words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there; Phoebe recites the last verse of a poem to Joey. This poem is known as "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, but it seems that it's rather "Account of a visit from St. Nicholas" by Henry Livingston.]
Phoebe: ...sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle;and away they all flew like the down of a thistle; but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!"
Phoebe: (smiling) Uh-huh.
Phoebe: Oh, I like my job.
[Flashback to 410 - TOW The Girl From Poughkeepsie] [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing her holiday song.]
Phoebe: So here is a, a very special holiday song that I wrote for some very important people to me. (singing:)
[Flashback to 610 - TOW The Routine] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment, Chandler is there. Phoebe and Rachel enter.]
Phoebe: Yeah, Chandler why don't you take a walk? This doesn't concern you.
Phoebe: No-no, we do it every year!
Phoebe: No, yeah, we never find them! She's always best at us, that wily... minx.
Phoebe: Oh no, we have to!
Phoebe: Well then, you should look with us.
Phoebe: Oh, that's it? (Mimics Chandler) A great idea! Oh yeah.
(Phoebe looks under the couch)
Phoebe: Ooh ooh, we have a live one!
(Phoebe tips it upside down, and a shoe falls out)
Phoebe: Ooh, who's it for?
Phoebe: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?
Phoebe: You guuuyys.
Others: (simultaneously) Merry Christmas! (except for Phoebe...)
Phoebe: (simultaneous to the others) Ble-blah-blar Blargh!
Others: (simultaneously) Yeah, Merry... Christmas. (again, Phoebe...)
Phoebe: (simultaneous to the others) Blah blargah, blar-blab.
Phoebe: (at the window) Hey look, you guys, it's snowing!
Phoebe: Aren't we done with that?
Phoebe: Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined.
Phoebe: Now give me my real gift.
(Chandler hands Phoebe an envelope, and some more to Monica)
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Thank you.
Phoebe: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's fine!
Phoebe: (entering) Hi!
All: Hey, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Definitely.
Phoebe: Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? I mean, that was just mean.
Phoebe: Im sorry, okay, I-I wasnt looking, and the store says that they wont take it back because you signed for it...
Phoebe: She's gonna say goodbye to each of us individually.
Phoebe: Oh, okay then.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. What's this? (picks up a book)
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: Good. So what were you thinking?
Phoebe: Oh, okay. (he kisses her)
Phoebe: Really?
PHOEBE: I'm almost done with it, keep your panties on.
Rachel: Phoebe, what are you doing?
Phoebe: Thank you, Monica.
Phoebe: What are you saying I should do?
Phoebe: Yes? Yes! Oh.
Malcom: Phoebe?
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a man at the counter. Ross and Phoebe are sitting at the couches.]
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are showing everyone the van they bought for the catering business. Its an old Dodge van, that has a cartoon woman riding on a dragon painted on the side of it.]
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
Phoebe: Awe, this is so sweet of you! But you know what? I won’t be needing a veil, I actually won’t be wearing a dress at all!
Phoebe: Hey.
Rachel: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one? (To Phoebe) She was a big girl.
Phoebe: What a sad little life she must lead. Okay, ooh (starts dialing).
PHOEBE: And because you're both, you know, white women.
Phoebe: Oh, you're not a dingus.
Phoebe: Thats fair! Thank you so much. Thanks. Oops, it looks like when he got the pastry chef he got you a little bit too.
Phoebe: Yep, and that's why we don't invite you to play.
Phoebe: What about this? (she starts using her elbows on his back, he yells in pain)
Joey: Wow! Cool! (He takes the guitar, stands up, and goes to play a note. However, while strumming it, he knocks it out of his hands and it bounces off the table and lands on the floor. Phoebe just stares at the guitar.)
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: My moms gonna be here any minute. I cant do this, I cant give him up. Yesno, I can. I dont want to. But I can. No.
Phoebe: You could get arrested, right now! (Flashes the badge and they glare at her.) All right, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power. (She heads for the door just as Joey enters.)
Phoebe: (handing Rachel the phone) Fine all right, but Id bet youd be singing another tune if we were fighting over a ratchet.
