress in
Phoebe: Oh, okay, its the slide instead of stairs. Watch this. (She slides a doll down the slide)
(In slow motion, Phoebe snaps the ball, Rachel goes long. Joey and Chandler and all over Phoebe, leaving Rachel wide open. Ross starts to rush Monica, who sees Phoebe is double covered, in desperation she throws to Rachel. We see flying through the air, and then Rachel running underneath it, then the ball, then Rachel again, then the ball, then Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey staring at it in shock. Then with the grace of Jerry Rice (no offense to Jerry Rice), Rachel catches the ball, and she stops and spikes the ball. Both Phoebe and Monica erupt in celebration.)
Phoebe: Okay, look you wanna hold onto your food? You gotta scare people off. I learned that living on the street.
PHOEBE: OK Rach, which, which lily? This lily or that lily?
(Joey and Phoebe burst forth from his apartment.)
Phoebe: Oh, I'm still mad at them but I also now that they bring happiness to lots of kids who's moms didn't kill themselves, so by supporting them, I'm doing a good thing, but I'm not happy about it. So there, a selfless good deed.
Phoebe: (the waiter puts a piece of cake on the table) I would love it. Consider it forgotten... But just so you know... however and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes. Whether... whether, you know, it is in a basketball game, or in sky writing, or you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake.
Phoebe: Oh my God! Im going out with Eric! Ooh, this day is really gonna be so much better than I thought it was gonna be. Oh Ross, I cant make lunch. (Exits.)
Phoebe: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.
(The girls are unsure how to pair off. Phoebe settles it)
[Phoebe slams on the breaks. Joey and Rachel are thrown forward into the pillows in their laps.]
Phoebe: My guy is a lawyer who has volunteer work. And, he has one of these (She squeezes the skin on her chin together to form )
Phoebe: Radiator.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are there. Phoebe walks in ringing a bell.]
Phoebe: Yeah, and I have a definite feeling it's gonna be a girl.
[Scene: Library. Phoebe is getting ready to sing for the kids. Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Phoebe: Oh okay. All right, then I need to calm down a little.
Phoebe: Hey listen let me ask you, do you believe in soul mates?
Ross: (picking up the slip of paper) Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. (Rachel ignores him) Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. (He holds it so that Rachel can see it, she continues to ignore him) It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but...(Rachel still ignores him) Whoa! (Throws it in her lap) Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it. (He waves it in front of Rachel's face. Then suddenly Phoebe has to sneeze and Rachel quickly grabs the slip of paper and gives it to Phoebe for her to sneeze into.)
(While they are both pushing the painting towards each other, Phoebe enters)
Phoebe: Ooh!
Phoebe: Well, I wanna enter her in a baby beauty pageant.
Rachel: I just finished getting Phoebe all dressed to meet Mike's parents. She's so nervous, it's so sweet!
Phoebe: Well, hey, what if Kenny were the real brains behind the whole company? You know. What if Kenny hired that Ralph Lauren guy to be the pretty front man? Huh, did she ever think of that?
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is eating breakfast with Monica while Frank is playing with num-chucks on the balcony]
Phoebe: Aw, God Ross. Oh.(goes over and hugs him)
Phoebe: Oh, that's it? (Mimics Chandler) A great idea! Oh yeah.
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachels baby shower is underway. Monica and Phoebe are working in the kitchen.]
Phoebe: Pies, oh, we thought you said priiiize (goes to the hall and comes back with Emma's trophy in her hand). Here! (gives it to Monica).
Phoebe: Yes there are! There are totally good deeds that are selfless.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Goodnight.
[Scene: The Theatre, at the post premiere party. The gang is already there, except Phoebe. Joey runs in.]
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Joey are "updating" Joey's resumé.]
Phoebe: I've already stuffed a bunch of Brussel sprouts down his pants.
Phoebe: But it's just so unfair that our date has to get cut short just 'cause some guy shot at a store clerk.
Phoebe: Look Eric, turn around. (He does so.) Look, I like you, but it shouldnt be this hard. Yknow? This is our first date yknow? First dates are supposed to be about excitement and electricity and Ooh, he just touched my hand, did he mean to touch my hand? and yknow first kisses and (He kisses her) second kisses. (Motions for him to kiss her again which he does and they start to make out.)
Phoebe: Umm, I I just think you dont expect someone so hot to be so sweet.
Phoebe: Which proves that I never lie.
Phoebe: You gotta hear this, it's great... It's like free porn! (Chandler eagerly rushes over)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
Ross: Well, I said-I said something to Phoebe.
Phoebe: Well, Ill tell you Rachel Karen Green, I had plans with Joey tonight and he left me this note. (Hands it to Rachel.)
Phoebe: (entering with Rachel) and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.
[Scene: The Hallway between the Apartments, Ross is hiding behind that bump out on Monicas side waiting for Phoebe and Rachel. As they come up the stairs, he jumps out and yells ]
Phoebe: No Im having fun. Im reallyAnd Im really-really excited for you and Ursula.