Phoebe: So how are things going with you?
Phoebe: Two?
Phoebe: Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea.
Phoebe: You didn't get the money, did you?
Phoebe: No it's not, sorry.
Phoebe: (with her mouthful) Hi Monica.
Joey: (in a very aaaaahhhhh sweeeeeet voice) Aaahhh, look at you two... holding hands... huh is this getting serious? (Phoebe and Mike, embarrassed, start babbling and look away.) Have you not talked about it yet? (They say nothing now, but smile) Am I making you uncomfortable? (smiles are becoming forced now, and he speaks to Mike) If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh...? Aaaaaahhhhhh (he turns away to the bar)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Monica is holding the wrapping paper from one of Rachel's gifts.]
Phoebe: Yeah okay, no if it helps you okay. Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh.
Ross: I don’t know. Phoebe, if one of us saw Mike with another woman would you want us to tell you?
Phoebe: Yeah. Sorry. (she starts to leave)
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Yeah, no, I understand.
Phoebe: Yeah that was lucrative! Smart like your brother!
PHOEBE: Uh huh, what is happening to the world? I mean, no no no, 'cause ET leaves, and and Rocky loses, Charlotte dies.
(She laughs at the childhood memory. Phoebe smiles at being able to make her point.)
Phoebe: Im just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in womens underwear! I dont think you could ever do that.
Phoebe: Okay, okay, okay, the black. But, oh, do you have black, with the little strappys?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Chandler. Phoebe runs in, excitedly.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: (sarcastically) Uhuh... Yeah...!, you know. And given my life long search for irony, you can imagine how happy I am.
Phoebe: Chandler.
Phoebe: Joey.
Phoebe: This is Monica.
Phoebe: This is everybody. This is Ross.
Phoebe: And this is Rachel.
PHOEBE: Um, a chip. A tattoo, I'm getting a tattoo.
PHOEBE: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
Phoebe: (sits up) Oh, ew!
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. You can do it to. (tries to do it, but cant)
Phoebe: Wow, thats close. Whens yours?
Phoebe: Yknow, you are 12 years older than her.
Phoebe: Um, yeah sure. Why you wanna call your Mom?
Phoebe: Y'know, for once, I am going to sit down and try to watch one of these things. (just as she sits down).
Phoebe: Oh, how do you play the shadow game?
Phoebe: I dont have time for this.
Phoebe: Ah!!
Phoebe: Alice would never go for it, right?
Phoebe: Unless! She wants to spend the night holding my hair back for me.
[Scene: Phoebes, Phoebe and Frank are watching TV.]
Phoebe: Well, y'know we dont call it that, but yeah!
Phoebe: Ten dollars an hour for what?
Phoebe: No! But she gave me the box that it came in. It had a picture of the bike on the front. (Theyre all speechless) So I would sit on it and my step-dad would drag me around the backyard.
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments, Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are coming up the stairs.]
Phoebe: You cant have sex with her!
Phoebe: He is sweet. Hes too sweet. He calls me all the time. (Mimicking him) "So did-did you get home from work okay?" "Did-did you get out of the shower okay?"
Phoebe: I dont....
Monica: I love you. (Phoebe leans in to kiss her.) Oh, wait, wait, wait! No hugs. The dresses... Oh what the hell. (the girls hug)
Phoebe: Right, okay, um-mm.
Phoebe: Nooo! Why would you think that?
Phoebe: You really thought it was perfect?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
Phoebe: Yeah, I guess I do, yeah.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are returning. Phoebe is still on hold.]
Phoebe: Well, I-I wasnt hopping mad, y'know.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: All right all ready.
(Camera moves to Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey sitting in living room)
Rachel: Well Phoebe, we gotta do something! (They turn the corner.) Well, yknow. I mean theres no way Joeys gonna make it in time. So Im gonna through the hotel and see if theres any other weddings going on.
Phoebe: Why, nobody good?
Phoebe: Oh, really?
Phoebe: Its a video of my friend giving birth. Could you just bring it back to your apartment?