Phoebe: Actually I said she abandoned me to write jingles.
Joey: Look now, Phoebe remember, hey, their just fulfilling their Christmas....
Charity guy: Yeah... And I'm giving it back to you... Come on! Consider it a contribution. (gives the check to Phoebe)
Frank Sr.: Phoebe, I-I-I-umm, (Sits down next to her and brushes against her leg.) Oops. (He backs up.) I just, I-I-I-I dont, I dont know what to say. I just can't believe that you're my daughter, you're so pretty.
Phoebe: Ohh, sleep with Kenny.
Phoebe: (yelling at the top of her voice) Go, go, go Alan! Run you, hairy bastard!
Phoebe: Because it was fate that made me call you today!
Phoebe: Oh...Who was so stupid and stubborn that she lashed out against her friend's cooking which she actually thinks is pretty great! (raises her hand)
PHOEBE: Oh no, you're not supposed to be here. This is the staging area, you should, it's all wrong, you should leave, ya know, get out. [opens the door, the guys are right there] Or perhaps you'd like a creme d'menthe.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing as Leslie enters.]
Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)
Phoebe: That is so weird! I had a dream that you'd have lunch with Richard.
Phoebe: I cant believe Im gonna have a party! This is so great! (Really excited) A party! (Really, really excited) Yay!! (Suddenly, she starts crying and Rachel moves to comfort her.) I dont know why.
PHOEBE: Well, I mean, I'm not married married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from Canada and he just needed a green card.
Phoebe: (entering and sitting down at the table.) Hello. My name is Regina Phalange. I'm a businesswoman in town on business. Would you like to see my card? (Looks down) Ooh, what did I do with my file-a-facts? I must've left it in conference room B.
Phoebe: Oh, do I have a middle name. All right Monica Velula Geller. Its that bedroom there. (points to Monicas room)
[Scene: The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, Im calling on behalf of Monica Gellers eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) Hes out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
Phoebe: I'm out of here (She leaves)
PHOEBE: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. You are not gonna believe this. I have just been discovered.
Phoebe: And that horrible museum tour!
Phoebe: (nonchalantly glancing) Hey. (Turns back around.) Wow! (Looks up.) Well done.
Phoebe: Thats right, there you go! Crushes happen all the time! I know Ive had them for all you guys. Well, except for Ross and Chandler. And Im sure youve had them for us.
Phoebe: Im-Im just saying, dont freak out until youre a hundred percent sure.
PHOEBE: Oh, ok, um, I mean Frank senior.
Phoebe: My medallion number is, "Get out of the cab!"
Phoebe: All right, it seems pretty simple. Your first line is "My name is Claude", so, just repeat after me. "Je m'appelle Claude".
Joey: Okay. Rachel and Phoebe are already there, okay? So they probably started without us. We could just slip in and no-one needs to know where we were! (he raises his hands and on his right one there's a Rangers foam finger)
Phoebe: Come on! You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?
[Cut to someone entering Central Perk which lets a cat in. The cat then runs over to Phoebes guitar case and starts sniffing around.]
Phoebe: Im, uhh, making up flyers trying to get new massage clients. So, can I come to Bloomingdales and use the copy machine.
Phoebe: OK fine! Please come and support Mike. You don't have to sing.
Phoebe: You didnt leave lipstick marks on the phone.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Umm, could-could I get a copy of that? Cause Carol threw it out, she lost ours. Shes such a scatterbrain, but man what a hot piece of ass.
Phoebe Sr.: Sorry. But just one last thing. Y'know you came looking for family. Im family, Im it. Now, now Im done. (starts to leave)
Phoebe: Ooh ooh, we have a live one!
Phoebe: (Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't watch.)
Phoebe: Oh okay, its P as in Phoebe, H as in hoebe, O as in oebe, E as in ebe, B as in bee-bee and E as in (In an Australian accent) Ello there mate!
Ross: (to Phoebe) Ranion's theory of species variegation?
Phoebe: (in a French accent) Uh, excuse me. Uh, I am Reginé Philange. I was passing by when I heard this man speaking the regional dialect of my French town of Estée Lauder.
Phoebe: Your middle name is Pamela?
PHOEBE: Oh, well, then you'll have extra seats, you know, for all your tiaras and stuff.
Phoebe: Oh, how was last night with Julio, senorita?
Rachel: Umm, okay. But while you dial, let me show you the features of my new ringing handbag. (Rachel dials her phone and Phoebes bag starts to ring.) Oh, it does work! (Rachel grabs the phone and takes it out of Phoebes handbag.)
Phoebe: Oh Chandler! Thank God you're alive. Monica, can I talk to you outside for a minute?
Phoebe: Okay, let's discuss Rachel's birthday. I say we throw a surprise party this weekend.
Phoebe: Monica! I'm sorry I'm late! (Starts looking around for her) Monica? (Goes into Monica's bedroom.)